Not My Bride

I don't know why I was going to this wedding. I hate weddings. Awkward people giving speeches, bad DJs who only play the most cliché songs, and always, dry chicken. At least this one would include plenty of alcohol. The bride's dad was a well-known local brewer, so good beer was guaranteed.

The bride.

I guess if I had to be honest with myself, she was the only reason I was going. Erin Winter. We'd grown up together, best friends since my family moved into town when I was six. We were in the same grade and our teachers referred to us as a unit. It was always Erin and Elaine. Double Es. Even our younger sisters were best friends. Our families camped together, did cookouts, recreation softball leagues, pretty much everything.

She was my person...and the first girl I kissed.

The first time I kissed her, we were sitting on the bed in my violently pink bedroom. (My parents really gave me too much free-reign in The Home Depot paint aisle.)

"Lainey, have you ever been kissed?" Erin had asked while flipping through a stolen copy of "Cosmopolitan". (It was the nineties, okay?)

"Nope," I said while popping my gum. "Have you?"

"Uh, yeah, Nate kissed me after the dance last weekend."

I almost swallowed my gum. "What?! Why didn't you tell me?"

She blushed. I remember how pale her skin was, how every blush showed up deeply on her cheeks and nose. Fuck, she had the cutest nose.

"I guess I was still deciding how I felt about it," she sighed. "It wasn't a very good kiss, I think. Not like this describes kissing." She turned the magazine over to me. It was a typical trash article something like, "How to WOW Your Crush With a Stellar Kiss".

"E, that stuff's all junk. I don't think a magazine is going to make you a better kisser. You've just got to do it."

Then, like a line straight out of every young lesbian's wet dream, my best friend uttered those fateful words...

"What if we practiced together?" With her face tomato-red she added, "Just a little!"

Looking back, I know why my heart rate picked up and why my entire body felt hot. But sheltered me, raised in a quiet, conservative town, just thought it was a reaction to doing something so wrong, because girls shouldn't kiss other girls.

When she leaned forward and we gave each other a light peck, I didn't see fireworks or anything, but it was the most I'd felt in my eighteen years. Though we never talked about it, we both seemed to recognize the importance of the shared secret.

After that, things were different. Erin got an official boyfriend. Poor, confused, baby gay that I was, I took out my confusion on Erin by pulling away.

There was no major implosion or public fight, we simply drifted apart. She began hanging out with the more artistic crowd, while I dual enrolled and took community college business classes. The summer after graduation, her parents went through a bitter divorce and she decided to go to Colorado for college to get away from it. I went east and the thousands of miles that separated us just sealed our fates.

When Facebook came around, most of my graduating class found each other online. (The amount of "Hey hun, I've got a GREAT financial opportunity for you!" messages rivaled the "Oh wow, Elaine, I didn't know you were gay!" ones in my inbox on a monthly basis for the first year or so.) I think they had a ten year reunion, but I wasn't in town. Erin's younger sister, Trish, got married and my parents went. My mom updated me on the Winter family periodically as well as all the people I vaguely remembered from my town. And that's how I found out I was invited to Erin's wedding.

My phone rang as I was walking back to my apartment one rainy night, mom's weekly call.

"Hi Mom."

"Lainey! I saw you've been getting lots of rain again. How are you?"

"I'm good, I've got my nice raincoat, so it's fine-"

"Oh right, good thing. So you'll never guess who texted me yesterday," she gasped, her excitement steamrolling our riveting discussion of the weather.

"Who?"

"Becky Winter! Did you know Erin's living in the area again? She and her fiance moved to those apartments south of town, the red brick ones? Anyway, so they're having the wedding here!"

I rolled my eyes, of course I knew most of this already because of social media, but I let my mom have her moment.

"That's cool, Mom. Are you and Dad invited?"

"Well, that's another reason I called, apparently we're all invited! Becky was calling me to get your and your sister's addresses. The wedding's in June, so maybe you can line it up with your summer visit?"

"Oh, um, yeah I could probably do that."

That one sentence is what sealed my fate. It's why I found myself loading two bags of dry cleaning and a suitcase into my car the first week of June and paying a ridiculous amount for a cat sitter for the next week. The seven hour drive wasn't bad, but I ate way too much candy. (Gas station snacks, right?)

