"No, I'm not trying to throw shade. I think it's the cutest thing in the world. So, not like some dainty lady, but more like a kid; and what I love is you've got these little puckers in the back of each knuckle. It's like, what? Maybe a little like your fingers are this pale golden marzipan and I just want to take one and suck it into my mouth, maybe, especially if there's a drop of milk to..." Raya couldn't say more. She was remembering, feeling, imagining. Madde was hardly breathing.
"Mads? Mads, are you still there? Was that...? I'm sorry. Do you feel bad about your hands or something...? Mads?"
"No...no, it's fine. It's just that nobody...ever...just sees some little thing about me that way."
"Hm, I would think a buncha boys...and girls would be sweet-talking you about your small stuff."
"N'really. I think for most...people... I'm too...big."
"Big? Big as in...fat? You're not anything like...hefty. But you are, what? Taller than most women and...strong. Yeah, I like that. Strong. You have muscles. Not obvious jacked up muscles. But you can lift...me." Raya was silent again.
"Raya?"
"S'okay. I'm just...remembering...you."
"Hey, hey here's a thing. I'm gonna get ready to go to sleep now and I want to hear you breathe. Like I can just barely hear you now; but can you kind of perch the phone right near your mouth? You don't have to do anything goofy like gasping or panting.... Hey, stop that. No, really, just normal and I'm going to put the phone right next to my ear on my pillow and I'm pretty sure after a little bit I'll fall asleep. D'you mind doing that?"
"S'fine. Only I won't be able to hear you unless you snore real loud."
"I might. So. I gotta sleep. Early job tomorrow."
"Dang, sorry, sorry, sorry, you're right. Sometimes I forget...and when I'm talking to you I don't know what time it is. Okay, so I'm curling up on my side and putting my phone right here on the pillow...."
"Okay, I'm lying on my back and I have nothing on and my legs are spread..."
"Hey, stop, stop, stop. This is supposed to be 'calm down and relax' time. But you'll definitely hear my breathing for a bit after that...my sweet
beyotch
. Okay. g'night. Pleasant dreams."
"Yeah, g'night. I love you."
"Wow, yeah. I love you. Can't wait to...see...you. Night."
"Night."
In two rooms three thousand miles apart the night grew still, though there were cicadas screaming outside one window and city traffic bullying outside the other. Two very different, very
connected
women grew drowsy, as Madde's slightly raw breaths gradually became more even and regular. Raya lay in the dark room; lights from traffic decorating the ceiling. As her eyes closed, she could imagine Madde's head on the next pillow. But when she moved her hand that way the sheets were empty.
..........................................................................................................................
"Eeeeeeeeeeee!" Raya saw Madde across the echoing Amtrak waiting room and they flew at each other; hugging and dancing like little girls. They kissed all over each other's faces, pushed away, stared at each other, and did it all over again.
"Fucking surreal, Actually, honest to god you in the flesh. Damn, girl, you are a sight for sore eyes. But where is all that amazing thick, dig your fingers in, crinkly blond hair?"
"It was unnaturally hot in Monterey and I just let him keep cutting until I felt cool. But you should talk. You're practically a boy!"
"Yeah, well, I got tired of picking out, or corn rows, or frizzy braids; so...this."
"S'funny, it kinda makes you look
taller
. Dunno why."
"Huh. So we both kinda did the same thing...and we didn't tell each other....We really are the Diversity Twins."
"Shit yeah."
"And, damn, we are both
fucking fit.
"
"No probs with bikinis on that Lake Michigan Beach. Have you seen the place?"
"Uh uh. Just got here, just like you. Could be a dump. Blah, blah, 'I don't care as long as I'm with you.' Which is bullshit, because if the place is smelly or buggy, or noisy with neighboring brats, I am so out of there and on to someplace better. But it's on me; because I did the choosing, and I
think
I done good; but we will see. Let's go rent a car."
Madde perked up. "And that's on me. So yeah, let's hope you approve of my ride."
In reasonable time they had cleared the city and were heading north in their sky blue t-Roc VW Cabriolet convertible. Madde was driving, one hand on the wheel, the other on Raya's thigh.
Raya was doing her best to ignore the hand while enjoying the glimpses of the lake.
