A New Road

Allie walked to her car, duffel bag in hand, numbness coursing through her body. As breakups went, this one was pretty good. They had a nice talk and hashed out their feelings about each other, and they arrived at the conclusion that they were better off as friends. Alex just wasn't attracted to girls, nothing to be done about it. The logic behind it didn't make Allie feel much better, though. Now she had to start from scratch once again, after eighteen months of finally feeling safe and respected around a partner. "At least I know how to have standards now," Allie muttered.

She collapsed into the front seat of her car and buried her head in her hands. Where was she going to go? She'd sublet her apartment, her best friends were busy, and her family... well, they weren't an option either. Allie took a shaky breath. "No tears," she admonished herself. "You can cry all you want later, figure this out first." She pulled out her phone, and the first thing she saw was a message from Miss Mira asking how she was. Allie laughed dryly.

>How are you, sweet girl?

~Well, Alex just broke up with me, so not the best.

>Oh no! Come over here, you're getting pampered tonight.

~Oh, are you sure? I don't want to be a bother.

>Nonsense. Quickly now!

Allie punched her Mistress' address into her phone, the beginning of a smile creeping across her face. For the last three months, as she and Alex grew further apart, she'd gotten closer and closer to Mira. They'd spend hours exchanging messages every day whenever they weren't together, and Allie always felt safe and protected around the woman who'd taken over her thoughts. The tall, slender woman with the faint Russian accent made frequent appearances in Allie's dreams, both sexually and otherwise. The brunette girl blushed as she remembered the narrative that ruled her mind last night. She usually had a hard time remembering her dreams, but any of the ones that featured Mira replayed in her head for days.

The image of her bound up in Mira's bed and made to identify which vibrator the taller woman was using on her made Allie bite her lip and let out a little huff, but she shook her head and focused on the road. It was peak drive time and traffic was dense, so it would probably take at least an hour to get out to Mira's. She rolled her eyes and sighed, and thoughts of Alex crept back into her mind. She thought about playing 20 Questions with them every night before bed, she thought about making fun of cooking show contestants together, and she couldn't help herself. Allie broke and started crying. The two of them met right before she transitioned, and while Alex had always been supportive, it was pretty obvious they were into her less and less the more her hormones worked their magic. Allie cursed herself out, struggling to keep her eyes on the road. "Stupid fucking boy," she said. "The best thing that ever happened to you fell in your lap and you fucking ruined it. You blew it!" She slammed her hand against the steering wheel and screamed. This was hell.

It got so bad she had to pull over into a parking lot so she could vent her emotions. For the first time ever, she felt a scrap of doubt about her transition. It hadn't been painless; first, her relationships with her family soured, then one of her oldest friends abandoned her, and now Alex too? "This isn't fucking worth it!" Allie howled. "Why fucking bother if everyone's just going to leave me?" She felt herself edging up to a depression spiral, a path she knew all too well. Allie tried taking deep breaths, to compose herself, but it wasn't working. She just buried her face in her hands and sobbed, every last toxic self-belief she had swirling through her mind all at once. "People just get tired of you," she said. "And they're right."

Just at that moment, Allie's phone rang. It was Mira. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," Allie grumbled. She'd never let Mira see her cry, not wanting to scare her off. She at least stopped the flow of tears, although she could still hear the phlegm collected at the back of her throat. "Hi Miss!" she said, trying to sound chipper. "Hello sweetheart," Mira cooed, her voice as lilting and charming as ever. "I was calling to see what you wanted for dinner, but have you been crying, darling?" Allie's eyes went wide. "H how can you tell?" she said, dropping the facade and letting the hitch creep back into her voice. "Oh you poor thing," Mira said. "Where are you?" Allie hit the button to share her location.

"Alright, I'm coming to get you," Mira said, her voice firm. "You cannot be driving in this traffic when you can't hold back tears." Allie wanted to protest, say that she couldn't let her Mistress go that far out of her way, but truth be told she was happy to hear it. "Can you leave your car where it is overnight, sweetie?" Mira asked. "Yes, Mistress," Allie replied, not seeing any signage indicating otherwise. "Good. I'm on my way now. Sit tight and watch a video that makes you happy."

"Thank you, Miss," Allie whispered, that same hint of a smile returning to her face. Her phone dinged with a text from Mira, with a link to a new video essay she hadn't seen yet. Allie squirmed happily and opened it, listening to the host discuss Stanley Kubrick movies. She didn't look up from the screen until she heard a tap on her window, and she glanced up to see Mira. She tapped the screen, surprised to see the timestamp had advanced more than an hour. She opened her door and stepped out of the car, only for Mira to immediately scoop her up in her arms and cuddle her against her chest. "Come on darling, let's get you home."

