Dear Caroleena,
Happy birthday. It is your 24th birth day and I'm really very happy to see you becoming such a big girl. I fought with tears back because one day I had seen the same girl wearing a red-white skirt with pink blouse and a birthday cone on her head celebrating her 3rd birthday. You remember the day? It was the very first day you came to live in our locality with your family. And now, you are just the same girl but in a more matured & sophisticated way.
I can almost see you. Your petite 5'3"was always your concern around people. I've never seen you without your 5" stiletto. Needlessly, you knew you could be adorable in everyway possible. The dress you could probably wearing now, the classic white gown with golden laces at the back and waist, white frills all around the lower border and the full sleeves of your gown; I always thought you were an angel every time I was present at your birthday. With your blonde hair pulled up on your head with pins and clips, the light make-up to high light you genuinely beautiful cheek and jaw line..... I never find words to describe you, Leena.
Forgive me, if I've crossed the line. You once declared not to call me Leena. But again, it's such a nice good event, don't spoil the charm for some nuisance of mine.
So. Where was I? yeah! Your birth day ceremony. You always wanted it to be special. Even at your three when you were too new for the neighbourhood, you didn't feel shy to play with almost strangers. Remember, we played Hide & Seek at our Community Park. For the sake of the greatest sarcasm, I was the seeker. You know, I found all our mates. They were too predictable to find. But you? You were something else. Even after upside downing the whole park I was unable to find you. Leena, Did you come into my life to play Hide & Seek? Did you come to hide forever? And to make me find you through out my whole life?
Will you believe if I say something? Will you believe that I never cheated on you? I can guess, you may stop reading the letter at this point. But please, just once let me confess, let me clear myself!
Caroleena, you were my dream girl. I day dreamt about us. I imagined you. Longed for you, worshipped you. I could kneel in front you even if you wanted to let me die. But there was Rick. You remember the Bully-boy from our primary?
Richmond Summers. He was the guy who challenged that I would never be able to find the necklace he has dropped in your closet. But as we both know, it actually belonged to you because you father planned to gift the necklace on your 5th birthday. To my greatest pride, I was a seeker. And you said finders are keepers. And the circumstances made me a thief.
Leena, I was never as wealthy as you were, but there was something I regarded as treasure for me; my dignity. Even at my early age I felt how idiot I was to step into that trap. Rick smiled in your birthday but cried the next one month for his broken nose.
My parent sent me to the boarding school. They figured out the Tom Boy I was gradually becoming was too alarming for them. If I was the centre of every mischief, their life could get complicated. Because of the same cause Leena, they were not as wealthy as you were.
I was sent o some kind of Jail. But I survived. But I quit after junior high. I was sixteen when I returned home to attend the funeral of my father, the Janitor of your father's office.
I don't know why you were too close to my father that you could even come to his funeral.
Have you seen how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? Have you smelt the freedom from its wings? It was exactly something what I felt when I first saw you at the funeral.
When father Joseph was reciting some phrases from Bible, I found your eyes wet. Though I was way too away, I couldn't miss that. Later that evening you suddenly came to me and hugged. Then a moment later you released and said, ' I always wanted to tell you that I was really sorry for the insult my parents did on my birthday. If you can, please forgive me!' then you left abruptly.
I can't point out why I can remember every words you said me that day. Even the excellent accent, the mesmerising warmth of your hands on my hands and the melancholic sunset down at the end of the day were unable to make me forget your words. As you said Leena, I'm gonna keep that buried into my soul, making them a part of it.
Leena, did I fall in love with you? On that very funeral?
To God's greatest humour, that was your birthday too.
The work place of mine and your swimming centre were the same. I worked as a swim coach there. While in that boarding school, I was nothing but a star swimmer, I even competed in national level.
The pool authority employed me in children section. But I was destined to meet you.
The days spent with you at the pool were the best days of my life. You were such a naïve, you feared water like Death. And you named me Mermaid. Remember?
I've never felt that attraction with anyone. At first I tried to teach you swimming. But having you so near wearing nothing but a skin tight swim costume was enough to make my own lessons blur. It used to be such a playful event to frighten you as if I was going to drop you. You used to yell at the top of your lungs, though you knew well that I would never let you drop into water. Our swim trainer used to make such a poor of you. But I hated it. I never lasted seeing you in pain.
While our innocence playfulness I was becoming aware of my orientations. I never was into guys. The days after spending time with you I used to come home as super horny. Being an Ideal Sex Driven teen I used to finger myself over and over until I was wobble enough to be sleepy. Sorry! I kept it a secret. Now please, don't get angry with me!
But that never was just a sexual attraction. I felt something more, something bigger. Leena, if there is anything called Love, it must be it; Love. It made me cry and laugh simultaneously.
In my eighteen I was some kind of and androgynous. I used to keep my dark chest nut hairs cut short with spikes upright. The very low amount of breast fit with my BUTCH personality perfectly. And to top it swimming had given me a lean but powerful body with muscles underneath.
I was dressed in simple cotton shirt and jeans at your senior prom. I was never invited. But a unique talent in electrical instruments gave me opportunity to work with some event manager nearby. So when your school hired that event manager I came as a joint packet.
I wish I never came. I was angry as hell when I figured out you and Rick in some lonely dark Gym when you were expected to be in the assembly hall. I was mad but was curious too. I tried to consume but when he tried to put his dick onto your throat even ignoring your distaste it took all of me. I changed the power mode and the whole gym flooded with lights. Well, it was enough to frighten that little shit his head out.
I thought I escaped from your eyes, but I wasn't that smart. Next day you showed up at my house. You just smiled and said,' I thought you would behave after your days at boarding school.'
I was at my workshop, tightening some junk. I offered a sly smile.
You came to sit next to me and started talking here and there. Then suddenly you asked, 'Jen, are you gay?'