"Lainey!!" My sister's shriek rang through the house as I opened the front door.

"Hi Nora," I huffed as she barreled me with a hug. My sister was a lot like my mom, bubbly, independent, free. I hadn't seen her since September because she was working in Australia over the holidays and had only been back in the country for a couple of months. "When did you get here?"

She bobbed on her toes as she helped me with my bags, "Oh I got in last night. My flight from Phoenix was delayed, but it was fine. Trish actually picked me up from the airport and we had a few drinks. Apparently the wedding planning is taking its toll. She said Erin is a total bridezilla!"

"Erin? Really? I wouldn't have thought that," I shrugged. It's not like I really knew the woman anymore. We hadn't seen each other in person since we were eighteen. A lot changes in your twenties and thirties.

"Yeah, anyway," she continued brushing some of her dark bangs out of her eyes, "Trish updated me on all the town gossip. Did you hear, Mark Layton is buying the hardware store?" Nora rattled off a dozen or so other facts about people whose names I barely recognized and I showed the appropriate amount of interest as we got all my stuff put in my old room.

My parents weren't very sentimental. They'd converted my room into a craft room the minute I'd moved out and my sister's room was now the office. They still kept the little beds in there, though, because they loved having us visit.

As we wandered back down the hall, I noticed my mom put new artwork up. It looked like she was going through a hummingbird phase at the moment.

"So, where are you booked next and when do you leave?" I asked as Nora and I flopped onto the living room couch.

"There's an orchestra in Toronto that's invited me for the summer season, so I'm leaving right after the wedding."

"Nice! Summer in Canada. Wait, do they have summer there?"

"Haha," Nora fake laughed. "I plan to meet a hockey player and fall deeply in love. Then I'll give up my U.S. citizenship for him and we'll live happily ever after. Ohhhhhhh, Caaaaanadaaaaa-"

"Nora Josephine, you'd better not be singing that maple syrup anthem again!" My dad's voice boomed from the hall.

"Our home and native laaaaaand!"

My dad poked his head in, rolling his eyes, "Hey Laine! Glad you're here. Maybe you can talk some sense into that traitor over there."

I laughed as I got up to hug him, "At twenty-nine, I think she's beyond reason, Dad. I've done all I can."

He sighed dramatically, "Me too."

"Something something, we stand on guard for thee!" Nora stood and saluted us, before marching into the kitchen.

"Well, I think if she's done, we should go see what your mother wants me to make for dinner," my dad smiled and left his arm over my shoulders as he steered us to the kitchen.

_ _

Because I came into town on Thursday, we only had two days of Nora and I knocking around the place before we had to go to the wedding. Since reaching my thirties, Mom had finally stopped harassing me about getting ready for big events. Dad and Nora didn't have the same luck. Mom hurried them both into bathrooms to get ready about three hours before the ceremony was set to start.

I chuckled to myself when Mom came out in a hummingbird patterned wrap dress while looking for her eyelash curler that Nora had just stolen. When my dad emerged fully ready, I took the opportunity to go shower. With a quick slick back to my black bob and a little mascara, I was ready too. We sat together on the couch in our suits, watching baseball as Mom and Nora scrambled for lipsticks, which always looked terrible on me, and rouges, which made me break out.

We took separate cars because Mom insisted that Nora and I would want to stay later for dancing and partying. My adorable little sister readily agreed, then dropped the innocent act to beg me to stop for booze before getting to the venue. I let her harass the local liquor store clerk for only three minutes before paying and dragging her out with two bottles of something I knew would give me a headache.

When Nora and I pulled up to the church, she filled up a flask and stuffed it into the pocket of her cute, ruffled, pink dress.

"In case of emergency!" She squealed with delight.

"I think booze is generally frowned upon in church, Nora."

She rolled her eyes, "Oh please, they serve wine at Sunday services."

"Uh, I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think it's real wine."

My sister was already hopping out of my car though, hip flask securely hidden. As we walked in, I noticed a few people I recognized. One woman who wore a lavender dress caught my attention. I was busy trying to match her face to a name in my memory, so I didn't immediately notice the chaos until Nora elbowed me.

It was very clear something was off. The entire bridal party was standing awkwardly around the foyer while guests mingled in the sanctuary beyond. I stowed my keys in my pocket and raised my eyes at my sister just as Trish came barreling at us from a throng of peach-clad bridesmaids.

