New Student Orientation

Debbie, the RA, gathered all 50 of the floor's freshmen girls to the lounge for her standard talk. They crowded closely together, sitting on chairs and on the floor.

Girls, today I want to cover drugs, alcohol, and sex.

(A cheer went up around the room. Voices and laughter were heard: "Which do we do first?", "All three at once?" "Are you going to provide instruction?" and the like.) Ignoring the comments, Debbie continued.

Pot smoking is illegal, and alcohol is illegal because you are less than 21. It is part of my job to tell you not to use them (more laughter. Someone cried out: "But sex is legal. Right?"). I will also tell you that the prohibitions are only enforced if you use them to excess, or if you are caught selling to other students. As far as sex goes: Birth control, for those of you with boyfriends, is available in the Health Center.

(Another voice called out, "Do those who have girlfriends also need to use birth control?" Nervous laughter and chatter around the room. As the laughter died down Debbie continued.)

I know that many of you will have girlfriends in addition to, or instead of, boyfriends. In fact, this might occur more than some of you would have thought. You see, to save money, the university matched up roommates using a computer dating service. You probably noticed that many of the questions in that really long questionnaire you filled out were odd to ask in the context of your preference in a roommate. It used all the normal dating questions...

(From the crowd: "You mean like the question whether we wanted a roommate with big tits?" More laughter, and other comments like "No wonder I got you." with much elbowing of one another)

That was not one of the questions. As I was saying, it used the normal dating questions except that it automatically filled in, for the gender of the person you were seeking, female. Each of you was matched against the other 2,000 freshmen girls to find the best fit, the same way you would be matched if you were looking for a date, a lover, or a husband.

("Does this mean I have to marry my roommate?" More laughter. Several of the girls grabbed the girl next to them and, in a kidding way, kissed them, told them they loved them, they were their soul mate, etc., to much laughter. It took more than a minute for the laughter to die down and for the girls to stop their mock-kissing and caressing.)

Girls, the matching process does mean that we hope you will be very compatible with your roommate. (Another comment: "So the University does want us to screw each other?)

The University does not care about your sex life - so long as you don't get pregnant.

(Another comment from the group: "Debbie, I know how we can have sex without getting pregnant.")

Stop it! Let's just say that you should not be surprised if you are really compatible with your roommate who is, after all, a 1 in 2,000 match with you.

(Another shouted comment: "You mean we probably will end up making love with our roommate?" This time there was no laughter, just some nervous tittering, as all 50 girls stared at Debbie.)

Ignoring the comment, Debbie continued: Assuming you were honest when you filled out the form, we hope to have very few roommate transfer requests. In any case, you have to try your roommate out for at least three weeks.

(more snickers, with more than a dozen girls muttering the same comment, to the effect of, "what does she mean by "try out your roommate"?)

Also, you should know that the dormitory walls are sound resistant, but not soundproof, so please be considerate of your neighbors. Normal conversation cannot be heard in adjoining rooms. But, will your neighbors be able to hear your music and your parties? It depends how loud you get.

("What about our sex?" More laughter, with more murmuring, this time going on longer than before.)

That -- that's actually a serious question, so I am going to answer it. Again my answer is, it depends. As a practical matter, your boyfriends' sex talk and the sounds they make while you have sex certainly will not be heard outside the room.

(Now the room was completely silent as the girls listened.)

But the sounds you make while having sex as well as those of your girlfriends might well be heard, if you are loud. As a practical matter, if you do hear sex sounds coming from your neighbor, it could mean they are masturbating, or that they are with their boyfriend, or that they are with their girlfriend. Since the effects of the walls mean that you couldn't hear any male voices or sounds anyway, you won't know what your neighbor is doing.

(Another comment: "On the other hand, if you hear a woman cry out, "Oh, God, Susan, you give the best head ever." you'll figure out what's going on." (laughter))

Seriously, if you do come home at 3:00 am with your lover and your roommate is sleeping, please show consideration. It's one thing for you and your boyfriend or girlfriend to quietly enter and go to sleep. But even that should be cleared with your roommate - they might not be fully dressed and they probably wouldn't want a stranger to see them partly naked. You can't bring anyone home, boy or girl, if your roommate does not want them to sleep there. That's the rule. You all have to work with that rule.

And, if they say it's OK for you to bring someone home to sleep, but you are going to do more than just sleep, please use common sense. Some light kissing probably will not wake your roommate. But wild and crazy lovemaking with your girlfriend will for sure, and probably even if you do it with your boyfriend.