Mira carried Allie to the back of a chauffeured car, where the driver set off back into the bumper-to-bumper traffic. "Meredith, could you close the divider please?" Mira said, running her hands through the flustered-yet-grateful Allie's hair. The driver nodded, gave Allie a little wave in the rearview mirror, and shut the partition. "You should know Meredith approves of you," Mira said with a warm smile. Her driver was an old friend who Mira trusted with everything and paid handsomely, and Allie had spent several happy evenings these last few months splitting a bottle of wine with Mira and Meredith, usually ending up under one or both of them.

Usually, that comment would turn Allie into a blushing mess, but all Mira got was a sad little smile. "Thanks," she mumbled, her voice catching. "Oh honey," Mira said, holding her close. "I've never seen you like this before, are you doing okay?" Allie sighed. Honestly, she didn't know. She wasn't worried about doing anything to herself, this wasn't that kind of sad, but it wasn't any easier to bear. It felt like a part of her had been ripped away, and even though she knew it was coming on some level, she still felt wounded. She felt the tears coming again and she buried her face in Mira's top, trying to hold back full-fledged sobs.

"S sorry," she mumbled, curling in on herself. "I hate crying." Mira just held her tighter. "Shh shh shh, you don't need to apologize sweetheart. You're allowed to be sad, your relationship just ended for Christ's sake. You can feel whatever you're feeling right now. Tonight is all about you." Despite herself, Allie smiled. She really had hit the jackpot with her Mistress. Mira challenged her to be the person she felt she could be. She listened when Allie talked about her dreams and aspirations, she challenged her to defend her positions and beliefs, and she'd already taught her so much about sex and desire. "Thank you, Mistress," Allie said, her tears receding.

For the rest of the drive back to Mira's home, she held Allie in her lap, stroked her hair, and let her sub express every emotion she'd held in for months. She talked about how she wasn't sure if she was still into guys and how hard that had been to handle, and Mira didn't say a word. As Allie talked, the tears flowed out, but she didn't try to stop them this time. All her doubts about her transition and identity that had plagued her for months lifted off her shoulders over the hour-long drive, and by the time Meredith pulled into Mira's driveway the brunette girl was smiling again. "There's my little gumdrop," Mira said, tilting Allie's chin up and giving her a kiss.

Allie's eyes fluttered shut and she relaxed in her Mistress' grasp. She'd never met a better kisser than Mira. She wasn't forceful and didn't use too much tongue, and Allie saw fireworks every time their lips met. She whined a little when Mira pulled away, getting a soft smile in return. "There's plenty more where that came from later, cutie. But let's get you inside and get some food in you first!" Allie nodded. Mira was an incredible cook.

Allie made a beeline for Mira's well-appointed bar, her favorite place in the kitchen. "What would you like to drink, Miss?" she asked, all but bouncing with excitement. She'd been Mira's dedicated bartender for a party a couple of weeks before, wearing nothing but a collar, cuffs, a thong, and pasties on her tits. The memory brought a blush to her cheeks and she squirmed a little. "Surprise me, sweetheart," Mira replied, pulling ingredients for dinner out of the fridge. Allie's smile got wider as she mixed up a pair of drinks she'd concocted herself, consisting of whiskey, lemon juice, strawberry-rhubarb soda, maraschino liqueur, and a cherry. She took pride in her mixology abilities, and Mira had never tried this one before.

She handed her Mistress the tall glass and they both took a sip. "Oh fuck baby, that is delicious!" Mira said, taking another, deeper sip. Allie swore she was glowing, especially once Mira pulled her into her grasp and kissed the cherry into her mouth. Now that she'd gotten her emotions off her chest, Allie's blushy nature returned to her in a rush. She stammered and squirmed in the taller woman's grasp, and Mira chuckled. "I love how easy you are," she whispered, gripping Allie's hip. "All I have to do is compliment you and kiss you, and you just fucking fall apart in my hands!" Allie bit her lip.

"I can't help it if you've taken over my brain, Miss!" she said, as embarrassed as ever by needing to look up at her Mistress. Mira smirked and slipped a hand under Allie's skirt. "Not just your brain, my little ex-brat." Her fingers brushed over the smooth steel chastity belt Allie had been locked in since she met Mira. "I own what's between your legs just as much as what's between your ears." The shorter girl blushed so hard she thought she'd burst. "M Miss!" she squeaked. Mira pushed her back against the wall, taking her drink and setting it on the counter. "What, pipsqueak? Is there a problem?"

