Playing Games

When I came inside, I heard Ezra in the kitchen. I walked in and immediately I noticed the popcorn package in the trash and the hard time he was having scrubbing out a pot and I knew what was up.

"Babe I'm sorry I just---"

Ezra dropped the pot in the water causing a huge splash and I shut up. He turned to face me and I could tell he was pissed. Anyone who didn't know him would think he was as calm as a cucumber but his eyes told it all.

"I made kettle corn, got your favorite ice cream, and rented your favorite movies so that when you got home you could relax and just chill with me but instead I just ended up watching some bullshit ass romantic comedy and eating a carton of double chocolate chip ice cream by myself like some kind of bitch."

"Ezra I'm sorry its just I---" Ezra held up a hand to silence me. "Cut that out. You're lying. You remember Ryan?"

I nodded in confusion. "Yeah, he's your friend from the team. What does he have to do with this?"

"Well, Ryan lives in Rich's apartment complex and he saw you go to Rich's apartment."

"Yeah to study."

"We both know damn well that you two weren't just studying. A late not cram session, right."

I tried to interject again but the fuse was lit and there was no stopping him.

"Ashley, it's funny that you used those choice of words in your lie since you were the getting crammed. Full of fucking Rich."

I slapped him hard, so hard that he almost acted on his reflex. His arms tensed and I was scared but anger outweighed fear as I spoke.

"Don't ever fucking disrespect me like that!"

Ezra's eyes bucked with my exclamation. "Disrespect you! You disrespect your damn self! You let him control your whole fucking life and he's ruined our relationship because he ruined you!" Ezra screamed.

"All you could focus on was what he did to you, how you felt, what you wanted. You're so fucking selfish! Did you even once think of me and the fact that I fucking love you!"

I was shaking with emotions. All the anger and fear had broken down with his tirade. They had broken straight down into guilt and I couldn't deal. I began to cry as I pleaded with him to call a ceasefire.

"Ezra I can't do this. Can we please just handle this in the morning?" I begged.

But Ezra wasn't having that he turned and ripped off some paper towels and handed them to me. For a second, I thought his gesture was an olive branch but he quickly burst that bubble. He shook his head at me as I wept.

"No, this can't be handled in the morning so wipe your face and shut that shit up. You did this. I did everything I could to prove to you that I was better than your past. I love, loved you Ashley, even more than myself. You were supposed to be my wife, the mother of my children, my future," Ezra's voice broke and a single tear slid down his cheek. I reached to wipe it away but he quickly moved out of my reach, before wiping it away himself and continuing. "but you couldn't let go, no matter how hard I loved you or how much I cared for you. You couldn't let go of him and hold on to me, when all I wanted was to hold you. Heal you. Keep you until you were whole, until we were whole. But you couldn't do it, let go you know. But I can and will. I'm done Ashley."

Ezra walked out of the kitchen and I followed him.

"We can't be done! Please baby, I'm sorry! Let me explain! Please just listen to me."

Ezra turned to me and his emerald eyes which usually gleamed with mischievous antics, were now sparkling with malice. Eyes which were hateful in the kitchen were now completely dead to me. But I tried anyways.

"Ezra I never meant for any of this to happen. And I know I should have told you I wasn't over him but I thought I could handle it. But I couldn't. I got caught up in my past, in what happened and I cheated and I don't want you to hate me because all I have is love for you and I just want you to forgive me because I don't want to lose this, you, us. Please?"

Ezra rubbed his mouth as he mock pondered my plea, "No."

"What?!"

I was blown away. It was not supposed to happen like this.

"You heard me. I don't want anything from a manipulative, self-pitying, selfish, lying ass bitch like you. So get the fuck out of my face, go pack your shit, leave, and never speak to me again."

Ezra picked up his keys from the side table and looked back at me. "You and your shit be gone before I'm back." Then he left.

And I just stood there. Looking at that door waiting for him to walk back in and tell me he didn't mean it. That all he had just said was in anger and that I'd always be in his life in spite of everything I did and anything I could do.

But as the seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours I knew that wasn't going to happen and for the umpteenth time that night I was crying. But this time was different. I cried in acceptance.

