PheroMoans
Chapter 5 Desire
{} Thinking
Freshman Year Two years ago.
The dormitory buzzed with bass-heavy music; the floor vibrated beneath your feet. The air is thick and humid, mingling too many bodies in a small space as young men and women dance on the crowded room floor. The smell of pizza grease, cheap beer, and weed drifting in the air. Conversations overlap into an unintelligible hum, a few shouts of laughter cutting through the din. It was a freshman-year party in the middle of the winter. Mark is currently partying a little too hard for Emma's liking.
"Mark!" Emma says with a tap on Mark's shoulder, cutting him off from a dance with another girl.
"Oh, Ems, what's up?"
"We need to talk. Come on."
"Talk?" Mark says before he is yanked by the hand through the crowd of people by Emma into a secluded room. She shuts the door and turns to him with a disappointed look.
"What are you doing here?"
"Cutting loose, having fun, you know."
"That's not you, that's not Mark."
"Fuck Mark." Mark laughs. "Look, I'm trying just to forget things, you know."
"You didn't even cry."
"Excuse me."
"At the funeral for your parents, you didn't even."
"And? Do you want to see me cry, Emma? Haven't you seen that enough in the past? Look, I'm a man."
"Cut that toxic male bullshit out. I want you to grieve; I want you to have closure. It's okay."
"No, Emma! It's not okay. I'm a fucking orphan, I have nothing now."
"That's not the truth,"
"It is; I have nothing, aint got shit. I'm at this fucking school that, honestly, I learn shit all from, getting into mad debt for..."
"Mark, I'm just worried about you."
"Oh, shut up! I'm a burden to you."
"You're not."
"Emma, when will you realize your life would be better if I weren't in it."
"I stick around because I love you, you idiot." Mark grits his teeth and turns his head as Emma touches his cheek. "I love you so much, Mark." Mark leans his face into her hand and stares into her eyes. He moves in to kiss her. She doesn't protest as he takes her down onto the bed.
"Shit," Mark says, pulling up quickly. "Sorry." He looks at his reflection in the mirror. He's disgusted at what he sees: his face, body, everything. But Emma gets up and blocks his view.
"It's Okay." She speaks. "Come here." She says, pulling him into a hug and laying back on the bed. He lays his head on her chest; she brushes his head as he grieves for the first time.
----------------------------------------------------Present day--------------------------------------------
Mark's eyes are fixed on a piece of paper; he is sitting in the dorm' lounge area. Rosalind, across from him, as she doomscrolled through her phone while sipping on a large metal mug.
"Ugh," Mark says, clawing at his head while his pencil taps on the table.
"Easy there now, don't have a nervous breakdown," Rosa says between sips.
"No, I'm just tired."
"Great, this is what I must look forward to, bags underneath my eyes. This job better be worth it,"
"Again. You have actually have to get the job first." Mark says with a strained expression.
"Mark, is that you?" A voice rings from the entrance of the lounge.
"Hey, Bonita," Mark says with a wide grin as Rosa turns and gives her a disparaging glare at the glowing woman. Bonita walks towards him and pecks him on both of his cheeks.
"I know what you did," Bonita says, smirking at him, placing a hand on one of his shoulders, then trailing it across his chest.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Mark says
"Don't try to hide from me, Mister. I know it was you." As Mark tries to avoid her eyes. "I want you to know I appreciate it, and it was a great gesture. You remembered I love orchids, and you got me such a cute card."
"I'm happy you liked it," Mark says
"Of course I did, silly."
"So, where you off to?"
"Oh, a job interview."
"Really? Where at?"
"Please don't say Bloomingdale." Rosa blurts out between a sip of her coffee.
"Oh, god no," Bonita says, with a smirk aimed in Rosa's direction; she then turns back to Mark. "It's an internship at the fashion magazine ALT."
"Damn, that's Awesome Nita."
"I know, right? Well, I have to go. Wait, before I leave, how do I look?" Bonita says, striking a pose.
"Amazing as always," Mark scans her up and down as Rosa gives him a side-eye. Bonita smirks once again, feeding off her supposed dissatisfaction.
"Thank you, Mark. See ya." Bonita says, strutting out of the lounge.
"That bitch." Rosa says, taking another sip of her coffee. "Fuck burned my tongue; that's her fault too. First, she walks over here and then talks to you while I'm around." Rosa shakes her head, with her eyebrows furrowed.
"Uhh, is she not allowed to do that?" Mark says.
"Listen, Mark, whenever I am in the presence of a man, you assume he is mine and that I have his undivided attention," Rosa says with a devilish smile.
"Nice, I'm a man now, and also, I'm yours now?"
"That's. That's beside the point, Mark."
"Another question, do you have that same energy around cousins, oooh, your father?"
"Don't mention my father. And if you must know, yes." Mark shakes his head as they continue to talk.
Hours later, at school, Rosalind sits in class mulling over her designs for her fashion project. She questions every corner of her design choices, the fabric, the patterns, and even the label placement until she is knocked out of her trance by her approaching teacher.
"Rosalind, you didn't follow my instructions to change your designs?"
"Well, of course, they are my designs after all."
"Yes, having your own creativity is nice, but there are guidelines and this effort."
"My effort?"
"Surely you are more capable of better work?"
"I, of course."
"Please adjust your designs for the project turn in next week."
