A Real Mentor Pt 01

Amy looked at her watch and sighed. 11 pm, still at her desk, still trying to get this contract agreed before the weekend. She'd known when she decided to become a lawyer that part of it was hard work, that late nights were expected, but she hadn't been prepared for quite how boring some of that hard work could be.

Checking her phone, she saw a text from her boyfriend asking if she'd be home any time soon and if she'd like him to wait up, but she replied to tell him she'd be a few more hours yet and he should get to bed. Her boyfriend understood her work and, working in a similar field, he often had unexpected late nights or weekend working. The hard work, the long hours, were the price that you paid in your twenties and early thirties to get the senior jobs, to become a partner in your late thirties.

It would all be worth it in the long run. Though... it did wreak havoc with your social life in the short term, Amy had to admit. She'd had to cancel (again) plans to meet a couple of her best friends for university that evening last minute, and while the two of them had still gone out for dinner she hated being the flaky friend. And she couldn't remember the last time her and her boyfriend and managed to do something on a week night.

Getting up from her desk to go to the kitchen, she saw that while she wasn't the only one in the team toiling away in their offices this late, she was certainly in the minority. And, annoyingly, it always seemed to be the same people working late. Some of the team seemed to be never get caught up in these dull, time pressured deals and instead got to work on the longer term, more interesting projects. It didn't seem fair.

Thinking about it later as her late night taxi took her home, she resolved to see what she could do to change this.

Bright and early the next morning, after nowhere near enough sleep, Amy headed to the gym below her office building to work out. She managed to work out every day, and it was one of those things that the busier she got with work the more important it was to exercise - she needed the release of pent up energy that came with a strenuous workout.

Amy had always been sporty, right from when she'd started doing organised sports. She'd tried various, but she had had a particular affinity for lacrosse at secondary school, ending up captaining the school team and playing for her county.

Despite the myriad temptations to give it up at university she'd stuck with it, and soon found herself playing for the university women's first team, travelling around the country on Wednesdays to play fixtures against other universities. It was something that she'd loved doing, and the camaraderie was great within the team. They had formed a really tight bond between the players, socialising together after every match with all the dramas that come with long nights out.

She'd met her boyfriend, a rugby player for the university, on one of those nights out in her final year and they'd clicked immediately. Fast forward seven years after graduation and they'd been living together for the last three in (usually) domestic harmony. They both worked demanding jobs which came first during the week, but that usually meant that the weekends were their own and the money that they both earned could buy them a good sized apartment in a nice area of central London within walking distance of the office, and allowed them to do pretty much whatever they wanted with those weekends, whether going away somewhere or going out for expensive dinners.

Looking at her reflection in the gym's mirror as she ran on the treadmill, Amy felt pleased with what she saw. Despite seven years hard work as a lawyer she'd managed to keep the exercise up consistently, sometimes twice a day, and had maintained a healthy diet so that she was still in as good shape as she had been when she played lacrosse. Her legs, arms and ass were still toned, and she was particularly proud of her stomach which was pretty close to being a six pack, the result of religiously doing sit ups every day. On top of that, Amy was genuinely an attractive woman, with the sort of face that hinted at some exotic genes somewhere in the past, brown shoulder length hair tied into a ponytail to exercise, and the sort of bosom that was just the right balance between too large and too small.

Finishing up on the treadmill she saw one of her team members walking in, one of the men in the team with a few more years' experience.

Amy walked over to him. "Morning, how are you doing today?"

"Good thanks," he replied. "You're here early?"

"Yeah," she smiled ruefully. "I think I'm chained to this building. Last night was a late one and here I am back again."

"Late night again? That same deal?"

"Yeah. I don't know what gives, I seem to get stuck on all these relatively boring, time pressured transactions. I don't get how others seem to swerve them. What's the trick? I'm starting to be at my wit's end with the late nights."

He smiled. "You don't know?"

"Know what?" replied Amy.

"Mentoring."

