7. Home Fires
"So, now we come to that 'first kiss' scene that you've both been so looking forward to, eh?" Arnold said. He was one of the more thoughtful and kind directors that Rachel had worked with, and she knew that he was making a joke in an attempt to break to tension. She and her co-star Lucy laughed obligingly.
He knew, of course, that Rachel had been dreading this scene and she'd said as much when they were chatting over a cup of tea earlier. Of course, she'd known what she'd signed up for when she'd accepted the role in 'Home Fires', a play based on a true story about two young women working at the ministry of defence who find themselves drawn into an increasingly close relationship whilst their husbands were both away fighting during the second world war. But that didn't change the fact that, as a straight woman, she felt anxious about the physical side of the play, and now the moment had come she felt her mouth go dry, her palms feeling cold and clammy as her fingers clutched tightly at her copy of the script.
All of the other actors had gone home early today, to spare their blushes and allowing Rachel to concentrate on this key scene with her fellow actor, Lucy, just the two of them with Arnold, their director. He was a tall, gaunt man with wiry grey hair, serious and decisive when he needed to be, but also quick to laugh and as camp as a row of tents. Today he was wearing a colourful scarf over a baggy black t-shirt, which hung loosely over his slim frame.
All that was left of their fellow actors was a number of chairs scattered untidily around the rehearsal space. They'd been rehearsing here for just over a month now and Rachel had been dreading this moment for just as long, knowing that they couldn't put it off forever. Of course, it was just acting she kept telling herself. And acting was all about playing different characters, she couldn't always expect to play someone like herself: a twenty-three year old graduate from a local drama school and from a nice, middle-class background, struggling to make her way as an actor in the big city.
"Okay, so let's have a quick, no pressure run-through, and you young ladies take it slow, and just go with what feels comfortable. Let's go from the line 'everything all right?' shall we?" Arthur prompted, nodding briefly and taking a step back.
"Everything all right? You look worried," Rachel said, briefly glancing down at her script, which quivered a little in her hand.
"It's this report from the front line near Arnhem: 'considerable allied losses, mainly from the first airborne division'. I can't help worrying that Tom has got caught up in this," Lucy replied, her voice smoothly transformed into the clipped, precise English of the nineteen-forties.
"I know. Every time I see a report like that, I can't help but worry too. It's only natural, but we've got to soldier on and keep a stiff upper lip. Worrying doesn't do any good."
"You're right, we've been here before and I know we can't think the worst every time, but I don't know, it's just so upsetting sometimes. I just wish it would all be over," Lucy said, pretending to dab at a tear.
"I know, I know, come here," Rachel said, clutching her hand and drawing her into a hug, sliding her arms around her slim waist.
"Oh Veronica, I wish I could be strong like you," Lucy said, leaning back and tilting her head upwards expectantly, her lips slightly parted.
She was a pretty girl, short and petite, with a halo of frizzy red hair surrounding her pale face and large, pale blue eyes.
It's not like we're having sex, it's just pressing my lips against hers, Rachel told herself as she slowly, hesitantly, moved her head closer, the young woman tilting her head to one side, their noses briefly bumping together as they kissed clumsily. Lucy's lips felt soft and plump compared to her ex-boyfriends, but she struggled to enjoy the experience, her mind screaming "I'm kissing another woman!" over and over, and after a couple of seconds she pulled away and they both glanced over at Arnold.
"Okay, well that's good for a first attempt," he said reassuringly. "But we need more passion. You've both been getting more emotionally involved over the last few months, sharing your worries about your husbands, needing the emotional support of each other. But at the same time, struggling to contain your innermost feelings, and deny your physical attraction and remain faithful to your husbands. But that constant effort of keeping all those feelings contained is just too much, and I need to see the dam bursting, if you like, I need to feel the passion spilling out. Alright? Let's go again."
They ran through their lines again, climaxing in another kiss, which Rachel tried harder to sustain. Lucy didn't seem to have the same problem, sighing convincingly, pressing her warm body against Rachel's, her arms tightening around her shoulders, drawing her closer. Rachel felt herself panicking, her eyes opening as she felt the girl's tongue flicking across her lips, then pressing against them, trying to slip inside her mouth.
"Sorry, sorry," Rachel said, pulling her head away and stepping back.
"That's okay, it is a little awkward, isn't it?" Lucy said, generously.
"Yeah sorry, it's not you. I guess I need a little time to get used to it."
"Okay, well not to worry. I think we've covered quite a lot of ground today, so let's finish there, and we'll pick it up again tomorrow," Arnold said.
Rachel felt deflated as she slipped on her jacket and waved goodbye to Lucy. She turned when she felt Arnold's hand squeezing her arm.
"Don't worry, it's only the first time we've rehearsed this, you just need to get used to it," he said, and she wished she felt as confident as he seemed.
--
Rachel shook her head, muttering angrily to herself as she cut across the park on the way to her part-time job. It was a bright October day, the morning mist and drizzle giving way to hazy midday sunshine, the birdsong mixing with the sound of a distant siren. A cool breeze carried the faint tang of wood smoke and Rachel drew her jacket tighter around her neck. Above her, the leaves on the trees fluttered, their bronze colour contrasting against the pale blue sky. Her mind kept going over what had happened as she passed joggers and dog walkers enjoying the early afternoon sunshine.
Why couldn't she have just kissed Lucy properly? It was just acting after all and it had long been her dream to become an actor on the West End stage. Of course, her sensible parents had insisted that she pass her accountancy exams. "Of course, we think you're talented dear and we don't doubt your determination, it's just that it's good to have something to fall back on if things don't work out," her sensible father had always said. And she was beginning to see how wise that advice was. How could she ever become the successful actor she dreamed of being if she couldn't even kiss a girl convincingly?
Perhaps she should just close her eyes, and pretend it was her ex-boyfriend, Jeff. But even as the thought formed she realised it wouldn't quite work; Lucy's lips were too soft and moist, her body too yielding, her perfume sweet and floral, which would ruin the illusion. What was she to do?
She was lucky that she didn't have to rely on her acting to pay the rent. She earned most of her money as a part-time accountant for a number of small, local businesses. In fact, that's where she was heading now, to a local store called 'Honeysuckle Lingerie'.
--
Casey was positioned in her usual place, behind the cash desk as she entered the store, and she said 'hello', returning her friendly smile and accepting her offer of a cup of tea as she headed upstairs to the smaller of the two offices. Casey was such a bright, cheerful sort of girl, always offering to make her tea and asking her how the financial side of the business was going. Always taking an interest in her acting too. She even asked her out for a drink after work last week and although Rachel had been busy, it had been a nice gesture.
