"Bro, did you check out those hot lesbos who moved in downstairs?!?"
Okay, yeah, I did say this out loud to my brother but it's not as bad as it sounds. My brother lives with me in an apartment in San Francisco and he's gay and also the coolest guy I know. Mark and I were super liberal but in private we liked to be irreverent and politically incorrect, believing it would never get back to anyone it would hurt.
Until it did. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Some background: my brother and I are "hapa", Californian for half Asian and half white. Mark gets straight A's for looks, maybe an occasional A- on an off day, while I'm a solid B+. I'm above average but women always paid more attention to him than me. After he came out, there were plenty of "what a waste" comments from the girls in high school. The irony was that I still wanted those girls but they thought of me as a lesser version of Mark.
Mark replied to my question with feigned disinterest at first until he made a face at the magazine he was reading and threw it down. "Did these lesbos seem to have vaginas?"
"Uh yeah, that's one of the better lesbo qualities..."
Mar considered this and said, "Not interested."
I smirked at Mark's newfound disgust with women's bodies. "Not even to build up your LGBTQMVP superteam roster?"
"Hmmmm good point. We are here and we are queer after all... I'll keep an open mind."
It wasn't long before that open mind was put to the test. And it started with a big ol' load... of laundry in the apartment basement. That was where I met Kelly, the butch-er of the fairly femme lesbian couple in question. Apparently we both like to do our laundry late at night.
I was hauling my four-weeks load of dirty clothes into the room when I saw this tall vision on her tippy toes leaning into the depths of a dryer. She was wearing Chucks, cut-off shorts and a short tank top that was exposing her midriff as she retrieved a particularly frilly pair of black panties. Her hair was short and boyish and when she turned around I lost my breath looking at her toned six-pack. She was a tomboy wet dream.
The wet dream finally noticed I had arrived and was sorting my clothes across from her. She looked frustrated.
"Hey do you know if that corner machine ever works? I'm new to the building but it, like, stole 3 of my quarters."
"Oh man, yeah that machine sucks. I try not to use it unless everything else is full. I've complained to Dan but he's the laziest apartment manager around..."
She scrunched up her face in a cute way. "Ugh. Okay, I'll see if I can get my money back later."
"I'm Paul, by the way. I live with my brother Mark in 2C."
"Oh cool, we're only 3 doors down in 2F. I'm Kelly and my girlfriend is Michelle. One more question: do they ever clean that pool?"
"Hahaha yeah rarely. But don't worry, you'll only catch a little hepatitis and maybe a touch of syphilis."
Kelly smiled flirtatiously, "If I'm going to catch syphilis, it better be while doing something WAY more fun than swimming in a dirty pool."
I laughed nervously because hot, funny women are my weakness.