"Mentoring?"

"Yeah, mentoring."

"But... that whole scheme just seems so pointless. The firm pair you up with some random partner who doesn't know you and doesn't care, it ticks some boxes for them to say they're helping you to develop, waste of time. I've never bothered with it."

"No... not the firm's official scheme. I agree that's pointless. You need to find yourself an unofficial mentor, someone you can work with and can build a strong connection with to help you navigate the firm."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I guarantee you that 90% of the people who went home by 7pm yesterday have got an informal mentor who, behind closed doors when the work is being allocated, is advocating for their mentee to get the good work. I guarantee you. And it's not just work, its promotions, its everything."

Amy paused for a moment. "I... I didn't know about this. It's really a thing? I thought promotions were just about who worked hardest."

He laughed. "Yep."

"But who...?"

"That I can't help you with beyond suggesting asking around. Some partners aren't keen on it, some love it and have multiple mentees, some help only women and so on. Then when you've found out who could be good, just approach them. Worst that can happen is say no."

"Wow, ok. That was really helpful. Thank you."

"No problem," he replied, heading off to start his own work out.

As Amy showered afterwards, she thought about what he'd said. This was the way to do it, if she could find the right mentor she could realise her potential in the firm. She could do the interesting work, get noticed, and hopefully get herself on the ladder to promotion that year and in, future to partner. She resolved to make finding out about potential mentors her mission for the next few weeks.

Amy spent the next couple of weeks doing exactly that, asking her colleagues over lunch and over coffee about their own experiences with informal mentoring and what they'd heard.

What quickly emerged was a shortlist of three partners who stood head and shoulders above the rest. Each took on multiple mentees, each seemed to devote the time to really help their mentees to develop, and for each there was a strong correlation between people who progressed in the firm and them being their mentors. It was a no-brainer for Amy to target those three first.

She realised that it would be a bad look to approach all three at the same time and then turn two of them down, that was the sort of naive approach that could easily burn bridges with someone important. So instead, she ranked them.

First choice was a male partner called Tom who ran one of the other departments in the London office. His reputation when it came to mentoring turned out to be legendary once she'd started to ask the right people the right questions. He had regular social events, creating a mini-community of fellow mentees, and even organised a group skiing weekend each year. To be mentored by him was to

Second was a female partner called Sarah who ran a team closely linked to Amy's own team. While not quite achieving the legendary status of the first she was well known for also creating a mini-community, but one that was a bit more discrete and serious than her first choice.

Third choice was then another female partner, Claire, and Amy only really placed her in third because she wasn't as senior as the other two and Amy figured it was good to have friends in as high places as possible.

Thinking about what to do next, she figured there was no time like the present. She drafted an email to her first choice explaining the she was looking for an informal mentor, that she was ambitious, that she wanted to get ahead in the firm, and that she'd heard he was a great mentor, laying it all out there to do a job of explaining why it would be great for her to have him as her mentor.

She hit send.

And waited.

And waited.

And no reply for a fortnight, until she got a reply email saying "Sorry for the slow reply, as you'd imagine I get a lot of people in the firm wanting me to mentor and I've only got so much time available. I really appreciate you getting in touch, but I feel that what you're looking for might be better served by a different mentor."

Dammit. Amy hadn't expected to be rejected like that, she thought she'd made a really good case.

Crestfallen, she sought out the colleague that had introduced her to the idea of informal mentors in the gym a few weeks before. "So... I got turned down by my first choice. I don't know what I did wrong, I thought I'd be a great mentee for him. Any tips?"

"What did you say when you spoke to him?"

"I didn't, I emailed."

"There's your first mistake. The best mentors get emails all the time, what they want is a mentee who is engaged enough and keen enough to speak to them individually. What did you say in the email?"

"I explained why it would be great for me, why it would help me progress, that sort of thing."

