When she came to my home and we began the dance of where this would take place..yes the bedroom ..and how it would take place...my ideas were welcome, but she was the "artist," ..as you read this, you will believe that all the signs were there ...but I cannot believe how naive I can be sometimes and there I was ...I had no earthly idea how this day in my life would turn out.
She bent down to look into my eyes to add a touch more eyeliner ...her arm brushed against my robe covered breast...startled me for a moment ..but then again, I knew I was in a sexual situation with a beautiful woman whom I believed to be at the very least bisexual, and probably lesbian if I could consider myself having any "gaydar" at all. Me, having never "done it" with a woman, analyzing, over analyzing, wondering, thinking, fantasizing about her ....taking a moment to think just how WOULD I react if she made a pass at me ....wondering if I would have the guts to let her know I just MIGHT be interested in her...just how does this kind of thing go anyway?
I have read enough books with erotic lesbian encounters, and seen enough movies both R rated and triple x, and fantasized more than a few times about what it would be like with a woman....but here was the photographer, Madison, ..maintaining of course, a professional demeanor ..and yet ...the very nature of the erotic photographs I was paying her to take of me were going to require me to be more exposed than I had ever been to a woman. And with that brush against my breast...I believed it to be accidental, a spark had gone through me ...and perhaps her as well.
I made up my mind that I was going to ask her ...get through the embarrassment if there was any..and the worse she could do was say no. Madison was a photographer I had met only once . She was recommended to me by a co-worker when I totally bitched about the quality of the pictures I got when going not once, twice but even three times to the walmart studio to have my precious toddlers image captured forever ....the old saying you get what you pay for comes to mind.
Madison was sooooo nice that day we met ...a great, friendly, and funny person to hang out while getting the job right. She had me in stitches the entire time she did her meticulous work, and was able to find a comfort zone of adult conversation that could still include the young one in the room. Madison wasn't there the day I picked up the pictures from the studio, so I sent along an email to be forwarded to her from the company's website to compliment and thank her for the tremendous job ..and the next day received a very personal reply from her personal email. I was from then on ...on her forward list. You know how those things go. So, I wrote a quick note back to answer some questions she had about my son, and she again wrote back and our email conversations were spawning a hint of something that was beyond was was necessary for her professional courtesy. "What a great , cool chick," I thought when I would get a link or uplifting note from her to me and the rest of "her list" so many ...a paragraph back and forth about once a month for about a year. An acquaintance ...but not someone you'd had drinks with. Someone you'd LIKE to have drinks with.
And so ...I wanted these pictures taken by someone who might have a chance to make me look less fat than I am, and more beautiful than I am, so that whomever I might choose to send them to or whatever dating service I might post them too might actually be sent with the belief that I was not breaking someones computer monitor with my self perception of hideousness. (yes...I know..I have issues!)
And so..one day...I just emailed along and apologetic note for no real reason other than my lack of self assurance, and in the email finally got around to asking if she'd take "those kinds" of pictures.. Her friendly and funny reply was a yes, but she basically said not in the studio she worked at...not through her company, but as a freelancer, she could ...in the setting of my choice....and for a very small charge ...and asked if I would consider letting her use them for her portfolio ..to which I replied that we will have to just wait and see how they turn out.
Excitement as the day neared, nervousness as the hour approached, fantasy as I contemplated possible scenarios that may occur.
The setting was my home, the afternoon was cloudy, and we had about 3 hours until I would have to pick my son up from school. When she arrived in her torn jeans and the braless tank top that confidently emphasized her firm, cantaloupe size breasts and showing just a faint hint of cleavage, with her long black hair tied back in a pony tail and carrying her quite bulky load of equipment, we smiled...exchanged the great to see you's..offered to help carry some things , and I showed her to the bedroom ...."so this is my studio today?" where she began to remove from their cases and erect reflectors and flash stands ...real professional stuff ..while I offered her a drink and nervously said, "Well...I can't believe I am going to do this...but I trust you...I am going to go get ready."
And let me not forget that when I answered the door, my face made up for "the shoot," she gushed about how " extraordinarily beautiful," she thought I looked and how the pictures were going to come out amazing. Among our small talk about me having the guts to do this and such, she flattered me with admiration for my ample breasts and lauded my carefully curled shoulder length brownish blond hair. My often insufficient esteem being boosted by her every notation and causing my embarrassed smile.
Into the bathroom, my out of my clothes, a check in the mirror and a pep talk to myself that I could do this...take these pictures...what I would do with them ..maybe nothing...maybe find a friend with benefits on the Internet was the main plan...but....maybe nothing more than a record someday to look back upon when I could remember how I was kinda proud of my boobs and believed the men who had always told me I should "do a centerfold," or words to that flattering effect.
Out of the bathroom and into the bedroom in my white robe, Madison was just finishing up and saying "are you about ready?"
"Ready as I can be...scared...but ..ready nonetheless"
"Oh...you...I thought we might be taking some shots in lingerie...or something...than maybe take some nudes after that??? I guess I was wrong...you're buck naked under their woman," she teased.
"Well how about we just jump in the car and head for Vicky's Secret right now," I said with my fearful voice sarcastically. She absolutely knew the edge of my apprehension and calmed me with her beautiful smile and sweet voice.
"Don't worry ..I PROMISE...you will be great...just beautiful..and besides...I brought along my special Angelina Jolie lens...just makes every ones body look ready for Hollywood in their birthday suit." we laughed .. "well if I get a call from Brad Pitt, I'll have to give you a pretty big tip."
