Hello Readers. I have been writing this for a while now, and finally gotten around to finishing it off. This is another of my emotional, starts dark ends happy stories. The idea of this came to me while listening it the GOO Goo Dolls song, Iris, if you don't know it, have a listen. It brings back a lot of sad memories for me, and I am sure anyone who has felt inner pain and the sense of not being connected to the world around them will understand the lyrics.
I hope you enjoy.
Alex.
Iris
The patch of skin sat there looking inviting. A small area of unmarked flesh on her thigh. Virgin territory.
She didn't want to do this, every cell in her brain screamed at her that it was stupid and pointless, but at the end of the day when everything in your world makes you wish you were dead, a little pain is a reminder that you're still alive.
The razor blade sat in a saucer of antiseptic, its muted steel not caring if she used it or not.
She tore open a sterile wipe and swiftly daubed the patch of skin.
The sliver edge of the razor touched the virgin flesh and drew a thin pink line as it moved.
A pink line that turned rapidly to red.
It always amazed her that for the first few seconds there was no pain. In much the same way there was no immediate blood.
Her teeth gritted as she dropped the razor back in to its saucer. Small swirls of red stained the clear antiseptic.
A now free hand clamped over the cut as she savoured the sharp sting of pain from her thigh. Tears welled in her eyes as guilt overwhelmed the numbness the pain brought.
She lifted the blade once more wanting to block out the world with the beautiful pain a cut would bring. Then anger compelled her to throw the blade in the bin, as once more she silently swore there wouldn't be a next time.
After applying a dressing to the fresh cut, she pulled the baggy jeans she loved wearing on. With a glance at the clock she knew she had at least an hour before her father arrived home. Longer still if he stopped at the bar. Either way she didn't relish his arrival. At least if he arrived home drunk then he would hopefully fall asleep fairly quickly.
An hour. Time enough for her to retrieve her laptop from its hidden space at the very back of her closet.
It had taken many months of going without lunch to save the money to purchase the small cheap notebook from a second-hand store. There was no way her father would spring for anything like internet or cable, so she made do with piggybacking off whichever one of her neighbours used an unsecured Wi-Fi network.
She never felt guilty for hiding the laptop or hijacking someone else's internet. As it was, Iris was fairly sure she would be dead if it wasn't for the small amount of escapism the laptop and her razors brought her.
Fingers danced over the keyboard. She half held her breath as she opened her email. As normal the plethora of ads for Viagra and dating sites filled most of the inbox.
Then her heart leapt.
Sitting there between two spam messages was a mail from Mai. Her fingers trembled slightly as she tapped the mouse pad.
Iris.
My very special friend, finally I'm back in town. I have missed you so much and can't wait to see you once more. I have the apartment all ready for you to move in. Whenever you are able your new home is waiting. I have missed you, and I hope you have remained strong without me there for you. It pained me to have to go, but it was a necessary evil. Webchat me when you get the chance. I will be waiting.
Mai xxx
Iris could feel her heart thump against her ribcage as she drank in the words written in Mai's stiff formal English. Tears stung her eyes once more with the knowledge that her one true friend was home again. They had known each other for years. Mai the petite Asian girl who was a few months older than herself. Her one real friend, and the only person who knew of Iris's self-harming.
She had told Mai everything about her father's short temper and quick fists, and Mai had promised that Iris could move in with her on her eighteenth birthday.
And now there was only a week until her eighteenth birthday.
One week until this life that was more akin to purgatory, would finally be over.
Blurry eyes sought the short cut on her desktop to her webchat.
An image popped open. A plain room with a black and white print hanging on the wall behind that depicted a cherry blossom tree.
"Mai. Are you there?" She asked the empty space.
The image shifted suddenly, and everything went out of focus for a second. When it refocused the image of her angel came in to view.
Long straight black hair hung down either side of a perfect oval face. A tiny pair of red lips broke in to a divine smile that white teeth peeked out from.
Then there were the eyes. Almond shaped and so dark brown they were nearly black. Eyes that Iris could lose herself in forever.
A petite hand waved a greeting.
"Iris. I'm so glad you got my mail. How are you my little one?"
The heavily accented voice was water to someone dying of thirst.
For the first time in an age a smile broke across Iris's lips. She loved how Mai called her 'little one'. Even though she stood a good few inches taller than the five-foot Japanese girl.
Iris had met Mai at school. She had gone in to a washroom and seen Iris applying a clean dressing to one of the many cuts on her arms. It had only taken her to show a small amount of compassion to open-up a few cracks. Cracks that rapidly spread in to the dam bursting and the entire story tumbling out.
Mai's first reaction had been to go to the authorities, but Iris was far too afraid of her father to let her do that. The very last thing Iris wanted was for her father to take his anger out on the one precious thing she had.
For right or wrong they formulated a plan. Mai would go to college at Silicon Valley as planned and as soon as Iris was eighteen she would go and live with Mai.
It had made sense back then, after all Iris had survived three years since her mother had passed away and her fathers short temper had been directed solely towards her. What was a few more months? But the last two weeks Mai had been visiting relatives in Japan. It had been unbearable, but seeing as they had paid the deposit and first few months' rent on Mai's new apartment, it had been necessary.
Now she was back, and Iris could see her on the laptop that was her lifeline to a better world. Tears welled in her eyes once more. It had only been two weeks since their last chat, but it had felt like an eternity.
"Hello Mai." She replied crying openly. "I missed you so much."
The image on the screen kissed a finger and touched the camera. "I got it done." Mai told her grinning.
"No way, let me see." Iris expressed another rare smile.
The image on the screen moved back a little as Mai removed her sweatshirt. A tattoo of a delicate purple flower sat on her bare shoulder blade.
"It's beautiful Mai." Iris said as fresh tears stung her eyes.
Do you think it looks like an Iris? I took a photo with me and they copied it fairly closely."
"I think it is perfect." Iris said as she wiped the tears away.
"How are you coping? I've been worried sick about you." Mai asked
Iris took a deep breath. "I'm alive." She managed to reply, not wanting to worry the most important person in her world.
