My Life as a Video Pornographer

She was a Junior at the University. Her face was brilliant: small features overall, a slightly triangular shape narrowing to the cutest chin I'd ever seen, her lips full but perfectly proportioned, her eyebrows active, animating her bright eyes.

We met by chance, bumping into each other in the café with only one table empty. She agreed to share it with me. That meeting completely changed the way I thought about making movies.

"Loralei," she offered. "Lora."

"Julie...Jules. Or Jewel."

We both smiled--something unspoken flashed between us, a chemistry--and we quickly felt in synch.

She talked; a lot. Within the hour I had learned she was studying English Lit with an emphasis on Women and Sexuality. I remember how we laughed at how impractical her degree would be, her willingness to make fun of herself resonating with me.

It was March. I'd been at the University for almost a quarter, and with the classes I'd taken at CC, was practically a sophomore. My plan was relatively on track: my class load split between business and film studies. I had finished up everything I could with Tim--we were seeing each other about once a month at this point, all of the raw material we'd created together safely in my own storehouse. My bank account was good but leveling off. I was starting to understand the rhythm of the business. I was still convinced I was all that, like any 19 year old does. I cringe thinking back at how arrogant I was: I'd had fewer than nine months' experience in front of the camera and less than that behind it, but I was convinced I knew what it took to be the best pornographer in the world. Lora changed my entire perspective. Not immediately, but as soon as I had her on camera, she turned my head around.

I was ready to dig into a new project and meeting Lora was one of those strokes of fortune. And there was something else: I was getting a vibe from her, or maybe I was just horny from not getting laid enough by Tim. I hadn't been thinking about getting into a relationship, but every time Lora and I were together I felt a familiar tingle at the base of my spine. And even though I thought it was just my imagination, I had a feeling she'd be in front of the lens; something about her practically shouted it at me. The thought of hooking up with a woman only made me hesitate a little. Llew had broken that barrier, but it was more than that. I actually started getting turned on thinking about sleeping with Lora.

All of it was just a feeling, ghosts of ideas, and I wasn't sure how to broach either possibility.

A week later, sitting in the same café at "our" table (we'd been having lunch together every day she was on campus) I decided to invite her into my business life.

"So," I stumbled into the topic, "I've been working on a side hustle since before I got to school." I paused, waiting for her to look up. "You know that I'm a film/business double major, right?" She nodded, munching on her salad. "I've been exploring opportunities for women produced erotic films." There. I put it out there.

She blinked and swallowed and then she smiled. It was the most beautiful thing. That smile. I felt myself relax into that smile.

"You're making porn?" She just shook her head and kept smiling. I could feel my vag getting wet.

I nodded, chewing slowly and staring at that smile. "Erotica. I'm going to be famous." I was such an idiot back then, but at least I had said it with a touch of irony.

She looked down at her plate, her cheeks flushed pink. "What have you done?"

As if she'd seen any of my work. I laughed and said it out loud.

She giggled. "I...," she stopped, looking up at me and then down again, her face red from blushing. "Fuckkkkk." She exhaled, staring at me. "I...look at a bit of porn," she whispered it quietly, embarrassed. "For my classes. Maybe I've seen your work." Still just above a whisper.

"C'mon," I reached across to hold her hand. "Let's find out." Her sudden bashfulness made my heart leap. This was a completely different side to her usual outgoing character. I could feel myself getting juiced up, just wanting to watch her peel her clothes off for me...and for the camera. I was smiling so hard when we left the café she kept asking what was so funny. I just shook my head, leaned over and kissed her earlobe. She squirmed, blushed, giggled softly, and squeezed my hand tighter. It was all the encouragement I needed.

We walked across campus to my dorm. I figured my roommate would be out, but the way Lora was acting, I kinda hoped she was in. I could just see her rolling her eyes and trying to ignore us, even as Lora was probably beet red all the way down to her toes. The image that I was about to seduce her only made me hornier. I was oozing, Lora's shyness shooting sparks up my spine. "What kind of porn?" I prompted her as we crossed the quad. "Anything specific you like?"

She squeaked a little and giggled, looking at me from under her eyebrows, her face burning. "It's...I've...it's for class!"

"Uhh hunh. Sure. Okay." I squeezed her hand slightly. "But anything that

you

like? More than other stuff?" I turned to see her expression.

