Sizing

Just starting to write, my lips feel a little buzzy, like I took some strange drug. My penis twitches, but does not get larger, shrinking if anything. My pulse quickens and I feel a bit euphoric. Just beginning to write the story of the transition in my relationship with my gorgeous wife, makes my body quiver and react.

My wife Lexi and I have been married for just two years, though we have been together for six. She is a very clever woman, and has run several businesses and is every bit my equal if not a bit more. She is stunning. She is petite and very fit and strong for her 100 pounds and 5'2" frame. She is a sexpot, alluring and flirtatious, having formerly been an exotic dancer, able to use her sexuality to make a lot of money. She is every man's dream girl, and somehow, I managed to get her to marry me.

During the beginning of our relationship, she was nervous about being fucked. She had some deep trauma and it took a lot for her to learn to trust me and relax into sex. I was very patient and did everything I could to put her at ease. We spent months just making out and dry humping, and it was very hot. I was not disappointed, because I was so attracted to her, and our make-out sessions were long and intense and I usually came explosively. So I had no problem, quite the opposite! We eventually worked our way up to taking off our clothes and using oils to rub against each other. She was also amazing at giving head and she encouraged me to facefuck her, which drove me crazy. I also began to lick her pussy and we would spend nearly an hour doing it. I would lick her for so long, that I would enter into a trance, absent of thought, with all of my focus on her clit, my tongue, fingers and her pleasure.

Finally, the time came for intercourse. She was still very nervous, but she was also so very ready. She initiated the time and the place, as I did not want to pressure her at all. She was worried about being penetrated by my dick. She is so very petite and she is very small inside as well. This was the first time that I felt like I had a big dick. My very average 5 ½ inch little guy had never impressed my previous lovers. In fact, I had lost several of those relationships when they first felt my average size inside of them. It just did not keep most women coming back for more.

Lexi was different. Because she was nervous about penetration, my size seemed fine to her, once she had had it in her hand and eventually, her mouth. She seemed to have no problem whatsoever with my size, so I felt confident. I figured that I would actually impress her, considering her smallness.

Finally, the night came and I went over to her place where she had made the bedroom romantic and cozy with candles and a space heater. What can I say? It was transcendent. We went really slowly, taking a lot of time to get her ready. By that time in our relationship, I had been licking her pussy for a few months, which still made her nervous, but I had worked so very slowly to put her at ease and had already brought her many body-quaking orgasms. So it was from there that we approached penetration. After licking her to two orgasms, she told me she was ready.

I positioned myself over her and started to enter her, but she stopped me, breathless and scared.

"I think I need to be on top, to start with."

"OK, not a problem."

I switched with her and laid on my back, holding my stiff dick to stay hard. She got on top and began to position herself to allow me entry. Slowly, she settled down on me, millimeter by millimeter, with a lot of breathing. I felt so much love for her and I enjoyed every second of the process. I told her how beautiful she was and that she was my goddess to be adored by me. She relaxed and finally managed to get all 5.5 inches inside. She stopped moving and just did her best to relax. We started to move a little, but it scared her and though I stopped when she told me to, she had to back off. She was visibly upset, so I backed off and we just held each other. Later, I came in my hand, and we went to sleep in each other's arms. We had done it! And from then on, we made more progress each time we tried.

We practiced and practiced, until she was able to handle all of me a lot quicker, and though it took a lot of time, years in fact, by the night of our wedding, she was able to truly enjoy being fucked, fairly hard, so long as I stopped anytime she told me to, so that she could breathe and relax into it.

We had a lot of firsts over the years, with her able to enjoy penetration as she had never before in her life for which she was very grateful to me. She told me how perfectly I had opened up her pussy to fucking. Eventually she learned to relax and enjoy doggie-style, from the back on our sides, even with her legs pinned over her head while she was on her back. As the months went by, her comfort level went up and what she could enjoy expanded.

Her need for my patience aside, she was never a prude, and also requested that I play rough. She enjoyed being choked and slapped a bit on the face. She also, occasionally, liked me to fuck her in the ass, an extremely enjoyable act that we both felt made her the most submissive to my most dominant energy. We had come a very long way from our first months of dating, and as my wife, she had learned to love to submit to me to the very fullest possible. I was more of an alpha top than I had been in my whole life! She had led me there.