"How was your train ride? Mine was great."
"I liked it more than I thought I would. I was worried that I'd be cranky or get a gross seat mate."
"But not?"
"Nuh uh. I had lunch with this fire Black night club singer gal. She was lively. Not an easy life; lotta creeps. But she wouldn't trade it for the world."
"I can see that."
"Really?
"Yeah, even a real modest success; like playing small clubs in different cities...that feeling of holding the audience in the palm of your hand as you shape a song almost any way you like; the groove you get with a few musicians...."
"Yeah, okay, but nuh uh. Too lonely for me. Too many nights with cheaters out to get lost in your tits for a few minutes, And then, "See ya later...any time you're in town and I'm in town and the moon is on the rise, and the liquor is cheap..."
"I get the idea." Madde squeezed Raya's leg and took a little too long to look at her high cinnamon cheekbones; trying to catch those huge dark eyes under those long lashes.
"Eyes on the road. Plenty to time to stare at my zits later. We have...two...fucking...weeks together. Just us." Raya was silent.
"What?"
"Stupidness."
"Prolly not. So?"
"Stupid worry. What if...? What? If?"
"What?."
Raya was looking at her lap, not really seeing the hot hand there. "You start to hate me. You see me f'real and I'm...what? A disappointment. I mean, we don't have heavy duty course work pushing us toward comic relief...or
other
kinds of relief. It's just us...seeing us...."
"..like we have been seeing each other morning and night for a whole fucking year at college in a not so huge dorm room, even if it was a pretty nice room. Look. Look!" Madde waved her hand at the shoreline that was now following them all the way to the cottage. "If I bore you, you've got
this.
And if we get in each other's hair I'm sure there's a honky tonk or some such, with horny guys.... Ow."
"What? Cramps?"
"No. I just saw this scene in my head of us mad at each other. And now we're in a bar and some guy, some
really cute
guy is chatting you up...you in a short red skirt; bouncing that dancers thigh of yours. And his eyes are getting big.... And it hurt."
"Yeah."
"What?"
"Us hating each other...or even just...really pissed off at each other so we can't...talk."
Madde squeezed Raya's thigh pretty much in a friendly way. Raya leaned over and kissed Madde's shoulder.
"Let's not rain on our own parade any more. And this is so...wait...is this it?"
"I think so. Looks like the picture. I'm sorry, I should have brought you in on the choosing; but you know how we got the idea so fast; and it was late to get summer places; so I just did the hurry up and grabbed what looked good and what we agreed we could afford...."
"Mads, Mads, Mads...shhh. It's really cute. Like, real log cabin. And the lake is
right there
and there are
fucking ducks
swimming on it. Jeez, Mads this is so
great
, if the inside doesn't super suck. How could we afford something this nice for what we...? No,... you didn't?"
"Shh, shh. You pay what we agreed and just never mind anything else."
"But I should...."
"Shh." And Madde stopped her objections with a kiss; which started sweet, and then got hot. But Raya pulled away, a little out of breath.
"Whoa. Shit. I've only been waiting to do that for fucking
ever,
and now I'm here, and I've got you in my arms, and I could just...
kiss you everywhere
for the next umpteen hours...I want to
stop.
I don't know why. I'm sorry. I just...first...need to
look at
you and see that face, and...smell that
only Madde
smell. Oh, shut me up, please.
Madde kissed her again, but this time hard and with a smack and a big smile. She grabbed Raya's hand.
"Let's check out the inside. It could be a gross-out cess pit where big-farting beef eaters have been cleaning their dead fish for weeks. We may regret all the cooing about cute ducks and just upchuck. So, here goes...alright?"
Happily, but reluctantly Raya let go of Madde and turned toward the cabin. Hmm, pretty pair of rocking chairs on a little porch, with a table for refreshments. The front door had
stained glass panes
with the lake ducks immortalized on them. It opened with a pleasant creak to reveal a cozy room with maple furniture and a pot bellied stove. One wall had shelves for firewood, and a stack of logs filled them. A big cabinet with heavy but elegant crockery. The kitchen was very simple; a sink with a single basin, a small old-fashioned fridge, and a stove that...cooked with wood!