She was blushing so beautifully. "I like...I mean...most of it is awful. Degrading. Terrible, really."

I waited, giving her time. We were climbing the steps to my building's front entrance.

"But, I guess, if I had to say anything in particular that gives me a...that...excites me...it's ...women..." She just shook her head and couldn't meet my eyes as we walked down the hall.

I laughed softly, stopping just outside my door. "Well, that's surprising! You aren't into gay men on men action?" I checked to see she was laughing with me. "Seriously, other than that, what porn doesn't have women in it? What, specifically about watching women is a turn-on?" Power. I had it whether it was with a guy or a gal. I opened my door and we walked in. Brendi, as it turned out, wasn't there.

Just inside, I stopped and held her shoulders, turning her to look at me. "Lora. It's okay. Seriously. I'm not going to judge you. It's just erotica. It's okay!" I kept her still, firmly and gently in my grip, until she looked up at me, her eyes staring, searching for any judgment, peeking up from under her brows, until, she finally lifted her head.

"It's just...I...I've never...ever...I'm not into girls...I...just...I've never told anyone anything like that." She looked worried, and excited, her eyes wide as she stared at me, seeing that I wasn't going to shame her. I pulled her forward and hugged her tight, my lips against her ear.

"It's okay. It's okay." I rubbed her back, feeling her bra strap under her blouse. "I love to watch." I kissed her again on the ear, feeling so clever at the double entendre, but I wasn't sure she got it. "And it sounds like you do too." She hugged me back, pushing her breasts into mine, her hands pulling me into her. I rolled a chair over for her, taking a seat on the bed and asked her to tell me more about the films she'd seen, her old self emerging slowly. When I pressed her for details, like, which sites or the actresses' names, she couldn't give me specifics, just scenes that she "could remember." I knew she was holding back, not sure how far to go with me, but I was already there, way ahead of her, planning how to get her out of her clothes and in front of a camera.

I flipped open my laptop and slid back on the bed, making room for Lora to sit next to me. She joined me, her back against the wall, looked down at the laptop and back to me, her expression confused and skeptical. I nodded my head to the far wall, above my desk to a dark screen. The large monitor lit up, mirroring my laptop window. A few moments later and

Contrasts

started.

"You seen this one?" I looked at her as she stared at the screen, her face open, her eyes taking in the opening credits, her head shaking slowly.

"I don't think so," she barely got the words out, her tongue slipping between her lips.

I set the laptop down opposite her and settled back, my leg pushing against hers. She didn't notice or at least she didn't pull away.

"Oh my god," she whispered, "that's you!" She turned to me to make sure she was right, her face a mixture of lust and surprise. I could have reached up and taken those soft cheeks in my hands and pulled her into a kiss, but I didn't. I wanted to draw it out. I wanted her to want it as bad as I did.

I nodded, smiling at her reaction and reached down to unsnap my jeans. Her eyes followed my hands and the sounds of my moaning from the TV jerked them back to the screen. She looked over at my face as I shimmied my jeans and my underwear down, pulling my knees up to slip them off onto the floor. I felt a whisper of what I'd done to Tim, way back in the shop that first night, my slit exposed to him. Only then I was terrified and embarrassed. Now I felt much more in control. I smiled at her and slipped my shirt up over my head. I was sitting next to her naked.

I nudged my chin back to the screen encouraging her to look at my first effort. She sighed and sat back against the wall, her head shaking, her eyes taking me in, watching as I deep throated Tim begging him to fuck me. I slipped my fingers into hers gently moving her hand across my thigh, bringing her fingertips against my lips. I was so wet I was worried she'd jerk away, but she just pushed against my slit. I untangled my hand, reaching my arm across her shoulders to pull her against me.

"Is this okay?" I whispered in her ear even as I felt her fingers move more confidently into me. She nodded, her eyes staring at my performance, her fingers opening me up. "I'm going to kiss you, okay?" She nodded, but didn't turn her head, her index and ring finger spreading my outer lips, her middle finger sliding through my wet folds, her thumb grazing my clit, forcing me to jump a little.

I turned her head with my hands and stared into her eyes, her fingers playing with me, her mouth opening as I pulled her to me. I could hear Brendi's key slipping into the lock and I didn't want Lora to let me go. I held her tight as our tongues wrestled, and when the door opened, I kept her locked, staring into her eyes when they opened wide with fear. I shook my head, holding her, urging her to put her fingers back into me in spite of her confusion. I held her face, my tongue and eyes letting her know it was okay.

