Break-up was inevitable; I mean of course, it was. We reached college and people who recognized her worth and beauty started fawning over her, making her realize that we were out of the shallow well of high school. I was no longer the most beautiful girl she knew... I became the jaded cheerleader.
Mandy always thought that I had it easy, that I would fall out of love just as fast as I fell in love with her. But, the truth is, no matter where we were, the quaint little town down in the Midwest or the busy streets of New York, I only had one person that I wanted to be mine, and that is, and would always be Mandy. She is my one and only love.
We came to college together, and because she thought we would both need a little space and time away from each other, she got a dorm room and I got an apartment close by the campus. It didn't matter in the beginning, because she was with me most of the time anyway.
While I was barely an average student in my class, M shined bright, which is the only things mattered to me anyways. But Mandy used to tell me, insist, that I think of my personal growth than just be happy watching her grow, and although I know she just wanted to make sure I was not in the sidelines, these talks inevitably lead to an argument. It was after one of these arguments that I caught her kissing that Kappa Sorority bitch in her room.
At first she tried to explain how it was not what it looked like, and how much she missed me. I don't think I really believed she could cheat on me, not just because she loved me, but also because she is an upstanding citizen, the honorable one, who would not do anything unethical. She would not kiss another girl because it would be wrong of her to do so while in a relationship with me; but not because she wouldn't want to.
She wanted to kiss her, but didn't because of me, that is what I thought... I didn't get peace of mind, and generally, that would mean shopping spree. But who would I go with? I had no friends... because Mandy was the only person I spent time with. I couldn't go with her, when what I wanted was to distract myself from her.
I decided to get an early start on my school project, and replied to Mandy's hundredth message with I need space. Being the amazing person that she is, she did not even respond to it and kept her distance for about a week, during which I not only submitted my project, but also caught up on all the classes I have been lagging in.
To be honest, although I had begun studying as a way to distract myself from Mandy, I realized that I could be good at what I love, that I could finally be worthy of, an equal to Mandy. And when I got my first "A", the first person I called was Mandy. I couldn't wait to hold her again, tell her that I knew she would never cheat on me, that what I saw was a lie. To ask for her forgiveness and tell her that I could be successful, just like she wants me to be.
We met that evening, but as soon as I hugged her, I knew we were over. She told me, how she tried to love me, but how it was impossible and how I was holding her back. She told me of the offers she got from other girls, and the possibility of exploring sex with others. I can only remember this in a blur, because I could barely hear her over the sound of my entire world shattering around me. I couldn't speak and she took my silence to be consent.
It has been six months since that evening at the students' café, but she is still the only one in my dreams and my reality. I did not try to change her mind because I didn't want her to do so because I begged.
But finally, I am at home for the long weekend, and Maria seems exceptionally happy that I came alone. She is bustling with joy that I have been "cured", but seems incapable of noticing that I am numb inside.
To be fair, though I am doing an exceptional job at hiding my pain and I have been doing extremely well at school. So, everyone thinks I have just blossomed to my full potential... Only I know that I get very close to dying every time I see Mandy laughing with Sophie (the sorority chick), or when I see her touching other girls or even when I catch a whiff of her perfume in the hallways. I don't think she has seen me since our break-up and does not seem to be missing me in the slightest.
I even stopped picking mom and dad's (I started calling her parents mom and dad soon after she declared her love for me at my birthday bash) calls after our break-ups, but now that I am home, I have decided to go visit them. No matter how much it hurts me.
"So she is alive!" exclaimed Dad as he opened the door, and called out, "Look who is finally home, darling!"
