It was the period coming up to Christmas, and, contrary to my bitterly cynical nature, I could feel myself getting a little carried away in the seasonal excitement, like I did when I was a little girl. I bought my presents weeks in advance, had wrapped them in similar haste, written up the cards, and when I got home from university in the midlands to my lovely family in the London suburbs it took no time to plonk every single one right under the tree. It was perfect. But New Year's was less so, in my mind.
I hadn't given enough thought in my daily doings, to exactly what I was going to do. Where was I going to go? I've got to have fun, I thought to myself, maybe not by going completely mental at a club, but I've got to do SOMETHING. I knew full well that my parents and brother would happily spend another New Year's Eve on the sofa watching the fireworks on TV and clinking glasses of wine, and there was nothing wrong with that. But I was 19 years old, dammit. I wanted something with a little more fire than that.
Luckily a few days after a cosy Christmas I got a text from one of my good friends, Michaela. She was throwing a medium-sized New Year's party-slash-gathering at her house. I grinned to myself. "What are the odds?" I thought. She asked me to bring whatever snacks I wanted, but know that booze was completely covered. Michaela can be so awesome sometimes.
Of course, New Year's Eve came by in no time, as unfortunately when you spend most of your holiday making up for the complete lack of work you've done in the months prior, you actually begin to wish days were longer. So sitting down in Michaela's flat, in a circle with a bunch of tipsy but witty students in their early twenties over a poker game was a well-needed break for me. I knew a few more people were yet to come before the party got well and truly underway, but I also knew I'd pretty much found my medium for the night in this poker game. I was pretty sure most girls at this party were straight, and there weren't any guys I was particularly into, so I relaxed into the lazy banter I usually had with Michaela's mutual friends. I'd scope the room again and meet some new people later, after a few more drinks.
At around 9:30, another gang of friends rang the doorbell, and Michaela, preening herself quickly in the mirror, went to answer it. A couple of punk-y guys with piercings and cool t-shirts wandered into the room shortly after, introducing themselves, and I had found a comfortable enough level of tipsy that I quickly introduced myself to them, complimenting one of the guys' hair, who I found out was called Rory. We chatted for a long time, and it seemed as though we had a fair bit in common, which surprised me, but again confirmed that I shouldn't judge off of appearances. It was when we were discussing one of our shared favourite bands that I noticed someone unfamiliar walk out of the bathroom.
Obviously I don't keep tabs on who goes to the restroom and when, so obviously there was another reason this person -- this girl -- grabbed my attention. Snatched it, even. I stared at her for a good minute or so. She had big brown eyes, and gave a standard white vest and jeans a strange dirty kind of glamorous. She was beautiful.
"Shit." I thought to myself. I was almost scared of her. This was the first time I had been this attracted to someone since I came out, and accepted that I was bi. "Shit." I kept thinking, all the while still staring at her, looking her over. Rory noticed something was a little weird -- "Uh, Taylor?"
"Oh gosh. Sorry."
"No worries. You're pissed aren't you. Absolutely wankered." Rory laughed.
"I am not! That's ridiculous. I've had, like, 3, super-weak drinks." I lied. I'd had 5, and 3 of them were shots.
"Well Shiv wants to play ring of fire. Maybe you should just, like, have a water or something." Rory laughed, walking over to the dining table that was now filling up with people. I laughed back, secretly wondering if I did actually look that drunk. I really wasn't that drunk. Really.
My eyes wandered over to the mystery girl's side of the room again. "Shit." I kept thinking to myself, I was getting a bit worked up. I went to get another drink and resolved to re-join the poker game, and try to avoid her for the night, seeing as she was most probably straight. But Jesus she was gorgeous.
Michaela was dealing, bubbly as ever, and her eyes glinted up at me.
"You having a good time?"
"Yes I is, bitch!" We both laughed, maybe I was more than a bit tipsy.
"Good because it's about to get a lot worse if you're joining this game. I'm fucking boss at poker."
"How can you be boss at poker, isn't it, like, completely luck?"
"Not completely." Said a husky, contralto voice.
I felt in my stomach before I looked, that it was her. The girl. Her eyes, naturally piercing and flirtatious, flickered briefly over me and looked back at Michaela.
"Oh, sorry, Taylor, I didn't introduce you. This is Helena. She's awesome." She said.
Helena smiled at me, and I, reluctantly met eyes with her.
"Really?" I said, grinning, forcing confidence. "Hey."
I was pretty sure my eyes said everything.
"Hey," she replied. "Are you actually any good at poker?" She leaned forward, probingly.
"Yeah..." I said defensively.
"Then you should know it's 80% bluffing, and 20% luck."
"Oh. Yeah." I looked so dumb.
Michaela's two other friends, mutual friends of mine, Johnny and Piers sniggered. She dealt the cards, and we all put our bets in. Michaela turned over one of the middle cards, we checked our cards accordingly. The game went on, and rather predictably, Helena's pile of chips grew larger and larger. Piers was flirting with her, knocking over her pile and purposely pissing her off, only then to playfight. "It's over." I thought to myself. "Alright, Taylor, she's straight, you can calm down and get on with the rest of the night now."
But every so often she'd look at me. She was so confident, so self-aware and assertive, it just made her more and more beautiful and thus more and more difficult to look at directly.
In the fifth round, she made an offhand comment about The Simpsons. I gasped and feigned offence, but I agreed with her more than anything. It had gotten pretty shit recently.
