Begin Again

CHAPTER 6:

Alexa and Maggie are cuddled up on the couch on a Sunday morning.

"Let's do something," Alexa suggests.

"What do you want to do?" Maggie yawns and wraps Alexa in her arms.

"Not move a bit," Alexa says.

Maggie laughs, "You spoke my mind."

Alexa receives a text from Lin reminding her about a work deadline.

"Who sets the deadline anyway?" Alexa asks a little irritated.

"I do. Sorry." Maggie says facing Alexa.

"The boss is a bitch," Alexa jokes while replying to Lin.

"Hey!" Maggie hits Alexa's arm.

Alexa tries to hit back but Maggie catches her hands and pulls her closer. Alexa strokes Maggie's hair and leans closer. Maggie kisses Alexa with her experienced tongue; taking full advantage. Alexa's left hand start traveling inside Maggie's shirt and stops at Maggie's left breast.

"Ugh get a room!" Lilly says.

"Forgot how to operate a phone?" Maggie comments. Lilly rolls her eyes and walks over to them.

"Hi, you must be Alexa. I'm Lilly, Maggie's sister," Lilly warmly introduces herself to Alexa completely ignoring Maggie.

"Hi I have heard so much about you," Alexa says warmly shaking her hand.

Someone else coughs from behind to let their presence known.

"Oh, by the way, I brought along mom," Lilly says and moves to the side as she was blocking the view.

Maggie gets up to greet her mother.

"Hi ma," Maggie hugs Mrs. Chan.

"You forgot your mother," Mrs. Chan complains adorably.

"Never. Come, I want you to meet someone," Maggie says turning her face to Alexa.

"She is Alexa, my girlfriend," Maggie says the girlfriend word loud for the first time. It catches Alexa's attention.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Chan," Alexa says warmly extending her hand.

"Oh come here," Mrs. Chan wraps Alexa in an embrace which makes her heart warm as she never had a mother.

"Come I want to know everything about you. It's the first time Maggie has introduced me to someone," Mrs. Chan drags Alexa by the waist and she gives a surprised look to Maggie.

Maggie and Lilly follow them to the breakfast counter.

Mrs. Chan and Alexa seem to get along well. When Mrs. Chan asks her about her family, Maggie freezes. Alexa didn't even talk to Maggie for a day when she last pressed her about her family.

Alexa seems calm and replies that she is an orphan. Meanwhile, Lilly tries to get Maggie's attention. Maggie whispers "what?" Lilly points at Alexa's neck and there's a hickey is being revealed through her shirt. This is the first time her mother has met Alexa and this had to happen? Maggie freezes in embarrassment.

"Well tell her!" Lilly again whispers to Maggie.

"How?" Maggie asks in a similar manner.

"What are you two bickering about?" Alexa asks.

"Oh please! We all are adults here," Mrs. Chan says, "Alexa darling, you have something on your neck."

Lilly bursts out in laughter. Horror runs through all over Alexa's body and she blushes red all over.

"Excuse me," she gets up and goes inside to change.

When Alexa comes out wearing a top which thankfully covers the love bite, she finds all of them laughing. She wonders what if she had a family like this growing up. This makes her upset. She walks over and joins them.

"I'm going to make some food. Alexa, will you help me?" Mrs. Chan asks.

"Sure," Alexa says willingly. Maggie feels pity for her girl because she knows it is more grilling time. Maggie watches Alexa intently as Alexa joins her mother in the kitchen.

"You've got it bad, you know?" Lilly says noticing her big sister.

"I know I cannot help it. I don't know how the last month went by," Maggie admits.

"I feel there's a but coming," Lilly says.

"Sometimes I feel like she's hiding something from me. Like when you talk about her family, you never get a straight answer," Maggie says with a sigh. Lilly knows that it has been bothering her sister.

"Have you talked to her about this?" Lilly asks.

"Last time I did, she didn't even see my face for a day," Maggie says.

Lilly feels helpless for her sister. "You seem out of control this time," Lilly says.

"This is out of my control. I've fallen for her. Hard," Maggie says looking at Alexa with sad eyes.

"Can mom help? She's a brilliant psychologist," Lilly says in desperation to help Maggie.

"They just met. I don't want to ruin this," Maggie says.

Mrs. Chan decided to stay the night at Maggie's house rather than in a hotel. They live in different cities. She wakes up in middle of the night to get water and sees Alexa sitting on the breakfast counter working on her laptop.

"Do you have sleeping troubles?" She asks Alexa while taking a seat beside her.

"Since I was a kid. It seems to have gone away recently," Alexa says with a smile.

