Chapter Thirteen: The Analysis
The next morning was dreary and wet. Since he had originally planned to work on a new proposal during his time in the country, Shinichi rose quietly while Melina slept. He had watched her move restlessly in her sleep for much of the night, her eyes twitching as if she'd been having a bad dream.
After about an hour's work on the proposal, Melina came into his cluttered little studio, still in her bathrobe and hair uncombed. Although her face was drawn, her mood was cheerful. She offered to bring him coffee. Perhaps they could venture out in the afternoon if the weather improved.
As she softly closed the door to his studio, Shinichi watched her leave. Already he was dreading her departure, not only because of her physical absence, but because she might decide not to continue what would soon be a long-distance relationship. It had taken him so long to find her.
The night before, he had realized he was concerned about Melina's opinion of what he had previously assumed was a shared sexual preference. He finally brought up the subject as they lay in bed together, speaking with some hesitation before asking a direct question.
"Do you ever wonder why I enjoy doing things to you that suggest I'm, well, sadistic?"
She was silent for a moment. "I can see why you would be concerned, but I admit I didn't wonder about your own motives. Or mine either, to tell the truth. I suppose the other half of the question should be 'Why didn't I stop you?'"
She explained that she had come to view his dominance as an act that resulted in an odd freedom.
"When you take control, you objectify me so that I'm nothing more - or less - than a body. The irony is that it frees my mind, simplifies things. I exist solely to be used by you, fucked by you, anything you want. And that's why it makes the sex so much more intense."
She was quiet for a minute then continued. "Still, I suppose we're still wondering why we chose these roles. And I don't understand why I feel so powerful when I'm helpless."
"I think I understand," he said. "You feel powerful because you are powerful. Without you, I can't be what really turns me on, which is dominant. Instead, I have to be a gentleman. And to meet a woman who attracts me sexually and also shares my preferences - the chances of that happening were pretty small."
She snuggled closer to him. "I'm glad we got our chance. You rock my world, Shinichi-san."
Chapter Fourteen: The Proclamation
The next morning, Shinichi realized he was getting nowhere on the new proposal. During the weeks after he first saw and lost Melina at the party, his concentration had suffered as he fantasized about her. Now that he had found her, his concentration hadn't improved - it had become even worse. All he wanted was to be with her.
He abruptly gave up and found Melina sitting on the leather sofa, still in her robe, painting her toenails cherry-blossom pink. "Would you like me to do your toes when I'm done?" she offered.
"Would you like a spanking?" he countered.
She kept him at bay with a wet nail polish brush.
She asked him if they could stop by the rail station later in the day so she could rebook her ticket to Sapporo; something Shinichi was already dreading. Shopping was also on their list. Shinichi had noticed that almost all of Melina's outfits were too big for her, and was hoping she would allow him to buy her some new clothes.
She had explained that her initial nervousness, especially during the first few weeks in Tokyo, had tied her stomach in knots and she had lost quite a bit of weight.
"I would think that being homesick would have made things even worse," Shinichi said.
He was surprised when she shook her head. "No, I wasn't really that homesick. I miss my friends in Boston, sure, but we're always emailing or chatting online." She went on to confess that she had told a girlfriend about him, and now they were the talk of the Boston office.
Shinichi wondered why Melina said nothing about her parents. Certainly she missed them just a little, otherwise she would not have been carrying their picture with her.
They set out in Shinichi's Lincoln after lunch. Since the weather was too damp for sightseeing, they headed for a local shopping precinct. After almost two hours of modeling outfits in a women's boutique, Melina chose a brown tweed Etro skirt suit, a silk blouse, and a retro-style Marni dress. Shinichi had picked out the dress and she had fallen in love with it before even trying it on.
As she carefully laid the clothes in the back seat of the car, Melina asked if they could make the train station their next stop. Shinichi hesitated. Not only did he want to offer to drive her to Sapporo - it would give him a few more hours with her - he was convinced that it was time to talk seriously about their relationship, no matter how much he feared the possibility that she might not share his feelings.
"How about we stop and have some coffee before the train station?" he asked.