"Ok, so there's mistake number two. Think of it from his perspective. He knows it can help you progress, that's true of everyone. But what he wants is to understand what you'll bring to it. How you'll help the other people he mentors, how he'll benefit from mentoring you as well. Think about your pitch being what you'll bring to your mentor and their existing group of mentees."

Amy nodded as understanding dawned. Like so many things it seemed obvious once someone had said it. "I guess I should go and talk to him then?"

He shook his head. "No, that ship has sailed, I think. Have you got a good plan B?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Then focus on that. Talk to them and think about your pitch."

Amy thanked him for the advice, then headed back to her desk to think about how to go about doing this.

The following week the perfect opportunity presented itself. A meeting had been scheduled for Amy and one of her team to meet with Sarah to run through some topics that had come up between departments.

Sitting in Sarah's office the meeting went well, and Amy was keen to impress. As the meeting finished and they stood up to leave, Amy asked, "Sarah, I was wondering if I could have five minutes of your time to discuss something else?"

"Of course," replied Sarah. "I was going to go downstairs to get some lunch now. How about we walk down together, and we can talk on the way? Assuming it's not something confidential?"

"Oh no, nothing confidential. Let's do that."

As they walked to the lifts, they made small talk and rode down in a crowded lift to the ground floor in silence. When they came out of the lift Sarah asked, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Amy took a deep breath. "I understand that you do some informal mentoring, and I was wondering if you'd consider informally mentoring me?"

"I do," Sarah replied cautiously, "but I try to make sure I don't have too many people that I'm mentoring as I want to give my full attention to each. It gets too hard if there are too many."

"Oh... ok," replied Amy. "Do you have any flexibility on that?"

"Not normally," replied Sarah. She smiled, "...but I can make an exception from time to time. I tell you what, have you got twenty minutes now?"

"Sure," replied Amy. As if she was going to say anything else at that point when there was just the tiniest chance to be mentored by one of the best in the firm.

"Great, how about I buy us both lunch over the road, we sit down to eat it, and you've got that long to sell me on why I should make an exception. Deal?"

Amy's heart was racing as she sat at the table waiting for Sarah to come over with their two bowls of salad that she'd bought at the counter. She took a deep breath as Sarah sat down. Now or never.

"So," Sarah said, smiling. "Over to you..."

"Thank you, and I really appreciate you taking twenty minutes out of your day to talk to me. I mean, really, this explains a big part of what I want to get from an informal mentoring relationship. So many of the partners in this firm wouldn't do what you've just done for me, they'd have maybe listened, half concentrating on something else, sat at their desk, and that would be the mentoring relationship. Something superficial and not as good as it could be."

Sarah nodded in encouragement.

"And, what I'm looking for is a much more meaningful relationship. Yes, I'd like it to be something where you can help me progress, help me to navigate the path through partner, but it's not just about that for me. I want my relationship with my mentor to last for a career, it needs to be something that has much more behind it than just focused on me and how I progress."

Sarah smiled, and I could tell that I'd started well. But I also knew that I'd only talked about me so far, and I needed to talk about what I could give back.

"The other part of informal mentoring that I really like, and particularly how you do it, is the small community you've got and how tight knit it is. I can see that you have built a small group of people who support each other, look out for each other, and I'm sure do plenty for each other in ways that I don't even know about. And that's a real appeal for me over any of the other mentoring that is available."

Sarah nodded again, and said, "I'm reassured to hear you say that, as it's so important."

"It really is," Amy replied. "I'm acutely conscious that this mentoring relationship isn't about just what you can do for me, it's about what I can do for you and for your other mentees. I'd imagine right now I'm not a huge amount of use with that, but as I become more senior I will be. And I absolutely see that as the most important part of it if you'd agree to mentor me - what I can do to help you and the group."

Sarah sat there silently for thirty seconds, eating her salad but looking at Amy, appraising her. "Tell me more about you. About your background, who you are."

Amy described growing up, attending a private boarding school for the later part of her school education, university, lacrosse, her life since graduation.

