Dont Say It Pt 4

The tension was so thick that a knife would break trying to slice through it.

The girls sat on the couch and stared at us in silence. Alice still looked amused while Lola's shock still had not worn off. Cailee, however, was unreadable. Nicole and I sat on the kitchen stools, waiting.

"Maybe I should go," Nicole offered, standing. "And let you guys talk."

"No, no." Alice grinned. "Stay, please."

Bitch. I shot her a glare, but she merely raise a brow. Nicole glanced over at me uneasily before sitting back down.

"So you're Lily's professor," Lola said slowly, her eyes wandering from Nicole to me. "That's...huh."

"Why don't you look surprised?" Cailee turned to Alice now.

Alice shrugged. "I saw them a couple weeks ago, but I could have sworn you two were over. What was it you said, Lily? You had broken it off with her?"

All of the attention shifted to me, including Nicole's. My face flushed hot. "Yeah," I muttered.

"It was my fault," Nicole said, shifting the attention to her. "I said some things I didn't mean and ended up hurting her."

The room grew silent again. Fuck, this was unbearable.

Then, Cailee broke the silence. "So she's the one you had feelings for. The one you wanted more with."

I met her gaze and nodded. Her lips tightened. There was so much I had to apologize to her for, it seemed like. The guilt twisted my insides.

"Isn't this like, inappropriate?" Lola asked innocently. We all snapped our heads to look at her, and her eyes widened. "Well, isn't it?"

Nicole was fidgeting with her fingers, and I rested a hand on them. They all turned their attention back to us. "I pursued Nicole. She tried to stop it before it got serious, but I wanted more. I want to be with her."

"It's not all on Lily" Nicole said quietly and laced our fingers together. "I could have stopped it. I had so many chances, but I didn't want to end things between us. I still don't."

My heart soared, and I held back the urge to kiss her in front of them. They had already seen enough for tonight.

"Well," Alice said. "That's fucking romantic."

"Yeah," Lola agreed. "Weird but romantic."

We all turned our attention to Cailee, who shrugged. "I don't care."

Her tone suggested otherwise, but I would talk to her later. Nicole squeezed my hand.

"I'm gonna pass out in bed now," Alice said, standing up. "I've been driving for twelve hours straight, and this was enough excitement to end the night."

Alice winked at me as she headed into her bedroom.

"Oh my god, I need to unpack," Lola groaned. As she passed us, she beamed. "But I'm happy for you two!"

I returned the smile. When Lola left, I turned my attention to Cailee. She remained sitting on the couch, watching us with a blank expression.

Nicole slipped her hand out of mine, glancing between the two of us. "I should head back now."

I wanted to stop her from leaving, but I knew I had to talk to Cailee first. I knew I would survive one night without Nicole, but it still made my heart ache.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I murmured.

She smiled softly. "See you tomorrow. Good night, Lily."

"Good night." I bit down on my lip. "Sleep well."

Unable to resist, Nicole leaned in to leave a kiss on my forehead. I leaned in to her touch, but I didn't get to savor it for long before she pulled away. Our hands grazed once more before she left, and then I turned to meet Cailee's gaze.

"We should talk," I said.

"I figured," she replied dryly.

Well, this was not gonna be easy at all.

"I want to apologize," I began and left space for her to speak. She didn't. "I shouldn't have led you on when I still had feelings for Nicole."

"You mean Professor Keller," she interrupted.

I swallowed tightly. "Right. Well, I was trying to get over her by being with you, but I didn't consider your feelings. I was selfish, and I'm sorry."

"I'm not stupid, Lily," she said. "I knew you had not moved on entirely, and I still chose to have sex with you because I liked you."

The guilt twisted deeper. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I figured you didn't considering you always left before the morning."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

She shrugged and looked away.

"Cailee, I'm really sorry," I said quietly now. "I don't want to lose our friendship."

"You can't have everything you want," she said bitterly, and I winced. Then, she sighed. "I can't be around you. Not for a while at least."

Despite being hurt by her words, I nodded. "I understand."

Cailee stood, then, and moved past me towards the door. As she grabbed the door handle, she turned to me.

"Do you think your relationship with her will last?" she asked. "At the end of the day, she's still a professor, and you're a student. The power dynamics are off. It's wrong."

Her tone sounded more factual than mean, but she didn't understand our relationship. It was built on support, not power. I knew I couldn't make her understand, though. Not when she was still angry and hurt.