I was on the moon! I was her dominant lover, whose penis was thrilling to her, penetrating her, being her man. This went on for months after we were married, and our sex life continued to include regular "firsts" and new peak experiences.

Unfortunately, it also included some "misses" on my part.

I was getting older, and sometimes I might have been dehydrated and there were naturally times when I was smaller and softer. There was somewhat less pure physical excitement as there may have been in our first years together. New relationship energy is potent. Don't get me wrong, I had no impairment, and I would reliably get hard. I was also still incredibly in love, attracted to and turned on by her. It was just that, at times, I was not as hard as I might have previously been. I made up for it, applying myself vigorously to develop skill in using my fingers and mouth to give her as much pleasure as I could. I vowed openly to her that I wanted to be the best lover possible for her with my mouth and fingers.

One night, we were getting sexy and she went to reach down between my legs and I was small and soft. She was great at not taking that personally, and though she knew a blowjob could have fixed that right up, she instead pushed my head down. I eagerly repositioned myself to lick her pussy, but she refused to spread her legs. Instead she grabbed my hair and directed me to her ass.

"I am not ready for that just yet. Kiss my ass cheek. Worship my ass."

I eagerly began to kiss and lick her butt flesh.

"No! Slowly. Tenderly and just kisses to start. I want you to worship me."

I slowed way down and as I did, she began to breathe heavily and to quietly moan.

"Tell me you are my ass worshiper!"

"I adore your ass. I will worship your ass at your command."

I worked on her ass, a labor of devotion, for 20 minutes. Finally, she began to move so that my mouth would be on her labia, but she commanded me to go slow and stay on her thighs. Another 20 minutes before she was suitably aroused and wanted direct clit stimulation. I then spent a full 30 minutes on her pussy and she finally came thunderously and for a solid 5 minutes. I moved back up to lay next to her.

"You are such a good ass worshiper."

"Thank you, Lexi."

"I don't want to be fucked."

"OK."

"You can use your hand to pleasure yourself."

"OK." I began to rub my stiffy. Lexi put her arms around me and embraced as I handled myself while she talked to me.

"I will be refusing you sex more. I am done with letting you fuck me out of obligation."

I was a bit shocked by this revelation. "I never require you to let me fuck you."

"I know. It is not you, it is the obligation I have felt inside myself. The basis of my trauma around fucking was because of all of the times that I let my lovers fuck me when I really didn't want to."

"I see."

"Unfortunately, I have done this with you too, over the last few years, and doing so does not help me to get over my issues."

"I see."

"Oh, Oliver! I am so happy that you accept this. I was worried that you might protest."

"No, Lexi. I love you, and I love to worship you. Your pleasure is my greatest pleasure."

"Good. Keep stroking."

I had stopped rubbing myself while we talked. My little hard-on quivered at being told to keep going. I realized that I was reacting to being told what to do.

"I can tell you liked that. Stroke faster."

Indeed, my reaction to her instructions was real, and I didn't care that she was dominating me. My hard little penis was happy with it, so I went with this shift in our sexual dance.

"You have to the count of 10 to cum. 1..............2............"

I began to stroke harder, not wanting to displeasure her and not wanting to run out of time. She had not told me what the consequence would be, but I had not thought to question her. I came before she made it to 8.

This sort of thing continued for several months. At times she would be interested in being fucked and she would tell me when to fuck her. But more and more, and soon most of the time, she chose not to be fucked. Before we had fucked about 95% of the times we got sexy. In a matter of months that had completely reversed and she only wanted me inside of her 5% of the times we were sexual. I was not disappointed though, because she always let me rub myself and often would let me rub my erection on her thigh. As for her pleasure, she began to tell me exactly what she wanted when she wanted it. If she wanted to be stroked by my fingers, she would ask me to gently and slowly and softly touch her all over until she was sufficiently turned on for touch anywhere near her pussy. Following her commands exactly, I got even better at being able to pleasure her in ways that she wanted, when she wanted.

