Forever

I met Jenna while I was in college. Big shocker right? That's how most of these stories always start, but it's true. I had been in a dorm room alone when she transferred to my room. Something had happened with her roommate (I think she died or left the school or something) then Jen requested to be moved in with a roommate. At first I thought she was a bit distant, cold even, but eventually we got comfortable with one another. We were both 19 and while she was studying to become a photographer I was interested in fashion design. Although she was quiet and shy, I eventually found myself caring a great deal for her, just in a friendly way though. Then her nightmares started. It was in the middle of the night during midterms when I first heard Jenna crying.

We had been roommates for a few months and I considered myself her friend. I heard her sobbing in her corner of the room and I sat up to investigate. She quickly apologized and promised that she was fine. I knew better. Tears streamed down her face and I made her tell me what was wrong. It turned out that her step father had abused her (she said only physically but I suspected otherwise). She said that the dreams always came when she was stressed and the midterms were weighing heavily on her mind. We sat talking for over an hour and eventually we fell asleep together in her bed. We were just friends though, like I said. But that changed soon enough, for me at least. About a month after her nightmare issues I saw Jenna getting into a disagreement with the girl who had been my roommate before her. That bitch had demanded changing rooms after she found out that I was a lesbian. As if I would ever try to get with her skank ass.

"I saw you checking out my boyfriend, you fucking slut." Kayla, yelled at Jenna. My poor roommate stood frozen and silent.

"Is there a problem?" I asked as I moved into place behind my friend. Jen mumbled something about being sorry and promising that she hadn't been looking at Kayla's boyfriend. "Leave her alone, Kay, she didn't do anything to you and we both know it." I spoke softly as to not make the situation worse but you wouldn't believe the nerve of that bitch.

"Come on, Liv, lets get out of here." Jen said as she grabbed my arm.

"You're right. She isn't worth it." I agreed.

As Jenna and I walked away Kayla yelled out: "Yeah, walk away, you fucking dyke, before I beat the shit out of both of you."

"What did you just call me?" I growled as I spun around. I didn't give Kayla a chance to respond before I punched her right in the nose. It looked like she was going to have to pay her plastic surgeon another visit. I was not going to, nor would I ever, condone fighting. It is petty, childish, and severely immature.... But honestly, my feelings had been hurt. And the fact that she threatened Jen made it inexcusable.

After that Jenna and I were best friends for the next two and a half years of college. But it wasn't until the end of our senior year when I actually fell for her... or realized that I had already. It was right before finals and she had another one of her bad dreams. I had become accustomed to them and Jenna knew to just climb into my bed when she couldn't sleep. But that night was different. She was shaking so bad that my whole bed trembled under us.

"You okay, Jen?" I asked her when I heard her sobbing return.

"I'll be okay. I just..." Her cries picked up and I knew her dreams were getting worse. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly until she fell asleep. It wasn't until she had been sleeping for a few minutes that I realized that I too had started crying. My heart ached to see her in pain. My poor best friend would carry her nightmares forever. I hugged her body closer to me as I thought about what life would do to someone as kind and innocent as Jenna. I thought about what life had already done to her. I buried my face in her flowing chestnut colored hair and I could smell the coconut shampoo she used. Just having her with me made me feel better. I felt like I could protect her. At that moment I realized that I was in love with my best friend, hell I had probably been since the first moment I had met her. She was gorgeous. About 5'3" with a thin build. Her skin was a gorgeous honey color and it contrasted nicely with my caramel complexion. I though briefly about what we would look like completely naked with one another. Her light skin against mine that was several shades tanner. I was also a few inches taller and my hair was black compared to her almost red-ish brown locks. I shook the thoughts away. I focused on the fact that she was my best friend and that she was straight and while she had taken the news of my sexuality well that didn't mean she was going to join the club. I never told Jenna about how I felt about her and a few weeks later we both graduated and went on our way.

