I want to thank Sun_sea_sky for doing a great job at editing this story. It really helped to make it a much better story.
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In the school PTA room, Christine reflected upon the last seven years of her daughter's time at her elementary school. It was getting close to the end of the school year and her involvement was almost at an end. She couldn't believe how much her daughter had changed from that little girl of five, to a twelve year old. This year in particular had been a challenge, as her budding beauty had started to be noticed by the boys in her class. There had been many long talks about it.
Her daughter, of course, knew that Christine was a lesbian. Although Christine kept it publicly low key, there were no secrets at home. Christine had always been open about the women she was dating, even as she followed the sensible guideline of keeping her girlfriends out of her home life, until it was quite clear that it was something serious. She didn't want her daughter to be hurt as relationships that were just casual faded away. Even then, there were only two lovers that had gotten past that point, to where Christine was comfortable in introducing her daughter to them. When those relationships ended, they just reinforced Christine's caution. It made it harder for the other women, for her daughter, and then of course her.
Just as this year had been different for her daughter, it had been unique for Christine. Her affair with Kara caught Christine by surprise. She hadn't been looking for a relationship, let alone one with a married woman. Once it began, however, there seemed to be no stopping it. Now it had been going on for eight months. She had never been one to juggle multiple relationships, so once it became clear that this wasn't just a passing fancy, she had completely stopped dating other women. That was a more dramatic change than what she expected. She only wanted to be with Kara, but without the ability to be truly together, it left her feeling more isolated than she had ever been before.
It hadn't taken that long for her daughter to figure out what was going on. Sierra was a bright girl who knew her mother's habits. She noticed when Christine's dating trailed off. At the same time, she was spending much more time with Kara. She could hear how they talked on the phone; saw them when they were together. There was a happiness about her mother that she had only seen those few times when Christine was starting to fall in love.
Christine finally realized that Sierra knew when they were having one of their talks about boys after the New Year. They were talking about the difference between liking someone and loving someone. Christine had been struggling to put it into words that her daughter understood.
"Love is much more. When you are in love, you do things to make it work even when they are hard. But when you are in love, you don't care or even notice."
Then Sierra looked at her and asked, "Like how you feel about Kara?"
There was a moment of silence. Then Christine sighed just a little. "Yes, Pumpkin," she said and then hugged her. "It's just like that. I know there aren't supposed to be any secrets between us but this is one that I keep secret from almost everyone. I've only told your Aunt. And you can't tell anyone. It would hurt Kara. But I'm glad I have you to talk to about it."
Christine hugged her daughter again.
"I am too, Mom," Sierra replied. "I don't really understand though. How can you love Kara when she is married?"
"Ah Pumpkin, that is the million dollar question. I've asked it myself a hundred times. Your Aunt thinks I am crazy. I didn't mean it to happen. You remember when we were talking about liking boys and how sometimes you think about wanting to kiss them?" Her daughter turned a little red as she nodded.
"Sometimes, especially when you get a little older, like turns into something a little stronger but still not love. When I met Kara, that is what happened between us. Neither one of us meant it to happen but it did, even though it wasn't wise and wasn't really right. I told you that feeling was a little scary because you do things that maybe you shouldn't. But we didn't stop. And we really liked each other. And now it's more than that. But I still don't know what it means, Pumpkin. I know you don't believe it, but sometimes your mom is confused about stuff too!"
Sierra hesitated for a moment. Finally she asked, "Does Kara love you too?"
Christine felt her eyes tear up just a little. "I think so. She says so. Pumpkin, the hardest thing about love is that it makes you open. You can't even know for sure how the other person feels. You have to trust. And when you are young, trusting is easy because you haven't had your heart broken. Experience will teach you that sometimes things aren't the way you think. But when you are really in love, even though you know about the possibility of being hurt, you take the risk."
Her daughter solemnly contemplated what Christine had said. With a very small voice, she asked "Is Kara going to come live with us?"
The tears started to slowly roll down Christine's cheek. "No, Pumpkin, I don't think so. I wish ..." Christine trailed off. Finally she said simply, "I don't know what will happen. For now, it's enough for both of us."
Sierra gave her a big hug. "Love is funny, Mom. It can make you happy and sad all at the same time. But I'm glad we can talk about it. And I won't tell anyone."
There was a little hitch in her voice as she said that and Christine looked at her before saying, "Yes, Pumpkin?"
"Will you tell Kara that I know? And if so, is it okay for me to talk to her to about it? It's fine if the answers are 'no'."
Christine chuckled and nodded, "I think so. No secrets between Kara and me either. And I'll ask her about the two of you talking, okay?"
Her daughter nodded and jumped down from the couch to go and grab a bite to eat. Christine smiled as she watched. As always she was amazed at how quickly she could move from one thing to another.
~ ~ ~
Almost six months had passed since then, and still the affair went on. They managed to get together as often as they could. Kara had found it a bit of a relief that Sierra knew. Clearly she couldn't tell her own son, but there was really no one else with whom she was close enough to share the situation. It helped her to not have to hide it with Christine's daughter. She was very sweet and it didn't take long for Kara to care for her almost as much as she did her own son. Over time Sierra became a co-conspirator with Kara and Christine. She was quite responsible for her age and she would babysit for Kara when she needed to spend some time with Christine.
For Kara, the school year had become a contradictory combination of peaks and valleys. Although her son remained the most important priority in her life, Christine wasn't far behind. The doubts and worries that plagued Christine were invisible to Kara. Christine was her confident lover who knew Kara as no one had ever known before. Whether it was introducing Kara to a new cultural experience or exciting her to new heights, Christine was expanding Kara's world. The time they spent together was the best that she could remember of her life.
But it was coming at a cost. At home, the burgeoning emotional disconnect that had been starting between Kara and her husband, before she met Christine, had grown into a gulf. His indifference to her needs and feelings stood in stark contrast to Christine. For many months, he was oblivious to Kara's withdrawal from the relationship. When he finally woke up and realized that for all intents and purposes they were living two separate lives in the same house, there seemed like nothing he could do to fix the situation. His attempts seemed weak to Kara, and generally served to irritate her more than anything else. To her, they felt like half-hearted attempts spurred more from fear of the marriage breaking up than caring about her. Beyond that, they seemed selfish because they were more about his feelings than hers.
The tension with her husband fed upon itself. Arguments flared up more and more. It seemed to Kara like he was always doing something to piss her off. By this point, she wasn't giving him much leeway. Even innocent comments were often taken the wrong way and resulted in her snapping at him. Once that happened his own temper and hurt feelings led him to snap back, escalating the situation. More than once, he found himself screaming at her back as she retreated into the bedroom to cry. In the past, their fights usually had been brief and ended up in tender reconciliation. The first time he made the mistake of assuming that an apology combined with a hug and a kiss would lead first to forgiveness, and then sex, was his last. Kara's cold fury at him drove him out of the bedroom more confused than ever. It was two weeks before she allowed him to touch her and three weeks before she kissed him again.