Her shirt struggles against her bust. Her stomach beneath- the silkiest, brightest skin I have ever seen. The crop top rises up as she leans to lift the dumbbell in front of her. My imagination is wild. Only a few inches away...
I could never tell her how she makes me feel. I can't tell her when I see her my heart nearly leaves my chest.
"Am I doing this right?" She looks at me, her baby blue eyes startling me back to reality. "Oh um, yes. Actually, good job."
She smiles, her glittery eyeshadow sparkles in the gym lighting.
"I'm so glad you agreed to help me. I've really been struggling to get the extra gains.. as you can see." She shyly looks at her arms. Though she isn't necessarily muscular in stature, I think she's perfect.
"Yeah. Well, I'm happy to help." I lift my own weight beside her, trying to focus on my own activity. Anything to help keep my mind off of her.
"Damn girl, you lift that much?" I guess it hadn't occurred to me that she wouldn't know my gym habits.
I laugh a little. I feel nervous, but I can't let her notice. She curiously peers about the room. I never cared I guess to see what my daily life would look like to someone else but now it scares me more than I thought possible. What will she think of me working here?
My heart pounds as she looks at the sweaty old man on the treadmill, the cluster of acne-covered teens trying to one up each other at deadlifts, and the traditionally hot guy beside them.
Of course she'd stare at him longer. I ball my fist, a nasty habit I'd picked up in middle school whenever a friend of mine was straight. It had helped me to cope and it was something I just couldn't seem to break.
"It's nice here. We should hang out more. Could you teach me maybe some of the more girly stuff? I don't know, are you into that?" She chuckled. "You're probably stronger than any of the men I've been with." Another chuckle.
"Of course, I'd be happy to." I smiled. A compliment, I remind myself. She's trying to be nice. She doesn't know how much it hurts.
She bites her lip. Perhaps a nervous habit of her own. Then the day is over. Another one I'll never have with her.
---
She is back. My body is hit with a jolt of adrenaline as she walks through the door, this time in a pair of booty shorts. She has no idea what she's doing.
"Anezkaaaaaaa" she says my name in a thrilled voice. "I'm so happy you're here!" She bounces around. I see she is holding a yoga mat. "Do you know yoga?"
Truth be told, not really. But those excited eyes couldn't be crushed. "I'll teach you what I know." I say it matter-of-factly. Maybe she won't suspect anything.
"Come with me. There's a special room for this." I guide her to one of the private rooms. On days that aren't busy, we frequently will use them for ourselves with guests we prefer to spend time with one-on-one.
She lays her mat down and I grab one from the closet.
"Let me just close this door so they don't bug us." I laugh awkwardly and close us in. There's no way she doesn't know I like her.
I see her smiling and I push all thoughts from my mind. I mean, hey, isn't that what yoga bitches do or am I misunderstanding? Something about letting it go while you focus on breathing?
"Okay yeah, so.. stand up."
She obeys.
I shake my wrists, as I've seen them do in yoga before.
"Shake your wrists out. It's good to uh.. get ready for the rest of the exercises.. moves."
Which is probably true. When I'm prepping for other workouts, we have to prime our bodies frequently.
She shakes her wrists and I can hear a charm bracelet. Classy.
"Great. Okay. Now lift up this leg." I point as I fumble around, desperately trying to seem like I have balance. Come on Anezka. It's not like you don't know how to exercise.
She is giggling at me while she also struggles to keep balance.
"So yeah that's okay. Balance is difficult at first... or forever." I casually try to joke it off.
She looks at me again awaiting further instruction.
"Then we just kind of lay down- and this one's fool proof- yeah lay down on your stomach and lift your head and chest into the air."
She follows my lead and for a second it seems like I know what I'm doing.
"That's nice." She smiles again and then sits up with her knees bent and her shins tucked under her. "I think this is one of them, right?" She leans herself forward with her arms out gently lifting her precious butt into the air.
I really shouldn't stare but oh my god those booty shorts are not good for yoga.
But she was right. I'd seen this position, too.
"Yeah. Exactly." I join her. My ass is bigger, I've always had a plump ass.
I am lost, suddenly. I don't remember any other moves.
"Uh, hey well it seems you already know some." I stammer, stalling.
She laughs rather loudly then.
"Anezka... I take yoga classes every week." She giggles again. "I just wanted to see you."
I truly try to keep my cool, but it feels like my stomach is about to come up my throat. I swallow hard to keep it at bay. "Oh?"
"I hope that... I hope you don't mind. It's just that I don't know, you seemed very cool to me."
I clear my throat, trying not to blush. "Well, thank you."
The silence following kills me. I see her shifting, too.
"Well, actually Anezka.."
She pauses again. And then laughs. "You're going to think I'm so stupid."
The awkwardness in the room was thicker than fog.
"I don't think so." My brain has ideas of what she'll say, but whether I should allow it to go there is a question of my sanity.
"I just, I am kind of curious about.. being with a woman. And I remember back in high school you did that sort of thing."
She blushes three shades darker. Did that sort of thing.
And now I was in the driver's seat. The one who was already lesbian.
"That's true."
She laughs and covers her face, placing her bare knees in front of her. "I'm sorry." She holds herself.
I know she is scared. And I'm given the opportunity to help her.
"Don't be. I'm all yours."
She looks up "What? Really?"
I am confused. Why would she ask if she expected me to say no?
"I mean... yes? I don't see why not."
She looks shocked.
"Oh wow." The fear creeps in and I can see it all over her, but only briefly. She then blushes again and laughs.