"PIPSQUEAK?!" Allie whined. She was six feet tall! But that didn't mean much to Mira, who towered over her before she put on her usual spike heels. "Yeah, pipsqueak," Mira hissed, pulling Allie's hands over her head and holding them in one of her own. "It means that you're smaller than me. Weaker. Helpless to the big, bad girl who wants to put you to good use." Allie huffed and tugged against Mira's grip, but she didn't have a prayer of slipping out. "Do you disagree, shrimp?" Mira said, smirking. "N no Miss," Allie replied meekly.

"Good!" Mira gave her sub another kiss and released her hands, turning back to her wok on the stovetop. "Dinner should be ready pretty soon," she said as though nothing had happened. "Go into the living room and pick out what you'd like to watch tonight, honey. I'll come in when I'm done." Allie sputtered, but when Mira gave her an expectant look she complied, grabbing her drink and scampering off to the living room. She knelt down in front of the bookshelf next to Mira's huge TV, looking through her huge Blu-Ray collection. Allie's Mistress preferred physical media to streaming, something about wanting to actually own things that were hers. Allie was suddenly very aware of her chastity belt.

She found "But I'm A Cheerleader" and smiled. She'd never seen it before, and it felt... fitting considering her current situation. She popped it in the player and climbed up on Mira's couch, letting the vintage 1999 previews play on the TV. She picked up one of the half-dozen fluffy throw blankets strewn across the couch and curled up under it. She picked up her phone and unlocked it, only to find she hadn't changed her background from a photo of her and Alex on their anniversary. The tears filled her eyes again, and she threw her phone to the other side of the couch and buried her face in the blanket. Happy memories with them surged forward in her mind again, but she took a deep breath. "It's okay," she whispered, not wanting to distract Mira. "You're allowed to be sad. But you're not allowed to go off the rails over this. Don't let a boy be your undoing, Allie."

When Mira came in with two heaping plates of stir fry, Allie had pulled back from the brink of another crying fit but she still looked glum. Mira glanced at the other end of the couch and saw the picture of Allie and Alex, and she clicked her tongue. "Here, let's get that changed," Mira said as she set the plates on the coffee table. She picked up Allie's phone, sat down, and pulled the shorter girl up against her side. "Let's see, what should we make it instead?" Mira opened Allie's photo gallery, and the third picture she saw in it was the lesbian flag. "Oh!" Mira said, squeezing Allie in tight. "Is there something I should know?"

Allie pursed her lips. Yes, there absolutely was. She'd been hesitant to use the l-word for months now, and she could never quite put her finger on why. "Um... kinda..." she said. "I think... I think I might be one? Maybe? Kinda? I don't know." She pushed her face into Mira's side, trying to hide from the conversation. "Ah ah ah," Mira said, pulling Allie out by her hair. "No running away from this, sweetie. What do you mean 'kinda'?" Allie gulped. She hadn't let herself think about this for months. She'd first thought of herself in connection with... that word shortly before she met Mira, but she didn't want to say it out loud and risk losing Alex. But now that wasn't a concern anymore, so what was holding her back?

"I guess... I guess it feels like I don't deserve it?" Allie mumbled. "Or it's wrong somehow?" Mira frowned. "Don't deserve it? How do you not deserve it?" The tears came right back, and Allie's face fell. "Because I'm not a real woman, okay?!" she snapped, collapsing away from Mira and sobbing. "Fuck!" she yelled through her tears, curling up in on herself. She'd never actually let herself express that worst fear she had; that no matter how long she was on hormones, no matter how all her friends perceived her, she was not a woman and never could be. All of those toxic thoughts she tried to keep at bay rushed in at once. "You're worthless, Mark," her inner monologue told her. "You don't deserve to call yourself a lesbian, you don't deserve to be happy. Fuck you."

And then Mira's grasp broke through the fog. She grabbed Allie by the shoulders, pulled her up, and kissed her. In a heartbeat, the whirlwind stopped in the shorter girl's brain, and affection bubbled up to replace it. Mira ran a hand up and down Allie's back, encouraging her sub to relax, and she accepted the guidance. The tension left her shoulders and she unclenched her muscles, just letting herself relax. The angry voice in her head was still there, but it was muted under the waves of joy from this beautiful woman holding her and locking lips with her.

