The bar was loud and obnoxious that night. Drunken cowboys were singing out of tune with an old Karoke machine. Tracey sat at the bar tipping her bottle and drinking every now and then watching all of the people drowning their sorrows. It was not too long ago that she would have pitied these folks. But now, here she was drinking right along with them. Drink after drink, she was forgetting why she even came here in the first place. But it was hard to forget someone like Jeannie. She was not sure she would ever get over it but somehow she had to try.
She did not understand where it had all went wrong. One day they were hot passionate lovers and the next Jeannie was packing her bags for New York to live with some guy that she had met on the Internet. It all seemed to be going well. Tracey kept wondering what was wrong with her. She stood at an even 6 foot tall, with long blonde hair that caressed the top of her ass checks when she stood. She had blue eyes that were prettier than any summer sky and breasts the size of cantaloupes. Her attitude had not changed much over time either. She was still the giddy, beautiful, charming girl she had been 6 years ago when she had met her lover here.
Yet it seemed that no matter where she turned these days bad luck was following her. First, she had lost her job because they found out she was a lesbian. Of course that is not what they said, but Tracey could read between the lines rather well. And now, Jeannie, her lover of six long years was gone. She had never even let on that she was interested in men. Tracey would have been more than happy to let her have a little fun on the side, if only she had told her before it was too late. But Jeannie had never been the one to talk about her problems. Instead she just ran away from them.
“Would you like another?”
Slowly she came out of her daze and answered, “Sure, “ Tracey said. “What the fuck else do I have to do tonight?”
“Here you go honey.” The red headed bartender said as she slid the beer across the bar. “It’s on the house.” She winked as she was walking away.
Tracey casually rolled her eyes as the young girl walked away. “God, I hope she is looking for more than just a one night stand. I do not think I can stand to have one more heartbreak. ” She thought to herself. Some little girl looking to have a great mind blowing night of untamed sex. That was just not what she had in mind. No, Tracey needed more than that. Tracey needed a lover and someone whom she could hold onto. A girl who just holds and cuddles her through the long, lonely nights. Tracey thought she had found that in Jeannie, but now she realized that you could not make someone love you if the heart wasn’t in it. She guzzled down most of the beer she was drinking and made her way to the Karoke stand.
It was her turn to sing. She used to do this all the time. Yet, somehow tonight there was a different rhythm in the air. She had chosen a song that she had not sang in years. Tracey was not sure if she could remember the words or not, but she was positive they would come to her. The entire bar silenced as the melodies rolled off her tongue. Her perfectly manicured nails gripped the microphone, showing her fear. She had an exquisite way of making the crowd tone down though. They all listened as she sang. She was sure that she even saw tears in the bartender’s eyes. Tracey also knew that they could hear the sadness in her voice.
“In a cozy little restaurant for lovers, seems so out of place for you and me. We used to play around under the covers. Now it’s just a place to watch TV…Love me like you used to, when our love was brand new…And Darling when will you, love me again? Hold me like you want to, instead of like you have to…”
After she was done, tears were pouring down her checks so bad that she had to go to the ladies room and calm down a bit. Tanya Tucker’s little song had been a walk down memory lane for her. She could remember when things started going so wrong in her life with Jeannie. She wished so desperately that she could go back in time and fix everything. But Jeannie would never love her, she had just been a rest stop. She had been used. She had thought that Jeannie truly loved her. Once she lost her job and was struggling to get back on her feet, Jeannie had never been there for her. Never even took the time anymore to just hold her and let her cry like she used to. Tracey knew that something was wrong then and she even asked Jeannie to talk to her. But Jeannie always blew it off as though it was nothing and just claimed that things were fine, she was just going through some stuff at work and did not feel like adding anything else to her depression. And then out of the blue one day, Jeannie walked out of her heart and crushed it. She’d already had her bags packed and waiting by the door when Tracey got home from work that day. Jeannie told her that she had met a man in New York and she had fallen in love with him. Tracey just stared at her lover in amazement and never said a word, tears streaming down her checks. Without even a kiss goodbye, Jeannie walked out of her life forever.
Now, after two long years, it was time to pick up and move on. She had to find the courage to face her fear head on. There was no turning back. Jeannie was not coming back. Hell, she had not even called to see how Tracey was doing. She had tried looking up Jeannie in New York, but it seemed like she had just vanished from the face of the earth. Hot tears poured down her face remembering all the hurt that she had gone through, praying that it had only been a dream. She got a cold, hard slap of reality right in the face. Tracey knew that she could not fight for someone who never even loved her in the first place. She splashed some cold water on her face and wiped the mascara from underneath her eyes. She did not want to walk back out through the bar looking like a raccoon. While she was washing her face the little red head appeared in the doorway.
“Are you gonna be okay sweetie?” Tracey could hear the concern in her voice.
“Yeah, I will be fine. Thanks for asking. Just a whole lot of bullshit that I would rather not talk about right now, if you don’t mind.”
“No, I understand." The bartender looked at her sympathetically. "Look, why don’t you come back up to the bar and I will make you some coffee and we can talk.” Her smile radiated the room. For once Tracey saw some real genuine concern and she welcomed its company, but she was not sure if this was the right thing to do.
“That’s okay. I should probably be getting home. It is almost 2 anyhow.” She said, and almost sad that she had actually refused the girls offer.
“Oh Hon, you are in no condition to drive.” The red head pleaded with her. “Listen, come back up to the bar with me and I will make you some coffee and then when I get done I will give you a lift back to your place." She smiled again at Tracey. "Or we could go somewhere and eat breakfast, if you like?” Tracey had never been one to turn down good company and she knew that she was pretty well spent for the night anyhow.
“Are you asking me out on a date?” Tracey smiled and raised her eyebrows quizzingly.
“Well, maybe I am!” The girl said, quite astonished that she really was asking.
“What the fuck! That sounds like a good idea.” Tracey said. “Just let me go get a couple of things from my car and I will be right back.”
“Promise you aren’t leaving?” The poor girl looked like she had just lost her best friend at that moment. Tracey guessed they both needed someone to talk to. Who was she to turn down good company?