Flowers 10

Bee sat in the bar. Music pounded in her head and the lights were a little too bright, never mind that she had her back to the worst of it and was staring resolutely at the rows of liquor bottles lined up on the glass shelves. Her mind tried to wander over to Gina, and every time she noticed she pulled it back, violently, and took another sip. She tried to keep the sips small, but the frequency did what volume couldn't.

Sipping had the additional benefit of making her notice how she clenched her jaw.

Bee, you have your face in a knot again,

Gina always said.

You should relax a little, you should--

Bee tilted the glass, tilted it some more, and the only effect was that the ice slid over to her lips. She lifted the drink to eye level and viewed it with animosity. She could've sworn this had been smaller than the previous one; at least it had disappeared faster. Maybe the bartender was trying to scam her? But no, she had watched her pour the drink, and she had used the little dosage tumbler just the same as with all the previous ones.

She shouldn't drink more, but she wanted to drink more. Just when she was opening her bag to get her purse and order more, the bartender set a new drink down in front of her. Bee looked at the glass, then up at the bartender's face. She looked dryly amused and nodded toward the other end of the bar. "She says hi."

Bee looked over, squinting a little. An older woman smiled and saluted her with her own drink. She was immaculately dressed, her makeup flawless and her hair arranged into a complicated mass of curls. Diamonds twinkled on her wrist and neck, and by the looks of her they could have been real. Bee looked over the bar, the small crowded dance floor, the few tables and booths, and then back at the woman. She seemed out of place, a class or two higher than the rest of the setting. Older, too, but it was difficult to say how much. Most of the patrons were in their mid-twenties like she was, but this woman was definitely older. Thirty-five? Forty? Bee had always been bad at estimating other people's age.

Two girls came between them, giggling and leaning on the counter while making their orders. Bee looked at the drink. Should she drink it? She hadn't come here today to hook up, and she wasn't sure she was into older women anyway. She had never been with anyone much older than her. The woman was beautiful, sure, but...

When the girls left, the woman wasn't looking at her. She was on her phone, one elegant hand scrolling while she held her drink in the other. Bee waited, but she didn't look up.

To hell with it. She would just enjoy the drink. Why not? A free drink is a free drink. It wasn't like she was signing up for anything.

She sipped her drink carefully and kept an eye on the woman. She was well dressed. When she turned slightly on her barstool and crossed her legs, it became apparent that her long, dark green gown had a high split down the side. Crossing her legs revealed a shapely leg, tights shimmering under the flashing lights, and a pair of elegant heels. Her purse was tiny, a sparkling little satin bag dangling from a thin, golden chain. She was well dressed, too well. She didn't belong to a place like this. This wasn't the shabbiest place, but she looked like she had escaped from a premiere, or a high end charity gala.

Bee was feeling more and more curious, almost despite herself. A moment ago she had been ready to vehemently close down any come-ons from the lady, and now she was contemplating approaching her herself. Gina almost commented inside her head, but she drowned her off with a sip before she could get going.

Why not,

she said to herself.

Why the fuck not.

Wasn't this what Gina wanted, anyway? Not like she was doing anything to placate her, just that... she was... she could... why the fuck not? And it wasn't like she was going to just jump in bed with her, was it? She could just say thank you for the drink. That would be polite, right?

Her inner voice often became Gina's. There had been a time when it was comforting, when it felt like her inner Gina was encouraging her, helping her compensate for her shortcomings. Now it felt more like she was ridiculing them, pointing out her failures. She had another short but spiteful mental fight with herself in the time it took her to gather her things and walk the length of the bar, and when she stopped next to the woman, what came out of her mouth was, "I'm not looking for a hookup."

The woman looked up at her, eyebrows raised. Her makeup was heavy but skillfully done, and her hairdo seemed even more laborious up close. She looked around them, then back up at Bee. "I'm sorry, I don't..."

"You bought me a drink," Bee said, hurling the sentence like an accusation. "I mean,

thanks,

but I just wanted you to know that it won't get you anything."

The woman pressed to turn off the screen of her phone and put it down on the bar, face down. She nodded slowly. "Okay?"

She sounded a little bewildered. Bee's shoulders slumped when the fight left her. "You weren't trying to pick me up?"

