Book 02 A Match Made Ch 05

"Separation Desolation -- Chapter 05"

Note 1:

Please be aware that this story is plot driven and sex is not the central focus.

Note 2:

It's highly recommended you read Book I in its entirety. I hope you enjoy the chapter. ~ AVL ~

*

** December 28th **

Kara

"Hiya sis. I'm about five minutes away, if I'm going the right way that is. I'd get lost going down the street without GPS."

Destiny laughs and says, "I'm sure you're fine. When you see the building, pull into garage and drive straight back. I'll be waitin' for ya."

"Yeah okay. Glad one of us is confident. See you in a few, hopefully." I said the last as I hang up. It makes me nervous to be on the phone while driving. I don't need any extra help getting lost. 'In one thousand feet, your destination will be on your right.' I sit up straight and focus on the buildings coming up. This should be it; I pull in and drive back. As promised, Destiny is waiting. Bundled up in a sweater and scarf, I can still make out her electric smile. I wave and pull in where she's pointing. I hope one of them didn't have to give up their spot for me.

Before I can even get my hand on the door, Destiny pulls it open and is jumping up and down. I'm sure it's because she's cold; it's frigid out. Yep, her shaky voice proves it. "Brr, hurry up you! I'm going to turn into a popsicle." I'm laughing as I get out and pull her into a hug.

Closing the door, I pop the trunk and grab my bag. I packed light. We rush to the elevator, shivering and giggling. Call it a sense, but something tells me Destiny and Shade have had their fun in here. Maybe it's because I know what Lissy and I get up to when we go to my condo. My legs get weak. Flashes of my nightmare tear through my mind and I visibly shiver; not from the cold.

"You okay Kara?"

Yes!

I shake away those thoughts.

That's not me anymore.

"Yep! I was just thinking about what happens in these elevators." Destiny blushes. I smirk and say, "Mm hmm." She punches me in the arm, ouch! "Okay brat, don't act any guiltier." That got a laugh.

She's so busted!

The door dings as it opens to their floor and we step out. As we walk the short distance to the condo, I'm getting anxious. This is so infuriating. I don't know where it comes from. One minute I'm fine and the next it feels like my insides are trying to get out.

Did I take my pill this morning?

My mind starts racing.

Stop it Kara!

Calm down, please. Destiny's hand in mine brings me back. She ushers me the rest of the way and into her home. I take it all in, it's beautiful. Classy and comfortable. You can see the Shade and Destiny influence throughout. Their styles combined are breathtaking, just like they are. I get the nickel tour and we end it in Kim's room, where I put my stuff down.

Destiny has this way about her. It's difficult to put into words but she's unassuming. Quiet at the right times and speaks up when needed. She's intuitive and refreshing. Okay, I guess I found a few words but I'm still not sure if it does her justice. Either way, I adore her.

"I'm not putting Kim out am I?"

"Nope, not at all. She's with her Honey." She stops for a moment; I feel her eyes on me. I'm sitting on the bed with my eyes closed. "You know... your honey slept in here not too long ago."

That gets my attention. My head whips around to her. "Oh yeah? When was that?"

Her face fell just a bit; obviously remembering something. "Umm, the night you were in jail. She stayed with us so she could be close by." I nod and my mind wanders. All of this was going on and I had no idea. Many times I felt Lissy had stopped loving me or caring and all along she was right there waiting.

Oh baby, I'm so sorry.

I rub the comforter subconsciously, trying to touch her. I didn't want to tell her this morning but I didn't want her to go. Since we've found each other again I can't stand to be apart. I knew she needed this time with Jenna though and I've been selfish enough.

Fingers in my hair; stroking gently. "You miss her already." It was a statement by a woman in love and in tune with another's feelings. I nod and force a grin.

Destiny pulls off her boots and places her feet next to me. I look down and giggle; she's wearing the silly socks I got her for Christmas. She wiggles her toes for added effect. I look up; her green eyes are smiling back. I say, "You're a nut, you know that?"

"It's great isn't it?" She's too much. I nod and pretend like I'm going to tickle her. She flinches. Uh oh, we have a ticklish one. "Uh uh. There will be none of that!" I move maybe an inch and she flies off the bed. Wow! "Stop it!" We're both laughing, hers with a hint of nervousness.

"I didn't even touch you."

"But you were gonna, I could tell." Her arms are crossed over her sides. There has to be a story behind this one. I leave it though; she's too cute to torture.

"You're too funny." She sticks her tongue out and leaves the room. I giggle louder as I stretch out on the bed. I could get used to this friend thing. She expects me to follow after her, but I'm not going to do it. A 'little' torture never hurt anyone.

