Tuesday blended into Wednesday as the snow continued and Sue's depression grew. Thursday dawned, clear and cold, and her spirits lifted a bit when she realized the kids would be home.
Since their 'welcome back' fuck, Bernie's interest in her seemed to have flagged again, and Sue counted it a blessing. For better or worse, she realized now that no man's touch would ever do anything except make her skin crawl. Coming to grips with being gay hadn't been as traumatic as she had always expected, though. The knowledge kind of snuck up on her, but she didn't doubt it anymore. The difference in the way her body reacted to Christa's touch and to Bernie's made it glaringly obvious that her body had accepted it, even if her brain was behind the times.
Her workday went by in a flash and she was pleasantly surprised to find only light traffic on way home. Her heart lifted when she pulled onto her street and saw her mother's van. Sue rushed into the house and was immediately mobbed by her children. She took them both in her arms and hugged them tightly, feeling at peace for the first time in days. Once she released them, they were both off like flashes, playing with the seemingly endless number of toys her parents had purchased for them. Sue stayed to ohh and ahh appreciatively at them for a few minutes and simply to watch her little angels play, and then moved towards the kitchen.
Sue found her mom in the kitchen with hot coffee brewing, and dinner already on the stove. She could tell from the aroma that it was spaghetti sauce. Sue casually tore off a small piece of bread and dipped it into the bubbling sauce. It was a little sweet, so she added a touch more garlic and then fixed herself a cup of coffee. Her mother was already sitting at the kitchen table, so Sue joined her.
"How were they?" Sue asked after sipping her coffee.
"Perfect little angels, as if you had to ask," her mother said with a smile.
"You and dad really need to quit spoiling them."
"Nonsense. That's what grandparents are for," her mom retorted, but she cocked her head and looked hard at Sue.
"What's wrong, honey?"
"Nothing," Sue replied instantly. Her mother frowned and shook her head.
"I may be getting on up there in years, but I'm not senile yet," the old woman replied.
"Nothing, mom. Really."
"Are you and Bernie having problems?" her mother asked, ignoring her protest.
"I... I just realized I'm not in love with him anymore. I guess it happens to everyone."
"Horse feathers. I still love your father and he still loves me. A marriage doesn't have to end as a strained friendship. That's all these modern day mumbo-jumbo doctors talking," she said dismissively. "It doesn't surprise me though. I don't think you ever did love Bernie."
"Of course I did!" Sue exclaimed, even as she realized that her mother was right.
"Did you?" she asked, arching her eyebrow.
Sue didn't want to discuss this now, especially with her mother. But... She felt a very strong compunction to just come clean. She glanced into the living room, but both kids were out of view. She could hear explosions and laughter and realized they were playing something on the Playstation.
"No, I guess I never really did," she finally admitted.
"I always wondered why you married him. He's a nice boy, but really, he isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and you were always so bright. What happened to make you realize you aren't in love? Are you seeing someone else?"
"MOM!"
"Oh, cut the outraged horseshit. I'm too old to play games or mince words. Just think of me like your best girlfriend," the old woman said, smiling conspiratorially.
Sue smiled back, glanced again at the living room and lowered her voice. "Yes, I met someone."
"Tell me about him," her mom said while chuckling. Sue considered for just a moment and then made an impulse decision.
"It's not a him, mom. It's a her," Sue said in a whisper. Her mother went from amused conspirator to complete shock in the blink of an eye.
"Are you telling me you've turned gay?"
"Not turned, mother. I have been since college," Sue replied carefully.
"Enough. I don't want to hear anything more about this," she said as she stood and went into the living room.
Sue stared out the window, feeling alone and small.
Bernie came in a little later and joined the kids, playing videogames until dinner was ready. The meal was strained, with Sue's mom refusing to speak to her and Bernie regaling the kids with tales of the game.
Sue had never felt so alone, so much an outsider among her own family. She cleaned up the dishes alone, while the others returned to the living room and to the videogames. When she finished in the kitchen, she said her good nights and went up to the bedroom.
Sue pulled on her flannel nightshirt, the faded one with Winnie the Pooh on the front, and curled up in bed. Alone, the tears began to fall. They went from quiet tears to muffled sobs that she fought to control. Sue was so distressed that she didn't even hear her mother come in, and was startled when the older woman sat on the bed and took her into her arms.
"Mom?"
"Shhhh, just let it all out," she said in a very gentle tone.
Sue did, crying hard and nonstop for a few minutes, before the tears finally ceased and she relaxed, feeling totally drained and dead inside.
"I'm sorry mom, I didn't mean..."
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. After thirty-seven years, you can still shock me. I'm glad you told me now. Another couple of years and I might have needed my nitro pills. I didn't really know what to say and I've thought about it a lot and I still don't."
"You don't have to say anything, mother."
"Yes I do. You're thirty-seven and a mom yourself, but you're still my child. And perhaps that is what I should have remembered. Being old doesn't necessarily mean being wise. It took me a while, but given time, I can usually see. You're my child Suzanne, and I will always love you no matter what. I hope you can forgive me my shock."
"Of course I forgive you, mom. I'm sorry I dumped it on you so suddenly."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know."
"Well, whatever you decide, you know your father and I will be there for you," the older woman said as she kissed Sue's brow and quietly left the room.