"All I know is that she makes me happy," I said instead. "And there can be nothing wrong with that, right?"

Cailee answered by walking out the door and slamming it shut. My body slumped from exhaustion, and I released the longest sigh of my life.

-------

"Did you sleep at all?" I asked the next day as I walked into Nicole's office.

She was resting her head on a propped hand, eyes closed. The grading pen was slack in her other hand.

Nicole jerked awake now, and her lips lifted into an tired smile. My stomach fluttered as I sat down.

She rubbed a hand down her face exhaustingly. "I sleep better with you there."

I blushed. "I didn't know that."

Her face broke into a yawn.

"Have the nightmares gotten worse? You started smoking."

Nicole sighed. "It's a bad habit. I managed to quit a year ago, but now I'm back on it, and it sucks."

I couldn't help but correlate it with how things ended between us before. "Was it because of me?"

She shook her head.

An idea came to me, then, and I stood up to close the door. Nicole raised her brows, her lips forming a smirk.

"It's not what you're thinking," I grinned. Then I sat down on the floor and patted my lap. "Come lay down."

"What, on the floor?"

I scowled. "Oh, sorry, is this beneath you? Should I go to the nearest furniture store and bring you a king size bed?"

"A queen size would suffice." Nicole rolled her eyes, but she came to join me on the floor. I adjusted her hair as she laid her head down on my lap.

"What now?" she asked teasingly, looking up at me.

I laughed. "Now, you sleep."

"That sounds boring."

"Yeah, well, I'm not doing anything else until you get some sleep in."

Nicole huffed disappointingly. "Bummer."

But then she closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. I stroked her hair gently. My eyes traced the narrow shape of her lips and wandered down to her jaw. A natural pink blush decorated her cheek bones, and the tail end of her brows arched just slightly. I tucked in every detail of her face into my memory.

"I can feel you staring at me," she murmured, eyes still closed.

"It's impossible not to."

She grinned, protruding the cheek bones and creasing the area around her mouth. "We could do...other things."

Her fingers trailed up my leg, and I inhaled sharply as my stomach tightened. "Nicole."

"What?" she asked innocently and opened her eyes to look at me. They shone with mischief.

"Sleep," I said tightly. "Please."

She rolled her eyes and settled her hand on my leg. "Fine."

But she was still looking at me with a teasing smile, and I gave her a pointed look. She huffed and then closed her eyes. Chuckling, I resumed stroking her hair.

Eventually, Nicole's body relaxed, and her breaths slowed. Content, I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes.

-----

When I woke up, Nicole wasn't lying on me, but rather, I was lying on her lap this time. My annotated reading pages blocked her face.

"How is it?" I asked groggily.

Nicole lowered the pages down, revealing a soft smile. "You've improved a lot with digging deeper into the reading."

"I have a great teacher."

Her smile widened, and she leaned down to kiss me gently. I savored the feel of it. God, I missed her so much.

"Did you get to sleep long?" I asked after she pulled away.

"About an hour or so. Then my back started to hurt."

"Grandma."

She flicked my nose with mock annoyance. "Hey, I'm not that old!"

I caught her hand in mine and kissed the inside of her wrist delicately. "How old are you anyway?"

"Isn't it rude to ask an older woman that?" she teased but bit down on her lip shyly.

I snorted. "Maybe if you were in your fifties."

She rolled her eyes, but then answered, "I turned twenty-nine in December."

"What day?"

"Twenty-second."

"Oh, capricorn." I laced our fingers and kissed our conjoined hands. "It all makes sense."

"I'm a Capricorn?"

My eyes widened. "You don't know your astrology sign?"

"I never cared to look into it." Nicole shrugged. "But what do you mean it makes sense?"

"Well, you're a workaholic," I began. "And capricorns are very hardworking."

"I'm not a workaholic," she interrupted.

"Says the one who spent her entire spring break working," I retorted.

She lowered her face to mine, her brows raising suggestively. "That's not all I did this break."

"Shut up," I laughed and pushed her face away. Grinning, she leaned back, and I continued. "Capricorns can be ambitious but also sensitive. Because they're so focused on everything else, they tend to neglect their own well-being."

I looked at her pointedly.

"Maybe I just like having someone take care of me," she said innocently.

I couldn't resist a smile. "You're such a flirt."

"Are capricorns romantic?"

"Ah, no. They prioritize work over everything else."