I was the one naked

I was trying to say.

Brendi couldn't care less.

"Oh shit, Jewel." Brendi made a theatrical entrance. "You're such a slut. God. Not that one again!" She tossed her head at the movie, but she said it with a laugh. She quickly collected whatever she'd come for and was back out the door.

"What the fuck was that?" Lora's voice a whispered shout. She pulled away from my kiss, breathless, her face bright red, her fingers on my thighs, wet and cooling.

I reached down and began undoing her blouse. "Just Brendi. My roommate....oh! You're embarrassed. Don't be embarrassed. I..." I wanted to tell her how much I wanted to make love to her, to make her beg to cum, to be a star in my film, and then it hit me: she'd never been with a woman before! As if I was some wizened old crone at it! "Shit. Lora!" I stopped what I was doing and put my arms around her, hugging her, pushing her head against my shoulder. "I'm...shit...you...this...I'm so sorry. You said you weren't into girls...and then...shit..." I was confusing myself; her fingers had just been playing with my lips, slipping into me, but now...

But I had got it all wrong. She was shaking her head and she pulled away, a look of pure lust on her face, her hands coming to my shoulders and pushing me against the wall. Then she pushed herself against me, holding me as she rolled her leg over me, straddling my right thigh, her knee pressed against my open slit. "You're not together?" She stared into my eyes looking for any sign I was lying. I shook my head slowly, my eyes opening wider, a smile creeping up my face.

"Whaat? Oh fu..." but I couldn't finish the thought as she covered my mouth with hers, her hands holding

my

cheeks, her tongue pushing between my lips. I pushed down against her knee, rocking against her, bringing my hands up to finish unbuttoning her blouse, opening it to give me access to her bra. Her breasts were hard and small, my hands pushed against the fabric, feeling for a front hook. She moaned into my mouth as the bra fell away, my fingers dancing across her nipples, my palms stroking and painting against her.

All the while, the slurping and moaning from

Contrasts

played a soundtrack to our love-making, my choking and grunting leading up to Tim's deep throating me. I knew that mini-climax was coming and I wanted her to see it. I stopped caressing those breasts and slid my hands up her chest, her neck and her chin to push against her face. She pulled away panting.

"Look," my voice croaked as I turned her head to the screen. "Watch me take his cum. I made him get hard. I made him fuck my throat until he ejaculated into me." I was gasping for breath, holding her head away from mine, forcing her to look at what Tim had filmed us doing. She dropped to the bed, her leg pushed further into me, forcing a moan as her knee pressed harder against my clit. I stroked her cheek, her hair, watching until Tim stiffened, his hands holding my head, his cock blowing his load into me. Lora never looked away from the TV, her hands drifting down to my breasts, her fingers toying with my nipples in time with her knee pressing into my cleft.

I reached one hand over to my side table for the remote and paused the video, blanking the screen but leaving it on, flicking a setting to brighten the screen and shifting the color to warm; I turned on the camera. It was on a tripod, pointed to my bed. I never knew when an idea would hit me and I used it as a notebook. Now I'd see if I could sketch a scene with Lora that I'd been barely imagining since the day we first met.

"Lora," I said her name softly as I eased myself down the bed, slipping my wet slit along her knee, until my mouth was next to her ear. She was breathing heavily, her fingers holding onto my breasts. I could feel her heart pounding. I planted soft kisses on her neck and repeated her name until she responded with a shift in her breathing. "I...for a girl who isn't into girls...I'd hate to see what you'd be doing if you were..." I said it with a smile.

"I'm...not...I'm sorry...I don't..."

I had no idea what she was trying to say, but I didn't wait to find out. "I'd like to make a movie...of you...of us..."

She stiffened slightly and then moaned, her fingers tightening on my nipples. I raised my back, pushing into her caresses.

"Now..." I whispered into her ear, my hand returning to her cheek to softly brush down from the downy hair at her temples.

She moaned again, looking back at me, pushing her lips against mine, her tongue re-invading me. I took that as a

yes

and relaxed back into the bed.

My thoughts drifted as Lora was pressing against me, my hands working the button on her jeans. That first time with Llew, I could have stopped it, but I didn't want to; I let her take the initiative.

Maybe,

I thought,

maybe it's the same with Lora?

