Camp Awakening

First, a bit of history...

Ever since I started getting interested in other people as more than just schoolyard friends, I haven't really ever made a distinction between male or female. Sure there are obvious differences in physiology and temperament, but I was attracted to both. But, I also grew up in the western world, where being bisexual was considered by many to be some kind of disease. My parents had no idea and I wasn't about to tell them - it would have broken my mother's heart if I'd come home with another girl.

I towed the line until I was about 16, trying to be a good heterosexual girl. I failed to be good but I did manage to be heterosexual. I had even convinced myself I was exactly that. But by the time all of my friends were turning 16, growing boobs and generally getting a lot more interested in sex, it was dawning on me that I was different. I could joke about boys in a sexual way and they would laugh along with me, but if I slipped up and made a joke about girls, I would get uneasy looks and they would talk about me more and more behind my back. So, I shut up about it and buried it.

*

Fast forward 2 years. I was 18. My boobs had grown, but the rest of me was fairly average looking at 5'8". My friends knew I was headstrong, but outside of my close friends I kept to myself. For the record, I have brown hair and intense green eyes.

It was the last year of high school (my senior year). Every year the seniors get to attend a 'senior camp' where everyone heads into the woods and sleeps in tents for two nights, chaperoned by teachers and the occasional parent. It's something that everyone looks forward to, and despite the teachers trying to stop it, it's where a lot of people hook up, celebrating their transition to adulthood.

November eventually rolled around. I had been seeing a boy for about 2 months. And yes, I had lost my virginity by this time. We were preparing for camp and talking excitedly about what was going to happen and taking bets on who was going to hook up with whom. My Mum drove us the 2 hours to the camp, dropped us off and then left, no doubt worried about the mayhem that would ensue... or possibly just happy to be getting a weekend off.

We were at an old Scout Camp, with dormitory style accommodation, a big dining hall, rope courses, forest walks and a lake some way off. It was surrounded by trees. Despite the dilapidated buildings, it was quite a beautiful place.

The teachers rounded everyone up at 6pm. We got 'the talk'.

"Don't wander off into the forest, don't get up to anything and don't even think about alcohol or drugs," we were told. "Be in bed by 11pm."

Dinner was nothing special. The hall was full of excited teenagers, all yelling at each other to be heard. Teachers rolled their eyes at each other, shaking their heads. There were maybe 50 students at this camp.

Later, everyone broke off into smaller groups and got absorbed by the grounds. Several bonfires had been lit and I was sitting around one of them with some of my friends. My boyfriend was nowhere to be seen - he had gone off with his friends a while earlier and not reappeared. My own group of girls was slowly getting smaller and smaller, as one by one various boys lured them away to other places. I'm pretty sure I knew what they were going off to do. The fire was warm and primal and I was enjoying just being there even if I felt a bit isolated.

I had struck up a conversation with a girl I had seen around but not really spoken to. Her name was Laura. She was a little shorter than me and had blue eyes. She was a bit dumpier than me, but nicely proportioned; I had noticed.

Laura looked like she really wanted to talk to me, so I said, "Hey." We introduced ourselves.

Laura's family had moved into the area at the beginning of the year, so this was her first and last year at my school. She didn't have many friends, but she had managed to tag along with a few others and get by with a minimal social life. I figured she was just happy to have someone to talk to.

Meanwhile, teachers circled just out of range of the firelight, like sharks waiting for hapless students to stray too far from the group so they could pick them off. I think the teachers knew the battle was lost by now, but they put up a show of strength anyway. Laura and I joked about the oppressiveness of it all, in that way common to every generation of teenagers since the dawn of time. We laughed.

Then Laura got a serious look on her face and suddenly went quiet, looking back to the fire.

"What?" I asked, laughing.

She watched a teacher walk by and disappear again before answering, "Do you maybe want to go for a walk?"

"Why?" I blurted out, without thinking about it. That probably made her even more uncomfortable.

"No reason," she said, her smile gone completely. "I'm going to grab something from my room. I'll be back later."

She got up quickly and headed off into the darkness before I could respond.

I sat there, watching her go, wondering what I'd said. I didn't get a chance to think too much about it because Emily, one of my other friends, rushed over and grabbed my arm.