"Oh my gosh, I'm glad you're here. Please tell me you have a flask or something in that sexy suit!" She gasped my lapel like a drowning woman.

"Uh, nope, sorry."

"What's going on?" Nora whispered to her clingy best friend as she slipped the flask into her hand.

Trish sighed gratefully, then stole a glance around us before downing a swig. "Well, apparently the 'first look' didn't go well," she muttered as she handed back the contraband. "The photographer came back looking terrified, and my sister and that asshole are now holed up in one of the Sunday school rooms, screaming at each other." She tossed a few loose curls out of her face.

Nora cocked her head, "What, did he not like her dress or something?"

Trish rolled her eyes, "I don't know. He's always been an ass, but since the rehearsal yesterday, he's been a fucking bastard. He complained about everything, screamed at the waiters, then my sister, then his mother. I don't know what to-"

She was interrupted by a man's snarling yell from down the hallway. The faces of the mingling party froze with false, tense smiles.

"Fucking prick. Come on," she growled as she grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards the sounds of chaos.

"Trish! What the hell?!"

"Lainey, please just go check on them. I can't prove anything, but I'm worried about her safety." Her pale blue eyes were identical to her sister's. Eyes I hadn't seen in years. "He's really violent sometimes, but my parents don't see it. Mom threatened me not to go in there and I can't send one of the guys because they'll obviously be on his side." She squeezed my arm and directed me to a door on the right. "Please, just go check on her? He might be on better behavior if it's someone he doesn't know."

I was powerless against her pleas, plus the sounds coming from the other side of the door were really escalating.

"Fine," I sighed, "just go stall everyone or something."

Trish winked and disappeared down the hall. I adjusted my jacket and took a deep breath, then knocked sharply on the door. The noises on the other side didn't pause to acknowledge my rapping. Instead, they seemed to increase in volume again. I could make out the feminine and masculine tones, but couldn't decipher what they were saying. I knocked again to no response. Then I heard a crash followed by a scream.

My body reacted instantly, I threw open the door, which thankfully had been unlocked, and rushed into the room.

The first sight that caught my eye was the woman in a big, white ball gown. She was crouching into a corner while an overturned desk lay in front of her. Her arms were up over her face in a protective manner. That's when I registered the second figure, a man dressed formally, but looking disheveled stood over her, fists raised. Neither had noticed that I'd entered the room.

"You're a whore! It's lucky you found me because there's not another man on this earth that would want your sorry ass!" As he finished yelling he brought his fists down across her arms, hitting them away and reeling back for another punch. He didn't make contact though because I crossed the room in four strides the minute his fist flew towards Erin. I grabbed his wrist with my right hand and the back of his neck with my left. Having the element of surprise meant I got him face-first into the nearest wall before he'd realized someone else was there. Using my entire body, I pinned him with his arm yanked painfully behind his back.

"L-Lainey?" Erin's quiet voice was different, but still managed to bring with it a flood of memories. I didn't get time to revel in them.

"Get off me! Let go, you fucking bitch!" The man pinned to the wall was gathering strength and I knew I couldn't hold him for long.

"Erin, get out, your sister's down the hall. Go!" The woman in white slowly rose to her feet and backed away toward the door, her eyes locked on me. Those pale blue eyes. She was hesitating. "Go now!"

"No," she murmured, "I can't leave you with him. Come on."

I rolled my eyes. It's not like I could let go without getting an upper right cut before I made it three steps. But Erin was smarter than I gave her credit for. She sidled up to me, grabbed the tails of her fiancé's coat and shoved it up, knocking me out of the way. He slumped down as the jacket was pulled up over his head, trapping his arms and blocking his vision. Then Erin's hand was in mine and we were sprinting from the room.

I expected her to stop once we reached the end of the hallway or once we saw the bridal party, but she kept tugging me along. Her ball gown swished as we flew past our bewildered sisters and out into the warm sun. I heard her fiancé screaming as we hurried down the church steps, but he was still inside.

"Keys!" Erin yelled as we approached the parking lot.

"What?"

"Keys, car keys! Which one is yours?!"

I fished my keys out of my pocket and she scooped them out of my hand. "Red Kia," I pointed to my little SUV at the back and we sprinted towards it as the church doors flew open behind us.

