Let me tell you about a professor I had in grad school ("had" in many ways...). At the time, I was with a short term boyfriend who I wasn't very sure about--he was rather dull and eventually his inability to tell stories in interesting ways annoyed me to such an extent that I couldn't bear to be with him. He was perfectly acceptable when he was silent, but as soon as he tried to tell me about his day, or even when he was trying to say something serious (very rare), he babbled like a fool.
I guess the only reason I was with him was because he was gorgeous, in the way that some men can be--long eyelashes, brooding eyes, dark features--effeminate in many ways. My vanity got the best of me since everywhere we went in public women could not help staring at him, and I felt the envy in their eyes as a source of great pride.
He had a wonderful cock, as pretty as he was, and I wish now that I had taken pictures of him nude with his perfectly proportioned hard-on, but he never wanted to record our sex-making, and so I have no visual representations of him except my memories.
It's lucky that he never spoke while we were having sex, but eventually his dullness infected even that part of our relationship and I was too bored to even get horny. He loved being with an Asian girl, and I could tell that he was a "Rice King," choosing to be with me because I was Asian even though he could have had his pick of white women.
To get to the point, being with him left me looking for more interesting games, and so in one of my seminars, a young professor caught my eye. He was brilliant, with a touch of arrogance that he was smart enough to know to hide, but it slipped out every once in a while and I knew that he knew I was catching it, because I would smirk every time he slipped and he began to catch my eye with each smirk.
I couldn't tell if it bothered him or pleased him, because he was so composed and in control in class that he would never lose a beat. He seemed like one of those men who could never be flustered. Unlike many of the professors in my field (let's just say its in the Arts...), he was very masculine--not insensitive, but certainly aberrant in his self-confidence, as if he had been the captain of his high school football team or president of his senior class. This, as you know, is not the typical background of PhDs, and so perhaps this was why I was drawn to him.
I gravitate to men who seem in control, of course, but also I felt a challenge to poke a hole in his composure, and so I would continually try to distract him in seminar by flirting, wearing slutty clothes, exposing my cleavage, opening my legs to him while wearing short skirts. Nothing seemed to faze him, and so I began to get bolder and bolder, trying to get some kind of rise from him (not necessarily an erection, mind you, a raised eyebrow would have been victory for me...).
By the end of the semester, I had begun to suspect that he was gay, or that there was just nothing there (maybe he was getting an erection, but his penis was too small to dent his pants?). After the last class, he invited all of us to his home for a potluck dinner, and I was assigned the dessert. I plotted and planned for days trying to think of some way of using the dessert as the last gambit in our sexual game (I was convinced that both of us were playing, although there was still no evidence that he had even noticed me, except for those occasional cryptic moments of eye contact).
I have to admit that I failed to come up with something clever for dessert, and ended up just baking a pie. It felt like I was carrying a semester's worth of failure when I entered with that pie, and when I handed it to him inside his door, he looked at it, barely glanced at the short black miniskirt and fishnet stocking I was wearing with my knee high black leather boots, and uttered a slightly sardonic "how interesting, a pie..."
Quite frankly, I was now pissed off, and I spent much of that evening sitting on the couch seething, uncertain whether I was being insulted, mocked, or worst yet, just ignored. The other students were annoying me with their blatant flattery of him, gushing about how wonderful the class had been, and how much they had learned.
He took it all in with a thinly veiled humility, as if he were mocking their insincere sincerity, and I became even more convinced that he was also mocking me, and that he had noticed all my attempts at flirting through the semester and disdained them. I have a bad habit of drinking in excess when angry, and so by the end of the evening I had imbibed a quarter of the total alcohol available, just over two of the eight bottles of wine (I know because I opened both bottles myself and kept them near and continually replenishing my glass...).