"Come on, we gotta go. Daniel and Jessica are getting it on in the woods."

It was a call to arms. It was practically lore - if something spectator-worthy was going on, you had to at least go and watch and preferably cheer it on.

We threaded our way slowly through the people around the fire, watching the teachers until we saw a gap, allowing us to sneak off into the darkness unseen. I don't know how Emily knew where we were going, but we picked up another 3 girls along the way as we headed off down a path through the trees. There was just enough moonlight to see the path, but not enough to be seen if we kept to the shadows.

Five girls crashing through the trees in the dark is quite noisy, even when they're trying to be quiet. We all realised this and one by one, split off from the group, taking a slightly different route towards a small clearing somewhere up ahead.

I lost sight of the others at some point, but I could see the clearing illuminated more brightly by the pale light and crept slowly towards it. I didn't know what to expect, and I could still see nothing that looked like people up ahead.

I stopped to get my bearings, crouching in the shadow of a huge tree, listening. There was no sound, other than my own heartbeat, which thumped heavily from the uphill journey and from my nervousness at getting caught. Then I heard something. Faint, but it sounded like a voice. No. Two voices. I couldn't make them out, so I crept closer to where they were coming from. Ferns and trees scratched at me in the darkness. Twigs snapped underfoot and the crickets went silent, marking my presence. I cursed them all under my breath.

Again I stopped in some undergrowth, hoping I wouldn't be seen. I could hear more clearly now, even though I couldn't see anything.

"Shhhhh they'll hear us," came a girl's voice, trying to whisper loudly.

"No they won't they're way down the hill," answered a guy's voice, more talking than whispering.

"What do you want me do to?"

"That. What you're doing. Oh my god!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to do anything for me?"

I had to see what was going on. I knew those voices must be close by. I looked around for options. There was a fallen tree ahead of me, which I might be able to sneak up to if I kept my head down. It looked dark enough to keep my cover. There was movement there, but I was pretty sure it wasn't who was making the noise. I assumed it was Emily or one of the other girls.

My eyes had grown more accustomed to the darkness now, so I could see well enough to avoid making much noise. I slipped through the undergrowth and crouched behind the fallen tree. To my surprise I came face to face with Laura. We both huddled in the cover of the tree and looked surprised at each other's presence.

We knew we couldn't speak, we would have been heard. Neither of us could see anything from where we were either. We tried to communicate through facial expressions alone, which didn't reveal much.

What happened next, happened very quickly. There was a flash of light from somewhere ahead of us, and all hell broke loose, accompanied by yelling, screaming, stumbling and snapping of branches. People were running and crashing away through the forest in different directions. Apparently one of the other girls had tried to take a photograph but forgot to turn off the flash on her camera, exposing the whole operation.

Laura and I had both frozen where we were, unsure of where to run anyway. As the sounds died away, we just sat there, looking around and listening. It felt like hours, but eventually my heart stopped trying to climb out of my chest and I turned to look at Laura. She was wearing a huge grin - it was the first time I had seen her really smile since I'd known her.

"What the fuck just happened?" I managed to say.

"I think we're in the clear," she whispered conspiratorially. She had a devious smile.

We looked at each other, paused for a moment, then both burst out laughing. With lightning speed, she leaned in and kissed me on the lips. Just for a moment. Then she backed away.

I was stunned. I had stopped laughing and was just staring at her, unsure what to say or do. Her smile vanished and she started to apologize as she moved away.

I managed to form the words, "No. its ok." I didn't want her to bolt off into the trees as well.

We both sat in silence for another few minutes. I didn't know what to say. This should have felt very wrong, but it didn't. She seemed similarly conflicted.

She broke the silence, "I heard a rumour. That is... the other girls say things."

"What things?" I asked.

"You know. That... you like girls".

The sound of my own heartbeat filled the forest again, booming out over the rocks and trees. Surely it was audible all the way back at camp. Time stopped.

"They're lying," was the only comeback I could think of.

I had spent years deflecting accusations and I wasn't about to get tricked like this. I suddenly felt hurt that she would try.

