It was choir tour and I was rooming with my friends Tracy, Anna, and Juliet. I had had a crush on Juliet for a couple of years by this point, even though I hadn't even known her name let alone talked to her until this year. I had always been attracted to her physically. She was very much my type: gorgeous, voluptuous curves, long dark hair, glasses--all my ideals. Now, after getting to know her, I was becoming attracted to her on other levels as well. She was intelligent, funny, and extremely musically talented--again, all things that I found to be major turn-ons.
One night after a full day of traveling and performing, it was finally time to lay back, relax, and enjoy some down time. Tracy was going out with her boyfriend, Jared, who sang in the tenor section in choir with us, and Anna decided to head down to the pool with some of our other friends, leaving Juliet and I alone in the room. We changed into our pajamas and after watching a little TV and making a valiant attempt to do some homework, we got to chatting about boyfriends she'd had, girlfriends and boyfriends I'd had, and crushes we'd both had.
"So how are things going with Miguel?" I asked, referencing her most recent boyfriend.
"We just broke up actually," she said, disappointment obvious in her voice.
"I'm so sorry to hear that, hun," I replied, "Can I ask why?"
"I've had my fair share of boyfriends," Juliet began, "but Miguel was the first really serious one. He wanted to... you know... do things with me that I just wasn't ready for, things that I had no desire to do."
"Well that makes sense, I mean, if you weren't ready you should wait..."
"It wasn't just a matter of simply waiting till I'm ready," she interrupted defensively. "I am ready. Just not with him. I've always been slightly uncomfortable with the guys that I've been with. Miguel was the first one that I'd comfortable enough with to go further than just kissing, and even though I thought I was ok with that, it was still awkward for me."
"What exactly do you mean when you say that guys make you feel awkward?" I asked, trying to mask the wishful thinking from my face and yearning in my voice.
"I don't even know how to describe it. The boys I've been with just always seemed to fall short of my expectations. When I'd kiss them, something didn't feel right. It wasn't what I wanted. I don't even know if this makes any sense..." she trailed off.
"I think I can understand. That's how I used to feel before I realized that I was gay, before I came out."
"Are you saying that you think I might be gay?" Juliet asked, a curious look on her face.
"No, not necessarily," I began. "I'm just trying to relate to you, to comfort you."
"Thanks," she replied, reaching across the expanse between to two beds to grab my hand. "Your concern means a lot to me. You're a good friend."
"You're welcome"
Our eyes met, and we stayed in that position, gazed and fingers locked for what felt like forever, though it was only for a moment. A loud noise from the TV that was still on startled us back to the present.