Apparently, as a Saudi Arabian woman, I'm supposed to be soft and sweet, or so I have been told. My name is Amina Alzahrani and I'm a young woman of Saudi Arabian descent living in the City of Ottawa, Ontario. I study bio-medical engineering at the University of Ottawa, and hope to become a corporate engineer one of these days. I left the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia in the summer of 2009, and haven't been back there since. These days, I'm a permanent resident of Canada and honestly, life couldn't be better.
A lot of Saudis I meet in the City of Ottawa tell me that they miss home, and I honestly want to grab them and shake them for saying something so stupid. As if I could ever miss my uber-strict parents, Ahmed and Khadija Hassan or my ex-husband Samir Alzahrani back in my hometown of Yanbu, or the restrictive environment I called home for the first twenty years of my life. Ha! I came to Ottawa as an international student and decided right then and there that I didn't want to go back to Saudi Arabia, a land where women are little more than slaves.
It has often been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, that's the only explanation I have for why some Saudi women living outside the Kingdom's borders often reminisce about their old lives. As if I could miss living in a place where I need a male's permission to work, travel, or even step out of the damn house. Hell, some women in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia can't even FART without male permission. Alright, I'm kind of exaggerating on that one but not by much. Trust me on that one.
Here I am now, thousands of miles from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, living life my way. I don't bother wearing a Hijab anymore, even though I did during the first year I spent in Ottawa. Old habits die hard, even for an empowered and liberated woman like myself. I still believe in Allah, the one true God, but have definitively walked away from the tenets of Islam. Why? Please allow me to explain.
To me, Islam has moved away from its core message of unity and fallen into fundamentalism. Look at what's happening across the Islamic world. Sunnis and Shiites are slaughtering each other, and even among these groups, splintering groups and factions are killing one another over minute differences. That's not what the Prophet Mohammed wanted, no Muslim will ever convince me of that.
In the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the predominantly Sunni monarchical government is persecuting the Shiite minority, keeping them in line, I guess. The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is the Heartland of Islam, we are the Chosen People who hold the Holy Sites, essential to the Muslim faith, and yet the way we treat each other, and fellow Muslims from other places, makes me shudder with anger at the sheer injustice of it all.
No, I cannot in good conscience continue to be a part of that. I respect Judaism and Christianity, but steer clear of them as well. The Eurocentric mindset I see at work in mainstream Christianity, particularly Roman Catholicism, the largest group among modern Christians, irks me. Jesus Christ the Messiah, whom I call by his Arabic name Isa Al Masih, was a brown-skinned Jew who lived in what is today called Palestine, the most hotly disputed piece of real estate in the world. The blond-haired and blue-eyed Teutonic white dude that Christians pray to, I honestly don't know who that is.
I prefer to live my life my way, and only God can judge me. I pray daily, but without any holy books, or the need to go a particular building. To me, God is not bound to mosques, or churches, or synagogues. The Creator of the Universe has always been around, and He existed long before Man reached out to Him. Did Adam, the first man, father of mankind, pray in a mosque, a church or a synagogue? I find that extremely doubtful. In all likelihood, Adam prayed to the Creator at a secluded spot in the woods, or someplace like that, and the Lord heeded his prayer.
I think that whether a person is Jewish, Christian, Muslim or Agnostic or whatever, it's the sincerity of the person's heart and the piety behind their prayer, that matters, rather than their religious affiliation or the type of building that they pray in. Of course, those are just my thoughts as an ordinary woman trying to make my way in a harsh world, ladies and gentlemen. I left the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia behind, and embraced my new life in the City of Ottawa, Ontario, but it hasn't been without its challenges.
A lot of people living outside Canada think it's a perfect place full of friendly, tolerant people. Well, trust me, it's anything but. Ontario, the most immigrant-friendly province in all of Canada, can be a hostile place at times. There are lots of newcomers, people hailing from places like Africa, the Arab world, Southern Asia, the Caribbean and Latin America. These people tend to flock to the major cities such as Toronto, Ottawa, Hamilton and the like. Now, these traditionally white towns have been flooding with non-white immigrants, their demographics are starting to change, and not everyone is happy about that.
People are always afraid of what they don't understand. I am a Saudi woman, the fact that I broke away from Saudi culture and walked away from the tenets of Islam ( while nevertheless hanging onto my faith in God ) doesn't change the fact that in the eyes of white Canadians, I'll always be the cultural other. I stand five feet nine inches tall, decidedly on the voluptuous side, with dark bronze skin, long black hair and light brown eyes. I am a person of color, what Canadians call a visible minority, and nothing can change that fact.
In Canada, white people tend to be passive-aggressive with their racism rather than purely in-your-face about it. I don't wear the Hijab or traditional Islamic clothing anymore. Hell, I developed a fondness for knee-high skirts and long-sleeved T-shirts with political or sports figures on them, and I am damn proud of it. I have several Che Guevara T-shirts. I still stand out in a crowd of white Canadians and many of them stare at me like I'm something other than human. Covert hostility is the Canadian way. That's very different from what I experienced in the United States, which I visited last year.