I was somewhat disappointed that she also asked to be licked less and less. I told her about my disappointment and asked her if she could tell me why.

"You would like to know why I don't want to be licked as often? Yes. You should think about that. Why is that?"

I thought about it and I guess that, like fucking, she had let me lick her out of feelings of obligation to me. But that time was over. When she did tell me to go down on her, I knew that it was because she wanted it. She continued to attend to my arousal, making sure I came and felt satisfied. Though it was often me using my hand, or rubbing on her leg, and sometimes she let me fuck her fingers, I was never dissatisfied. I did express my disappointment at the lack of fucking, whenever she told me to express that.

"You wish you could fuck my tight little pussy, don't you?"

"Yes, Lexi. I wish I could fuck you."

"Well, that's not going to happen. Keep stroking."

She drove me crazy teasing me like that, but in the most arousing way. Every time she taunted me, my hard-on got harder.

So while I was not "getting any pussy", I was getting off a lot, just as much as before, as we still were sexual just as much. Still, with her getting fucked less and less, I wondered about her satisfaction.

"Are you totally satisfied?"

"Oh, honey, I am very happy with what I am getting from you."

"You don't miss getting fucked?"

"Yes, and no. I miss getting fucked, but not by you."

That stung, and a flush of humiliation went through me from my head to my toes, but landed in my penis, which twitched and got hard.

"I didn't fuck you in a way that you miss?"

"Well, it is complicated."

She paused. We were in bed, naked, having just begun to kiss and get sexy. I looked at her with big eyes and a frown on my face. She didn't want to hurt my feelings, but I could see her take a deep breath before proceeding.

"You are just not very big. And you don't maintain your size, and you get soft sometimes."

"But I thought that I was big enough, even too big for you!"

I was a bit upset, but not angry. I felt embarrassed and my voice sounded weak and scared.

"Oh, honey! I can understand you might have told yourself that. But did you really believe that?"

"You were so scared of fucking." I could not look her in the eye. Her voice got very gentle, comforting a wounded animal.

"I was scared. I guess I never shared all of the details of my past experiences. You see, I did have some scary experiences with men, who wanted me so badly, that they were forceful. I was not ever raped, but there were times when I wanted them to stop and I could not control them. Thing is, the guy in question might have stopped, but I felt such obligation to let him have his pleasure that I did not try to stop him. His cock was a lot thicker than yours and a few inches longer. And often it DID feel amazing inside of me. But on a particular night, I was not ready, he went too fast and hard, I didn't say anything, and in the process, my pussy froze up. His thrusts hurt me. After a few more times like that, my pussy stayed frozen, until I met you."

I perked up a bit, as she was complimenting me.

"You are not big, and you are so gentle and devoted to pleasuring me and listening to what I tell you, that you really helped me unfreeze. My pussy is no longer frozen, and I have you to thank for that. I love you forever, my husband, for helping me to enjoy being fucked once again!"

I felt much reassured and felt immense love for Lexi.

"I am so grateful to have been able to help you with that."

"I am forever grateful to you. And you are so good at pleasuring me! I am very happy being with you, and being sexual with you. I never want what we have to end."

I felt even better. However, she fell silent, and I could sense that there was more. It was hanging between us.

"But... I do really miss being fucked by an alpha man with a large, very hard cock."

My humiliation came flooding back. I was silent as the shame and vulnerability once again rose to my head making my face blush, passed my aching heart and spiraled to the pit in my stomach, strangely then to again land between my legs cause me to stiffen and grow. Lexi had been holding and gently fondling my balls as we had been talking, which was a very comforting thing for me, which is probably why she had instinctively gone for them as we talked through these difficult things. As my penis throbbed and grew, so did my balls twitch in her hand. She squeezed my balls tightly.

"I see you like that idea."

Reeling from this reaction from my crotch, my body betraying my rapidly deflating ego, I could not believe what came out of my mouth.

"Yes, Lexi. I like it when you have me by my balls. And, I like..it is hard to say..."

"Say it out loud."