Acceptance of truth, that all Ezra had said was true and there was no sense of denying that I had become the girl that I used to hate. I had become the one that kept the bad guy even though the good one was right in her face, that one. That girl. That dumbass girl.

So I trudged to his bedroom and began to pack my things, all the while wishing I could go back in time and do something, anything, everything differently.

When I was finally finished, I hauled my things into my car and I just sat there, staring at the place I had called home for two years. I could feel the tears prickling my eyes as I put my key in the ignition, my car in reverse, and my foot on the gas. But I didn't let the tears fall instead I just drove.

Hands gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles ached from the pain. I drove aimlessly with no destination there was no place to go, no place to hide from myself and my regrets.

But when I stopped my car I found myself back at Rich's apartment complex. I thought of what I would say and what he would do, but these questions were quickly pushed aside as I texted him, "Come downstairs." Rich came down to my car and tried to open my door but I wouldn't unlock it.

"Open the door."

I popped the trunk of my car and motioned for him to look in it. He moved to my trunk and came back to my window.

"You left?"

I shook my head and he sighed. "He kicked you out."

I nodded and unlocked the door. Rich opened my door, pulled me out, and held me in his arms.

"I'm sorry. I know you love him. I know you care for him. But now you have to live for you. Do what's best for you. Be who you are in your own heart. Be with who is in your heart."

Rich tilted my face and kissed me softly. He held my face in his hands and I closed my eyes but there was nothing.

No flutter of butterflies, no choir of angels, no seeing stars. Nothing. And I knew that we were over. That the little fairytale I had cooked up in my brain between us was fiction and that all I wanted was Ezra. Forever.

I pulled away from him and watched him search my eyes. He sighed and stepped away from me and I knew he had seen the truth. He saw that the game for my heart was over and that he had lost.

I walked away from him, closed my trunk, hopped in my car, and left. And I sped home because I needed to make it there and make it right, make us right. I needed to make him understand that I loved him and only him forever.

I tried to call him as I drove but there was no answer so I left countless voicemails. And when that didn't work I, against my better judgment, texted him but I only wrote three words before I my eyes were drawn back to the road by a honking horn.

I looked up and was met with headlights and quickly swerved to avoid hitting the truck but then I couldn't get control of the car and I was spinning and screaming before careening right into a tree and being slammed into unconsciousness.

When I woke up there were people all around me. I tried to move but they were holding me down. I pushed them away and tried to sit up but an intense pain registered throughout my whole body and then I was out again.

When I opened my eyes again the brightest lights of my life were shining back at me. So bright that for a second I thought I was seeing "the light" but when I blinked my eyes a couple of times things began to focus.

I noticed the white tiled ceiling and knew I wasn't dead but when I heard the beep of the heart monitor I knew something was wrong. I looked down at my arms and there were tubes running in and out of them and then it dawned on me. Instead of being in heaven I was in the hospital.

I went to run a hand through my hair and I felt the bandages around my head. I tried to lift myself up but a jolt of pain in my left shoulder dashed any hope of that. So I laid there as silent tears ran down my cheeks. I closed my eyes against them and fell into a dreamless sleep.

When I awoke again there was a woman beside my bed with a chart in hand, popping gum and humming "Man in the Mirror".

"Hi." I rasped before breaking into a fit of coughs.

The woman bumped into one of the machines at my salutation but quickly recovered, and gave me some ice chips, which I chewed thankfully as she spoke.

"Well, I'm glad to see you awake Mrs. Harris. Your husband has been worried sick in the waiting room so I know he'll be glad to hear you're up."

"My who?" I whispered.

"Oh honey, your husband. Don't you remember him?"

I looked at her in confusion before shaking my head, "No."

The woman pursed her lips and wrote something down before putting her hand to the bandages on my head.

"Well, it seems that you may be suffering from acute memory loss due to your head injury. I'll have to make sure the doctor schedules another MRI because your hunk of a husband is definitely unforgettable."

I laughed but regretted it instantly when my side began to ache. I went to hold my left side and felt bandages there too.

"What happened?" I whispered as tears began to form in my eyes.

"You were in a car accident sweetie." I gasped and my hand flew to my mouth. "You hit your head on the window pretty hard, your shoulder is dislocated, and you have a few broken ribs but you're alive baby and that's what you have to think of."

