Hey, baby boy. I’m gettin back to you just like I promised. By now you must a seen my clitty and ass pics just like you demanded, er, aksed me for. I thawt about you while I pozed for the camera. And you see that pic where I’m spreddin my thick legs while supporting my backside so you cudd check out my blackeye? Rite after I done snapped that shot, suga, I fucked my dammed trypodd. That’s rite. I straddled that muthafucka and rode it like a pogo stick. I think I’m pozessed with sum spirit that done jumped in my body down at Koko Beach.
There’s a sayin: You cudd take the chick off Koko Beach, but you can’t git the beach out the bitch. I can imajin you sittin there beatin off to my pic, if not this missiff. I betchu wundrin, too, if I ever went back to that Carribbean paradice. Nuh-unh, baby. That’s a place of last rezort. If I sound relaksed, it’s cuz I just got back (yeah, yeah, I noze I gots back -- never mind. Tee-hee-hee.) Like I was sayin, I’m fresh back from a retreet in God’s contry. You herd me rite. In late Sepptember I went out west, with my friend Pam -- yeah, that uptite ho from my hometown of Upthasse -- cuz she done redd a artikle about the retreet, a mikstur of a dude ranch and a spirichul getaway. So we spent a week there, and it was the longest week in my fuckin life.
It was colder than I thawt it’d be. Indian summer, my ass! Me and Pam also had our appatites geered for some johnny cakes and got offended when the guy runnin the mess hall said we’d have to settel for ho cakes. I didn’t get past a “What the fu--” when Pam’s hand flew up to my runaway lips. I think when I turned mad like that was the only time I felt some heat. Up in them mountens, chile, it was frijid, turnin us into snowwomens. Ooooh wee! Talk about hard nippels. I had fuckin DVDs for titty balls. Now, don’t go misreedin like you usually do; I didn’t rite that I contrakted VD, you silly white boy.
Well, everythang was gwan okay till one nite about three days into our R&R. It was so late, suga, that the crickets was gettin they ass whupped by the birds. I felt sumthin sharp in my back like thumtacks. Them pokers was just jabbin, but soon the sensashun seemed to fade and I must a returned to sleep. Before long, the sun done cum up, me tossin and turnin like I was havin a Tina Turner/“Proud Mary” nitemare. Then it dawned on me what was happenin to me since I’d hit the hay. Pam was havin a feeld day! Yeah, sowin her wild oats and makin lots of yogurt to go with them.