"Erin! Get back here! You're being ridiculous. I'm sorry, let's go back inside!" The man was yelling from the steps as the bridal party and a few guests made their way outside to watch the drama.

Erin didn't stop or even look back. She unlocked my car and dove into the driver's seat. I followed. I barely had time to shut my passenger door before she was peeling out of the parking lot like a mad woman. I grabbed my seat belt and struggled to connect the buckle as she took a sharp left. Behind us, the church steps were littered with people. I caught a glimpse of Trish throwing her bouquet up in the air and laughing while Erin's fiancé screamed at one of the groomsmen.

Quickly, the church and its parishioners faded from view. I turned forward in my seat and stole a glance at Erin. She was tense, hunched over the wheel in a pose of pure stress. The knuckles of both hands were turning white.

"Uh, Erin?"

"Don't."

"But-"

"Not right now, Lainey. Just let me drive." She didn't look at me, but I felt the desperation in her voice, so I relaxed in my seat and watched the road fly by.

After ten minutes, I stole another glance at her. She looked just like an older version of my former best friend. Her hair was a little lighter and she had fewer freckles on her face and shoulders. I could tell she'd had her makeup done and her hair was piled in elegant curls that wrapped around each other to form a loose bun. A transparent veil emerged from under the curls and cascaded down before getting bunched up by the car seat.

Her dress really was a full ball gown. Mountains of white tulle over layers of white satin. It was so princessy and so unlike the Erin I knew. Even the modest neckline and off the shoulder sleeves looked like it belonged on Cinderella, not my former best friend.

"Stop staring." Erin's voice startled me.

"Sorry," I blushed and turned my attention back to the road.

She sighed, "It's fine. I know this is weird."

"Actually, I get kidnapped by brides all the time." She rolled her eyes and I chuckled, "Yeah, just a little weird. What happened? Has he ever attacked you like that before?"

Her blue eyes refused to meet mine, "Not like that," she whispered. We continued to drive in silence. She didn't show any signs of stopping, so I pulled out my phone and was immediately inundated with notifications.

I had four missed calls from Nora, six from Mom, and 29 texts. I decided to look through the texts first. Most were from Nora, a few from Mom, and even one from Trish. I didn't have her number saved, but the number ID said "Patricia Long". I opened that one first.

Trish: Take care of her, Lainey. I'll deal with dickhead and the parents. Just stay with her, please.

A surprising wave of emotion washed over me. Trish was rarely serious and I'd never heard her ask for something for her sister. I sent a quick promise to her, then opened the messages from my mom.

"Is everyone freaking out?" Erin asked casually.

"Um, I'm not sure. My mom and sister are texting me, but Trish is taking care of everything for now."

"I owe my sister a vacation after everything I've put her through this month."

"I bet she agrees with that." We both smiled.

"Trish never liked Tim," she said looking back at the road. "When we first started dating she called him 'Tim the Tool' to his face and 'Tim the Twat' to everyone else."

I snorted, "Classic Trish. Nora's like that too, she referred to my last girlfriend as 'the frog' for the entire relationship."

Erin laughed, then grew quiet. "Can I ask, did you, um, did you know back then? That you were gay, I mean."

My heart clenched, "No I didn't. I was really confused. I didn't understand my feelings then and I had no, like, role model or reference for anything besides straight relationships."

"Oh."

Silence blanketed us again. We'd been driving for over forty-five minutes at this point and I was starting to get uncomfortable. My suit jacket was wrinkled, my shoes pinched, and I had to pee. Erin kept heading north on the highway though, seemingly without direction.

"Um, Erin. Where are we going?"

"Hm?" She looked lost in thought.

"Do you have a destination in mind or are we just driving to blow off steam?"

She shook off her daze, "Oh, right. I guess I did sorta kidnap you in my escape. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I technically came willingly, so I don't think charges would hold up in court."

She smiled.

"But I do need a bathroom soon."

"Right, sorry. Me too, I guess." She read the next exit sign. "Fuck. I have nothing with me. My wallet, phone, everything is back in the bridesmaid's room at the church."

"I've got you if you need something," I shrugged.

She winced, "I've already taken advantage of you enough, Lainey."

My heart rate sped a little, "No you haven't, E. Come on, let me help you. Let's think of somewhere to go, get some food-"