"How did I get here?" I thought to myself.
Here I was stuck at the wedding for distant cousin in Idaho and I didn't know anyone! Heck, aside from the Latino wait staff, I was the only guest darker than a snowflake. Thankfully I had my blue Armani dinner suit to wear, it looked good and felt great!
"Why did I listen to my mother?" I muttered silently into my drink.
I was trying to explain to an elderly Grand-Aunt how I was related to the bride when I realized that I had a buzz going from my champagne. That morning I ran ten kilometres and didn't replace my electrolytes, now I was paying the price.
One of the blue blazer wearing servers passed by bearing a tray.
"Leave that with me." I said to the Latino fellow.
With a nod he handed it over and I ate with the speed of a man who hoped to sober before the ceremony started. The elderly lady with me wandered off, I was left alone next to a table with several empty wine glasses.
A greasy looking balding man in a cheap ruffled suit bumped into me. With a mouthful of snacks I tried to apologise, but sounded rather more like a starving fool.
The chubby little man fixed his tie, as he tried to strike up a conversation; the stench of liqueur coming from him was powerful. I couldn't follow his rant, he slurred and mumbled way too much. All I could do was try to smile and nod repeatedly.
When his energy was spent he pushed his way passed me towards a woman who was watching us talk. I sized her up quickly, and liked what I saw. She was short and very busty; her lavender gown looked like it was going to spill her breasts out if she took a deep breath.
Her black hair was cut very short, perhaps an inch on the sides, and a few inches on top. Her skin was an olive Mediterranean shade. My attention was on her purple painted lips; I'm a boobman, but her lips had me hooked.
The two of us were locked in a longing gaze until the pudgy man reached her. I thought he had kissed her on the cheek, however she wiped at her ear. This dude must have been hammered, or a real oddball. Afterwards, he grabbed her by the arm and the two marched towards the door.
Before they left the barn, which was where the wedding and reception were being held (this was Idaho after all...); she looked back at me once last time. I shot her a big toothy grin as I winked at her.
She stopped walking and blushed deeply. The little man she was with finally caught wind of our exchange, shot me a dirty look and dragged her away. I sent him a wink and a wave to for good measure.
An hour later the wedding started, I caught a glimpse of the two, but lost track of them in the crowd. I'm not one to chase a woman down to chat her up, but as far as this crowd went, she seemed the most interesting.
During the speeches they were seated on the far side, it looked like they were bickering. I felt bad for the lady, she seemed quite frustrated.
Before the dancing began, it appeared like they had made up. It was good to see the two happy again, I smiled as they kissed once, then a second time. The third time he kissed her neck, or so I thought, she ended up wiping her ear with a frown.
"This dude was no Casanova." I said into my drink. Although I tried to sober up earlier, I didn't completely stop drinking.
The music started and in moments all the tables and chairs were removed by the staff leaving the barn a dance floor. I left my coat on a chair, rolled up my sleeves; took a big sip, and hooted as I leapt into the crowd. Although I'm not a good dancer, but I was drunk enough to think I was!
After what seemed like several hours I was sweaty, and tired from the dancing. I was also sure that I had fuelled the fantasies of several women, as well as earning the jealously of an equal number of men.
Outside I found a latrine, they had a row of those blue plastic bathrooms that you see at construction sites. With one urge satisfied, I enjoyed a drink by myself under a light away from the crowd.
"Excuse me." A female voice said from the darkness.
"Yes. How may I help you?" I replied.
Out of the shadows stepped the busty lady I had been having eye-sex with throughout the wedding. I tried to play cool, but my heart was racing.
"I want to apologize for my boyfriend." She said putting a hand on my arm. It was freezing!
"I didn't know he offended me?" I replied, noticing that she didn't remove her hand.
She looked confused at this, so I continued to speak. "I remember that he talked about a trip to Mexico, but to be honest, he was pretty drunk."
I missed what she said in reply, as I was admiring her goosebump covered cleavage. I was secretly praying for a nipple slip.
"I'm sorry, I missed that?" I said trying to recover from my ogle-fest.
"He was telling you about how he dislikes Mexicans." She said trying to look positive.
I chuckled softly, American views on Mexicans always made me laugh.
"Where are you from?" She asked
"Rotterdam." I said smiling.
"Rotterdam?" She replied looking confused.
I nodded, and she spoke again. "My Auntie on my father's side is from Rotterdam Louisiana! Do you know her?"
She said her aunt's name, but I missed it, oddly enough I did some relatives in Louisiana, including a giant cousin who was in the US Marines. I sighed and said that I didn't know her, I then took both her hands in mine, looking into her dark brown eyes I spoke.
"You look cold, would you like to go for a walk to warm yourself up?" I said with a fox's grin.
"My boyfriend is passed out at our table..." She said as if she were thinking out loud.
I stayed silent and held our gaze until she replied again. "Sure, I don't have to take that lazy ass to the hotel right away."
Despite the cold, I was suddenly hard as steel. I held out my arm like the ushers did when they sat us for the ceremony, and gained a grin.
A small group of people strolled by while we tried to make our introductions; I want to say her name was Tonya, but I wasn't too certain. I doubted she even caught my name.
I steered her down a path into the woods I had strolled earlier, I was quite sure we weren't seen heading into the dark. While we walked she chatted about the crops her family grew and soil quality. I wasn't one for farming, but I was intrigued.
I could see that our walk hadn't warmed her, so I put an arm around her. She replied gratefully, snuggling closer to me while we walked. Her shoulders were cold to the touch.
I wasn't really paying attention to where we were headed. Although sex was on my mind, I realized that this was just a friendly non-romantic encounter. We were both telling jokes, and laughing when Tonya stopped walking and looked at me.
"I was here earlier today with my boyfriend." She said.
I looked around, there was a river nearby, with a small waterfall. It was quite beautiful.
