As always, I must thank some friends for their help with this story. Reading, encouragement and advice.
Thank you very much Melissa, Nicole and Randi for their generosity and assistance. I own all the mistakes, they're mine and no, you can't have them.
*****
Oh dear, life. Why did it have to be so hard?
I glanced across the canteen at Brooke who sat with a small group of colleagues. Their conversation seemed bright. There was laughter, and a few gentle playful nudges as the banter went back and forth.
I watched like a love sick puppy. She pushed her food around her plate, clearly more interested in the conversation than the sustenance.
She was so attractive, her personality so open and inviting. The way her eyes sparkled, the fluorescent light flickering like sparkles of luminescence.
She probably wouldn't get hunted down by magazines for cover shoots. She was probably way to curvy for that. She loved food, that was obvious. Her breasts full, her work tunic well stretched by her bounty.
I sighed, sipped my cup of tea and finished my slice of bacon and egg pie. Leftovers from last nights dinner.
The hooter announced the end of our lunch break and we all headed out back to the factory floor.
Sitting behind my sewing machine, I set about trying to get through the day. A shit job, that paid shit money. Life seemed much harder these days. University had been fun, lots of parties, friends and it had been so invigorating.
Post Uni, it was a sinking realisation. my desired career choice proving so much harder than anticipated. Clothing design was now more than ever controlled by the larger department stores. The franchised brands. To make ends meet, I'd taken the job as a seamstress out of necessity. The unemployment benefit didn't pay enough to cover needs. Rent, food, car registration, internet and phone. It was overwhelming.
Yeah, I could phone my parents, and they would happily send money, but. That wasn't how I saw my life. I craved independence. Hated relying on other people. I hadn't expected the world to fall at my feet after leaving Uni, but I did hope for some opportunities.
I'd sent my resume off to hundreds of companies. All to no avail. I was an untried fashion designer. My portfolio might be full of wonderful creations and designs, but I knew I was untested, unproven. It would take more than a degree and a small collection.
That was my life. Work sewing, and home to my tiny flat and again sitting behind my sewing machine. At least in the evenings I worked on my own designs. Always building towards a showing somewhere. A door opening, a chance to show what I was capable of.
Not surprisingly, I sought adventure of some kind. I wanted something nice. At lunch, while not lusting over the luscious Brooke. I'd leaf through some travel brochures. With the Christmas holidays approaching I wanted, no needed a get away. Somewhere fresh. I wanted a nice south seas vacation. Rarotonga, Samoa or even Fiji.
The prices though were astronomical. Aussie was more my price range, but the Gold Coast didn't really do it for me. I wanted that Island paradise experience. Lagoons full of crystal clear azure waters, white sands. Palm trees, and coconuts. Oooh, pineapples. Yeah, that's what I wanted.
There wasn't a lot of chance for conversation during work hours. It wasn't a sweat shop, but we were all expected to work. Mindless continuous and boring. Everyday a repetition of the previous.
Five O'clock finally arrived, and we streamed like monkeys waiting to clock out. Time cards...
"Hey, Violet. Long day huh."
I turned to see Jasmine waiting behind me. "Yeah, god it gets harder every day doesn't it."
"Sure does, god my arse is numb from sitting behind that damn machine all day."
"You gotta get up and move around a bit girl. You'll end up with seat arse."
She laughed, giving me a nudge in the back. "Oh yeah, and what would that be?"
"You know, a big wide flat arse."
"Oh right. To late. I think I already got it. Well that's what my hubby Tim, says."
"Oh please... Your arse is great."
With exchanged grins, Jasmine asked. "Wanna stop at the pub on the way home? I could use a drink?"
"Yeah, sounds like fun. I'm sick of doing nothing every night."
It was nice to have conversation. Somebody to talk to. At the pub, we got drinks and found a table. Seemed like we weren't the only ones after a drink.
Jasmine stood up waving, calling loudly. "Hey, Brooke, over here."
When I looked back at the bar, there was Brooke and a couple of the other girls from work. With drinks in hand. They wandered over. Jasmine Brooke and the other girls all hugged.
"You all know Violet, right?" Jasmine said questioningly.
"Nah, I've seen you around in the canteen." Eileen one of the other girls said. I stood and we all completed the introductions.
"How long have you worked at the factory?" Siona asked.
"Six months I guess." I replied.
"How come we never talked?"
"I'm a bit shy. Don't really socialise that much."
I glanced at Brooke, who had fallen into conversation with Jasmine. God, she looked so stunning.
The conversation opened up, and jasmine asked about what I did other than work.
"I'm working on my own fashion line. I finished Uni, and couldn't find a job using my designer skills, which is why I ended up at the factory."
"Wow, you design?" Brooke gushed, her voice full of curiosity and doubt.
"Yeah, got a degree to prove it."
"Are you not very good or something?" Sena asked. "Sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was. Why couldn't you get a job?"
"The major labels are all closed shop. The private ones although they showed interest. Offered nothing. They can't or won't take a chance on an unknown."
"So what, you're making your own line?"
"Yeah, actually. I make all my own clothes. I never buy anything."
"Wow, no way. You made what you're wearing?"
"Yeah, even the underwear."
"Holy comoly." Eileen gushed, the admiration clear. "That is seriously bad arse, and that outfit. Damn it looks good."
"Thanks, it's old though. I made this while I was at Uni."
"Shit girl. You should just make them and sell them online. Seriously like. I'd buy that."
I blushed a little. "Thanks."
"Nah, hang on, Violet." Jasmine said. "She's onto it. Like why don't you make some and sell them online?"
"Because I don't have the money to buy the fabric. I'm struggling each week to pay rent, and buy the fabric to finish my line. I'm stuck. Lots of ideas, but no way to bring them into the world."
The conversation swirled around the table, and other topics took over. Mostly men. Jasmine, and Eileen were the only married ones. Sena, started going on about her current boyfriend, and the whole table erupted in laughter. Even I had to laugh. She was really funny.
Watching Brooke laugh made me shiver. She didn't laugh with her mouth. Her whole body laughed. It was completely beguiling. My heart did take a beating when Brooke started talking about her boyfriend. My emotions slumped.
The one aspect of my sexuality I struggled the most with was... Identifying partners, other gay women. Gaydar, or intuition. Call it what you will. Mine didn't work, and after being deeply embarrassed at uni, I was now reluctant to make approaches.
Once bitten, as they say. After another round of drinks, it was all over, and we all headed for the door. There was a mutual hug from everyone, and just like that. We were all heading in different directions.