The woman held my hand and looked at me like my mom would have in the situation, with kindness and sterness all wrapped in love.

"Now you get well okay honey. And I'll make sure you're attended to. Also, I'll send your husband right in."

I gave her a weak smile and nodded my head. A few minutes passed before there was a knock at my door. Hearing the knock, I tried to shift in my bed to see who was coming in but the simple movement had me wincing in pain. I grit my teeth and closed my eyes as I tried to lift myself up but I immediately stopped when I felt his hands on me. I opened my eyes and there his were staring back at me.

"Ezra?" I whispered.

"Yeah baby I'm here."

I moved to give him a hug and shouted out as pain shot through my shoulder. Ezra seemed to fly to my rescue as he moved pillows and propped me up. He gave me a remote that was attached to one of the machines beside my bed and told me to press its button.

I pressed the button and after a few minutes I felt the pain recede and a smile formed on my face.

"I'm not hurting anymore. What is this?" I asked.

Ezra smiled and answered, "A morphine pump."

I nodded my head and laid it back. "Well it feels good. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"You know the lady who came in here said my husband was waiting outside. By any chance was she talking about you?"

Ezra nodded. "Yeah. I had to say that or they wouldn't let me in."

"Ah." I sighed and the silence began to stretch.

Here he was, the man I wanted, needed so desperately, here he sat at the edge of my bed and it felt like miles between us. I blew out a shaky breath and closed my eyes against tears that I could feel welling up in my chest.

"Ashley?"

I took another breath before speaking. "Yes?"

"Do you remember what you texted me before your accident?"

I racked my brain for what I had said but it was blank. I could see my memories like a movie on fast forward. Ezra and I laughing, Rich fucking me, Ezra and I fighting, me crying alone, Rich and I saying goodbye, me driving home and then, then there was a disconnect. My screen blacked out and there was only static.

I shook my head, "no," and let a tear escape. Then I felt Ezra moving and suddenly he was laying beside me wiping my tears away.

"You texted me, 'I love you.' Do you remember that?"

The static cleared then and I remembered. The blaring horn, avoiding the truck but losing control of my car and then the tree. I opened my eyes and nodded at him.

"Well, I read that message and decided to come home but on the way I saw the car being towed and I knew something was wrong so I rushed here but they wouldn't give me information unless I was your husband so I lied, and then they told me you had an accident. Texting and driving was what the said. And it clicked I'd been the one you'd been trying to talk to. I had been the reason you'd almost died and that was the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life. The knowledge that you caused the person you love the most to almost die, it's---"

"You still love me?" I whispered in disbelief. "After all I did to you? After I hurt you?"

Ezra rubbed my cheek and kissed my forehead. "Babe, I have that inspite of love for you. And that just means that inspite of everything that happens my love for you conquers it so yes I love you, no matter what and that will never change. But I need to know do you still love me?"

I looked into his eyes and felt my heart break at the sight of the insecurity and hurt I'd placed in their depths.

"Oh Ezra, I do love you, so much. More than anything in this world and I never ever meant to hurt you and I'm so sorry and I wish I could go back and" then his lips were on mine and in that very moment I let go.

I let go of my past and didn't worry about the future all I focused on was our lips touching, tongues connecting, and our hearts beating in time. There was no guilt, no shame, no regrets, just us, in love. Unadulterated and pure and I knew, this was it. I wasn't faking or playing a game anymore. This was real. Ezra pulled away and I missed his lips immediately.

"God, I love you."

"Oh Ez."

I sighed and forgetting my injury, I raised my arms for a hug again and instantly went from "Oh Ez." to "Oh shit!" as pain exploded in my shoulder. But just like before Ezra sprung into action doing everything to make me comfortable which included moving his big body into one of the tiny chairs beside the bed.

I pressed the button and began to relax as the pain dissipated but the more I relaxed the more I cracked up at the sight of Ezra, the Hulk, in his munchkin chair.

I laughed out loud and he finally asked what was funny and I burst into a fit of giggles. I laughed until I tears ran down my cheeks and cramps were in my aching side. I tried to catch my breath and explain at the same time which caused him to laugh and soon we were cracking up.