"Yes, Ma'am," Rosalind meekly says as classmates laugh at her. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.{ I am Rosalind Mendez, I am Rosalind Mendez.}
"That's all for today's class. Please keep working on your fashion branding assignment." As the teacher finishes, Rosa rushes out of the classroom. She speeds into the bathroom, into the farthest stall, sitting on the toilet seat, and her face planted in her hands.
Mark left the library and headed towards the train station several minutes later. He sees Rosa on her phone in the park above the train station and directly outside the school.
"Hey, you ready."
"Yeah," Rosa says, grabbing her bags and walking towards the train station. Her lips were tight, and the light in her eyes was slightly dim.
"You good? Why are you so quiet? Worried about that assignment?"
"No. God, many questions. I'm just worried about this interview."
"Ahh, don't worry about it. You got this kid." Mark says Rosa cuts her eyes at him; he catches on that her mood is still off. They board the train and ride in almost complete silence soon after the bus.
As they get off the bus, Mark notices Bonita checking her mail.
"Hey, Nita," Mark says, waving toward her, she somberly waves back.
"This bitch." Rosa mutters under her breath.
"Hey, Mark," Bonita says as she walks over with a small package under her arm.
"Everything okay?"
"I'm not staying for this," Rosalind says while darting past them both.
"Bye, Rosy."
"Don't call me that," Rosalind says, walking away from them.
"What's up, Nita? Why do you look so down?"
"Oh, Mark, I don't think I did so well on my first day of internship. I was flustered, and ugh, I'm such an idiot."
"Hey."
"No, I should have been more prepared, and I guess I should have dressed more professionally."
"Didn't attract those old dawgs, huh...Sorry, bad joke." Mark says as Bonita laughs.
"No, I could use some humor; I was gonna watch a comedy on Netflix and try to forget."
"Tomorrow is a new day."
"You're right, it is."
"Bonita!" A voice yells, walking up to them from the direction of their apartment." So, you leave, and you are out here talking to this other n@#$5," the voice says, now identified as Bonita's boyfriend.
"You see, I got this package under my arm?" Bonita says.
"Who the fuck is this?" The man says, pointing towards Mark with an angry look on his face.
"That's Mark, my neighbor; leave him alone. He was just trying to make me feel better about today."
"What? That's what the fuck I'm here for."
"Hey, calm down," Mark says
"Fuck you say?" The man says, edging closer to Mark with his fist clenched. Bonita immediately tries to put a hand on his shoulder, but he brushes her off and moves towards Mark.
Around the corner of the apartment building, Rosalind is peeking on at the conflict. Her hand pressed on her phone.
"I just said to calm down. You're being a little extreme, aint you."
"A little extreme. Me? Aren't you the N@#$% that brought my girl a birthday gift? You think you sleek out here trying to fuck her. But she don't you want you; she wants a real N$%#$# not some bitch ass lil bro." The man yells as he points his index finger at Mark's face. Mark takes a deep breath and smiles at the man.
"Look, yeah. I got Bonita a gift, but I'm not trying to do anything with her. We're just friends, and get your fucking hand out my face N#$$%," Mark calmly says, tightening his face.
"Mark.." Bonita whispers as she moves towards them. "No, he's drunk," She continues trying to get in between them, but her man pulls her back roughly.
"Don't grab her like that, and I don't care, Bonita. Just because he's drunk doesn't give him the right to treat you like this."
"Lame ass, this my bitch. I can talk to her any way I won't; stay in your lane."
"No," Mark says simply, clenching his fist, bending his knees, and lifting his heels. The man laughs and raises his shirt.
"You aint gonna be around much longer if you keep talking to my girl."
"I'm not afraid of you." {Wait, Is that gun? What the fuck do I mean? I'm not afraid.}
"Good."
"Do something then," Mark says, his eyes on the man. Bonita tries to get between them again but is pushed back by the man again. {I can't stop myself.}
"Stop this shit, Smoke," Bonita says, hooking his arm. He smiles at Mark and lets her pull him away. "Get back in the room. I'll be there in a minute." She says, looking back at Mark with concern before she yips as Smoke smacks her ass and grabs it.
"Alright, hurry up." He says, his eyes locked on Mark moving backward.
"Mark, I gotta go. Thank you."
"Yeah, you gonna be, okay?"
"I'm good, really, thank you."
"Come on, Nita." Smoke says as she turns around to him.
"I'm on my way, calm down," Bonita quickly approaches him; he wraps his arms around the back of her neck and turns his head to glance at Mark again.
Mark relaxes his stance and takes a deep breath. "What the fuck?" He says as he walks towards his room. Bonita and Smoke are already in their room; loud voices can be heard echoing from the hallway.
Rosa leans against the wall, sighs, and wipes her head. "estúpido."
Mark walks inside his apartment, and Dave is on the couch with a blunt in his hand. The Smoke flows out of it as he smiles at Mark.
"Well, well, Captain Save a Hoe. Finally made it inside." Dave says smoke escapes out his mouth.
"Stop," Mark says, smiling before sitting on the couch.
"If I had to put my blunt down and pop out. Nobody talks about my guy like that." Dave says, passing him the blunt, which Mark turns down. "Oh damn, must be pressed; it's okay to hit its plant-based."
"The fuck? No, I just, I got a thing later."
"A thing?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, Mr. Fucking Cryptic, and I saw you eased into that stance out there; you were gonna show him the moves.
"That was the plan."
"Good," Daves says, taking another hit on the blunt. "Stop being cryptic where you goin. I need to know, just in case."
"I'm going to the movies and probably won't return. Maybe I don't know."
"Geesh, who is this man sitting on the couch? Picking fights."
"I didn't."