After about fifteen minutes go by, I realize that my 'sis' may be just as stubborn as me. Nope, I stand corrected. I hear the bells approaching. Just then her head pokes around the corner and she says, "You are such a brat!"

"Point?"

I got that one from my baby.

She grunts and gives me her fake mad face. "Just get up and come in here." She pretends to storm off.

Okay fine, I guess I could be a good guest. I take off my shoes, put on my own pair of fuzzy socks and head to the main room.

Now I feel like a jerk face.

Destiny, true to her form, has popcorn and drinks set out on the table in front of the couch. She's sitting cross-legged and snuggled under a blanket. I smile at her as I walk in; a blanket is folded and waiting for me on the opposite side.

I unfold it as I sit and wrap it around tight. There's a slight chill in the air. She sits, waiting for me to admit that I am indeed a jerk face. Instead I go with honey, saying, "You are such a sweetheart, Destiny."

Smiling, she shakes her head. "I know."

Touché missy.

I poke my feet out towards her and wiggle my toes. We both start laughing. Not this again, who knows if we'll stop. A few minutes of our usual silliness goes on and Destiny clears her throat. "We don't have to talk about you today, if you'd prefer. I'm sure you're about talked out."

No truer words.

Relief washes over me. As much as I wanted to come stay with her, I wasn't looking forward to revisiting my demons.

"Thank you. You are so right. I could use a break."

"Thought so. How about we watch a movie and just chillax?" Chillax? Must be from having Kim around. You start trying to use the words of the youngins, hoping you're not getting old. Not to be outdone, I have one of those feeding me too.

What did Rach say the other day? Oh yeah. "Yup, totes." She snickers, grabs the remote and popcorn. Throwing a couple pieces at me, she starts the movie.

And she says I'm the brat?

I'm going to just ignore her.

Yes! 'The Heat.'

I love this movie. Just what I need.

Totes!

I giggle. More popcorn comes flying at me. I pretend not to care and just eat what has fallen on my lap, keeping my eyes on the TV.

Have you seen the movie? There's this one part where Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy are dancing in a dive bar. It's priceless. Well, we just can't resist. As soon as it starts, we get up off the couch and join in. Destiny is shy at first but when she sees me being a goofball, she's quick to let loose. "Groove is in the heart... Ah-ah-ah-ah." I sing it loud and proud. Pump it, yeah pump it. One way then the other. Walk it, uh huh. She's giggling so hard, her dance moves are suffering. Which of course makes it even funnier.

Through her laughter, "I smell bacon!" Oh lord... I burst out laughing. My hands go to her hips, train, train, come on, let's do it! No longer paying attention to the movie, we're doing the train all around the condo. Screaming in unison, "Woo Woo!" If you can picture two grown women, sober mind you, dancing around with fuzzy socks and laughing like teenagers; well you'd be damn close. If you don't know any of the aforementioned movie references, do yourself a favor and watch the movie. Kara says so.

We end up a heap of girls and giggles on the couch. First attempts to speak are pointless; more giggling. I think I've calmed enough. "When you..." a bit breathless, "said 'I smell bacon', I..." damn it, I'm laughing again. Destiny, still way out of control, nods her understanding. Both of us are holding our aching sides as tears stream down our faces. I need to fast forward ten minutes or so. Otherwise all you'll be reading is about us giggling, trying to talk and giggling more.

My phone started vibrating on the table. Oh shit! Got so caught up, I forgot my baby was going to call. Par for the course, my heartbeat quickens when I answer. "Hi baby!" Laughter still on the edges.

"Hi lover. I can tell by your voice that you two are already at it." Can't get anything past her.

"You'd be right, but it's all her fault... ouch! She hit me!" I glare at Destiny who sneers. Yeah right, we giggle. "How was the flight, honey?"

"Uneventful. I'm waiting for my bag and then I'm going to meet Jenna outside. I told her not to come in since she has Ella." I could hear she is a bit anxious. Probably the crowd at the airport; that will do it to you.

"Good idea. Give them kisses from me and some extra for chubby cheeks." She let out a sigh, relaxing.

Good.

"Thanks lover. Just hearing your voice... well, I miss you already. Are you sure you were okay with me leaving?"

I lie and say, "Absolutely."

Crap, too confident.

"Kara Ann?"

Damn, she knows.

"Look baby. I hate that you left, but you needed to. Jenna is your child, she needs her mom. I'll be okay. Just promise me that when you get home, no leaving for a long while."