There was more silence. I was acutely uncomfortable, like an animal caught in a trap. I was squirming to get free.

"We should get back before curfew," I managed and got to my feet.

She said nothing and simply stood up and followed me. I headed slowly back in the direction that I thought was probably the camp.

Too many thoughts were wheeling through my mind, crashing into each other, screaming at me. I was so distracted that I missed the path completely and kept going off into the trees on the other side.

After a few minutes of wandering in a random direction, without paying any attention to where I was going, I stopped and turned to Laura. She was a few meters behind me. I stopped so suddenly she almost ran into me.

I opened my mouth and tried to compile a whole sentence. What I managed was, "Why?"

I noticed for the first time that Laura was red in the face and not from walking. She had been crying. She didn't answer me, and just looked away.

Oh what a fool I was. The realisation of my situation hit me like a bus. This girl had just come out to me and I had shut her down. Now she was following me through the trees like a lost puppy, probably certain that I would tell all of her friends what she had just done.

I couldn't form a coherent thought, but some part of my brain knew what needed to happen and took over while the rest of me looked on. I reached out and took Laura's hand, moving closer to her until we were almost touching. She was looking down - possibly staring through me at the ground or at my boobs, I didn't know which. I rested my forehead against hers, our noses gently brushing together.

I was now acutely aware of the cool night air. I was covered in goose bumps from head to toe. My free hand came up to Laura's shoulder and brushed lightly against her skin. She was wearing a sleeveless top and jeans. Her eyes closed and I could hear her breathing.

I felt her free hand on my waist. Her fingertips exploring so lightly, like a blind person identifying someone by touch alone. She felt electric through the thin fabric of my blouse. I realised we were pressed against each other and I hadn't noticed it happen.

Her fingers were walking up my back, sending shivers through me. Her other hand - fingers intertwined with mine. I brushed my fingertips against her neck, moving from her shoulder slowly up her ear. We were both breathing deeply and I could feel her body rise and fall against mine, her beautiful curves pressing against me.

By now, my whole body was on board with this and every sense I possessed was yearning to be touched and caressed. A longing, buried deep, was waking up within me. I was on fire, hormones coursing through my body.

Laura's fingers brushed against the side of my breast. Even though it was almost pitch black, my eyes were closed, drinking in this sensory overload. Our fingers unclasped and found their mark on each other. Mine going to her right breast and touching the shape of it. Hers on my other hip drawing me closer to her.

Then like fingernails down a blackboard, all of the dumb thoughts in my head managed to briefly overpower the excited ones. Thoughts of my boyfriend and parents overtook me and I pulled away from Laura.

I couldn't do this.

'This'... what was 'this' anyway? This wasn't me, was it?

"I have a boyfriend!" I blurted out.

"I know," she replied and reaching for me again.

I broke away and backed off, confused.

"I think we should get back," I said, but with no conviction. I started off down the path again.

She said nothing, but this time caught up and walked beside me. The path was opening out, so it was easy to walk side by side without pushing through trees.

Laura caught my hand in hers. I didn't resist, allowing her fingers to gently curl around mine.

She said quietly, "I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

I looked at her as we walked and I could see a look in her eyes that I had never seen, not even in my boyfriend's eyes. I didn't know what it was, but she was utterly focused on me. She was even stumbling over roots and twigs not watching where she was going. I said nothing.

"This feels right," she said louder.

I found myself nodding in agreement without realising I'd done it. Dammit, my body was betraying me again.

We walked on a few more minutes in silence. We passed between two large trees, flanked by thick undergrowth. The path suddenly opened out and we found ourselves standing on the shore of a lake, surrounded by forest. The moonlight reflected perfectly off the mirror-like surface of the water. There was no sign of another person or building.

My heart sank. We'd taken a wrong. The camp was in the opposite direction somewhere, but I didn't know these tracks at all. But, the lake was beautiful in the dim moonlight. Laura was standing next to me, her hand in mine, starring at the lake as well.

"We're lost," I said, starring at the lake.

"Looks like," she replied.

I rounded on her, "How are you so calm about all of this". I waved my hands in the air, hoping it was obvious that I meant 'us'. I could hear the tension in my own voice and I could feel my stomach turning somersaults.

