After talking with mom and discovering Maggie was staying at Jolene's some weekends I made up my mind to come home for the Summer. All the different scenarios that could be taking place toyed with my mind. Those thoughts preoccupied me when I should have been studying for finals. The easy thing to have done would have been to just ask them over the phone. I really hadn't been that communicative while away. I needed to confront them face to face no matter how hurtful it might be.
Jolene had opened my eyes not only to horses and country life but to being more open with my sexuality. This past year in school when I went on dates they were only out of courtesy to the asker. Boys or girls it was always the same. I wanted Jolene. She had opened me up and at the same time closed me off. My longing for her spoiled me for anyone else.
Our time together reminded me of an old song from a movie made back in the sixties starring Sidney Poitier, "To sir, with love." The line "How do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume?" seemed to fit the way I felt about Jolene.
The thoughts about the possible confrontations with my "lover" and my sister distracted me as I waited for mom to pick me up at the train station. Deep down I didn't feel like Jolene was the kind of person who could be capable of seducing me and then my sister. My heart ached with the thought that I was wrong. Standing near the end of the depot talking to myself like a crazy person I didn't notice my mother until she walked up to me.
"Christine, sweetheart, what are you doing?"
Mumbling to myself not paying attention to anything or anyone I glanced in her direction.
"Mom, sorry, I was just thinking about a few things."
Her arms opened wide, I slipped between them enjoying the distraction as we hugged.
"School's out sweetie, you have all Summer off to not think. What's on your mind that has my girl so concerned?"
Her hand brushed the hair from my face as she looked at me with concern.
"Oh, just debating my major and wondering if my grades this year were good enough for a different one. Maybe engineering or architecture, I really can't decide."
"There's nothing you can do about it now. Let me help you with your bags and get you home. You must be tired. I want to hear all about New York. You hardly ever called and when you did it's like pulling teeth to get you to say what's going on. Are you happy there?"
"Yes mom, I'm happy. The classes were harder than I thought and I always seem to have too much homework. I do feel okay with my grades, really. I didn't get any below a "C" and it was just two classes."
Her hug felt so reassuring; I lifted the handle of the larger of my two suitcases while she did the same to the other. We rolled them out to the car and placed them in the trunk to head home.
"Is Maggie home?" Asking as we pulled out of the lot and onto the highway.
"No, I think she's at Jolene's working. She's been spending an awful lot of time there. She just says she's learning so much about all the animals, especially the horses. I think that girl has fallen in love or something."
"Fallen in love?" I swallowed hard. It couldn't be true. Please, not Jolene and Maggie.
"Yes, taking care of the animals. She's applied to some colleges that are very rural. I think she may want to be a veterinarian or something like that. She just always seems to be in such a good mood when she gets home from Jolene's. Kinda like you were last summer."
"Like me?"
"Yes, after that night your car broke down. You always seem to come home happy and content. What is it about Jolene's ranch that does that to you two?"
"I don't know mom, maybe it's just working hard. Is Maggie still seeing Pete?"
"Oh, they broke up a few months ago. She's not seeing any boys right now. Didn't she tell you?"
"No, mom."
"Oh, that's right you never call."
I could feel her look at me when she said that. I continued to stare out the window, feeling tears beginning to well up in my eyes. No way was mom going to see that. I had to remain calm; I wasn't going to tell my parents quite yet that I was bi or even maybe a lesbian. I needed to talk with Maggie and Jolene before I did anything close to that.
The rest of the way home we talked about all the mundane things I'd missed over the last year. I managed to hide my sniffles by telling mom that my allergies were acting up.
When we got home we lugged both suitcases up to Maggie's old room. She had gotten mine when I left which I was beginning to regret. Seems she might have gotten more things from me than I had wanted her to.
The first thing I did after unpacking most of my clothes was to slip on some shorts along with a tee shirt. It felt more comfortable than the jeans and blouse I had worn on the train. The long trip from New York took its toll on me mentally and physically. I laid down and slipped off into a nap. Luckily my dreams had nothing to do with my sister or Jolene.
I woke up about an hour later and went downstairs to see what was going on. Dad had come home from work; he was watching something on television. He shut it off so we could talk. Mom came in and I told them about my school year along with the plans for my major. They let me know what was going on around town again.
When we had caught up I asked if I could borrow a car to go out to Jolene's to see Cinnamon. My car was now Maggie's so naturally they said yes. I found my cowboy boots in Maggie's closet. I slipped them on, not caring how dorky I looked in shorts and boots. I headed over to see if Jolene was home. If I was going to have my heart broken I didn't want it to be over the phone.
The drive out to Jolene's was as pleasant as ever. The warm afternoon sun felt good as I traveled the quiet backroads. I came to the conclusion that I really did prefer this to New York City.
I pulled into Jolene's driveway around three in the afternoon. Parking the car near the house I walked over to the big barn to see who was feeding the horses. I didn't see Maggie's car around which was good; I could deal with Jolene alone.
Opening a side door I could see someone shoveling hay from one of the stalls. I called out unsure of who it was.
"Jolene?"