Three years later she and I were still close. I had moved to Miami Florida and Jenna traveled the world taking pictures like she had always wanted. I got a successful clothing label started in Miami and thoughts of Jenna were soon buried away, but not forgotten. I found women, I slept with women and I dumped women. Life was simple. But my life got turned around when Jenna called and said she was moving to Miami. She said something about focusing on fashion photography and that Miami was perfect. I only focused on the fact that she would be moving back. Three weeks after her move she invited me to dinner, a common occurrence between us since her return, stating that she had something important to tell me.

"I know you are going to hate me, Liv, you are never going to speak to me again." She said slowly as I saw tears begin to form in her eyes. She said as after we had both eaten.

"Relax, honey, it can't be that bad." I assured her. I reached out and grabbed her hand on the table to try to comfort her.

"I lied to my boss." she told me. I was about to ask what that had to do with me but she motioned for me to be quiet. "I told him that I could get exclusive access to you next fashion show."

"Oh... that's okay. Umm... I will have to work some things out with some other photographers for the show but that shouldn't be a problem. Why would I hate you because of that?" I rambled on like I always did when I got nervous. I would have to make sure all the other magazines got pictures of the line. Jenna would be the only photographer on site which would probably make some of the sponsors mad but it was a do-able situation.

"That's not the only thing I told my boss. He has been hitting on me a lot lately and you know how I get when guys hit on me. I got all nervous and told him that I would be photographing the show because you are... well I might have said that I was..." Jenna mumbled and stuttered but couldn't speak.

"Jen, what are you talking about? It couldn't be that bad. It's not like you told him we we're sleeping together right?" I laughed but I knew by the sudden drop of her head that I had been right. She had told her boss that she was in a relationship with me. Great. Not only was I in love with her but I would have to pretend like I was pretending to be in love with her. Fantastic. I didn't know what to say. What could I say? I really did love her and it would tear me apart to act like her girlfriend without really being it. The show was three days away and I would have to do crazy work to fix Jenna's lies, not to mention that I would have to play her girlfriend.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia. Please don't be mad at me. He was just so pushy all the time and I got scared. If you want, I will tell him the truth. Just please talk to me..." Jenna finally did start to cry in the middle of our very expensive meal in the middle of a very expensive restaurant.

"I'm not mad, Jen. I just have some things I have to work out for the show. It might be best if I go." I placed my napkin on the table before tossing money on the table to cover the bill, tip and cab fare for Jen. I kissed her on the cheek, like I always did. "I love you and I will see you later."

"Liv, please don't be like this. I didn't mean to make you angry." Jenna cried as we made our way to the parking lot. I couldn't force myself to turn around but the sound of her crying broke my heart the same way it had when we were in college. "Please don't hate me."

"Jen, it's okay. I'm really not mad. I just have a lot of work to do if you want to impress your boss. I could never hate you, you are my best friend. I'll love you forever." I reached out for her and she immediately fell into my arms and began sobbing. We stood like that in the middle of the parking lot for at least ten minutes. "You okay?" I asked when she finally calmed down.

"I'll be fine. It's just that with work the way it has been, the nightmares have been pretty bad lately and seeing you reminded me of when you would help. It feels nice to have a real friend." She forced a pained smile and we both got into my car. She still hadn't bought one yet, she was too nervous to go alone and I hadn't had a chance to go with her. Her small apartment was also tiny and severely under furnished and drastically overpriced.

"You can sleep at my place if you want." I offered. "I can handle most of my work from home and I will feel better knowing that you are sleeping okay."

She nodded slightly and I drove off to my place. I pushed the thoughts of her naked in my bed out of my head and I focused on the fact that the girl I loved needed my help. No matter how much it would hurt me to fake it, I would be whatever she needed me to be, even a fake girlfriend.

We got back to my house and I showed her to the guests' bedroom. She quickly went to bed and I went to my room to get to work on rearranging the show. From a dozen photographers to one would be some serious work. I sent out emails and I decided that I would do other photo shoots after the fashion show. It would be less trouble and Jenna would have the exclusive shots for an extra week or so. With all the work done and emails sent, I shut my laptop and changed for bed. I had only been sleeping for a few minutes when I heard some rustling at my door. I shot up in my bed, forgetting that Jenna was in the house, and I saw my best friend standing in my door way with tears streaming down her face.

