My First Time...

My first time... I'll start at the very beginning.

I'd been with my boyfriend Nigel for several years, though we lived apart. Things between us were great at the start, but over time due to the distance and both of our jobs the relationship strained. We stopped making the effort to get up and down to see one another and phone calls ended up in arguments over the silliest of things. Of course we did still see one another, but it was becoming less frequent and more of an occasion rather than the norm. Whilst things were deteriorating between us I fell pregnant, and neither of us were prepared for it. We sat down, discussed our options and both decided that we should try to make a go of things. He'd look to see if he could move closer north and I would look to move further south to be closer.

Things didn't improve. We still kept arguing and bickering, neither of us making too much of an effort. And several months into my pregnancy, we decided to part. It wasn't easy, with both of us upset at the break up. But felt it was the best decision to remain on good terms with one another especially for the sake of our child.

My son was born, and Nigel and I remained on good terms. Strangely both of us were making more of an effort to see one another since our son was here, but things never progressed and we remained friends rather than becoming a couple again.

It was very hard juggling working and looking after my son, so my social life was non-existent apart from the rare night here and there. I didn't venture out too often, and when I did I kept meeting idiots or men who thought they were god's gift to women, and arrogance is not a pretty trait. Friends were pushing me to go out more, to meet someone and start seeing one of these guys but none of them were appealing.

What I did find strange was that I found myself actually talking to a few black men whilst I was out. While I was seeing Nigel I'd rarely met any black men or spoke to any. Even through school there were very few black boys or girls so for me it was a huge change.

After a year had passed, and being bugged by everyone, I thought about maybe seeing someone start going out with somebody (if someone was prepared to obviously deal with me and my son). I'd never really received much attention from men when I was younger. I wasn't the kind of girl that boys really looked at. Pale white skin, glasses, freckles, red curly hair and not the biggest of boobs either, not exactly what boys or young men wanted. Whilst I was going out with Nigel I was a 32B but after giving birth I'd grown to 34D, looking back I'd say this was one of the reasons why I started receiving a bit more attention. I'd gone from a skinny freckle faced curly headed girl to a busty woman, 5'3, still pale, freckles, lost my glasses, and big boobs - a bit more to look at.

As I mentioned I'd never really had any dealings with anyone outside my race when I was younger. Of course I'd seen other children, adults of other races, but never had any real interaction or dialogue - Unless you consider Indian restaurants as an opportunity to talk to another race. Now I'd started to get out more, I found I was being approached by more and more men on a regular basis, mainly Asian and white men, many of whom I found boring. There were a small number of black men too, but I'd never considered ever going out with a black man before. It's just not something a good Catholic Irish girl did. That was all to change though...

I was at the train station after travelling down to see Nigel, family and friends. There I was, standing on the platform with my baby buggy, bags and a fair bit of shopping, and the only man to offer any help was a tall, brooding-looking black man. He was very tall - well everyone is when standing next to me - but he was well over 6ft and broad wearing baggy tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie.

He offered to help me up the stairs as the lift was out of order. He picked up my things and took them up, then came back for the buggy and carried it to the top of the stairs and then did the same on the other side. Of all the people who passed me, he was the only one who offered any assistance. When he first approached I was very nervous and wary thinking, "God, what does he want?" He looked like the stereotype in his hoodie, but as they say never judge a book by its cover. Once at the bottom of the stairs at the opposite platform, he simply said, "There you go," and walked away. I said, "Thank you," as he left. I never thought anything else of it really.

The following day I was walking my son around the town and incredibly I bumped back into the same man that helped me. As we passed I smiled and thanked him for yesterday. He paused briefly and said it was no problem and that he couldn't believe that nobody had offered to help out before. I said thanks once again and off I went.

Now the town is not particularly big. It has all the shops you need: all the high street shops, Debenhams, Next plenty of places to eat and drink and a decent night life. You're bound to see people over and over if you're out long enough and that's what happened. We bumped into one another again in the park, this time as we passed he smiled, asked, "You following me?" I blushed... I could feel myself getting red and managed to stutter no. I turned as he walked by. He had very short tight hair, very dark black skin, well over 6ft and very muscular, his t-shirt clung to him and seemed it would have to be peeled off his broad chest.

Throughout the weekend I must have bumped into him several times, each time he would smile and make a smart comment, causing me to blush and redden. It was strange. Here I was, a grown woman, getting embarrassed by these comments and not being able to say something smart back.

Over the next two months I was down regularly seeing Nigel with our son and I regularly bumped into my knight in shining armor whilst walking around the town. When we met in the park, I mentioned that I never got the chance to really thank him for helping me that day and it was quite strange that we kept on bumping into one another in the town. He said no thanks were necessary, and that if I really wanted to say thank him I could buy him an ice cream from the van in the park. I agreed and we chatted for about 10-15 minutes in the park.

What happened next totally shocked me. Why? Well apart from someone offering to buy me a drink in a bar, I'd never been asked out on a 'date' by a black man. He asked if I'd like to meet for a coffee the next day, he gave me his number and said to meet him in the park where we were, and if I got cold feet just to text him and let him know.

I found myself that night and the following morning contemplating on what I was going to do, throughout the morning I'd talked myself out of meeting, but then I had a change of heart. I'd been single for awhile now, Nigel had a few dates with various girls. But me, nothing... And so I thought, "Why not? Lets see what the world can offer," and I convinced myself to go.