(At that point someone shouted, "Sounds like the perfect excuse for a threesome." More laughter in the room.)

If anyone wants to be part of a threesome with her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend, or with her and her girlfriend, that's your business. But you should not presume they will want to do this. You should not bring your girlfriend or boyfriend to bed with you figuring that if you do wake your roommate, she can always join you. That is not respectful - she might or might not want to.

("Give me 5 minutes to show her the advantages of a threesome and I guarantee she'll want to." More laughter, whispering, and tittering.)

"Debbie, my boyfriend doesn't make a sound when I give him a blow job. Or even much noise when we screw."

(Some of the girls then called out, "dump him", "ingrate", and "you should try girls instead")

Allison, you might be able to get away with giving your boyfriend a blowjob without waking your roommate. But don't any of you even think about giving your girlfriend head if your roommate is sleeping because that would wake your roommate for sure.

(Another voice, "That's sex discrimination!" Followed by more laughter)

Its actually, "sound discrimination". I'm just reminding you that most girls get so much more pleasure out of sex than almost any guy does, that many of us have a hard time being quiet.

(More comments: "I still like the threesome solution" "But what if its a threesome with three girls - that could wake the whole floor!")

I can see I'm going to have a lot of trouble with this floor this year. Look, if you do catch your roomy making out, at night or any time, don't presume they want a threesome. Don't just join them and grab some tits, cock or pussy. Ask first.

("And then dive in." The crowd was getting giddy with laughter as everyone tried to outdo everyone else with their comments.)

The only other thing is that the bathrooms have flipable signs on them that say "Women" on one side, which they will be set to most of the time, and "Guys" on the other side, which your boyfriends can use at 3:00 am.

Any questions?

There were none, and the girls went back to their rooms.

In room 203, Donna was the first to speak: That was quite an orientation session, Cathy.

Right. With more emphasis on sex than I anticipated, especially girl sex.

But we are girls, silly.

Everyone on this floor is a comedienne! You know what I mean. Their use of a computer dating service to match roomies sure does explain the odd items on the roommate questionnaire. The one I remember being the oddest was, "Do you like giving/receiving oral sex?"

Yes, that was the strangest one. I thought it was there to reveal something about our inner nature. I answered that I like it when I receive oral sex, but think it's really yucky to give oral sex to a guy. Does that make me selfish?

No, I don't think so. Giving a blow job to a guy seems yucky to me also. I guess we both answered the question assuming the oral sex was with a guy. Did you ever give oral sex to a girl?

No. I've never done anything with a girl. How about you?

No, but I don't think it would be as yucky.

Neither do I. In fact, if I had to blow a guy or a girl, I'd -- (she hesitated, and then looked at Cathy) I'd choose a girl.

(A pause) So would ... what's that sound?

They both listened quietly, and from Room 201 they heard sexual moans, "Oh my God, ohhh, I can't stand it."

Both Cathy and Donna laughed.

Not masturbation, that's for sure.

Mary and Susan?

Right. Unless some guy transported in, defying all the laws of physics.

Who did that sound like - Susan?

Just then there was more moaning, "Mary, oh Mary, Mary, Mary."

At once Cathy and Donna both said "Susan" and laughed.

Then they heard sounds coming from Room 205. Both Donna & Cathy turned and put their ears against the wall, with their foreheads touching, giggling. They were both quiet except for occasional giggling as they surreptitiously listened to Angela and Patty making out. Finally, after Angela and Patty escalated towards the point of no return, Cathy said, "Its so much naughtier when you overhear it, isn't it?" Donna replied, "I guess all that sex talk had quite an effect on all of our neighbors."

After listening to the stereo sex sounds and following their exploits in detail, Donna replied, "You know, Cathy, if we wanted to experiment, no one could hear us. Our neighbors are all too busy making out to listen to us, and their sounds would cover ours anyway."

Cathy said nothing, but moved her lips a few inches, to Donna's, and lightly kissed her. After a few seconds their kissing got heavier. Encouraged by the increasing volume from both adjoining rooms, they started rubbing their hands on each others bodies, first on top of their clothing, then under their shirts.

Their clothing quickly came off and Donna looked deeply at Cathy, and said: "Now I am going to make you come so loudly, you're going to make our neighbors seem like they are only boys." And she did.