"I had nothing to lose by asking," she replied.

She was right. There was only a few weeks left before school finished for good and we all went our separate ways. We were adults now. Life was about to change forever. What could really be so bad? My boyfriend had already been accepted into a different university than me.

My resolve was breaking. Too many thoughts in my head. I wanted to shut them all out. Laura moved in for the kill while my defences were down. She moved up behind me, putting her arms around my waist and shoulders, hugging me gently. I could feel the tears streaming down my cheek, but I wasn't sobbing. It felt amazing to just be held close to her. I felt her head rest on my shoulder and I leaned into her even more.

She kissed my neck, her lips leaving a trail of little cold spots drying in the evening air. I was tingling all over. I ran my hands up and down her arms as she held me. The arm around my shoulders relaxed a little and she began stroking my shoulder and arm, her hand moving down over my body. I was completely turned on. All thoughts of resistance were gone. My mind was quiet, enjoying these sensations.

I reached my hands back and held her hips, trying to pull her even closer to me. Feeling her press into me, leaning against me. Her breath and lips on my ears and neck. The beautiful sound of her breathing. My hands involuntarily moved down over her fabulous arse, playing with the shape of it under her jeans. Laura was moaning softly and moving around slightly behind me. Her kisses on my shoulders and neck were getting firmer - her teeth grazing my skin. I realised her hand was cupping my breast because she was brushing my nipple, which was standing out proudly under my blouse. Her fingers were flicking over it, and oh my god it felt amazing.

Her fingers were now exploring the skin under the neckline of my blouse, which was already open a button or two lower than it should have been... because I was a teenager. Her skin on mine was intense, but I wanted... no, I needed more. I reached up and started undoing the buttons on my blouse, leaving it hanging open. My hand found hers and guided her hesitant fingers over my bra and squeezed her hand, showing her it was ok to be firmer. She needed no more encouragement and soon had both hands on my breasts and over my nearly naked torso.

I need more. My desired were flooding over me like a tsunami. I turned around in her arms and pressed against her. My lips easily found hers. Oh my god, her lips felt amazing, so soft and perfect. With one hand caressing her neck, and my other hand on the small of her back, under her top, pulling her against me. Her perfect lips felt more amazing than I ever thought possible and I was lost in the moment. This was not like kissing a guy. Not even close.

I felt my bra ping loose and opened my eyes to look straight into those beautiful blue pools of moonlight. Her mischievous grin was back and I let her slip my blouse and bra off my shoulders and onto the ground. She let her eyes wander over me, clearly enjoying the sight. Then she took a step back. Slowly, without taking her eyes off me, she slipped her top up and over her head. She was wearing a pretty pink and white striped bra, and it was too small for her. I loved the way she spilled out of it. She reached behind her and deftly unclipped it, letting it fall forward and off her shoulders to the ground.

Here we were. Standing beside a beautiful lake, both wearing jeans and nothing else. The birds had long since stopped singing and been replaced by crickets. Nothing else made a sound except our breathing. The night was so still.

Laura stepped towards me again, a look of more urgency in her eyes. I pulled her close and we kissed again, with more reckless abandon this time. Devouring each other's lips. Tongues exploring. I could feel her nipples pressing hard against me and it was driving me crazy. I broke off the kiss, so I could see her jeans as I fumbled with the button and zip, my hand darting inside as soon as there was room. She gasped at my touch but moved eagerly against my hand.

This was totally new territory for me. Yes, I'd masturbated plenty of times, but I'd never done it with another girl. I tried to think about what would feel good for me. She was so wet. My finger easily slipped between her lips and found her clit. She wrapped her arms more tightly around me and ground her hips against my hand. The feel of her hot body against mine and knowing she was in ecstasy was intoxicating. I was so wrapped up in what I was doing and making sure I was doing it right, I almost didn't notice when her whole body started trembling and she pulled me into her tightly. Her moaning had stopped but she was breathing in short gasps. Her orgasm broke over her. Her whole body stiffened and shook involuntarily. I almost forgot what I was doing - I had never seen anything so beautiful. Laura gasped, trying to catch her breath and trying to laugh, while her legs still quivered.