My thoughts were all over the place. I lay there in bed, thinking about the previous night's events. Not my own bed. My best friend's bed. With my best friend laying beside me. Naked. Oof. Big night.
She was still asleep, snoring softly, her hair mussed from sleep and a night of sensual ravishing. By me. I laid back against my pillow, staring at the ceiling. Yesterday morning I had a boyfriend and a relationship I thought was going relatively well. That had blown up in my face and now instead I had a...well, I wasn't sure what we were yet.
I had been curious about the fairer sex for a while but I had never really explored what that meant. I wasn't a lesbian. I enjoyed men, even if my relationships with them had never worked out. Was I bisexual? Pansexual? Did it matter? I felt Maggie shift beside me. My Maggie. Was she mine? Did I want her to be? Not mine in a possessive way, I wasn't a caveman. Although, I'd kind of acted like one last night. What if I'd taken it too far?
She opened her eyes and smiled. It was an incredible smile, genuine and full of warmth. "Good morning," she purred, her voice a little scratchy and a lot sexy.
"Good morning," I responded with a smile of my own. I tried to look her in the eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Her smile faltered a bit, before she widened it. "Are you shy all of a sudden?" she teased. "You sure weren't shy last night."
I blushed, staring at the comforter.
"Hey," Maggie spoke low. "Are you ok?"
I looked at her then, noting the concern in her eyes. Concern and maybe insecurity?
"Of course!" I practically shouted at her.
Oops. Too much, reel it in a little.
"I'm fine. More than fine. Way more than fine."
Jesus. Was this what a stroke felt like?
Maggie grimaced and looked down. "I see. Um, you know, I would understand if you were freaking out. Your feelings are totally normal and valid, and I-"
"Hey, hey," I interrupted. "I'm sorry, Mags. I can't believe I'm fucking this up already. Look at me for a second."
She complied, anxiety etched in her features.
"I was not and am not freaking out. I was just...thinking."
"Thinking?" she asked, doubtful.
"Yes, thinking."
"About...?"
"Um. Well. About what this means for me. What it means for us. But not freaking out!" I rushed to reassure her. "Just-"
"Thinking," she finished for me, smiling again, but still looking a little like she wanted to cry.
I scooted closer to her and reached for her hand.
I tried to convey all the sincerity I could muster. "I don't regret a single thing that happened between us. Last night was beautiful. You're beautiful," I emphasized. A blush rose to her cheeks and it was probably the cutest thing I'd ever seen. "It's new territory for me and I'm still processing everything but I promise you last night was one of the best nights of my life and I want more of them. With you." I took a deep breath. "I love you."
She looked at me, eyes glistening with unshed tears and my heart had never felt so full. "Yeah?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah," I replied softly, leaning in for a kiss. It was slow and gentle and loving. She slid her tongue into my mouth, and when she moaned, I felt it everywhere. When we pulled away we were both breathing a little heavier.
"I promise I'm not having a major crisis about my sexuality or about you," I reassured her. I looked down and felt a blush rise to my cheeks "Wondering about where the hell that dominant streak came from, maybe."
Maggie lowered her head to meet my eyes, hers shining with amusement. "Is that why you're acting so weird?"
"I'm not acting weird!" I denied automatically. She raised her brows. "Ok, fine," I conceded, feeling my blush deepen. Were my cheeks actually on fire at this point? They felt like they were on fire.
Maggie laughed. "Sweetheart, wherever it came from, I loved it! But if you don't want it to be like that all the time or ever again, I'm ok with that, too."
"I wouldn't say never again." They were definitely on fire. "It's just a little embarrassing. I don't know. It's just never been like that before! One good fuck and I'm 50 shades of lesbian over here!"
I looked up and saw Maggie's tight-lipped smile. She was obviously trying very hard not to laugh. I, being the classy person that I am, did the dignified thing. I snorted and hit her in the face with a pillow. "Shut up!"
Maggie was full on cracking up as she grabbed her own pillow to defend herself. "I didn't say anything!"
"You were thinking it!"
She held my pillow down and gave me a smoldering look. "I promise you, babe, from this moment on, I will spend most of my time thinking about last night and how unbelievably sexy you were. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, trust me. You should be proud! Wear your sexuality like a fucking badge of honor! Besides I was there, too. So we're both deviants," she pointed out with a grin.
I kissed her. Jesus she was perfect.
"Is that really all you're worried about?" she asked when we pulled away.
I nodded. "I'm honestly not bothered or worried about the rest of it. I don't have a label for myself or for what we are, but it's brand new." I smiled and blushed again (goddamnit!) but this time I forced myself to look into her eyes. "I want to be with you. As more than friends. If you do."