"See, there's the flaw." She leaned down to kiss me. "I could never prioritize work over you."

I leaned into the kiss, but then she pulled away. "What about you? When is your birthday?"

"July second," I answered.

"Oh? Two days before the fourth?"

"Yeah," I winced. "My parents were not too happy about that. Every year, they like to remind me of that."

She frowned. "That's not fair."

I shrugged, but she squeezed my hand comfortingly. "What's your sign?"

"Cancer," I answered.

"And?"

I rolled my eyes. "Cancers are caretakers. They're extremely loyal but also too sensitive. They can be moody."

"Hm." Amusement danced in her eyes. "Maybe there is some truth to astrology."

"Shut up."

Nicole laughed and kissed my forehead. "One doesn't take care of herself while the other is too caring. We make quite the pair, don't we?"

"Well, cancers and capricorns are compatible."

"More astrology lore?"

"Oh, it goes deep."

"Well, you can't be the only caretaker in this relationship."

"So we have a relationship." I grinned at the confirmation.

Nicole's eyes darkened. "Let me show you."

Then she slid her free hand down my pants. I pressed my face into her stomach as her fingers reached my folds.

"Have you been wet this entire time, Lily?" I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Well, you wouldn't stop flirting," I gasped.

"You're dripping just from me flirting?" She chuckled. "I should flirt more often then."

I squeezed her hand tightly as her fingers slid in and out. My breaths came out hot. "Oh, don't stop."

"I can feel you squeezing me," she whispered.

I was, in fact, pulsing tightly around her fingers as pleasure fluttered through my entire body. My hips thrusted against her hand, aching for more.

"Fuck me harder."

Then, her fingers stopped, and she pulled them out of my pants. I exhaled sharply with the sudden break off. My eyes sought hers, only to find them dark with lust.

"Stand up," she demanded. "I have an idea."

Even though my legs were weak, my regions throbbed in response, and I pulled myself up to my feet. Nicole stood up as well, and just as I turned around to face her, she pushed me down onto her chair.

I looked at her with wide eyes, but she only smirked and lowered down onto her knees before me. A thrill shot through my body.

Nicole pulled my pants off but left my panties on. Her eyes never left mine as she leaned in and kissed my thighs. My nails dug into the arm rest.

Her kisses inched closer. No longer able to resist, I reached down, but she grabbed my hand and shook her head.

"Not yet." She grinned.

"Fuck, Nicole," I groaned with frustration. "Please."

"Please what?" Her lips hovered over my panties.

"Please fuck me."

"That's better."

Then Nicole sank her fingers into my panties and tore them off my body. Cool air kissed my bare parts, and I gasped out.

Amusement danced in her eyes. "That's for last night."

"You b--"

She buried her face into my folds, and I sucked in a breath. Her tongue curled between my labia and teased my clit. My body jerked as the pleasure started up again.

Nicole circled my clit with her tongue and flicked it. I moaned loudly.

She reached up to her desk, and her hand fumbled for something. I glanced over just as she grabbed her pen off the desk.

Oh fuck.

My stomach clenched tightly with anticipation as she clicked the pen closed and brought it down between my legs.

"Nicole, I--"

Cold metal slid into me, and I sat up in the chair.

"Oh fuck!" I exclaimed as she continued to slide the pen in until only the tip hung out.

Nicole stared at me intensely as she let go of the pen, and pulled my legs up to rest on her shoulders. My insides pulsed wildly as I tried to keep the pen from slipping entirely into me. My legs trembled from the combined effort and pleasure.

Satisfied, she leaned in, and her eyes never left mine as she took the pen's end between her teeth and slowly drew it out. The sight threw my body into overdrive, and I threw my head back, eyes fluttering closed. Just as the tip of the pen touched the outside of my labia, she pushed it all the way back in.

In and out, she continued, and her lips grazed my folds each time the pen was pushed back in. My body grew lighter as the pleasure took me on a physical high.

Then, with the pen all the way inside of me, she tilted it up just slightly for it to press against my clit. My body lurched up, and she slid the pen back out, rubbing it against my clit. The sensation was unworldly, and my stomach grew tighter as if it was on the verge of release.

"Nicole, I'm gonna--oh fuck!"

Pleasure exploded between my legs, and juices squirted out of me. Nicole pulled the pen out entirely and closed her mouth over my hole. My body violently shook.