"I ... ... I ... I want you to have the man you deserve, to fuck you the way you desire."

"Good."

She continued to squeeze and release my balls as my full 5 ½ inches grew to its maximum.

"You may rub yourself on my thigh and think about how my pussy is about to be off-limits to you."

I could barely believe what had just transpired. I had just admitted that I liked the idea that she should have an alpha lover with a bigger and harder cock. Even more powerful than saying it, my body had endorsed the new paradigm and she literally had me by the balls as we sealed the deal.

"W-w-what happens now?"

"Well, I start looking for a suitable lover. Don't expect me to do anything fast. I will take my time to really find the right guy. I am not going to choose just anyone."

"How big...uh ...What are you expecting to find?"

Lexi laughed at me, right to my face as our eyes were just a few inches apart. I felt small in the face of her laughter.

"You guys are all the same! Obsessed with size. I don't know, there are a lot of things more important. Wait...let me be clear, I do want a man who is sizable, an inch or so longer and much, much thicker than you, that would be ideal. And he will ideally be a bit younger than you, or at least be able to get, and stay, really hard. That is a necessity. But he also has to be attractive, kind, gentle when I need him to be and very dominant and alpha when I need that. I also want him to be a good communicator and be available and wanting to fuck me a lot."

"I see." I got really quiet, but I was still desperately rubbing myself on her thigh.

"Will you still want me.... To pleasure you?"

"Yes. ... OK, I think that is enough for now. I want you to stop rubbing."

I immediately stopped, and my hard-on ached and slowly throbbed against her. She had tightened her grip on my balls when issuing her command. But as I began to soften for lack of movement, she relaxed her grip, and my little stiffy slowly and painfully got soft and small again. She had denied me an orgasm, and it would not be the first time. It did not hurt as pain so much as it left an empty hole deep inside, only slowly to fade away to nothing.

Our sex life went on like that for several months: She would want to be fucked only rarely, often we went 4-6 weeks between those times, and she let me lick her only at her whim. She was very happy with our new dynamic, and I could not complain. I found that my desire for her only grew with every teasing and denial of intercourse. When she did let me fuck her, I was ecstatic and those sessions again brought us both to new heights of pleasure and excitement. She would tell me that I indeed was great at fucking, for the size and hardness that I could muster. She found an herbal Viagra supplement that she would feed me on those rare occasions when she thought she might want me inside of her. But she never failed to put me in my proper place one way or another.

"Your desperate little dick really wants to be inside of me, doesn't it?"

"Yes." Breathless. Would she let me this time?

"Well, your pathetic penis is not hard or large enough to please me tonight, is it?"

"No...." Crestfallen. She seemed to become more aroused as I showed my vulnerability and humiliation.

"It is hardly deserving of being called a penis, is it?"

"I guess not."

"You guess not? What should we call it? A big clit? A little clit?" She giggled at this and took pleasure at the look on my face. "Is your pathetic little clit wanting to try to enter my pussy?"

"Yes..." Only slightly hopeful.

"Yeah, well, that won't happen. What would you do if I told you that you would never be allowed to fuck me again?"

"I would be sad and disappointed." I could not look her in the eye, which I knew she liked. Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Well, I don't want to see you so sad. Go down and gently kiss my ass."

"Thank you, Lexi!" I eagerly moved down as she turned onto her side to prevent me from getting too close to her pussy while allowing me ample access to her ass. I had been better-trained by that time, going slowly at first.

"Good boy. You are so good at worshipping my ass."

I was sincerely very pleased. Even though I would be soft for the entire hour that I would be kissing, stroking, licking and pleasuring her ass and eventually, when she was good and ready, her pussy, eventually bringing her an orgasm that quaked for a full 15 minutes, I was very content. I had been trained to savor the opportunity to pleasure her and I was sincerely thrilled.

As was becoming my privilege, she allowed me to rub on her afterwards, which I began to do as soon as she allowed me to move back parallel to her. On that occasion, I was particularly fortunate. She used her well-oiled hands to create a simulated pussy for me to rub inside of, which felt spectacular. Once I was hard, she whispered into my ear.