Maybe she just needed someone to push her a little. Llew and I had worked out the terms on the shower scene, and I was pretty pleased with the rough cuts. The memory of Llew's wet skin under the spray--her experienced hands and fingers--inspired me. As my hands slid between Lora's waistband and her thighs I felt the fabric of her underwear; something sheer. I imagined, if I were to look at her, I'd see a damp triangle of hair. I imagined it was blond, like her head, but maybe it would be darker. Maybe she shaved. I rolled the fabric down and pushed on her jeans. The shower scene; I hadn't had a chance to do anything with it yet. It was only a few months before, but it was the first time I'd gone down on a woman. She'd been so gentle and helpful. I pulled Lora's thigh toward me, hinting I wanted to feel her knee again. Her hands were holding my head, her mouth finally pulling away.

"Ohhhhhfuuuuuuck....tell me you're not just fucking with me..." She looked at my eyes, pure lust staring at me. "You want...to make...a movie...of us? Now?"

I slipped her jeans and underwear over that gorgeous tight butt, exposing it to the camera. I wasn't sure how I was going to reproduce this, it was pure carnal energy. Raw, amateur. The possible sites flickered across my brain. I had to make the most of this, I thought, because there would be no fucking way to get her this hot again. And her first time. So many possibilities. I was so wrong.

I felt her bend her legs, helping me strip her. I hoped the angles were right and the camera was catching her lips spread open. Just to be certain, after she slipped out of her clothes, I stopped her, grabbed her feet and pulled them toward me, forcing her to open more, bending her knees against my slit. She thought I was just hungry for her to push against me. I let her think that as she dove back down on my mouth.

I imagined her open, glistening, reflecting back the warm glow of the monitor, her cheeks tight and white. "Umm hmmm," I answered her after she pulled away for air. I gripped her ankles. "Right now. Right now the camera is catching your naked slit, your bare ass..." I went on describing what I hoped I was capturing, with each image she moaned, leaning her head into my shoulder, rubbing her knee against me.

"You are playing for the boys," I murmured, my fingers sliding up the backs of her thighs, the promise of opening her wider.

"No," she whispered. "Not for the boys. For the girls." She moaned. "For the girls."

I don't know why it was a surprise to me, but I laughed a little and pulled her cheeks open, feeling the soft hairs around her lips. That answered one question. She didn't shave. My fingers played at her wet opening, lightly grazing along her swollen lips, feeling her hairs, slick and wiry. I slipped my right hand off her cheek, and threaded it between us, slipping my wrist inside her thighs. She moaned, pushing her knee into me, grinding against me. My left hand continued to open her cheek as best it could, hoping to keep her exposed to the camera.

Now I could feel her bush, wiry against my thumb, my fingers softly kneading at the creases. Her words sunk in along with my fingers, and all I wanted to do was make her cum for the camera. I slipped my middle finger into her, her skin silky and liquid, pressed up against my thumb pushing against her clit and pinched, first softly, then firmly. She collapsed against me burying her face into my shoulder, her knee falling away. I kept pulsing to the sound of her breathing, her hands rubbing my face, her moans increasing until I felt her stiffen, her legs straightening and squeezing together against my fingers, trapping my right hand between us. Her moans, incomprehensible whispers against my neck, quieted, her back relaxed. My left hand felt her glutes relax and I rubbed her ass cheeks up to her lower back and back down to where they met the top of her thighs.

I could feel myself getting wetter as I realized my power wasn't limited to men. I felt my arousal grow as I saw the market expand. I realized, with Lora's help, I could accelerate my growth. I was almost over the top just from the thought of how my business would expand; my breath catching as she moved her fingers on my cheek. She pushed up and looked at me and without a word pressed her lips against mine, her tongue pushing into me.

"Fuck," she whispered, pulling away. "Fuck me..." She slid her body against me, her still-hard nipples drawing a track across my breasts, stomach, and thighs until her mouth came to the top of my bush. Her knees were off the edge of the bed, her hands pulled my legs open and she looked up at me, her eyes smiling with a touch of mischief. "Fuck you...more like it." And she planted her lips on my labia, her tongue pressing against my clit and down into my channel. I didn't last more than thirty seconds, my hands pressing against her head, my back arching. I hadn't forgotten about the camera, but knowing it was witness to Lora's lovemaking kept my orgasm building until I crescendoed and squeezed my legs against her head, crying out.