Mrs. Chan smiles fondly at her. They chat for a bit; mostly Mrs. Chan trying to fish out information from Alexa and telling her funny stories about Maggie's childhood.

"As a mother, I need to know this. Do you love my daughter?" She asks Alexa.

"I think I do. It's crazy because it's only been a month," Alexa says honestly.

"Sometimes all it takes is a moment," Mrs. Chan reassures her. She then asks her a bunch of unrelated questions. Alexa answers all of them anyway.

Maggie wakes up at 6 in the morning. She finds Alexa sleeping peacefully with her head on Maggie's chest with her arms wrapping her like a flag. At that moment, she realizes that Alexa has the power to destroy her completely and she wants to let her. Maggie strokes the hair out of Alexa's face. Alexa wakes up but still very sleepy.

Alexa's face lights up when she sees Maggie.

"Hey," she says reaching for Maggie.

Maggie gives her a squeeze, "go back to sleep."

She leaves the bed to get some work done. She finds her mother in the kitchen.

"Good morning ma," she says to her mother.

"Good morning. I'm making tea," Mrs. Chan says fondly to her daughter.

"How I've missed your tea!" Maggie says.

Mrs. Chan hands over a cup of tea and says, "Darling, we need to talk over the girl who is sleeping in your bed."

"Why? What's wrong?" Panic runs all over her.

"I believe that she has clinical depression," Mrs. Chan says.

"Are you sure?" Maggie's face falls.

"Affirmative. Didn't she tell you?" Mrs. Chan sounds surprised.

"She never talks about her health or what she is going through. Though she gets those crazy migraines," Maggie says.

"Connect the dots, Maggie." Mrs. Chan says.

"What do you think is the reason?" She asks.

"I suspect that some trauma which might have happened in her childhood. I noticed how she tries to avoid the family question and you also freeze," Mrs. Chan says.

"The last time we argued about this, she completely shut me out," Maggie says.

"Do you think is this why she's with me?" Maggie lets her fear known to her mother.

Mrs. Chan laughs it off, "She has got it bad as much as you do. She basically admitted that she loves you."

Her mother words make her shocked, "She did?"

"You don't?" her mother asks.

"I do. But we have never said that to each other," Maggie says.

"Why not?" Mrs. Chan asks.

"I'm afraid that I'll scare her off," Maggie confesses.

"Darling, I think she has the same fear. You both need to talk about these things," Mrs. Chan squeezes her daughter's hand to reassure her that will be alright.

CHAPTER 7:

Life has been great for both Alexa and Maggie. They seem to be in love more than ever. It has been more than a week since Alexa has met Maggie's mother and sister. She comes home in a good mood. Maggie came earlier, Alexa doesn't know why.

She finds Maggie sitting in the dark and drinking.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Alexa asks and gives a squeeze on Maggie's shoulder.

Maggie doesn't even bother to look at her and hands over a brown file. Alexa takes the file both curiously and confused.

Alexa sits down in shock when she opens the file. It's all her family's details- how they are all well and alive. It makes her blood boil. Her hands start shaking.

"Where did you get this?" She asks Maggie and doesn't get a response.

She asks again, "Maggie, where did you get this?" The loudness in her voice makes Maggie turn her face to her.

"So, I guess I should have listened to everyone and stayed away from the likes of you!" Maggie shouts.

"The likes of me?" Alexa asks trying hard to keep her calm.

"You've been lying to me the whole time. And it says here that one of your brothers is in prison for money laundering," Maggie shouts.

"What the fuck do you think of me?" Alexa shouts at Maggie. Maggie doesn't say anything but drinks her whiskey.

"You're right. This isn't working. We should call it off," Alexa shouts. Alexa throws away the file to the room before leaving.

Maggie throws her glass on the floor as Alexa leaves the house, "FUCK!"

Alexa enters her house after a bit struggle of opening the door. Seeing their faces again brought back all kinds of unwanted memories. Her head is pounding. She is having a panic attack. She sits down on the floor. Crying and cursing God for giving her this life. She somehow manages to get into the shower. When she comes out of the shower and sees the mirror, she punches it hard. The mirror breaks and pieces of glass enter into her hand. She doesn't even feel the pain. The pain inside her chest is way more severe. She sits on the floor feeling blank. She doesn't realize how many hours have passed or how many minutes. Al comes and finds her. Al has a key and checks on the house from time to time. Al calls her son who is a doctor. Alexa never interacted with him. Her hand needs medical attention which he provides and gives something for the pain. Al asks him to leave. Alexa starts crying in Al's arms. Al tries to comfort her but all in vain. Alexa falls asleep when she is completely drained out of her energy.