Madde turned to her roommate. "Can we do this? No coffee until the fire is burning?"
Raya pointed at the counter. An electric tea pot and a toaster oven. Words on a little chalk board said: "Don't run them both at once." Smaller writing underneath said: "...or your hair dryer or charger."
"K.I.S.S." Madde said.
"I beg your pardon?"
"K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. If we remember we are basically 'off the grid' we won't blow a fuse. Meanwhile, we can try living like pioneers and find out how much we hate it. Hey, the pot-belly stove has a place to put a pot; so if we are keeping warm, and it probably gets pretty chilly at night, we can keep a kettle warming."
"Speaking of night...where do we sleep? Is there a foldout, or a futon? That could be a game changer if it was thin and hard...and lumpy."
"Well you know me, I like it firm. Shut up. But thick is better than thin. Shut up. And lumpy is a no go. But we don't sleep here, we sleep...." And she pointed up."
"Whoa." A steep half stair half ladder led up into a loft. "Hmm, this better be.... Neither of us is short and I'm not big on crouching. Raya mounted the staircase, hanging onto the rustic chain that served as a bannister. "Aaaaand I can stand up just about everywhere and there is room for a bureau and a dressing table with big mirrors and...two beds. Two. Beds."
"Two beds is okay," said Madde, coming into the loft.
"Okay?"
"But we're not stuck with two beds."
"No?"
"No. If there was
some reason
two old roommates wanted to share the same sleeping accommodation..." Madde walked to a big corner cupboard and opened it. The sexy smell of a cedar moth protector wafted out. "...the owners have provided a mattress topper and queen sheets so the tenants can pull the beds together and sleep like queens. Voila!"
"You. Over there. Me over here. We each push a bed and see where they end up."
The beds were heavy. It took them some doing to get them shoved next to each other. They collapsed and panted.
"That was stupid." Raya said, laughing.
"What? Putting the beds together? I thought you...? And I'm too pooped to push mine back where...What?"
"It was stupid for each of us to push a bed. If we had moved each one
together....
Promise me Mads, if we gotta do stuff that's hard we will do it together...to make it easier."
"Deal."
They each rolled toward the other until they were nose to nose. A sudden shyness. Each of them was seeing a real living breathing person. Slightly messed eye shadow. A pimple on the corner of the chin. A litttle crease between the eyebrows. Pink gums above white teeth, Nostrils that were a little damp and spreading as plump lips moved forward and out of sight as they touched dry lips and held, and there was the fairy touch of light breath on upper lip. Eyes pretty much too close to look into, and yet they
had to. Wet
eyes. Breath getting a little irregular.
"Hey roomie." Was Madde trying to ease the mood?
"Hey." Raya knew the word wasn't enough any more. But what they should call each other besides that, or "Madde", or "Raya", was still an open road. "Girlfriend"? 'Lover'? Well, they had called each other that when 'in the heat of it', like, "Lover, that feels so amazing; please don't stop." But that was sort of different. She felt a tightness in her chest and didn't know what to do besides looking back and forth between those wonderfully strange eyes, so dark and yet with a glow of blue at the edges. She could tell from the way Madde's mouth was tight that she must be feeling some of the same stuff. But it wasn't the time for talking about it. She almost wanted to run away...go for a walk by herself...
think about
Madde the way she had been doing for so many weeks. But no, here was this living breathing, very close and very real person in front of her. The same Madde she met at university orientation and the same Madde who she....
"Should we fuck or should we eat? Or should we just go to sleep? I, for one, am pooped."
Madde's question, and crooked grin straightened her out. Real question. Real person. Real place. She gave it some thought.
"How about...? I want to kiss you some more, but not fuck you...until I have had a shower. And I want to eat, but it doesn't have to be fancy. I don't want to go out again if we don't have to. And later...later I want to hold you and smell and taste you...and
holy shit
take our
fucking
time 'cause we
can,
can't we? Oh God, can't we? So if neither of us has the...whatever...to get herself or the other one...offfff.... Shut me up please."
Madde did, rolling Raya onto her back and slowly landing a very
big
kiss on her mouth. Warm. Firm. A little bit juicy. Holding it there. Just enough space to breathe. Breathing in Raya unique scent. A hint of sandalwood.