"I didn't mean to wake you. I just thought that you might be up. I'll go back to bed..." Jen wiped at her eyes and turned to leave.

"It's okay, Jen. You can sleep in here." I lifted the edge of my blanket and I waited as she crawled in next to me.

"You are the only person who ever really cared about me, Liv. Even my mom left me after she found out about what Ricky had done to me. She said it was my fault. She said I seduced him." She whispered into the darkness as if I wasn't there. She was finally admitting that her step dad had raped her. At that moment all romantic thoughts flew from my mind. She was my friend and she needed me to be there for her.

"You didn't do anything, Jenna, and it sure as hell wasn't your fault. You mom is a stupid cunt if she thinks otherwise." I couldn't control my anger. How could a mother turn on her only child like that? She had left Jenna alone in the world.

Jen didn't say anything but she did wrap her arms around me as she finally began to fall asleep. I lay in the bed for a few extra hours wondering what would become of Jenna and me. She was my best friend and I was madly in love with her. I only dated girls that looked like her and I had called them by her name more times than I could count. But could I ruin the only real relationship that she had? What if she didn't feel the same way? How could I ruin our friendship? I wouldn't, I decided. I would play the part and then things would go back to normal. I had managed to go three years hiding my love and I figured I could keep on doing it.

The next two days went by in a flash. Between me working on the show and Jenna sleeping with me at night, things got into a nice routine. The day of the show came and it went marvelously. My clothes were a hit and I had some major boutiques interested in picking up the line. Jenna did great with the pictures and the sponsors were thrilled with her work. Everything went fabulously until the after party. We were at a small club, owned by a personal friend, when Jenna's boss walked over and 'congratulated' me and Jenna who was by my side.

"I thought Jenna was lying when she said you were a couple but I guess she wasn't." He said as she glared at us. I instinctively wrapped my arm around her waist, the way I would do to a girl I was dating.

"So how long have you known each other?" He asked with mock interest. He was obviously trying to catch Jenna in her lie. I didn't know why he was so interested.

"We were college roommates." I answered smoothly. He was far from intimidating or interesting. He asked a few more questions but I answered them all easily. She was my best friend after all. Jen excused herself to go to the bathroom and that's when Mark, her boss, tried to pull a fast one.

"Did Jenna tell you about her shoot in Prague? She got pictures of most beautiful..." Mark started to speak but I stopped him.

"You must have her confused with someone else. Jenna has never been to Prague, or any other country in the north eastern part of Europe. She isn't a fan of the cold weather, she actually hates it very much. That's why she moved to Miami." I laughed at his stupidity and wrapped my arm around Jenna when she returned. Mark, flustered and angry that he had been caught, didn't know what else to say. "Well, I think it's about time we leave, don't you baby?" I asked Jenna as I pulled her closer to me. She must have been really comfortable with me because she didn't flinch when I pulled her only inches from my face.

"Sure thing. I am really tired." Jenna said honestly. Every night since she had began to stay at my house she had had nightmares. But I never understood why she just wouldn't sleep with me from the beginning of the night. She always did the same thing: She would go to bed in the guest bedroom then in the middle of the night she would creep into my room, wake me, then get in bed with me.

We both left the party and went back to my place. I was in a good mood, between the fabulous show and having Jenna by my side it was like a dream come true, and that made me a bit cocky.

"Since you're my girlfriend for the night you might as well sleep with me." I laughed as I went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Jen laughed and asked for a bottle as well. I threw her hers.

"I sleep with you every night, you loser." she giggled as she drank from the bottle.

"I guess you're right. Come on, let's go to bed." I quickly sobered to the fact that she would never see me as anything but a comforting friend. It crushed me but I didn't let on. "You might as well sleep with me now instead of waking us both up later. I have things planned for us tomorrow."