Sarah seized on the sport in particular, which it turned out was common ground between them. Sarah had been a hockey player rather than a lacrosse player, but with a similar background and similar success, playing it for her university and even keeping on playing through the early part of her career.

"Of course, I make sure I keep fit nowadays although, to be honest, it gets harder and harder as time goes on - if you think you're busy, try combining work with having two kids as well and a husband to keep happy, particularly when I'm staying up in London during the week and only back home over the weekends. But I try."

Amy smiled. "I mean, I don't want to sound inappropriate here, but I'd say you look in pretty good shape... I hope I just didn't say something I shouldn't have?" Inside Amy was cursing, wondering if she'd just gone over a line and been too friendly when it had all seemed to be going ok.

"No, don't worry. Very kind of you to say, and if we're trading compliments, I've seen you down at the gym a few times and your workouts leave no prisoners."

Amy blushed. "That's very kind too." She looked at her watch, and said, "I've really got to head back up to the office now, I've got a meeting in a few minutes."

As they both walked out to go back to the office, Amy continued, "I really appreciate you taking the time. Even if you decide there isn't room for you to mentor me, I'd like it if we could at least chat from time to time. I thought this was a really useful discussion."

Sarah was silent for a few seconds, then said, "Don't worry, you persuaded me. You want to do this for all the right reasons, to help as well as to be helped, and I admire that. We've also got a lot in common, and I think you'll get along great with the rest of the group."

"I'm in?" asked Amy, smiling.

"You're in. I'll be in touch."

Amy didn't have to wait long. That evening she received an email forwarded by Sarah for drinks the following Wednesday at 7pm on the roof terrace of her apartment along with three of her other fellow mentees, located in one of the buildings in Shad Thames overlooking the Thames. Reputation was that Sarah's drinks tended to get a bit wild and had been known to go on until 2 or 3 in the morning, sometimes involving trips out to nearby late bars and nightclubs, sometimes involving going for an expensive dinner at one of the local restaurants.

She had, in fact, already made plans to have dinner with her boyfriend (work permitting) that evening but she knew he wouldn't mind cancelling for this, so accepted quickly.

The time until the day of the drinks passed as these things do, a mix of work and leisure.

On the Wednesday itself Amy wanted to make a good impression. There was nothing worse than being the new person in a group and not fitting in straight away, so she focused her day on what was happening in the evening. In the morning, she made sure that she wore her most fashionable work dress, a smart black dress that said 'serious but hot lawyer at work', and made sure that her hair was looking good, that she had her best make up on.

Throughout the day she motored through her work, and when she was approached at 5.30 and asked to do a task that would take all night for once she said no. This wasn't an opportunity she could afford to miss.

At 6.50 she started the ten minute walk to Sarah's apartment, and was outside the door at 6.59. As soon as it turned 7pm on her watch she knocked politely.

"Just a second," she heard Sarah's voice call from inside. Then, after a short wait, the door opened. "Come on in, so glad you could make it!"

"Oh, no problem. I wouldn't have missed this for the world. Am I the first to arrive?"

"Yes, but that's ok. Come, leave you shoes and handbag just by the door there, come with me and I'll get you a drink."

Walking through a short hall with a guest bathroom running off it, they went in to the large open plan living room and kitchen, with a good sized sitting area housing a massive corner sofa, a 10-seater dining table off to one side, and what looked like a functional but very well appointed kitchen. A door at the far end ran through to what was presumably the bedroom, but the main feature that jumped out was the floor to ceiling windows lining one entire wall of the open plan area. Beyond the windows was a huge roof terrace with the City of London skyline visible beyond.

They stepped out onto the terrace, and Sarah poured both of them a glass of very expensive looking champagne. "Cheers," she said, and they clinked glasses together.

Amy looked around. The view was incredible. Certainly, the whole apartment was leagues above the, already very nice, place that Amy shared with her boyfriend ten minutes' walk further away, but the view was something else. She could have spent hours just looking at the view, watching the river traffic go by below.