I am thirty-six years old.
I was dressed in my hunter green two-piece suit, with my skirt just above the knee and my newest, best green shoes with tiny gold buckles at the ankle. I made sure my hair and makeup were perfect in the car before getting out. Inside the 70-story glass building, I signed in at the front desk, and security gave me a new name badge in a plastic glove to pin to my jacket, even though they all knew me there by then. I breathed, pretended to look confident and together, and moved to the elevators. Inside, I was shaking.
I emerged from the golden double doors with my shoulders straight, my chin up, with confident strides. I knew the room where we were meeting. I'd done my homework. I knew what I was there to do, and I knew that my numbers were correct and would benefit everyone involved. But still, my heart was fluttering. If this went well, it would mean a great deal for me and my boss, and my company for that matter. If this took a turn for the unexpected, it could hurt me. I needed this to work. I needed the win.
When I entered the meeting room, I was greeted by two men in gray suits. They smiled to me; I knew them both well, I'd been working closely with them on this deal since the beginning. Bradley and Ramsey. Ramsey was handsome and refined, and spoke with a very East-coastern exactness. Bradley, on the other hand, was not an immediately handsome man. His waistline pudge and plump face might turn many women off, but he was an Idaho farm boy with smiling gray eyes and a preciously cute drawl which always made me fall in love with him a little. Both men wore gleaming gold bands on their left ring fingers, and I often quietly wondered about their wives, how pretty and smart they must be, though I'd never been brave enough to ask about them.
"Hello Becca," Ramsey said as he saw me enter, standing near the door. I took his outstretched hand and squeezed with confident firmness, smiling to him. He always waited for me to relax first before letting go. I liked that.
"Hi guys." I was happy to see them both in the same room again. Bradley took my hand after I released Ramsey's. He grinned as his hand closed around mine. His grip was tighter than Ramsey's, and his was more of an actual shake. I think his cock is bigger.
"Becca, how was the drive?" Bradley asked, his casual tone easing my nerves. He always had a way of diffusing my stress with just a few smooth words, almost as if he could massage the tension right out of my body with nothing but his voice.
"Nice and smooth," I replied, tucking my hair behind my ear. Nervous habit. "Hoping the rain will hold off until I'm out of the city. Rush hour I can handle, rush hour in the rain always makes me crazy."
Ramsey chuckled, gesturing to my seat as he moved around to take his own. "Have you taken my advice yet?" he asked.
"Not yet, no," I admitted bashfully, as I pulled my chair out and sank into the cushioned leather. "I keep forgetting to look when I'm online. I promise I will one of these days." Ramsey has told me many times about books on MP3 that you can download from Barnes & Noble, and how well they pass time when stuck in Atlanta traffic.
I placed my bag on the table in front of me and pulled out my portfolio, selecting a few papers to have ready to retrieve. As soon as she arrived.
My tone was semi-conspiratorial. I've been working with both of them for months now, I felt like I knew them pretty well. But I had yet to meet their boss. "What's her mood like?" I wanted to know.
Bradley's eyes flashed as he smiled, understanding my question. "I think it'll be a good day."
Ramsey though had something on his mind. "She talks like she knows you, or at least, knew you a while ago. Have you worked with her before?"
I was puzzled. "Really?" I thought where I could have met her. I knew she was a few years older than me, even though her position with the company put her in a pay-grade well above my own. The way she was described here at the home office, I always imagined her surrounded by minions who clung to her every word and gesture, maybe with glittering flashbulbs surrounding her whenever she emerged from the back of some stretch Lexus for an evening out. Suffice it to say we moved in very different circles. Today she held my fate, and the fate of this multimillion-dollar contract, in her powerful hands, and although I've heard the guys mention her name many times, this was going to be my first audience with her. If I did not impress, the consequences would be grave for me. I had to be perfect, and my numbers had to be as well.
"She thinks so. She's been acting kind of strange this morning in fact."
"Strange how?" I was now acutely curious.
Bradley looked at him with an amused smile, as though surprised Ramsey had brought it up. Ramsey went on, his voice low. "I don't know, she's been kind of buzzing about it."
I was about to press him with another question when we heard the approach of clicking heels in the hallway. Then the door opened, and our heads turned. Senior Vice President of Operations Melina McKnight stepped into the room. I saw her, and our eyes locked. My God, I did know her, and my recollection was tinged with panic. I couldn't for the life of me remember where I knew her from. And her name, it had never occured to me that her name was one I'd seen before. I was sure I hadn't. I'm no Latitia Baldridge but I'm decent at remembering people's names. But the panic that filled me was not limited to my failed recall. An intense arousal surged in me, as our eyes fixed in each other's. Thank god I had sat down, or I very likely would have swooned. I felt my heart suddenly blaze and my cheeks flushed in confusion, and God help me, I didn't have a clue as to what this woman was doing to me, nor why.
I forced myself to fight through my initial momentary discomposure and I rose to my feet, offering my hand to shake.
* * *
I am eighteen years old.
I'm a freshman in college, my first year away from home, and I am confused.
I am sitting in a counselor's office. Not the kind of counselor my parents would want me to be in, or would ever know about. Last night, I was at a club, and I met a girl there. I don't meet girls at clubs. I wasn't a lesbian. At least, I never thought I was a lesbian before. But this girl, her eyes... the way her eyes glistened in the dark, noisy room, the way they made me feel like I was not only wanted, but craved. No one I'd ever been with before made me feel that way, and this girl did it with only her eyes. I had fallen into her embrace, captivated, grinding against her, wanting all sorts of impossible things, my mind swimming as the heavy bass house music thundered through the floor, shaking our spines. As our lips met, my hands sliding through her luscious mane of auburn red hair, a flurry of thoughts and feelings inundated me: shame, the immediate worry my friends might see me, confusion at the intensity of my body's reaction to this strange girl's touch, and something deeper: raw, visceral desire on a level I'd never felt until then.
I sat in this office with the upside-down triangles on the door, which I was told meant this was a "safe space" to talk about... things. I was sitting in front of a woman, a very beautiful woman with long golden hair and little oval glasses on her nose. Her name was Brenda. She was a counselor who was listening to me talk about my experience with the girl, how she made me feel, and whether my feelings made me gay, or was I just experimenting with things other girls did when they got to college. It's what I hoped. I didn't want to be a lesbian, but I knew I had to go further. I wanted her, it scared the everliving crap out of me, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to see her again.
Brenda smiled a warm, friendly smile to me. "I would estimate that ninety to ninety-five percent of all young women have experimented to some degree with another woman," I remember her telling me. "Kissing, touching, climaxing. You'd probably be shocked to learn how common it is."
I was trembling inside as I listened to her. "It felt so.... I was so ashamed of myself," I confessed. "Like I knew it was wrong, but I wanted it so much at the same time. I felt horrible, but..."
She nodded. "What you're feeling is normal too. It's the same as when you had your first masturbatory orgasm. Do you remember that?"
I shook my head.
"Have you ever given yourself a climax, Becca?" she asked gently. I nodded. "You may not remember it now because you were probably young." Yes, I was. "But young girls discovering their bodies for the first time are often frightened and confused by the feelings they're processing. The fact that you allowed yourself pleasure last night in another girl's arms doesn't mean there's anything whatsoever the matter with you."
I just nodded again. She could read the confusion on my face like it was plain English.
"You want to see her again, don't you?" she asked, supportively. I remember thinking how easy the question was, and although the answer was the simplest one in the world, it was the hardest to actually give. But this was supposed to be a
safe place,
right? I lifted my eyes to her and decided it was better to be honest, and squeaked, "Yes?"