My girlfriend Julie has been away for a week now. It still seems odd to me to talk about her as my 'girlfriend.' I've mentioned before that I have had lesbian experiences before, but this is the first real 'girlfriend' that I have had.
I miss her.
I missed her the first day she was away, and the second day, but now that it is day 7 I miss her painfully. That is how I felt when I lay in her bed. We both have a room, and mostly we sleep in my room, but tonight I sleep in her room. She has a smell which comes from her shampoo, an expensive one that only she uses because I am happy to use any type on my hair.
I smell her smell on her pillows, and I imagine the sheets on her bed touching her legs instead of mine as I move underneath the covers.
I wish she was here now. So that we could hold each other and I could feel the warmth of her body. The movement of her breathing - as I hold onto her like a small koala holding onto its mothers back. I am restless. I miss her. It is pain.
I often have sexual fantasies when I go to sleep. Strangely, they don't wake me up or make me horny normally, but they are just comforting. I lay on my side usually in a semi-fetal position, with one hand underneath a pillow and one hand between my legs, allowing me to feel the warmth between my legs. It is a comforting feeling. Then my mind softly imagines.
The sex that I would imagine tonight could only be described as rough sex. It's often the case that my sexual imaginings are quite rushed and violent, but wouldn't want to have anything like that in real life. I imagine that Julie and me are together and that we are standing in a door way. What kind of doorway?
It's dark, perhaps it has been raining, it is in a dark back lane, an alley way, and the street is clean as it is has just been washed by the cleansing rain. Perhaps we are both a little drunk as we have just left the pub. We stand up and kiss.
Our arms hold each other, I love that. Holding each other is so comforting, and having our breasts press against each other is so nice. I sometimes feel that the only thing that makes sense about breasts is that they are made to caress other breasts as two girls stand opposite each other and kiss.
It is loving, comforting, beautiful, and this is not belittled by the fact that we are also horny. Being horny can sometimes be lust, a bit ugly really. But with Julie and me being horny is just love.