Angela considers paying another woman for sex
I. Flirting with the Internet
My alias is Angela, and this is a confession about something which I have originally meant to publish anonymously in a blog online. As it happens, I was going through a bad divorce with my husband when I first began to flirt with the thought of seeking pleasure in other women.
After eight years of failure in a marriage that it seemed only I had tried to save, I was so disappointed that I refused to ever love again. Sadly for me, I was only thirty-two at the time, still attractive and still quite capable of giving and experiencing sexual pleasure, and that did not make things any easier.
The sexual interest in other women did not come as a direct result of my marriage gone sour; I think it came as a side-effect of my sudden loneliness mixed with my fear to love.
In short, I didn't start finding other women attractive from one day to another, but I rather worked very hard to force myself into it, because I thought it would be the better, more painless option for my heart. I would certainly never fall in love with another woman, and therefore, with men out of the picture I could never get hurt again.
I finally found a hidden entrance into my so deeply-desired same-sex attraction when one day, as I sat in a lounge waiting to meet a client from our company, a strange, long-forgotten curiosity resurfaced. I sat there drinking a mug of coffee, when suddenly it happened.
The woman sitting across from me on the leather couch was wearing a short, cream-coloured miniskirt, very prone to visual accidents. It was tight around her hips and a bit looser around her thighs.
She was very absorbedly reading a newspaper article, when she crossed her legs and I got too good a look at her black knickers. The sight was as short-lived as it was enjoyable. It must have made me involuntarily bite my lower lip with delight.
Had there been a man in the room, I guess she might have been more careful, but seeing that I am a woman too she felt no need to not be careless. If she only knew how her obliviousness had given me a sight to obsess about! Shivers went down my spine as I drank my coffee and thought about the sight of her knickers, over and over again.
It had been years since another woman had flashed me her panties, and my mind started to work as I realised how much I had always enjoyed such unexpected sights despite my heterosexuality. I then began to remember past experiences: When had a woman flashed me her knickers for the first time?
I didn't have to try too hard to remember and immediately knew that the first had been Ms Downs, my Maths teacher. I still couldn't forget the sight of her knickers that day when she sat at her desk wearing a miniskirt and I accidentally dropped my eraser on the floor and saw them. Her knickers were white, and that became my favourite colour then and there.
I went to an all-girl school near my childhood house in Belfast, so looking up another girl's skirt was an accident that happened often and which nobody worried about. Of course, during those years I never felt the desire to sleep with another woman, which is why I always wondered about the delight I found in looking up other women's skirts. I never understood that about myself.
I remember back in the 90s women wore the colour white under their clothes a lot more often, and otherwise light blue, ivory or pink, as I remember, at least that was my case. Now it's mostly dark tones they wear, I think. White is the colour that I personally prefer, but these days everyone wears only black, and white is very rare.
The first time I saw someone wearing dark-coloured knickers was during my last year in school. Cäcilia, our German exchange student revealed us her black slip and brassier in the changing room, and I had to try very hard not to look.
Up until that day in the lounge I had led a normal life, but the sight of that woman's black knickers changed everything. I had not seen another woman's panties for a couple of years.
Later that day my thirst got the best of me and I experienced my first contact with internet pornography. Anxious as never before to see another woman's underwear, I typed in the keywords "beautiful women, knickers, skirts" in the search engine and found a great variety of sites to visit.
Page after page my eyes feasted on the alluring up-skirt pictures of countless gorgeous female models, photographed from under their skirts in every position.
That day I spent at least three hours looking at sinful pictures on my screen and the more I looked the more obsessive I became and the more I needed to see. Finally, at around midnight, I came upon a site with not only images but mostly videos.
I typed in the key words "lesbian, upskirt, panties" on the site's search engine and, not knowing whether I could find something of my liking, the page refreshed and showed me over one hundred options. Feeling somewhat guilty about what I was doing, I clicked on a video starring a couple of Japanese lesbians.
It was the first pornographic video I had seen in my life, and as it developed it began to arouse me in a very new way. Dressed in white blouses and plaid skirts, the two Asian women were making out on a bed. A few minutes into the film, one of them uncovered her counterpart's torso and began to suck on her breasts and her nipples.
This wasn't what I had been looking for at all, but it was incredibly arousing. Then, the girl that was doing the licking knelt on the floor in front of the other girl. My heart jumped as she lifted the other woman's skirt, under which she wore a pair of standard, white knickers.
I was embellished by the sight and felt the video was starting to awaken strange desires in me. Staring was inevitable as the camera zoomed in and focused on the girl's white panties, which were being stroked by the kneeling girl's fingers.
The sight of this began to drive me mad. Then, the woman who was kneeling began to brush her tongue across the other girl's white knickers, and as she continued, an inexplicable sexual madness came over me and I began to become humid between my own legs.
The scene continued and I lifted my own miniskirt and began to rub my own vagina through the underwear, suddenly wishing it was me kneeling before that pretty Japanese woman and licking her knickers like that. A few minutes afterwards the video made me climax and scream with delight.
As I got ready for bed a few minutes later, I felt confused and uneasy. My mind raced until very late that night and I almost missed the sound of my alarum-clock the next morning. I went to work a different woman, hardly myself anymore, a lot more timid with other women and less talkative than I usually was.