Jenna reluctantly agreed and we both went off to bed. The next day we had more fun than even I had planned. I convinced Jenna to move into my place. Her apartment was expensive, tiny and she didn't need it. Then we went to a few of my favorite stores and I bought Jen more clothes than she had ever owned, being a successful designer afforded me the luxury of having a large bank account. And even though Jen complained about spending my money she let me have my way. Then we went to dinner and right before we went back home something caught Jenna's eye from the sidewalk. She noticed a pet store with a cute puppy in the window. We went inside and soon found out that it was a mutt but since it was cute they were asking top dollar for it. Jenna looked at the puppy's $900 price tag and slumped her shoulders. She was doing okay for herself but she didn't have an extra thousand dollars lying around to blow on a puppy. I secretly footed the bill and arranged to have the puppy dropped off by my house in an hour. Jen wasn't very good at hiding her disappointment about the dog. It was a mutt and it didn't make sense to either of us why it cost so much. I guessed it was a pit-bull mix but I really had no idea, although it was huge for a puppy. So we went home. We made small talk in the kitchen but I could tell she was still thinking about the dog. I tried to hide my smile when I heard the door bell ring a few minutes later. The owner of the pet store was standing at my door with the dog, food, toys and an assortment of things I had paid for without Jen's knowledge. I grabbed the stuff and tipped the owner. I tossed the extra things to the ground by the door but I carried the dog into the kitchen where Jen and I had been talking.

"Who was it?" she asked with her back turned to me. I didn't answer and she was forced to turn around to find out why I had remained silent. She yelled and giggled like a little kid then she ran over and hugged me. I wasn't a big fan of pets but seeing the look on her face made it all worth it. "I can't believe you paid that much for her. You shouldn't have."

"I wanted to. Besides, you deserve to have the things you want. To you it's just a dog but to me it's being able to see you smile. You don't do that enough now a days." I told her. I was taken aback when she got on her tippy toes and kissed my lips softly. I usually kissed her on the cheek or on the forehead but she had never kissed me on the lips before. "Jen, what are you doing?" I asked as I stepped back sharply.

"I thought that was what you wanted." She said. Once again she was on the verge of tears. "I always thought you liked me. I'm so sorry..." she ran off to her room and I was left in the kitchen with that stupid dog in my hands. I didn't know what to do. Thoughts swirled in my head and I was completely lost as to what to do next. I had to talk to her. She deserved better from me than "what are you doing". I went to her room with the dog still cradled in my arms. It was pretty heavy for a four-month old. I knocked on Jen's door before entering.

"I'm sorry, Liv, I didn't mean to make you angry. I just wanted to show you how much I care about you. I'm sorry." She cried from the bed without looking at me. I decided to tell her the truth. She needed to know.

"Jen, I need to tell you something." I told her softly as I dropped the dog to the ground. Jenna sat up in the bed and looked right at me. "The reason I didn't want you to kiss me is because it means something very different to me. You wanted to thank me and that's what you thought I wanted. Even though you are right, I couldn't let you do it, because I would just want to do it again and again and I don't think you want that. Maybe we should pretend like it never happened. You won't have to regret it and I will try not to want to do it again." Our eyes met and I saw something in them that I had never seen before. I could see the love she felt for me written all over her face, too bad she didn't love me the way I loved her, or did she?

"Liv, I wouldn't regret it, I don't. That is if you don't hate me." She searched my face for answers but I didn't have the right words. So I blurted out the truth once again.

"Damn it, Jenna. I have been in love with you since college, I could never hate you. I'll love you forever." I said a little too loudly. I immediately clamped my hands over my mouth as if it would erase the words I had just said. I stared at Jenna who just looked back at me in silence.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. But the whimpering of that damned puppy snapped us both back to reality. Jen placed it on the bed behind her but she still didn't say anything to me.

"I'm sorry, Jen. I shouldn't have said that. It's just that pretending to be your girlfriend reminded me of how much I really love you. I understand if you are upset. It's getting late I should probably go to bed." I stood up and walked to the door before turning around slowly. "If you need me you can come to my room. You know I would never do anything you didn't want me to but I understand if you don't want to. I really do love you, Jen, and I am sorry if I messed everything up. I'm really sorry." Just as I was about to leave Jenna jumped up and grabbed my hand.