Research. That's what was needed. It would be worth it.
Finding a policewoman to date isn't easy, but I had a plan.
I spent months lurking in the shadows, figuring out which streetwalker was the police decoy. And that wouldn't even be the hard part, I reminded myself. I'd have to pretend I didn't know that she was the decoy.
Finally, I figured it out. The tall black woman was the cop. And she went off duty at exactly 2 a.m.
Time to implement my plan. I lurked until exactly 1:58 am, then drove up, pulled my car up next to her and rolled down the passenger window.
"Hi, honey," she purred. "Looking for a date?"
"Yep. Hop in, gorgeous."
"I cost, you know. Got enough?"
"Sweetie, I have plenty. Have a seat."
"What would you like me to do?"
"We'll talk about that later. At my house. Don't worry, it's close."
She took a step back and turned her body away from me for an instant, then turned back and finally got in the car.
"I'm Hal. What's your name, lovely?"
"Venus."
"A gorgeous name for a gorgeous woman. How did you get into the oldest profession, anyway?"
Three cars were tailing me, presumably filled with police officers. I couldn't blame Venus for being cautious. For all she knew, I might have been a serial killer who liked to prey on hookers.
"The usual. It's hard to find legitimate employment as a black woman from the ghetto. A lot of my friends ended up doing this, too."
A well thought out cover story. Now I knew why the PD had picked her as the decoy.
"Sorry to hear that. Well, here we are."
I hadn't been lying about my house being close by. It had only taken four minutes to get there from the spot where I picked Venus up. I parked in the driveway and walked around to her side of the car to open the door for her.
"Thanks. And you still haven't told me what you wanted."
I walked her to the door, unlocked it, and entered with her. I left the front door unlocked, though I did close it. I figured that way her colleagues wouldn't have to break it down if they decided to come inside.
"You, of course." I gestured to a sofa in the living room, and she sat down. I settled myself next to her.
"Well, duh. You did pick me. But what specifically do you want?"
I smacked my hand into my forehead. "Whoops, totally blonded on something. I'll be back in 30 seconds. Stay right there."
I popped up, strode to the kitchen, and returned with a chilled bottle of sparkling apple cider (the nonalcoholic kind that looks almost exactly like champagne) and two champagne glasses. I set the glasses on the two coasters on the coffee table in front of the sofa, then filled them both two-thirds full and sat down next to Venus again.
"Alcohol taketh away the abilty," I explained. "And yes, that's a misquote of Shakespeare."
"I wouldn't know."
I raised my glass, as did she, and we clinked them together.
"To the most beautiful woman in the city."
We each took a swallow from our glass.
"It's a good thing my skin doesn't show when I blush. I don't think anyone's ever called me the most beautiful woman in the city before."
We finished our glasses of cider.
"What else can I do for you, Venus? Are you hungry? Do you need a foot rub? Or maybe I could draw you a bath."
"I'm supposed to be servicing you, not the other way around."
Time to drop the charade.
"No, Officer, you're supposed to be getting me to pay for a sex act and then taking me in. But I don't want a cheap orgasm. Which I wouldn't get anyway because you would arrest me as soon as I stated I wanted sex and offered money. As I said earlier, what I want is you. Are you single and unattached?"
That caught her by surprise. She stared open-mouthed for a few seconds before putting her jaw back in place.
"Yes... yes, I am."
"Is Venus your actual name?"
She pulled out her ID and showed me. "It is."
"Hal is mine." I showed her my ID as well. "Do I have permission to ask you on dates and attempt to court you?"
Venus giggled. "Sure. I'm off duty next Tuesday night. What did you have in mind?"
"Well, if you'll tell me what your favorite meal is, you could come back here and I could cook it for you. Shall we say 7 pm?"
Venus wrote something down in her notebook, then tore out the piece of paper. "Sounds great, Hal."
I gave her a smile. "Wonderful. Now, unless you want to take me up on my earlier offer, maybe you'd better get outside. Wouldn't want to keep your colleagues waiting."
"As tempting as a foot rub and a bath does sound, it is kind of late. See you Tuesday."
She rose and blew me a kiss. I looked at what she had written down. The dish didn't seem too complex.
Tuesday arrived. I had done the requisite shopping, now I just needed to do the cooking. I had of course prowled online for cooking hints and suggestions. When I pulled it out of the oven at 6:55 p.m., it looked and smelled wonderful, as did the side dishes I had prepared. I hoped it tasted as good as it smelled.
The doorbell rang at 6:59. I opened it and Venus, wearing a gorgeous egg-shell white dress that beautifully complimented her coal-black skin, gave me a smile. I guided her inside and we settled at the table.
Two minutes later, we both had some of everything on our plates and our water glasses were full. I anxiously awaited her reaction as she sampled the dish.
"This is...well made. The flavors mixed together perfectly. How much garlic did you include?"
"Three cloves."
"My mom only used two. Yours is better. Hers was good, but it always felt like it could be improved."
I blushed. "I'm glad you like it, Venus."
She tried the sides. "You're quite the chef, Hal."
I put on my most modest expression. "All I do is follow the recipe."
We chatted pleasantly through the rest of the meal. I cleared the table and we both sat on the sofa.
Venus gave me a grin as she slipped her shoes off. "I'll take that foot rub now. My job does require a lot of standing and walking."
She adjusted her position so that her feet were in my lap. I very gently began massaging the bottom of one of them.
"You can press a little more firmly."
I did so, still being delicate. A gesture from Venus directed me to rub even more firmly, and I did. Her body seemed to relax.