In the office, Maggie finds out that Alexa has taken leave for the day. She is still too angry with Alexa to find out why. Meanwhile, Alexa drinks all day till she passes out.

The morning after two days, Alexa tries to take the day off again but she has been told that she cannot take the day off when they are so close to a deadline. She gets ready despite how much she detests it. She hides her dark circles with makeup. She changes the bandage on her hand. She looks presentable and hopes that no one will notice her red eyes under glasses.

Alexa has a meeting with the board of directors which means Maggie will be there too. She drinks a glass of wine before leaving.

Both Maggie and Alexa start dying internally when they see each other but hide it pretty well. Maggie notices Alexa's hand almost immediately. But chooses not to say anything.

"What happened to your hand?" One of the directors asked Alexa.

"Oh, I tried to cook. Burnt the house down. Barely made it alive," Alexa jokes. Everyone laughs. But Maggie knows that Alexa is lying. Again. After the meeting, Alexa doesn't even look at Maggie which makes her angrier.

"First she lies and now she is ignoring me!" Maggie shouts mentally.

After a few hours, Maggie comes down to the R&D department to find Alexa. She finds her talking to Lin.

"Dr. Scott I need to talk to you about something," Maggie says.

Alexa calls Lin and says to Maggie, "Ma'am, I have been absent for two days and need to catch up a lot. She can answer anything you need to know." Saying that Alexa goes as far away from Maggie as possible.

Lin asks, "Yes?"

"Never mind," Maggie says annoyed and leaves the room. Lin stands there staring confused at what just happened.

"That bitch!" Maggie slams the door when she enters her room. She dials Lilly to talk about this.

"Well, she might have another reason for lying. Technically she didn't lie. She just didn't tell anything and you assumed they were dead," Lilly says.

"Whose side are you on?" Maggie shouts on the phone.

"Calm down and think. You said you loved her. Aren't you a bit interested to save this?" Lilly asks.

As much as Maggie hates it she admits that Lilly makes a valid point. Lilly has always been the cool-headed between two of them.

After work, Maggie decides to go to Alexa's house. When no one answers the door, she decides to use her spare key. The smell of booze gives her a smack on the face when she enters the house. She finds Alexa sitting on the balcony staring at the pond. Tears are falling down uncontrollably from Alexa's eyes. It seems like as if something has sucked the life out of her. Seeing her in this state, Maggie's heart gets broken into million pieces. Maggie's footstep on the wooden floor startles Alexa.

"What are you doing here?" Alexa asks.

"We need to talk," Maggie says.

"Please leave!" Alexa says while turning her gaze again into the nothingness. 'A living corpse'- Maggie thinks.

"I'm not going to leave until you tell me the whole story," Maggie sits beside her. Alexa looks her in the eyes. Maggie is horrified to see that Alexa's eyes are blood red and her skin is pale like a ghost. There are noticeable dark circles under both of her eyes. Maggie knows that Alexa has been crying.

"Baby what's wrong? Please tell me!" Maggie begs Alexa. Maggie wraps Alexa in her arms. Alexa doesn't protest and falls on Maggie's arms unable to say anything. It feels like she is gathering the courage to talk which is taking her everything.

After about half an hour, Alexa starts talking, "I grew up in a very small town. The population was less than 1000. My family was strictly religious. When I came out to them as gay, I hadn't realized the extent they could go."

Maggie listens quietly. Alexa continues, "In a desperate attempt to convert me, they tied me up and let strange men rape me. They thought they were doing God's work. It went on for days. I was only 16 for God's sake," Alexa confesses with a very shaken voice and tears start rolling from her eyes.

Maggie is horrified at what she hears. Maggie holds her tight to let her know that she is safe.

Alexa continues again, "They tied me up like a caged animal. I even lost count how many men raped me. My sister, Kara, isn't my biological sister; she was a social worker. Luckily, she was visiting the town. When she heard about me, she tried to save me but failed a few times. Later, we somehow managed to escape. So you see why it bothers me."

Maggie is at loss of words. Alexa cannot even look up.

"Hey," Maggie pulls Alexa's chin up and says, "They didn't break who you are. You are still the strong independent woman whom I met at the conference. You have the power to destroy me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you," Maggie says without breaking eye contact with Alexa and kisses her to make her know that she is still here for her. But it is hard to tell if Alexa is here anymore.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want you anywhere near my past. And I also didn't want to go through it again," Alexa says with a shaken voice.