"Well, no. I mean, you looked so pissed, I just thought I'd order one for you when I ordered mine. I'm sorry if it offended you."

Bee shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She was frowning so hard that it hurt, and she tried to relax her forehead without much luck.

Stupid, stupid, stupid,

said Gina inside her head.

Way to go. So smooth and suave. Just like you.

The woman looked at her evaluatively. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

The woman gestured at her. "Whatever it is that makes you so pissed. You look even angrier than I am."

"You're angry?"

The woman smiled and presented one carefully manicured hand. "I'm Kathrine, but you can call me Katie if you want."

"Bee."

The woman leaned closer without letting go of her hand. "Bee? As in, like--" she made a buzzing sound and traced one finger around in the air.

"Yeah, it's... a nickname."

Katie nodded slowly and shook her hand once more. Her grip was firm and pleasant. "Nice to meet you, Bee. Do you want another drink?"

Bee glanced down at the glass she was holding. She was sure she'd had more in it when she left her previous spot at the other end of the bar. "I... I'll get these ones, okay?"

"Okay," said Katie. She looked vaguely amused, but didn't smirk, and Bee gestured to the bartender while sliding to sit on the barstool next to Katie.

Bee looked at the bartender fixing their drinks, and Katie looked at her. She could feel her eyes on herself and tried not to blush. She was proud of herself for managing, but when she glanced at Katie she wasn't looking at her. Maybe she had just imagined.

"So, Bee, why would you think I was hitting on you?"

Bee looked at her, frowning again. "Are you making fun of me?"

"No? What do you mean?"

"You often go to bars and buy drinks for people for no reason?"

Katie looked quizzical. "No, but..." and then suddenly her eyes grew wide and she half turned in her seat and let her eyes glide over everything. "Ah, this is a

gay

bar, is this?"

"Well, duh," Bee said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'm not from around here. I just needed a place to go, and this looked more inviting than the neighboring ones."

Bee looked at her, trying to compute this. "So... you..."

"I wouldn't have bought you a drink if I'd realized. I can see how you could take it the wrong way."

"You're not gay?"

Katie flashed her a brief grin, exposing straight rows of white, even teeth. "Not exclusively, no."

Bee frowned again. What did that mean? The bartender stepped up with the drinks, and she tried to evict the frown for the brief thank-you-smile.

"So you are gay then? Having trouble with the missus?"

Bee looked at Katie and shrugged. "You could say that."

"Is this a place where you come often?"

"No, and that's why I came here today. So that she wouldn't be here."

Katie swirled the liquid in her glass and waited, and Bee offered, reluctantly, "...Gina. Gee. My... well I guess she's my ex now."

"Gee," Katie said. "Oh, I see. Bee and Gee."

"Yeah," Bee muttered into her drink. "I guess I should... it's Bethany."

"That's a pretty name."

Bee snorted. "Pretty is not really a thing I do."

Katie looked at her, but didn't argue. Bee took a deep breath, and before her courage left her she said, "So Gina said that she wanted to open our relationship, and I didn't want to, but then I discovered that she kind of had already. So. We haven't officially broken off but... I don't think I can stay with her. But I don't know if I can be without her."

Katie nodded. She was still swirling the liquid in her glass. Her gaze was fixed on it, the ice quietly clinking, her beautiful hand moving minutely. When Bee didn't continue, she glanced at her, tilted her glass at her and took a sip. "Sounds shitty."

"Feels shitty," Bee admitted.

"And you've been together for..."

Bee sighed explosively. "Five years, abouts. It's not so easy to say. We were friends before. There's not this one day of before and after."

"Like there's not at the end of the relationship?"

Bee shrugged and drank. Katie was looking at her, and it was uncomfortable. Bee felt like snapping at her, but before she could, Katie said, "My family are assholes."

Bee looked at her, astonished. Katie smiled dryly and took a sip. "I'm in town for my brother's wedding. She's an asshole. My whole family are assholes."

"Your sister in law?" Bee frowned.

"No, my brother. She's marrying a man."

