I've never particularly liked weddings, so how the hell I allowed myself to be bullied into playing a part in this one is totally beyond me. The things we do for best friends huh? I stand fidgeting in my tux and adjusting my dickie bow, forcing a smile onto my lips as people file into the church.
I point blank refused to be a bridesmaid -- I haven't worn any type of dress or skirt for over 15 years and I'm not about to start now, so I've been given the usher duties of pointing guests in the right direction for seating, hand over an order or service, smile and repeat. I'll be glad when the service is over and I can chill out and have a drink!
I realise someone is standing in front of me, so I plaster the smile back onto my face and look up into a face that mirrors my own; it's so obvious that she doesn't want to be here either.
"Bride or groom?"
She pauses for long enough that I begin to wonder if she's even been invited. I may not be enjoying my best friend's nuptials but I certainly don't want it ruined for them by an uninvited gate crasher. My fears are calmed however when she mutters, "I'm Julia's cousin but could I just sit over there at the back out of the way?" She points at a group of 3 chairs right at the back of the church, about as far away from the action as possible.
I hand her the order of service and tell her that yes, she can sit at the back, despite me having pigeon holed one of those seats for myself so I can make a speedy exit once the service is over. I notice that not only does she almost run to the seats but she chooses one that's hidden behind a pillar where she can't be seen but every time she hears new people enter the church she sneaks a look to see who's come in.
Her behaviour fascinates me and I can't help wondering if she's recently split up with a boyfriend who is also invited to the wedding; or maybe there's a family feud she doesn't want to get embroiled in? Whatever the reason she looks deeply unhappy and I actually come to slightly admire the fact that she's putting herself through that misery for the sake of attending her cousin's wedding. If I was that unhappy I would probably have stayed away and feigned illness instead.
As the last of the guests file in I notice her head poke out from behind the pillar just as a late middle aged couple enter the church. She ducks back into safety quickly but I can't help noticing the look on her face in that brief moment; it seems to be a mix of fear and intense pain and I can't help but worry a little bit for her as I hand the newcomers the leaflet and guide them to the bride's side of the church. Julia's extended family is large and spread out across the country, so there have been many loud and joyous greetings as people arrive, accompanied by lots of familial hugs and kisses; these two however find empty seats at the end of an aisle and sit down without so much as a glance at the other guests.
I look over at the pillar and see that the mystery girl is now staring at the back of their heads and her expression has changed again. She looks less scared but definitely pained and as I watch I'm sure I catch a tear slowly trickle down her cheek. I decide that I have to try to do something to help this poor forlorn creature but at that moment one of the other ushers comes running into the church to announce that the bride has arrived. David the groom jumped to his feet and the traditional organ refrain started up just as Julia and her dad entered the church. Flashing Julia a genuine beaming
smile I tell her she looks amazing, and then duck out of the way to the back of the church where I take one of the two remaining seats, slightly behind the mystery woman.
The service is actually quite nice and the vicar is pleasantly witty throughout her duties, so I almost don't realise the ceremony is finishing and that I need to rush off to perform my next function. I jump up out of my seat and am about to make a swift exit when she also stands and I almost crash into her. I end up following her out of the dim church and into the bright sunlight where I almost run into her again, as she stops dead and bends double, taking huge breaths as if the atmosphere in the church has been starving her of oxygen.
"Hey, are you ok?"
A few more gulps of air and she stood up, a faint apologetic smile on her face.
"Yes, thanks. Sorry I got in your way but I'm trying to avoid some people and wanted to get out before them. I think I might give the reception a miss or I'm going to have a full blown panic attack!"
"No don't do that. I'm driving to the hotel now ahead of the rest to get the welcome drinks organised while they have pictures taken, then my duties are done for a while. Frankly you look like you could do with a drink, so why not come with me -- the others won't turn up for ages yet."
She looked me up and down for a long moment, seemingly considering my suggestion, before nodding resolutely and agreeing that yes indeed, a drink would be welcome.
We were already sitting in my Jeep before either of us spoke again when she turned to me, stuck her hand out and introduced herself. "Sarah Williams, Julia's cousin." I took her hand in mine and noticed that although she seemed timid her handshake was firm and strong. "Andi Stevens, Julia's best friend since college."
We drove the short distance in near silence, until I pulled into the hotel car park where I headed round the back of the building and pressed the button for the garage door, pulling inside and hitting the button to close the door after us.
I notice a huge sigh escape from Sarah and raise an eyebrow in her direction causing her to chuckle.
"Weird as this may sound, I may be locked in a garage with a total stranger but I feel safer than I have done since I arrived at the church!"
"I don't want to intrude but do you want to talk about it? I think I know who you're avoiding due to your reaction when they arrived - are they your parents?"
"Yes they are but no, I don't want to talk about it right now, I'd much rather get a drink down my neck to calm my nerves."
So without delay we exited the car and I led Sarah in through the crowded kitchen and into the bar area, where I unlocked the door into the back stock room and asked her what she'd like.
"Is it too early for a brandy?" she asked with a shy smile
"It's never too early for a brandy, especially if it's medicinal!" I poured us two large bowls and waved Sarah to a stool while I perched on a crate of beer. As I chinked my glass against hers I smiled at her and said "Cheers, let's hope this day gets better for you from here."
Sarah took a long gulp before fishing around in her handbag and waving a twenty pound note at me. "Please let me pay for these, I don't want you getting into trouble with your boss."
I looked at her quizzically before I caught on. "These are on me and don't worry, there's no trouble to be had. This is my place and much as my bar manager likes to think he's the boss, I'm the one who pays his wages."