"Oh sweetie, I promise. There's my bag. Kisses and I love you. Call me when you settle down for bed."

"I will. Love you too, bye." And just like that, the call is over. I sit with the phone resting on my tummy while I think about my Lissy. My fingertips brush the phone. I have this touch 'thing'. Not sure how to explain it. Self suggestible? I feel her.

Destiny chimes in, "Lissy get there in once piece?" I smile and look over.

"Appears so. I hope her and Jenna have the time they need."

I do, really.

She nods and offers me the bowl of popcorn. We're cuddled up again under blankets watching the movie. It's a welcome distraction. As it is with most times I watch a movie, at some point I fall asleep.

When I wake, Destiny is gone and I hear her in the kitchen. It gives me chills. Trivial things like that bring memories of Alexis and Veronica surging to the surface. It besieges me, keeps me captive. I'm standing behind Alexis, paralyzed and staring at the knife.

Don't do it Kara! She's not worth it.

I did do it though. I grab it, stick it to her throat, intending to harm her. The blood is bright red as it spills down the blade.

"Hey sleepyhead." I shake my head.

Why did I let myself go there?

I crane my neck to look at Destiny, who has on an apron, spackled in flour.

"I know, right? That's me and movies. It's why I have to watch them several times." I smirk at her appearance. "And what are you up to?"

"Come find out," she replies and walks back into the kitchen. My curiosity is getting me. Not that I don't think Destiny can cook, it's just she keeps surprising me with her kindness. Yumminess wafts out as I walk in. Oh my, one of my favs. Chocolate chip cookies are cooling by the oven. Focusing on the prize, I head over and start to grab one. She slaps my hand! This one is violent!

Is it wrong that it turns me on? Probably.

"No cookies til after lunch."

"Yes ma'am!"

And bossy.

"Good girl." My eyebrows arch as I give her the 'really?' look. Stone faced, she nods. Shade is a lucky lady. Just sayin,' don't read anything into it.

Eyeing the pot on the stove, I pick up the lid to take a peek. Mmmm Gumbo! "Destiny, yuuuumm! I love me some gumbo!" She laughs.

"Well good, cuz that's what we're having."

Where did this Destiny come from?

She's a woman of many layers. "Take a seat, the rice is almost ready. Do you want some iced tea or water?"

"Tea please, no sugar." When the rice finishes, we chat and eat. It's casual and the gumbo is delicious. Don't tell, but I had seconds. She is thrilled I like it and brings me two cookies as I clean my plate. "You cook and serve. A girl could get spoiled."

"Don't be too impressed; you're doing the dishes."

Of course I am.

Stuffed, I manage to get them done without too much trouble. She can cook almost as well as she can make a mess.

How did she use this many pots?

Time flies by as I wash and she loads the dishwasher. We're both quiet. I know who I'm thinking about. I wonder if she's thinking about her lover. Her shy smile says yes.

The last of it done, I dry my hands and lean on the counter. "That was delicious, thank you. I'm not sure I'll be able to eat dinner or breakfast tomorrow, for that matter."

"Don't say that. Shade called while you were dozing, and said she's bringing home dinner. Trust me, that girl can order some take out." I smile. No doubt that's true. I'm under the distinct impression Shade does a lot of things well.

"Speaking of dozing, I think I'll take a nap if that's alright." If my tone concerns her, she doesn't mention it. I'm suddenly in need of my bed and alone time.

"Not at all. If you want to shower or freshen up after, the bathroom is fully stocked. You'll find everything you need and if you don't, just let me know."

On autopilot to the bedroom, I mumble, "I'm sure it's fine. Thanks." I pull out my prescription and count the pills. I can't remember if I took it today. My hand is shaking;

what the hell?

Forget counting, I need one. I fill the cup by the sink and swallow it. The glass clinks a few times on the counter as I set it down. Looking in the mirror, I try to look deep. Have you ever tried to see your soul in the mirror? It's there, in your eyes. I stare until my eyes glaze. It starts in my peripheral vision, the blackness. Creeping slowly until all I see is the dark. Tears sting while I force my eyes to stay open.

Look deeper Kara.

Nothing is all that resonates, emptiness. I swallow hard; I'm frightened.

Walking from the bathroom I dig for my phone in my pocket. I don't have to scroll; her number is at the top.

Don't call.

I need her.

NO! Plastic flies everywhere as my phone is thrown into the wall.

Damn it! Why did you do that?

I collapse on the bed and pull the pillow against me.

You have to stop. You can't let it win. You are stronger than this.

A gentle knock on the door and a soft voice asks, "Kara? Are you okay?"