"Babe...you look like...a bear in a steel trap with your butt in that chair...oh I can't breathe..."

"I can tell cause bae you sound like a sumo wrestler going upstairs." He laughed.

"Right." I wheezed before coughing.

Ezra gave me my cup of ice and I thanked him before yawning. "Baby it's getting late and you need to rest. I'll go if you need me too." He pushed himself up to go but I fanned him back to his baby chair.

"Don't you dare leave me. I need you."

"That's all I needed to hear. Tell me to stay and I'm with you. But don't regret your decision later when I'm playing hopscotch on your last nerve."

I chuckled and shook my head. "You're crazy bae, you know even if you were jack hammering my last nerve I'd still want you there with me. It's that inspite of love and I just want that with you forever."

"What do you mean forever."

Ezra raised a brow at me and smiled the smile only he could.

"Are you asking me what I think you're asking me?"

I couldn't help but smile back. "If you think I'm asking you to be my extremely sexy real husband with whom I would eagerly spend the rest of my life with in that inspite of love instead of just an incredibly handsome boyfriend who says he's my fake husband to get into my hospital room then yes. Yes I am."

Ezra laughed and his green eyes glimmered emerald.

"You're amazing."

I laughed and and gave him my camera ready face. "Thank you dahling."

He shook his head at me then took my hand in his. "You're one funny lady." He chuckled as he rubbed his thumb in my palm. I felt him massaging my hand and it was soothing for a while but the longer he held my hand the more anxious I became until finally I snatched my hand away and asked him.

"So is that a yes?"

Ezra looked at me and then reached for my hand again which I gave him grudgingly. He continued his massage but this time he spoke.

"Babe, I was thinking about how right you were about love being a game."

"No it's not." I interrupted.

Ezra looked up at me and gave me the shut up look and I quickly apologized.

"Sorry. Go on."

"As I was saying, I realized that love truly is a game. It has winners and losers, high stakes and high rewards, just like poker. And you make me want to play. You make me want to bet it all on you. Because you see past my poker face. You see me. You see the real me. Not goofy Gutierres but Ezra and that's all I ever want or need in my life. So since I'm playing double or nothing I might as well play for keeps."

Ezra gazed at me then and it was inescapable. So deep was the green in those eyes, so emotional and real, that I could feel it, his true essence, his very soul. And then his lips formed the words I'd waited to hear.

"Ashley Victoria Harris, I will marry you."

"Forreal?!"

He grinned and nodded his head. "Yup, you're officially the future Mrs. Gutierres."

I squealed and nearly jumped out of my bed when he said that. Tears of joy ran down my face and when he kissed me all that I didn't feel with Rich happened.

I felt the butterflies come alive, I heard the heavenly chorus sing, and I saw the stars. Shit if I'm being honest I saw moons and galaxies from that kiss. It was perfect just like him. I almost forgot where we were but luckily the woman from before was there to remind me.

"I see you remember your husband."

I turned my head to her and gave her a smile. "You're right. Guess there will be no need for a MRI then?"

"Yes there will be as a precaution because anyone who forgets she married to a man made like him for any amount of time needs to be checked out."

Ezra blushed a deep red and I laughed.

"I don't think I ever caught your name." I stated when she came beside my bed and checked my monitors.

"Oh, sorry about that. I'm Jacqueline but everyone just calls me Nurse Jackie."

"Cool. Well you know my name but he's another story."

I commented as I motioned to Ezra. Ezra stood and shook Jackie's hand.

"Hello, I'm Ezra and I just want to thank you for taking such good care of my wife I really appreciate it."

Nurse Jackie smiled so wide I thought her face would break her face. I laughed again and felt the pain twinge in my side from the outburst. I guess the discomfort was on my face because Jackie went into nurse mode immediately.

"Mrs. Harris you need to take it easy. You have broken ribs and extra movement is not helping the healing process."

I nodded my head and she continued. "Right now, I'm going to sit you up so that I can check your bandages and change any that need to be redone. Okay?"

I nodded again then Nurse Jackie and Ezra helped me sit up and Jackie went to work. She redressed my head bandages after checking my stitches then she tightened them bandages around my ribs which made me want to kill her, but she didn't move my shoulder and I was grateful.