Their eyes met, and Bee must've looked as confused as she felt, because Katie laughed. "Okay, let me start from the beginning. So. My grandpa was an asshole. He was a racist, misogynist, despicable asshole. Unfortunately, he was also a very rich man. He held his children, my father among them, in this iron grip with his money, and his overall pigheaded assholeyness I think. My dad was a relatively good guy, but nowhere near strong enough to stand up for his dad."

Katie looked at her drink and took a sip before continuing. "My brother was never a very manly man, and I guess that was evident even at a young age because it made my grandpa put it in his will that his grandchildren would not get their share of his fortune before they were legally wed in a heterosexual marriage. I'm thinking that the homophobic asshole that he was, the whole point was to force my brother to not be gay like my grandpa suspected. My sister is lesbian, but I don't think my grandpa realized the rule would hit her too. Or else he just didn't care. He never really showed any interest in us girls or what we did with our lives. Guess he just thought of us as future wives for other men like himself."

Katie's drink was finished, and she gestured for another one. To Bee's amazement hers was still half full, but she didn't turn down a refill.

"So... your brother..."

"So, it turns out my brother is transgender, and now that my grandpa is dead and buried and my brother finally had the guts to transition, she got married to her long time partner. Who is a man. So now they have a heterosexual marriage that fulfills the letter of the will, though I think that my grandpa would definitely have ruled this out if it ever occurred to him it could come to this."

Katie looked at her, suddenly very sharply. "Are you perchance one of those stupid lesbians that have something against trans women? Because if you are, I have no time for that crap. My brother is a woman, and I am not willing to argue the point."

Bee lifted her hands in a calming gesture. "I'm not, relax. But--" Katie's eyebrows raised in a menacing way and Bee hurried to continue, "--doesn't that mean she's your sister?"

"Technically, maybe, yeah," Katie admitted. "But I already have a sister. And as you see, I'm accustomed to talking about them as

my brother

and

my sister

and not by name. I guess that's because a friend of mine who had a really big family, and everyone was always confused about who she was talking about so she started calling people by relation. My cousin, my little sister, that type of thing. I kind of copied that. And just because my brother transitioned, well, she's still my brother."

"Uh huh," Bee said. "But I still don't get why you're here and not at her wedding."

Katie groaned and rubbed her forehead. "Okay, okay. So. My sister is married to a woman, so she's not eligible for her part of the fortune. And I'm the oldest, and still not married. And so my dear brother, like the bitch that she is, had to make a whole spiel at the wedding on how she's the only one to fulfill the grandpa's stipulation and get their share. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, and her husband, and good for them for getting the money, but god did I get angry at her for rubbing that in. Like,

fuck you,

Cassidy. Truly."

Katie flashed a very wide fake smile and spread her arms. "So, I had enough of her gloating, and fled the venue, and now I'm here."

"Huh," said Bee. She noticed she had forgotten to sip again while listening to Katie, and also that she hadn't been thinking about Gina for several minutes. "So... what will happen to the money if you never marry?"

"There was some kind of clause on how the trust should invest the money before we marry. I guess it'll just continue doing that inevitably. Also there were no deadlines, and no rules on producing offspring, so that's a relief at least."

"But you haven't... I mean..."

"I haven't asked anyone to marry me just to get the money?"

Bee shrugged. Katie looked at her, then sipped her drink.

"Can't say that I haven't thought about that. It's a lot of money. I guess I just haven't been desperate enough yet, I'm not piss poor by myself. And bending my life to fit my grandpa's rules feels like... like giving in to him. Acknowledging him and his archaic, shitty values."

Bee nodded, eyes focused into the middle distance. Her family wasn't rich. She had hardly been brought up at all, mostly she had been left to tend to herself, and she had trouble imagining relatives who were trying to micromanage their heirs to this degree.

A group of girls crowded beside her to order drinks, and she drew her glass closer to not be in the way. The group turned into another one, and then third, and Bee sipped her drink slowly. Even with all the ruckus around them, the silence of her not coming up with anything to say was deafening.

Katie finished her drink, slammed the glass down on the bar and slid down from her stool. This brought her closer to Bee, and she didn't even have to raise her voice when she said, "Thank you for the drink, Bethany. Now, do you happen to know if there's a good place for a drunk midnight snack near here?"

"Uh, I..."

"And when I say near here, I mean very near here. I'm not looking to go far in these heels and without a coat. My hotel is right next door."

