Why Canada Really Sucks

Are you a young Black man in Canada's Capital Region who's having trouble finding a chick to fuck? Are you sick and tired of sexy and beautiful, educated Black Canadian women making you wait forever to get some pussy? If so, call us at the Love Match Line. We match people based on compatibility and need. Hold on, folks. We have our first caller. His name is Adam Lambert, and he's a young Black man attending Carleton University. He got dumped by his Jamaican girlfriend Stephanie three weeks ago and hasn't gotten laid since. He lives in his parents basement and works as a pizza delivery guy. Small wonder he's not a chick magnet.

The beautiful, educated Black women coming out of fine Canadian schools like Carleton University and the University of Ottawa with degrees don't have time for losers. They're too busy planning for their futures and gearing up for the fast-paced and super competitive world of tomorrow. If you are that rare example of a good-looking, educated Canadian brother who loves Black Canadian women and has lots of ambition, they'll come your way. That's the kind of man they want. If you're a lazy bozo, these Black Canadian Princesses are definitely not for you. Alpha females don't go for Beta males. That's simply not the way mother nature works. Sounds like a tough situation. What's a brother to do?

Call the Love Match Line, that's what! We got another caller, folks. Her name is Mildred Shamrock, and she's a blonde-haired White chick who's a little bit on the chubby side. Translation? We're dealing with a five-foot-six, 250-pound White bitch with a huge ass. Mildred got dumped by her Irish boyfriend O'Connor a few weeks ago because she put on weight. And she's feeling desperately lonely. She's unemployed and lives off social assistance. She's only taking two courses at the college. How come guys aren't banging at her door? I guess we'll never know. Still, she has needs. What's a chubby White chick to do? Call the Loser Hotline, oops, we meant the Love Match Line, of course!

Okay, folks. Mildred goes to Algonquin College and she's desperate to get laid. Since the fat White women of the world only appeal to Black guys, we matched her with Adam. He's getting some throw-away White pussy and he certainly won't mind. Let's follow these two around the city on their impromptu date and watch what happens, folks. They met at the local Tim Horton's restaurant, the one down on Ottawa's Merivale Boulevard. They chatted for a while. We both know where this is going. Clean-cut, good-looking White guys don't want fat White chicks. They prefer supermodels. And good-looking, educated Black women don't want Black guys who still live with their parents. That leaves ugly, fat White chicks and lazy Black guys in each other's company.

Adam Lambert took Mildred Shamrock to a nearby motel and they did the nasty, as they say. As soon as they got inside, they got naked. Mildred looked at Adam and licked her lips. If only her lily-White female friends from Gatineau could see her now. She was about to do it with a Black man! Adam looked at Mildred and grinned. Finally, his fantasy of fucking a fat White chick was coming true. Like a lot of Black guys in Canada, he found White chicks easy to get into bed. And this was certainly true in the case of Mildred Shamrock. He unzipped his pants. He wasn't as big as he claimed. Only seven and a half inches. However, to Mildred who was used to dealing with White Canadian guys with even smaller dicks, he looked huge!

Mildred knelt before Adam and sucked his dick. Adam leaned against the mattress of the motel bed and closed his eyes as Mildred sucked his dick. He smiled to himself. This was a Black Canadian male's dream come true. Getting his dick sucked by a fat White chick. Beautiful and educated Black women weren't his style. He didn't like them one bit. He found fat White chicks a lot easier to deal with. The best way for a Black man to get a fat White chick to spread her legs is to say hello. That's the magic word. When it comes to Black guys, fat White chicks in Canada find it hard to say no. Of course, they also find it hard to say no to Tim Horton's sandwiches, which explains their predicament in the first place.

Mildred sucked Adam's dick with gusto. This was her first time with a Black man. In her beady little eyes, he represented everything wild, dangerous and cocky in the world. White guys in Canada were a lousy bunch, more interested in playing hockey than in fucking women. That's why the growth rate of the White population in the Confederation of Canada remains so damn low. Mildred sucked Adam's dick until he came. When he did, she guzzled up every drop of his manly cum. Once she was done, she climbed on top of him. All two hundred and fifty pounds of her. A normal guy would have been squished and gasping for air. Not Adam. You see, Adam is a Canadian of the African persuasion. Seemingly designed to worship fat White chicks. This is his idea of heaven.

Adam barely has the time to put on a condom before Mildred straddles him. He wraps his arms around her wide waist, or at the very least tries to. Her big White tits are flopping about his face. He thrusts his dick into her pussy. She shrieks. He groans. And they start fucking. It's a match made in desperate Canadian urban heaven, folks. A fat White Canadian chick and a Black Canadian guy. Rejected by slim, good-looking White Canadian guys and gorgeous, educated Black Canadian women, respectively. They had no choice but to go for each other. Adam and Mildred start fucking like there's no tomorrow. Fifteen minutes later, it's over. Fucking fat White chicks requires a lot of energy and Adam is kind of lacking. As for Mildred, due to her physical condition she lacks the stamina to keep fucking for a long time so fifteen minutes riding the dick is perfectly okay for her. They smile at each other, shower and depart the motel. Never to see each other again.

Another successful Match made by the Love Match Line. We paired up this Beta-class Black Canadian male and this definitely loser-level fat White Canadian chick and they both got a decent meal and some ( quick) sex out of the deal. Next week, we're matching nerdy White Canadian guys with Asian chicks. Ever wonder why Asian chicks in Canada love White guys so much? Well, we'll reveal the secret in the next instalment of this fun and exciting series. Did you like it? Well, we're glad. Stay tuned for more, folks!