They settled for take-out lattes. Shinichi drove up a winding road to a small park overlooking the ocean. Although it was sunny, the sea wind made Melina shiver as they sat on a small bench. Shinichi found his Burberry raincoat in the car's trunk and draped it over her shoulders.
Although he had rehearsed his words several times, Shinichi realized that he didn't know how to begin. Finally he began slowly and formally in English, thanking her again for accepting his offer to visit him. But it was all coming out wrong. Melina looked frightened.
He stopped, took her hand between both of his own.
"Melina, I have to tell you something. I'm falling in love with you."
Her reaction was the only one he had not considered. She began to cry.
Not knowing what else to do, he held her close. She hid her face against his shirt front, embarrassed but unable to stop crying. She kept trying to speak, only to manage a word or two before tears took over again.
Shinichi rocked her gently, trying to console her but inwardly panicking. Was she upset because she couldn't return his feelings?
After a minute or two she began to calm down. Shinichi produced a clean handkerchief from the raincoat's pocket. After attempting to remove her ruined makeup with it, Melina tried to dry his shirt with the now-soggy handkerchief. The result was that his shirt was not only wet, it was also smeared with black streaks.
"I'm sorry I've gone and upset you. It's not what it looks like."
He assured her that he wasn't upset, although his heart was beating like a bird's.
"When you brought me here, I thought you were going to tell me that you'd enjoyed my visit and would call me after I got settled in Sapporo. You know, the usual things men say when the fling's over. So I was bracing myself to hear that. And when you said what you said, I just ..." She paused for a second. "I wasn't expecting it."
She blew her nose before she continued. "I don't know why I was so sure you were going to dump me. I think it's because you looked so serious when you suggested we drive up here. The look on your face convinced me that you were going to give me some bad news."
Shinichi shook his head, tried to smile but failed. He waited for her to continue, knowing her next few words could either crush or elate him.
Finally she looked up at him, her nose pink, her lashes wet and matted.
"Shinichi, this crybaby's falling in love with you, too."
Chapter Fifteen: The Bargain
They stayed at the park for another half-hour, kissing madly like teenagers when they had the park to themselves and talking when others were around. Shinichi eventually asked Melina how her feelings for him had evolved.
"At first I liked your hands, then your eyes," she began. "After that, it took me a while to get used to the idea that you could actually be a boyfriend candidate."
She explained that ever since her arrival in Japan, she had been so busy and stressed that romance had never entered her mind.
But her explanation still wasn't enough. He had always wondered what had tipped the situation in his favor. Why had she eventually trusted him enough to accept his invitation to his home?
"It was after we'd played cards for a while," she said. "It was kind of a test, and you passed."
"How did I pass if I didn't win?"
She explained that she felt that a person's true character surfaced during competition. It didn't really matter what type of game they played; his reactions to winning or losing would have been equally indicative of his inner self if they were playing golf or Monopoly.
"If you had lost your temper because you were losing at cards, I would have stayed on the train," she admitted. "The way I see it, anyone who gets angry during a meaningless game is not going to cope well when a real problem shows up. And they always do, sooner or later."
He thought about her hypothesis. She had a point.
"It's just as well I didn't catch you cheating, my love," he said.
She looked up, wary; he kissed her to show he was kidding.
"Listen, my firefly. By the time we were playing cards, I would have let you take all my money, even if I'd known you were cheating. And I would have thanked you for spending the time with me."
She blushed pink, trying to hide her face between her hands. It was the first time he'd seen her blush; something he looked forward to causing again, although he expected it would be a challenge.
They stopped at the nearby sushi bar for an early dinner, saying little as they ate, trying not to look publicly love-struck. However, Shinichi found himself feeding Melina when nobody was looking. Simply watching her open her mouth to take the sushi from his fingers was, in itself, an erotic sight.
Once back at the house, Melina had gone to hang up her new clothes before joining Shinichi in the kitchen for tea. They had stood in the kitchen for several minutes, talking about future weekends together, before Melina realized that neither of them had turned on the burner.
Tea was never served.
The harvest moon had risen when Shinichi awoke. It was about 2:00 a.m. Leaning on one elbow, he looked down at his lover and wondered how the reality of her could be so much better than his month of fantasies. He brushed the hair from the side of her face.
"I'll always protect you," he whispered.