Bee hastily hoovered down her drink and also got out of her chair. Katie had to take a half step back to give her space. She smirked very lightly and said, "Oh, are you leaving too?"

"I can show you a place," Bee said.

She had aimed at confident, but it came out as defensive. Katie didn't make fun of her, she just nodded and turned towards the door. Bee followed the cloud of curls no across the crowd, and when they stepped out onto the chilly night air she shrugged out of her leather jacket and wrapped it around Katie's bare shoulders.

Katie cast her a surprised look. "Why, thank you."

Bee shrugged. "There, that place has a good kebab. Super greasy and salty, but--"

"Perfect."

Katie took her by the arm, and they strolled toward the neon sign of Kebab Palace. Katie walked slowly, and while some of that could be contributed to heels, all of it could not. Outside the door she stopped outright and turned toward Bee, smiling. Up close she had a web of lovely little wrinkles beside her eyes when she smiled, and her eyes glimmered in the lights.

"Now, we have a problem, don't we?"

"What problem?" Bee asked, alarmed.

"Well, I'd love for you to join me for some greasy goodness, and I'd love to treat you. But I have a hunch that you would want to treat me to something too, because you seem like a very fair and equal and considerate young lady. And I think I've had quite enough drinks for tonight."

Bee smiled, but her smile waned again when Katie added, "Oh, and also it might be too date-y, since you weren't looking to hookup tonight."

Bee frowned. She looked down at where Katie's arm was still wrapped around hers, and then back up again when Katie giggled. "You're so

serious.

"

"I'm sorry. I keep feeling like you're making fun of me."

"Do you often feel like that?"

Bee didn't answer. Katie shivered, clasping her free hand to draw the jacket better around her. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable on account of me. Say what, how about we both pay for our own food? Would that be okay with you?"

"I can pay for both," Bee offered.

Katie smiled, a bright smile crinkling the corners of her eyes again. "I would love that."

They stepped inside and slid into one tiny booth, sitting opposite to each other. A bored looking waiter came to take their orders, and in no time at all they were digging into piles of kebab and French fries. Katie sighed contentedly and sucked the sauce off her fingers in a very un-ladylike manner.

"Oh, your makeup," Bee said.

"Doesn't matter, I'm done being presentable for the night. Thank you, by the way. This was exactly what I wanted. Cassie had very instagrammable catering in her wedding, but I can't say it was very filling."

"Glad you like it. I was afraid this was too..."

Katie looked at her quizzically, and Bee shrugged.

"You must think I'm fancier than I am," Katie said. "I get it, it's all this--" she gestured around her face and hair. "Don't worry, I'll turn back into a pumpkin soon enough."

Bee chuckled. Katie grinned, and then they giggled for a while. It felt good to laugh with someone, especially good because they weren't laughing

at

someone, like so often with Gina.

The thought of Gina wiped the smile off her face. Katie noticed, but didn't comment. She just kept stuffing her face while watching Bee, who gave her food a few angry pokes with her fork.

What was she doing, having fun with this woman who was so beautiful and elegant and so much older than her? And what was Gina doing, right at this very moment? Was she hooking up with that girl again? Had there been more than one? Why hadn't she been enough? Was she just trying to get back at Gina? If she was, would Gina even care?

"Thinking about your ex?" Katie asked gently.

Bee nodded. "I'm sorry. It's so hard to think about anything else. I'm just so... frustrated."

"It's a recent thing then?"

"Well, yeah. She told me last week. She just...

informed

me. She's so... god. It's so frustrating how she keeps just making decisions about my life behind my back."

Katie kept quiet. Bee ate a few fries, but the bile inside her wouldn't settle once stirred, so she blurted out, "I'm so sick of it never being about me. Everything we do, everything we don't do, it's always the way that works for Gina. I mean, I'd love to have a cat. And we can't because she's allergic. And I can't blame her for being allergic, can I? It's not like it's her

fault.

But it's not the only thing, and there's always a reason, and it's always a very

sensible

reason, and so I just give in and give in and give in and it wasn't so important anyway, or it was more important for Gina, and..."

She blinked and looked down at her food. Katie reached to squeeze her hand, her perfectly manicured nails looking so out of place next to the metal plate with greasy junk food.