Mira finally pulled away, and Allie looked dazed. "Listen to me," Mira said, her voice more serious than Allie had ever heard it. "You are a real woman, as real as me or anybody else. You deserve to be exactly who you are. You are under no obligation to shield yourself from the identity you want, and hurting yourself for the sake of 'not deserving' something you think will make you happy helps nobody." Allie nodded. "Do you feel like a lesbian, Allie?" The brunette girl nodded without hesitating, much to her own surprise. "Say it," Mira said, and Allie tried to pull away. The taller woman pulled her into a hug, flipped her around, and held Allie against her chest. "You just said it's what you feel. You aren't hurting or delegitimizing anyone by saying what you feel. Don't hide from what you want, there's nothing wrong with it. You can say it."

"Mark," Allie's thoughts whispered in her ear. "I... I can't," she said, her voice defeated. "That's alright," Mira whispered, kissing the top of her head. "Let's have dinner and watch the movie you just so happened to pick, and we can come back to it later, okay?" Allie cracked a small smile and nodded. She picked up her plate and took a bite. Her eyes fluttered happily; Mira made such good food. She had the means to pay a chef, but she preferred to cook for herself. She said it helped her relax and center herself, and Allie wasn't going to complain about reaping the rewards.

She scarfed down her entire plate within three minutes of the opening credits, and Mira happily served up another. Allie was engrossed, not even looking down at the food as she ate. Normally Allie always talked during movies, she couldn't help herself. She would analyze and make jokes, but now she couldn't look away. She kept leaning in closer, watching Megan learn to accept herself and embrace her true identity. She didn't even notice the amused smile on Mira's face as the movie wore on.

"Are you crying?" Mira asked, her voice a little teasing as the movie reached its happy ending. "Sh shut up," Allie responded, trying to hide her smile. Mira gasped in faked shock. "What did you just tell me to do?" she whispered in Allie's ear, pulling her onto her lap. "N nothing Mistress!" Allie squeaked. Mira wrapped a hand around her sub's throat. "That wasn't nothing, shrimp," she growled, and Allie whined. "You just told me to shut up, didn't you?" A flicker of heat blossomed in the pit of the brunette sub's stomach. "Yeah..." she said, and Mira's grip tightened.

"Was that a good idea, sub girl?" Mira hissed, and Allie broke out in a sweat. Ever since their first night together, when she cranked up her brat side and Mira broke her into a million little pieces for her trouble, her Mistress had gone to great lengths to police her word choice. Mira was a kind and understanding domme, but when she had a sub who enjoyed strict rules, she made sure to enforce them with gusto.

Mira's free hand drifted down to Allie's belt, a band of perfectly smooth steel keeping the girl from the pleasure she craved so badly. "You know, I was going to unlock you and give you an unpunished orgasm tonight," Mira said, and Allie whined. "Even someone as bratty as you deserves to feel proper pleasure. But if you're going to talk back to me like that, well... I think I'll have to get more creative in granting you that unpunished orgasm." Allie tried to break free of Mira's grasp, desperate for her Mistress' expert touch on her pussy, but Mira's choke turned into a headlock in a heartbeat. "My my my, are you still that untrained, slut?" She squeezed tighter, and Allie scrabbled at her arm. "You get the pleasure I give you, and if you're going to be so flippant with how you speak to me, I'm going to be a little more... cruel with that pleasure."

A chill ran down Allie's spine. Mira had never done anything too extreme to her. Sure, she'd locked her in chastity for months on end, tied her up in every position she could think of, and put her through repeated bouts of public humiliation, but those were pretty entry-level for Allie. Locked away deep in her submissive headspace was a true masochist, someone who lived for the last two letters of BDSM. Her thoughts briefly turned to Alex, who had done the lion's share of the work in building up her pain tolerance, but Mira's grip and scent were more than enough to subdue any of the sadness that bubbled up.

"Do you want me to hurt you, sub girl?" Mira asked, her voice soft. "If the answer is no, that's perfectly alright. I'm more than happy to be soft and tender with you tonight. But something tells me that isn't what you want right now, is it?" She relaxed her chokehold just enough for Allie to respond, and her words came tumbling out before she knew it. "Please Mistress, I want you to hurt me, I want to cry, I want to scream bloody murder, I want to suffer and fall apart so you can put me back together as you see fit." Her eyes went wide and she bit her lip, but it was too late. Mira squeezed the chokehold tight again, and a vicious smirk spread across her face. "Good girl," she said. "I am going to bare your soul before me, and I'm going to beat it bloody." Allie's eyes rolled back in her head.