"Baby, they will start winning soon, I promise!"
Mona and Anna were drinking beer in a karaoke pub in Friedrichshain. The redhead was doing her best to cheer up her girlfriend after yet another poor performance by AC Milan.
"I don't know anymore, baby. I just don't know. We'll end up in Serie B if it continues like this."
Anna's love for the Italian team had roots back to her early childhood. She still remembered their last Champions League triumph in 2007 and the unforgettable trip she took as a 12-year old with her father in 2011 to see them play on San Siro -- the last year they brought home the Scudetto. Since then, Juventus had won six consecutive titles and AC Milan's golden era seemed but a distant memory.
"Serie B? Come on!" Mona gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Have to pee, back in a sec. Don't start killing yourself or anything while I'm away, promise?"
Anna sighed and nodded. Having ordered another Berliner Kindl, she took advantage of Mona's absence to respond to yet another one of her father's smses. He was devastated whenever Milan lost and needed her support. The Ukraininan had just sent off her reply when she heard a very familiar voice.
"My beautiful girlfriend is heartbroken 'cause her favourite team lost. This song is for her."
Mona threw a kiss in Anna's direction and the Ukrainian recognized the synthesized string intro of an old Billy Ocean classic. The redhead would always start the karaoke night with "Sweet child of mine", but after a drink or two, Mona the rock purist tended to soften up a little, revealing an unexpected weakness for 80s pop.
"♪♪ Ukrainian queen, now we're sharing the same dream ♪♪ "
Wow, she had changed the lyrics! That was just so sweet! A big smile spread across Anna's face.
"♪♪ And our hearts they beat as one. No more love on the run ♪♪ "
Maybe Mona wasn't Amy Winehouse, but her voice was more than good enough for a karaoke bar and she got a big round of applause from the other guests. She finished her performance by blowing more kisses in Anna's direction and drawing a big heart in the air with her fingers.
"I love you, baby!" she shouted. "Forza Milan!"
"Baby, that was so cool!" Anna exclaimed as the redhead returned to their table. She gave her a big wet kiss on the lips. "You're the best girlfriend ever. I'm officially happy again!"
They finished their beers and, on Mona's insistence, headed for the tram stop to take the M10 to a cocktail place they had been recommended by a friend.
***
"Baby, I thought we'd agreed that..."
When Anna returned from a quick visit to the toilet, it turned out Mona had already ordered them two 12 Euro drinks.
"Chill. These are extraordinary circumstances. We are drinking for the fortune of your team. And look at the table next to us, those ladies don't appear to be paying much attention to prices."
True, the cocktails enjoyed by the group of posh-looking 30-somethings looked very fancy indeed.
"But look at their purses! They are clearly operating on another budget than we are."
Anna knew their modest means couldn't accommodate this kind of excess in the long run, but... Mona was a difficult person to say no to. And the drinks did look rather delicious.
"Budgets are for bureaucrats, fuck them!" Mona said as the waiter appeared with the cocktail tray. "Ok, baby," she declared, raising her glass, "here's to AC... - "
"Cunnilingus is an art!"
A loud, somewhat shrill voice interrupted Mona's toast.
"Ok, let's try again..."
"Cunnilingus is an art!"
The two girls looked in the direction of the table to the right of them. A blonde woman was gesticulating emphatically.
"What the fuck is she on about?" Mona whispered to Anna. "Cunnilingus is an art!" She aped the woman's voice and gesticulations. "Has she ever actually gone down on anybody?"
"I don't know," Anna replied. "Maybe she's new to all of this."
"But seriously...--"
"It is an ART!" the voice continued.
"I seriously can't take this anymore," Mona sighed and turned to the woman who had ruined her moment.
"What do you mean it's an art?"
The woman was taken aback.
"I mean... It is something that requires dedication, experience..."
"Look," Mona replied, "the first time I went down on another girl I was simply to horny and excited to care whether I was doing it correctly or not. And in case you wonder, the person on the receiving end didn't seem to have any complaints."
Anna used the occasion to place herself closer to an attractive brunette sitting next to her on the sofa. She leaned over and whispered into the stranger's ear.
"It was her cousin."
"Wow," the woman responded. "Kids today."
"And," Mona continued, "when it was my turn to be licked it was fucking mind-blowing, even though I know I was her first girl ever."
"I didn't mean it too literally..."
Mona was unstoppable.
"If cunnilingus is an art, then anybody shouldn't just be allowed to do it, right? You should have to acquire a cunnilingus certificate, issued by the almighty Guild of pussy-eaters!"
Anna was beginning to enjoy this. She and Mona loved winding up people.
"Look," the Ukrainian said, joining the discussion, "don't you think it sends the wrong message proclaiming with such fanfare that cunnilingus is an art. I mean, think of all the inexperienced les and bi girls out there. They are just dying to lick pussy, but then somebody tells them it requires all those skills and stuff. Don't you think it could discourage them and make them stay in the closet or maybe even start sucking dick?"
The woman was clearly at a loss for words and was looking around for help from her friends.
"Is that really something we want?" Anna persisted.
Another woman -- an attractive blonde probably around 30 or so -- joined the conversation.
"Well, the youngsters here seem to know their stuff, Emma. Maybe cunnilingus isn't that complicated after all?"
The brunette to the right of Anna -- gorgeous and Italian looking -- seemed interested in talking to her.
"She's ok, she's just recently had her first lesbian experience and is still overwhelmed by everything."
Anna laughed.
"Yeah, I sort of figured that out. We'll go easy on her from now."