Perhaps because I was drunk, I barely noticed that everyone else had left one by one and with one last pair of students who had driven there together standing up and heading for the door, I found myself sitting on his leather couch alone. He sat down on the other end of the couch and poured himself a glass of wine from the only bottle with any wine left in it and said with the same composed voice he used in class, "I believe that it would be quite unethical of me to allow you to drive home, and so I can either call you a cab or you may spend the night on my couch, if you wish."
Being drunk, I said the first saucy thing that came to mind, with much more of my seething anger coming through in my voice than I intended. "I'll only sleep on your couch if you intend to fuck me, otherwise you can call the cab." At that point, after 14 weeks of cool reserve, he finally lost it. He was in the midst of sipping wine at that moment, and he literally choked and sputtered, as if he were in a bad television sitcom. He stammered something incomprehensible, and then stopped, as if he didn't know what to say next.
I burst out laughing, partially out of relief that I had finally gotten to him and cracked that polished exterior, and partly because for the first time since I had seen him in the first day of class, he looked comical. He looked at me aghast, and then turned away with his cheeks flushed, and for a moment, he looked exactly like Hugh Grant bumbling with his English schoolboy charm in some bad romantic comedy.
I figured I was going to pile on now that I had him at a disadvantage. "So you do want to fuck me, don't you? I knew all that flirting on your part was serious. Shame on you! Isn't that highly unethical?"
He was stuttering now, protesting that he had not been flirting, and that I had misinterpreted his gestures. "Gestures?" I kept poking, "Is that what you call them? I define them as come ons. You don't have to be a hooker on the street to know what your gestures mean." I was quite drunk, and slinging away at him now that he was flustered.
But then he surprised me. "Well yes, I must admit that I find you very attractive, and that it was quite difficult to ignore your Dragon Lady charms," he admitted, strangely composing himself as he confessed that he had in fact been flirting with me.
It was now my turn to be caught off guard, since I had merely been taunting him in order to get a rise out of him, angry that he had ignored me all semester. Now he was admitting that in fact what I had feared was a one way street went both ways. "I had thought that I was in fact quite in control of myself and had managed to hide it, but it's obvious now that you read me like a book. I often found myself fantasizing about you, about what it would be like to fuck you, even as I was prattling on about some idiocy or another, and as much as I tried not to stare at you, I suppose I must have been gawking at you constantly. Quite wrong of me..."
He was now looking me straight in the eye, and whatever disadvantage he had been at evaporated. He was in control again, and a smirk marked the corners of his mouth. "It really was annoying how you would mock me every time I got too full of myself; I really ought to have punished you in class and humiliated you in front of your classmates."
Somehow, his reassertion of his command was burning through me--I could physically feel my labia swell and a slickness seep into my panties. I was surprised at the meekness of my voice, almost as if I had just turned into a shy, submissive, Asian girl stereotype, as I whispered, "Why didn't you?"
He kept staring at me, as if I was now the book and he was reading every page, flipping through the superficial signs and decoding me. I suddenly saw myself not as the complex, sophisticated, difficult woman I imagined but an open book, as easy to comprehend as semaphore. "So," he went on, "signifiers and signified exposed at last. Stand up, and let's finally get a good look at you."
Without even a thought or hesitation, I stood up. He sat back on the couch and again sipped his wine, completely relaxed. "Turn around, slowly..." I did, aware now of his eyes, which I had competed for in class, focused solely on me. I felt naked, even though I was still clothed. What did he see as he stared at me, measured me? Did he find me wanting? "Bend over and lift your skirt, show me what you have been teasing me with all term. Show me your tiny Asian ass."
I faced away from him and bent at the waist, slowly reaching behind and lifting my skirt. I had worn fishnet stockings and a garter belt, with a black skirt that just barely reached the tops of the stockings. When the edge of the skirt crept high enough to expose my underwear, he told me to stand wider. I opened my stance and held my skirt over my ass. It felt like his stare was a cool breeze on the back of my thighs, cold and calculating the degree of my arousal. "Are you wet?" he asked.
I whispered in reply, "Yes."