She pulled me down closer as her tongue lapped hungrily. I rubbed myself on her face, and only when the pleasure began to quiet did my hips settled back down. My limbs grew limp, and I could only stare on passively as Nicole gave me a final lick before resting her face on my thigh, smirking. My juices slid down her face, and my body gave a final shudder in response.

The only sounds that filled the office now were the ticking clock on the wall and my exhausted pants.

"How's that for caretaking?" she asked amusedly.

Despite my lack of energy, I broke out into a laugh. Nicole grinned.

"I love you," I said quietly when my laughter subsided and reached down to caress her cheek.

She turned her head slightly to kiss my palm. "I love you too. I love you so much, Lily."

I lowered my legs from her shoulders, slid off the chair, and dropped to my knees in front of her. My tattered panties fell to the wet floor as I leaned in and kissed her deeply.

Her tongue tasted of cigarettes and my aroma. Nicole's arms wrapped around my waist, and she pulled me in closer. In her arms, I only felt my love grew, and it didn't terrify me at all.

-----

After a while, Nicole and I managed to find the janitor's closet, where we borrowed the mop to clean up her floors.

It was 9pm by the time we left the building, and with enough persuasion, she drove me to her apartment.

"No more sex tonight," she said adamantly as we took the elevator up to her floor. "We have classes tomorrow."

I bit my lip. "Are you sure?"

She glanced over at me and swallowed tightly. "Lily..."

"Yes?" I blinked innocently.

The elevator doors opened, and she rushed out. Laughing, I followed her.

Despite wanting to do anything but sleep, I also knew that her body lacked sleep, and she had said that I helped her sleep better. It boosted my ego the more I thought about it, and as we laid in bed later that night, I wrapped my arms tightly around her.

That night, Nicole slept without the presence of ghosts and past mistakes haunting her.

-----

My relationship with Nicole didn't slow down as weeks flew by. I spent most of my nights at her apartment, and that was where she and I got to know each other the most.

I told her more about the impersonal relationship I had with my parents, and even told her a little bit about Vivian one night when we were talking about our first love.

That same night I found out Nat, short for Natalie, was Nicole's ex-fiance and that Sophie was Natalie's older sister. As for what happened with Natalie, Nicole didn't go deeper into it, and I didn't push.

She always looked pained talking about her past, and I knew that she was trying harder to open up to me. One night, she revealed to me that her parents had passed away when she was thirteen, and she had been taken in by her aunt, her dad's sister. Before I could ask her any more about it, she broke down crying, and I comforted her until she fell asleep.

Nicole suffered from many ghosts, and being with her now, I could see it more clearly. It hurt me to see her cry.

With me there, Nicole stopped going downtown late at night. Whenever she was awoken by nightmares, I consoled her until she fell back asleep. Although she told me her nightmares came less now that I was there, I still saw them often enough. Most of the time, when the nightmares came, she would jerk awake, sweaty and teary-eyed.

Rarely, the nightmares scared her enough to the point where she would wake up screaming. I only witnessed it once, and I was choked by my own sobs as I wrapped my arms around her tightly in an effort to ground her back to reality.

When she realized she was no longer dreaming and the screams subsided, she cried into my arms while fervently apologizing.

"You have nothing to apologize for," I had said firmly. "I'll always be here for you. I love you, Nicole."

Two weeks had passed since then, and the semester was one week away from finals. Nicole and I were so busy this week that we barely saw each other. She was busy with final gradings and prepping for finals for her classes while I was nose-deep in study notes and papers.

The two nights I did spend at her place, we passed out in each other's arms right after dinner. When the morning came, she drove me back to campus, and we separated for another day of work.

She wasn't the only one I barely saw. Since I started spending most of my nights at Nicole's, I didn't get to see Alice that much anymore. We did go out for lunch once, but that had been weeks ago. Now that I was back at the dorm more often this week, she wasn't there once.

Worried, I had messaged her, but it turned out that she was in a relationship with Asher, a guy she met a while back in one of the bars we went to. They had been together for a while now, but I had been so preoccupied with Nicole that I never knew. I promised to catch up with her when finals were over before the semester ended.

Though, the end of the semester was what I dreaded the most because it would mean I had to go back home for the summer. Home with my absent parents and no Nicole.

I pushed that thought to the back of my head now as I walked up the stairs in the English building. It was Friday today, so Nicole and I had our weekly meeting to discuss one of the readings.