Dont Say It Pt 05

Author's note: Really sorry for the long wait. It took me a while to think about where to take this chapter and how the story would proceed from here, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a comfortable spot to continue now.

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The drive to Macon, Georgia felt longer than three hours. There was nothing remotely interesting on the way there, and when we got to the last stretch, there were only various types of trees.

I spent the first two hours of the drive studying for my classes. Nicole's hand, intertwined with mine, rested on my thigh. She had been quiet for most of the drive and only spoke when asking if I needed to use the restroom or was hungry.

But I knew she was nervous. Her finger tapped the steering wheel periodically, and I caught her biting down on her lip, her brows creased.

When it got too dark to study, I put my books away and leaned into Nicole's arm. She glanced over at me with a smile.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Good," she exhaled. "Nervous."

I gave her hand a squeeze. "How long has it been since you saw them?"

"About a year or so."

I remembered the conversation between her and Sophie, where she said things had not gone well last year at a memorial, which I assumed was Natalie's.

"You're gonna hear some things about me," Nicole said quietly. "I want you to hear it from me first."

My heart began to race as I nodded. "Okay."

"I'll understand if your feelings about me change," she said tightly. "I don't...I won't--"

"Nicole," I said firmly. "Nothing will change my feelings for you, okay? Whatever it is, whatever you have done, I will still be here, and I will still love you."

I wasn't sure if my words had reached her because her body was still stiff, but she nodded slowly.

Then Nicole began to tell the story of Natalie Parker, her first love. They had been best friends in high school, but Nicole fell in love with her. She thought Natalie would never feel the same until senior year prom night, where the girl kissed her outside the dance hall.

Natalie had been the sweeter counterpart to her fiery older sister. She was kind and charming. Everyone seemed to gravitate towards her, but it was Nicole who Natalie loved.

They remained together throughout college, and after graduating, Nicole proposed. After that, everything began to go wrong.

As Nicole told me the story, she glanced over at me several times to gauge my reaction, and I always gave her a comforting squeeze in return.

But when she got to the bad parts, I grew still. I could only listen intently even when her voice broke mid-way. By the time she finished, the car was parked outside the hospital.

We sat in silence, her waiting, me thinking.

Maybe I should have been jealous of Natalie, but I only felt a deep sorrow for her. She seemed like genuine goodness whose life was taken too soon and too violently. In one night, her goals and future had been ripped away, and the loss of her left a hole in everyone's heart.

And Nicole. My heart ached for her the most. She blamed herself the most for what happened to Natalie, but it had all been a series of unfortunate events. It had never been her fault, but how would she be able to forgive herself for betraying the trust of someone she loved? Someone who loved her but was long gone, unknowing and unable to forgive her.

I turned to Nicole now, and my chest tightened at the tears flowing down her cheeks. She tried to pull her hand out of my grasp, but I kept my grip firm and reached up with my other hand to wipe her tears.

She finally turned to look at me, and her face seemed to tremor with vulnerability. "Lily, I...do you..."

"It's not your fault," I said firmly. "I know you don't believe it, but I will tell you it as many times as it takes until you believe it."

Nicole exhaled shakily and closed her eyes. More tears squeezed out, and I wiped them away. "I'm not a good person, Lily."

"You made a mistake," I comforted. "But you didn't kill her. You couldn't have possibly known that any of that was going to happen."

"It doesn't matter," she murmured. "I betrayed her. I always end up hurting the people around me. I've hurt you the most."

"Nicole, stop," I said firmly. "You've hurt me, yes, but that's only because you kept pushing me away. You thought you were doing it to protect me, but you were only doing it to punish yourself because you can't stop hating yourself."

Then, she reopened her eyes and searched mine. "How could you not hate me? How could you not be disgusted with what I did to Nat?" A thought flickered behind her eyes, and she released a shaky breath. "Would you even be able to trust me, knowing what I was capable of doing?"

Hearing her thoughts now, I could see clearly how deep she resented herself. My heart wrenched for her.

"There's nothing you could do to make me hate you," I told her now. "You are not your past, and even if you don't believe it, I'll believe in it for you. Even if there's a slim chance that you'll break my trust, I will still want to be with you because I trust you wholeheartedly. You are a good person. I just wished you saw yourself the way I see you."

Nicole still looked unwilling to believe it, but I knew it would take a long time until she forgave herself, if she ever did. The only thing I could do was be there for her and show her that she was worth being loved.

