Kevin stood in silence as her whispered 'no' echoed inside his head. Confusion and fear tore at him, the emotions playing across his face.
"But you said you loved me." He lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. As her tear filled green eyes rose to meet his, his breath caught.
He could see it, the leeriness. She didn't trust him.
Kevin stood holding his breath, unable to move, feeling sucker-punched. Finally, he pulled back as numbness washed over him.
Reaching up, she laid her hand against his cheek, her thumb scraping along his day-old beard, trailing where his dimple creased when he smiled. It was an old habit of hers. "I do," her words were barely audible. "You know I do."
Sadness moved across her face and a small fear started in his stomach. Clamping down on the sense of alarm threatening to overtake him, he realized armed combat was not necessarily the worst thing he had faced after all.
"Baby, you don't have to make a decision now. I know it's--"
"Kev," she interrupted, "I'm here. Just accept that for now." She had been dreaming and longing for this moment, but she couldn't do it. She wasn't ready.
He started to speak, but she continued. "You know, when I got out of the Navy, I went back home for a visit before coming here. And I never wanted to talk to my mom so badly in my whole life as I did then. She always could see through a situation, help you work it out."
Deonne paused and looked at the floor before continuing. "I went to visit her grave. You know, I hadn't been there since the funeral? I couldn't, like . . . I couldn't admit she was gone, just bones in the cold ground. My mom; nothing but the name on a headstone and a horrible, awful date."
She swallowed and looked up. Kevin saw a sober acceptance in her eyes and waited for her to continue.
"Anyway, I hung out, helped Marc and Dad some with the farm. I took Abby and Kylie down to our old swimming hole in the creek We spent a day building the dam back up. I always forget what a country girl I am until I'm back home."
"Hoover Dam? Gonna flood the farm next time it rains?" Kevin's mouth perked at the corners.
"Not exactly. More like something a beaver'd be ashamed of, but gets the water up almost to your knees!"
They both chuckled and Kevin rubbed her shoulders before sliding his arms around her, pulling her against him. He caught the fresh scent of jasmine from her hair. Breathing her in was always like smelling summer and sunshine.
"How is your family?" Kevin went along with her topic diversion, not sure if she had a point or was avoiding the subject of marriage altogether. At this point, he was just glad they were in the same room and talking.
"Mmm, yes." A smile warmed her face again. "I think I heard wedding bells in the air."
"Your dad?" He really liked her father, but after walking out on Dee, he figured he was persona non grata in that man's house.
"Uh-huh. He's remodeling the kitchen. Helen and I went and picked out paint and material for curtains. He ain't fixin' that kitchen up for himself."
"You alright with that?"
"Actually, I am. It felt a little weird when I first got there, but then it just seemed natural that she should be there. She loves my dad and has his best interests at heart." She shrugged. Her always mobile expression went from thoughtful to mischievous.
"Marc's got someone helping him with the girls."
"Yeah?"
"She seems kind of young for a cleaning lady nanny type, but around those parts you take whatever work you can find. Josie and I went to school together."
"So, she's working out?" Kevin asked, a typical male without a clue.
"Oh, yeah. I'm not sure what's going on there, more than meets the eye, I'm betting."
"I'm glad you got to spend some time with your folks. Maybe get some of that country bumpkin out of your system."
"Hey!" She grabbed an inch of skin under her hand and gave it a twist. "I had a great time! You just need more practice at it."
Kevin rolled his eyes. Maybe Deonne didn't realize just how much outdoor time he actually got. Granted, he wasn't usually dealing with cows and roosters named Harold, but he had an intimate relationship with nature.
"One night," she interrupted his thoughts, "I laid out in the back yard and watched the lightning bugs light up the maple tree like it was Christmas. When I was a little girl, it would get so hot upstairs in the summer. It was impossible to sleep, so I'd get up and sit by the window and watch that tree twinkle. The crickets would be goin' crazy down by the creek. I thought that tree was the most beautiful thing." She looked up at him. "You ever do that as a kid?"
He shook his head. "Hmm-mmm." His army brat life had him living mostly in base housing, and his dad was enlisted, so that often meant apartments or duplex's. He had a different kind of childhood. He got his share of staring at trees now, when he wasn't in desert surroundings, but the twinkling he was often looking for wasn't fireflies.
She had stopped, and Kevin let her have time for her memories. He imagined her as a little girl, peering out the window, innocent and eager for the future, unsuspecting of its harsh realities.
"I had a lot of time to slow down and think," she continued.
"Yeah?"
"What I realized was I really did want to give this a chance, but you want too much and I've bent too much. So, it's your turn. I'm here, but for now, that's it."
Was she out of her mind? His turn? What the hell did she mean by that? Didn't he just fuckin' propose to the woman?
"What the hell do you want from me?"
Kevin cringed. Shit. Did he just say that out loud?
Deonne pulled away and her eyes grew guarded. Stepping back, she pushed around him and picking up speed, grabbed her purse off the coffee table.
"Dee! Baby! Don't! I didn't mean that . . . Deonne." He moved quickly to catch up to her. As he got near, she held up her hand, stopping him.
"You propose to me over a pot of noodles! You never thought out any of it. You don't even have a ring! You just expect to throw down what you want and I'm just supposed to be happy and go along with it. Well, it's not going to work that way! When you figure it out, you let me know! Good-bye, you fucking idiot!"
Turning, she jerked the door open before storming out.
****
A week later he still hadn't figured it out yet and she hadn't quite forgiven him, but Kevin and Deonne had entered into a sort of truce and were facing each other across the laminate table of The Barbecue Hut.
"I got the tickets. You sure you can get someone to cover for you on such short notice?" His look was closed. Kevin was in lock-down mode.
Deonne chewed on the barbecue she'd just stuffed into her face and tried to hurry it down with a swallow of her tea. Sweet tea. She made a vow to add another half mile to her morning jog. Southern food was going to be the death of her.
"No problem."