"You don't have to. You're not alone anymore," Maggie reassures Alexa. Alexa gives a weak smile but she is exhausted both mentally and physically. Thousands of knives are stabbing in Maggie's heart thinking of what Alexa went through and Alexa has a photographic memory which means she remembers everything clearly.

Maggie sees that Alexa's hand is bleeding again. She goes into the house in search of medicine and sees the broken mirror. It still has dried blood on it. She finds emptied anti-depressant bottles in the sink. Maggie finally breaks down in tears. She cannot believe what the person she loves has been through and she reminded her of the horror again. At the same moment, she also realizes what Alexa means to her. She is afraid that she might have lost Alexa forever.

Alexa finds Maggie after some time; sitting on the bathroom floor and sobbing. Alexa sits beside here and holds Maggie's hand gently.

"Baby, don't!" Alexa pulls Maggie in her arms.

"I'm so sorry baby. I could never imagine what you have been gone through," Maggie cries.

"I feel like a burden has lifted from my chest. I have never talked about it with anyone," Alexa says and means it. She feels relieved but also broken. It's very hard to explain.

CHAPTER 8:

Maggie makes Alexa take a shower while she prepares food. Alexa is still not done when the food is prepared. Maggie sees Alexa sitting naked in the corner of the shower. She strips off her clothes and steps in the shower. Alexa looks up.

"Let me," Maggie says taking the shampoo bottle in her hand. Alexa stands up holding Maggie. Maggie cleans Alexa without doing anything her libido wants her to do. 'This is not the time' Maggie tells herself. Alexa is just grateful that Maggie is there. After the shower, she sends Alexa to dry and turns on the cold water. It doesn't work like it's supposed to.

Maggie shifts beside Alexa. She can't sleep; not after what Alexa had told her. She finds it hard to imagine. She turns to face Alexa.

"Are you asleep?" Maggie whispers.

Alexa doesn't respond. Maggie raises her head to check and sees that Alexa's pillow under her eyes is wet.

"Lexie," Maggie says with a soothing voice touching Alexa's shoulder. Alexa turns to face her.

"I don't know how we move past this," Alexa says looking down at the sheet.

"Hey," Maggie says lifting Alexa's chin up.

"You don't have to worry about me. I told you that I love you and I mean it," her voice almost breaks up and she somehow manages it thinking Alexa wouldn't notice. However, it doesn't go unnoticed.

Alexa reaches to Maggie and kisses her, "I love you."

Alexa wakes up to see Maggie rushing around the room.

"Where's the fire?" Alexa asks confused.

"I'm late," Maggie says.

"Oh God, I'm late too," Alexa realizes the time.

"Yes," Maggie says with a straight face.

"Will race you to the office," Alexa pokes her tongue out and rushes to get ready.

Maggie knows Alexa well enough by now to know that Alexa is hiding her sorrows. Maggie only hopes that Alexa doesn't build a wall around her again.

Alexa and Lin are working at their stations. Maggie comes out of nowhere.

"Hi," Maggie whispers to Alexa hovering over her. Lin notices their exchange immediately.

"Hi!" Alexa says with a surprised tone. They are still not telling the world about them.

"I just wanted to check on you," Maggie whispers while caressing her face.

"You don't have to worry. Please breathe," Alexa reassures her.

Maggie smiles. "Now that you are here, please find an excuse to visit. You know.. this is work," Alexa points out.

"Oh sure," Maggie gets smacked by the reality. Truth is Alexa matters to her the most. She goes to talk to Mack anyway.

"She sure comes down here a lot lately," Lin says. She has noticed the exchange between Alexa and Maggie but chooses not to comment on it.

"She didn't before?" Alexa fakes a shocked voice.

"Never," Lin replies.

Alexa gets a text from Lilly in the afternoon.

"What are we doing for Maggie's birthday?" Lilly writes.

"I'm out of ideas," Alexa writes back.

"Are you joking? IT'S DAY AFTER TOMORROW!" Lilly shouts with capital letters.

"It's the weekend. Can we go somewhere?" Alexa says.

"Tell her that you need a break and would love a beach," Lilly writes.

"Why?" Alexa demands.

"Just do it," Lilly commands.

Alexa immediately texts Maggie, "I need a break. Can we go to somewhere like a beach and relax?"

"Your wish is my command," Maggie replies almost immediately.

"It's done. Where are we going?" Alexa texts to Lilly.

"You will see. You have to be quiet about this. Keep her busy and leave the planning to me," Lilly writes back.

The next morning Alexa wakes up alone in the bed. Today they are supposed to go on their trip. She wears a knee-length silk robe over her lingerie and goes to search for Maggie. She finds Maggie working on her laptop.