I leaned in and kissed her tear-stained cheeks. She breathed shallowly as I left gentle kisses all over her face, my lips coming away salty. I returned them to her lips. Her fingers reached up to caress my neck.

Nicole responded gently. There was no rush. There was only us and this moment.

"I love you," I whispered when we pulled away. "There's nothing that will ever make me stop loving you."

And as if finally believing it, she kissed me again.

------

Eventually, we had to leave the car's safe haven.

Nicole gripped my hands in hers as we entered the hospital and took the elevator up to the seventh floor. Her body was stiff with tension, and as we drew closer to the room, her grip tightened.

Sophie was sitting outside the room with a tall, stocky man. He held her hands in his and rubbed soothing circles on them. They looked up when we stopped in front of them, and their eyes lit up at the sight of Nicole.

"Oh my god, she's still alive!" The man immediately stood and pulled Nicole into a tight embrace. Squished against his chest, she looked so small compared to him.

"You're squeezing her to death!" Sophie slapped his arm, and Nicole's face was in fact, turning red.

He released her with a laugh.

"Nice to see you too." Nicole glared at him as she tried to catch her breath but smiled.

He grinned cheekily and turned towards me. I resisted the instinct to step back.

But he only held out a hand. "Hey, I'm Jack. I'm Sophie's husband."

I took his hand, and his swallowed mine. "I'm Lily."

"He's the reason why I've been suffering for nine months," Sophie said dryly.

Jack grinned and bent down to kiss his wife. "And I love you for it."

I found myself smiling, watching them, and Nicole was doing the same. Her body seemed more relaxed and her smile softer.

Then the door swung open, and an older woman stepped out. She looked like an older version of Sophie with black hair and slim eyes. Wrinkles lined her face, and it deepened when her gaze fell on Nicole, whose smile had disappeared.

"What are you doing here?" Sophie's mom seethed. She turned to her daughter and narrowed her eyes. "Did you tell her to come here?"

"She didn't," Nicole quickly intervened. "I chose to come, Evelyn. I wanted to see if Dan is alright."

"You have no right to come here," Evelyn said. "He doesn't want to see you."

My chest was clenching tightly.

"Mom--"

"No!" Sophie's mom snapped, and Sophie swallowed back her words. Jack set a comforting hand on her shoulder. Her mom glared at Nicole harshly. "Go and never come back here. You've done enough to my family. Leave us alone."

Nicole staggered back, and her gaze fell down to the ground. No longer able to hold back, I stepped in between them.

"Don't talk to her like that," I said lowly.

"Lily, don't." Nicole grabbed my hand, but I yanked it away.

Evelyn narrowed her eyes at me. "What, are you her new plaything?"

"Mom!" Sophie exclaimed angrily and stood up. Jack supported her. "That's enough! Dad said he wanted to see Nicole."

"Do you know what she did to my daughter?" Evelyn ignored Sophie. Tears brimmed at the edges of her eyes. "While she was sleeping with some other skank a month before their wedding, my Natalie was at home alone."

Sophie shot Nicole a worried look, but Nicole remained silent. Behind Evelyn, a man had stepped out of the room. His face was pale, and he was dressed in a hospital gown. He watched us silently. That must have been Dan.

"A robber broke into their apartment and killed my daughter because she wouldn't give up her engagement ring," Evelyn continued. "Do you think she cares about you? She was with my daughter for six years before she got bored, and who knows how long before that. Once she gets bored of you, she'll do the same."

"I'm sorry for your loss," I said slowly as I tried to reign back my anger. "But Nicole's mistake is not the reason why your daughter died."

Evelyn rushed towards me with fury on her face. Nicole pulled me behind her just as Jack stepped in between us and held Evelyn back. Nicole held onto me tightly, and I realized, with a start, that I was shaking.

"You don't know anything!" Evelyn screamed. "If you think she loves you then--"

"Evelyn, stop!" Dan finally said. His voice rang out firmly despite his weak appearance. She whirled around to look at him in surprise. "I told you I wanted to speak to her."

"But why?" Evelyn snapped at her husband. "Have you forgotten what she did to Natalie?"

"I haven't forgotten," he answered and then looked over at Nicole, whose face was blank. "Sophie. Jack. Can you guys take your mother home? It's getting late."