Great, nice job.

"I'm fine," feigning confidence. She must have bought it because I hear her walk away. I haven't fooled myself though. I decide it's okay to cry. I do, until I fall asleep.

Hushed voices are outside the door. Rolling over to look at the clock, 7?! I had no idea. I listen closer, it's definitely Shade and Destiny and there's tension.

Not again.

I'd become used to this living at Barb's.

Certainly I haven't worn out my welcome already?

I sit up slowly, feeling a headache looming.

Yep, I knew it.

It's hiding out behind my eyeball, throbbing and ready to attack. I close one eye, which seems to help, and make my way to the bathroom.

Deciding to take a quick shower, I turn the water on and undress.

No mirror, just get in.

The first thing to hit me is the steam. I breathe in deep, close my eyes and put my head under the hot water. Ahhh... so nice.

Wash it all away Kara.

Keeping my eyes shut, I feel around for the soap. Not sure except for the smell seems right; I squeeze it into my hand. Luxuriating in my touch, my hands rub up and down my body, cupping my breasts, rolling my nipples, down my stomach, over the tops of my thighs and back up the insides.

Oh Lissy, I need you baby.

Moans get lost in the water as my fingers slide between my outer lips and brush over my clit. My hips jerk at the contact. Ohhhh... I want to so badly, but yearn for my baby. I pull my hands away and wash my hair; I can wait. As I dry off I look for some Tylenol. Aleve is in the medicine cabinet; that'll work.

Leaving the bathroom, I step on something small and hard. Owie! I hop to the bed and look back to see what it is.

Shit, I forgot about my tantrum.

I can't wait to explain this one to Lissy. I sigh and take the time to pick-up all the pieces. Who knew a phone was so fragile? I'm relieved I only made a small mark on the wall. Dumping them on the nightstand, I'll deal with it later.

Sweats, a t-shirt and slippers should be acceptable. I dress quickly and open the door. Destiny is right outside as if she's been waiting. "Damn girl, you're good at scaring me. Is something wrong?"

She reaches for my arm. "Kara, I wanted to wait here for you. We have a... a guest."

Can you be more cryptic?

She gives me a nice but fake smile, then continues. "Follow me."

Okay, now I'm worried.

I do as she says, albeit hesitantly. When we round the corner of the hallway to the dining room, I see Shade and another woman sitting in the living room.

Wait, that's...oh god.

My legs get wobbly. Destiny stops, grasps my hand and urges me forward. She may be dragging me because I can't tell if my legs are moving. When we reach the couch where she's sitting, my head is down. I can't look at her. I'm ashamed. After all she's done for me, after she took me to the club, after I promised her I wouldn't do exactly what I ended up doing.

Destiny releases my hand and joins Shade on the loveseat opposite us. All eyes are on me. They are boring in, exposing me. It's awkward; they're apparently waiting for me to do something. I want to crumble where I stand, disappear somehow. Instead my body decides to take over and brings me to my knees. I don't dare touch her, I don't deserve her touch. She's only a few inches away, her essence breathing life into me. When she lays her hand on top of my head, it startles me. If her touch is gentle, her tone is quite the opposite. It commands my attention.

"Kara, get off your knees. You will sit next to me and pick your head up." No hesitation, I rise and promptly sit next to her. Back straight, hands folded on my lap and head mostly up. She grabs my chin and lifts until I look at her but doesn't let go. "Better." Her eyes are cold. I brace myself for what I know is coming. Her hand drops but my eyes don't dare. It's not fear (maybe a little), it's respect.

"Shade has filled me in on most of what has gone on. To say I'm disappointed would be a colossal understatement. I warned you about what would happen if you went back to someone like Alexis. I warned you that if you kept up your destructive behavior, it would lead you to darkness." I sat stock still, ashen faced. Kelly's words were delivered softly, with the impact of a sledgehammer on glass. "You not only belayed my warnings, but you made a fool of me, Kara. You promised me you would not give into your masochism. I brought you to the club as my guest; I trusted you to your word." My eyes fell as the tears start. They are tears of anger - with myself. "Don't you dare. Look at me." I blink as I look up, clearing my eyes. My chin is quivering, breathing labored. The onslaught continues. "Save your tears. Save your self-pity. You knew where the road would lead and you ran down it full speed." I don't know which is larger, the lump in my stomach or my throat. I've experienced many kinds of pain, but this is excruciating. Every word cuts deeper. I haven't made the mistake of looking away but I can barely see. The tears, I can't stop them. Anger and disgust are overwhelming me.