"I'm not leaving," Evelyn said stubbornly, but he looked at her sharply.

"You will give me another heart attack the longer you stay here screaming and causing a scene," he said.

She really had caused a scene because there were several eyes on us.

"Come on, Evelyn," Jack whispered soothingly.

Evelyn turned her gaze to him and softened. Shaking her head, she turned and walked past her husband, her heels clicking sharply against the floor. Jack shot us an apologetic smile before following behind her.

"Spend the night at our place," Sophie offered. "Jack and I already have a room ready for you guys."

Nicole merely gave a nod and a tight-lipped smile. Sophie smiled sadly before leaving. Then it was just us and Dan. Nicole's arms were still around me protectively, and I looked at her now, noticing the tight clench of her jaw.

"Sorry about her," Dan said as he took a seat on the hard chair. "You know how dramatic she gets."

Then he nodded towards me, and I stiffened. "So you're both together then?"

"Why did you want to see me, Dan?" Nicole asked instead.

He looked pointedly at me, and getting the hint, I stepped out of her grip. "I'll go wait downstairs."

Nicole looked like she wanted to argue, but then she nodded. I brushed my hand against her gently before leaving them to talk.

-----

An hour later, and they were still not done. There wasn't much to do in a hospital, I found out. After a while of waiting around, I got hungry and bought some chips from a vending machine.

Now, I was slumped in a chair, fighting back my closing eyes. I must have lost the battle because the next thing I knew, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder, and Nicole was standing in front of me.

I straightened up. "What--oh, did you guys finish?"

Nicole nodded and sat down beside me. She took my hand in hers, and I watched her warily. She looked conflicted.

"Earlier with Evelyn," she began hesitantly. "You shouldn't have done that."

Immediately, I scowled. "She was being disrespectful."

She sighed. "She's angry, and she has every right to be."

"And I understand that," I said, "But there's a time and a place. She was just trying to embarrass you in front of everyone. You might be able to take it, but I hated the way she spoke to you."

Nicole shrugged dejectedly. "She wasn't always like this. She was one of the warmest person I had ever met, and she cared for me like I had always been a part of the family. She made sure I was fed, and even packed me lunch because she knew I wouldn't have any otherwise. She welcomed me into her family, and all I did in return was break my loyalty."

It was hard to imagine Evelyn as anything but the cold woman from earlier, yet Natalie's death still affected Nicole deeply now. Of course, the sudden and violent loss of Evelyn's daughter would transform her into a resentful and bitter woman.

All of this went beyond me, and I suddenly felt foolish for my outburst earlier. It wasn't even like me to speak up like that, but the surge of anger I felt earlier had been sudden once I saw the hurt on Nicole's face.

"I'm sorry," I conceded. "You're right. That was between the two of you, and I shouldn't have stepped in."

Nicole folded our hands together and kissed them. "I appreciate the gesture, though." Her lips formed a glimmer of a smile, then. "I've never seen you that angry before. Even when you were angry at me, you never looked like that."

Oh god. My face flushed with heat now.

"I don't know what I looked like, but please forget it," I groaned.

She chuckled lightly. "It was hot."

That made my face burn hotter, and I dropped it into my hands. "Lets actually move on, please."

Nicole pulled my hand away from my face, and when I tried to turn away, she tilted my face towards hers and leaned in to kiss me gently.

"Thank you," she whispered after pulling away. "For being here with me."

I smiled. "Of course. I'll always be here for you."

An emotion flickered past her expression, and she sighed deeply, looking away. My stomach twisted. "What's wrong?"

She buried her face in her hands now, and I rubbed her back soothingly.

"He forgave me," Nicole finally said and released a shaky breath. "He said he was still disappointed with what I did, but he didn't want to spend the rest of his life hating me."

Then the tears began to flow out of her eyes, and I drew her into an embrace.

"He told me I should forgive myself," she cried softly. "But I don't think I can, Lily."

There was a pang in my chest, seeing her in so much despair. I felt completely useless with not being able to ease her pain.

"After Nat, I told myself I would never allow myself to be happy again," Nicole said. "But even now, I'm too selfish for that."

I began to shake my head as my own tears started to form. "You're not selfish. You deserve happiness too, Nicole."

But she only shook her head and buried her face deeper into my chest.

I felt the urge to scream. What could I say? What could I even do to convince her? She was so adamant on suffering forever.

"I love you," I said instead. "Even if you hate yourself forever, I will love you twice as much. I'll love you for the both of us."

Nicole pulled away, her mouth opening as she looked at me. I brushed away her tears even as they continued to flow.

Then she pushed my hands away and pulled me into a deep kiss.

------

Sophie's and Jack's house was a two-story, suburban home. The outside was neat and looked about the same as the other houses in the neighborhood, but once I stepped into their home, it looked anything but neat.

Dog toys littered the hardwood floors, and as soon as we entered the home, a sixty-pound brown lab, Riley, almost knocked us over. Unopened mail and boxes covered the dining table, so Nicole and I ate our dinner in the living room. Riley laid on the couch, his head resting on Nicole's lap.

"Sorry about the mess again," Sophie said breathlessly as she sat down across from us. Her cheeks were tinted pink. "With everything happening, we didn't have the time to clean up."

Nicole dismissed her with a wave. "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, it's really okay," I added. "I've seen worst from Nicole."

"Hey!"

I returned a grin.

Sophie laughed. "Natalie always did get on her for leaving her mess everywhere."

At the mention of her ex's name, Nicole's smile began to fall. I quickly jumped in. "See, I'm always tempted to organize her things, but she calls it--"

"Organized chaos," Sophie finished with a glint in her eyes. "Oh, I've heard her call it that too many times."

"Are you both teaming up against me?" Nicole groaned, but the smile had returned to her lips.

Sophie and I shared a grin, and Nicole scowled. Reaching over, I took her hand in mine. "We're just teasing you, babe."

Nicole's eyes widened slightly, and it took me a second later to realize what I had called her. I quickly looked away, my face flushing with heat as I pulled my hand out of her grasp.

Sophie didn't seem to notice our silent exchange. "Well, I think it's more factual than teasing. You really are a mess, Nicole."

"Gee, thanks, Soph." Nicole rolled her eyes with a lazy grin. "Really appreciate the compliment."

Jack entered the room, holding a bottle of whiskey and three glasses. "Ah, Nicole's not so bad."

"Oh, no you don't!" Sophie shook her finger at him. "We have to get to the hospital early in the morning to pick up my dad."

"Aw, babe, we won't drink more than a couple glasses," he puckered his lips in a pleading pout. "It's not often that we get Nicole in town."

Nicole quickly threw her hands up defensively. "Hey, don't use me as an excuse to drink."

"I just defended you!"

"Yeah, so you could use me!"

"Okay!" Sophie sighed loudly and shot her husband a glare, which he returned with a cheeky smile. "But if you even complain about a headache in the morning, I will kill you."

"I'll be a good boy."

Riley perked his head up, and Nicole rubbed behind his ears. Satisfied, he laid back down on her lap.

Jack settled down in the seat beside his wife and set the glasses down on the table. He glanced over at me with a sheepish smile. "I wasn't sure if you would want any, but I got you a cup just in case."

From his tone, I had a feeling that he wanted to ask if I was able to drink. Everyone's gaze turned to me, and I tried to fight back the rising heat from my cheeks. "I've never had whiskey before, but I'll give it a try."

Hell, it couldn't have been worse than tequila, which I still thought tasted like gasoline no matter how many times I've drank it. Goosebumps formed on my skin just from the thought of it.

Jack poured the brown liquid into each glass. He only poured it to about a third of the glass and then pushed them towards me and Nicole.

"This is more like a sipping drink," Nicole murmured to me, and I nodded. So no chugging or shooting it down.

"Cheers!" Jack raised his glass, and Nicole and I clinked ours against his. "To Nicole's return and to meeting Lily!"

Nicole glanced over at me with a small smile, and I returned it. Following their motions, I took a sip from my glass and paused. There was a slight burn as the liquor slid down my throat, followed by a warmth that filled my chest before moving down to my stomach. It wasn't as biting as tequila, but the taste wasn't overly pleasant either. Yet, I didn't hate it.

"Uh oh," Sophie said with a teasing twinkle in her eyes. "How is it, Lily?"

"It's..." I met Nicole's worried gaze. "Interesting."

Jack's lips pulled up into a grin. "Well, I'll take that as a compliment."

My eyes widened. "Did you make this?"

He nodded. "My buddy, Wilson, and I own a distillery. It's always been a dream of ours."

"It's been their dream since they stole his dad's special whiskey when they were teenagers," Sophie added.