I arranged for my parents to look after my son for an hour or so. I remember walking through the park feeling very nervous. I'd decided to make a bit of an effort, so I put some make-up on and tried to feel good about myself. Part of me was hoping that he wasn't there, but there he was. My heart was racing and I could not believe how nervous I was. There he stood, and he made quite an impression: nice jeans, tight t-shirt, his skin shone in the sun and he looked quite different from that first day in his hoodie and tracksuit. We sat down in the park with our coffees exchanged our names, Jermain and Agnes, and just chatting about ourselves a bit. I remember doing most of the talking even though I was extremely nervous.

The time passed quickly and I said I had to get back to collect my son. I almost made a show of myself when he asked if I would be back down next weekend as that he'd like to take me out for the night... Well, at 29 years old I should have been a bit more mature and sensible rather than blushing like a teenager and almost choking on my coffee... I managed to compose myself and said I wasn't sure but that I'd let him know in the week if that was ok. I got back to my parents and couldn't believe it, being asked out by a black man... That's just not something I'd experienced or ever considered.

I thought about Jermain's offer over and over throughout my trip back home, and during the week I eventually decided to meet Jermain. I thought why not, he seemed nice enough, he could hold a conversation, seemed intelligent, was confident, not arrogant and I surprisingly thought that he was not unattractive for a black man. I arranged with my parents and Nigel to be back down two weeks later and I let Jermain know as well.

Well that Saturday came. Jermain and I had agreed to meet at the train station, the place of our first meeting... I readied myself at my parents. It had been a while since I'd had a date so I didn't really know what to wear. I decided to go with a black dress, simple but effective, straightened my hair and put my makeup on. Once ready I ordered a taxi and headed to the station. Jermain was already there, white shirt, which looked really impressive against his black skin, jeans and shoes... I remarked that he scrubbed up well and he cheekily agreed that I did too, for an old girl.... That broke the ice, thankfully.

We walked along the beachfront talking as we went by, asking me what I did, talking about my son. Cheekily he asked my age, I lied as it's my right to do so! I said I was 25, and I found out he was 23 and a fitness instructor who played rugby, hence the reason why he was so muscular and fit. The time just flew. He'd booked dinner at an Indian restaurant. I teased him that I hated Indian. He was a bit taken aback but I soon confessed and said I was glad he had booked there as I was hungry and I actually did like Indian food.

We chatted and laughed and the night passed. Before I knew it we'd eaten our food, had a number of drinks and the restaurant was closing. We walked to the nearest cab office which was on the front. We paused at the pier and chatted some more, as the evening wore on I became more and more relaxed with him, laughing and joking and talking freely. We reached the cab office and he offered to drop me off at home - the perfect gentleman. We shared a cab and chatted some more. Before we reached my parents house I stopped the cab and said I'd walk from here, which was a good mile or so away. I didn't want Jermain seeing exactly where I was staying. He got out too and asked the cab to wait a minute...

If I almost choked when Jermain asked me out then I nearly collapsed at what was to follow. Jermain stood in front of me, and asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I said no - we'd only just met and that I was not that comfortable in doing that, plus my son was at my parents. He placed his hands on my hips, towering above me. I looked up as he looked down but I never removed his hands. I just stood there as he asked if we could meet again sometime soon, and instinctively I agreed. We stood there staring, his dark black skin glowing in the night light. Then he leaned down. I just reacted without thinking, closed my eyes, moved my head forward and our lips met.

Suddenly there was a surge, a pulse shot through me. That kiss was electrifying. I'd never been kissed like that before. Jermain's hands moved up from my hips to my waist, sliding gently up and down, his thick full lips pressing firmly onto mine, our lips locked and our mouths opened slowly, tongues sliding forward and mixing with one another. My eyes were closed and the thought of how good this kiss was raced through my mind. Our heads turned from left to right slowly, our lips locked, mouths open, tongues sliding over one another into each other's open mouth. My hands ran up and down his arms, till suddenly I felt his large hands slide onto my bum. I baulked at this and slapped his hands away - it had been a while since any man had placed his hands on my bum, let alone a black man.

At this point I broke our electric kiss and thanked him for a wonderful night and said that I will walk from here. He smiled and got back into the cab and as he left he winked. My walk home was short and after that kiss I'd say I floated most of the way. I could not stop thinking about that kiss, of his thick full lips locked onto my mine, his large black hands sliding up and down my sides... It felt amazing. I felt amazing. I reached home and slept soundly...

That following morning my mother asked me had I had a good night. I'd be lying if I said no, so I told her it was fine. But I knew that the night had been wonderful and topped by that amazing kiss at the end.

Myself and Jermain texted over the next week or so, just general things really, nothing exciting, and he kept asking when I was coming down and when we could meet again. I was reluctant, not sure what to do really. I kept convincing myself that it was not such a good idea. What would my friends think, what would my parents say? Eventually I said to Jermain that I felt it best that we didn't meet up again. He took it better than I thought - he didn't seem to bothered which for some reason irked me a little.

I went down to visit my parents as I always did. At first I didn't see Jermain, but as I said it being a small town eventually we did, and I do admit that my stomach fluttered when I saw him and remembered that kiss. Unfortunately on this occasion he was with someone else. I felt a bit jealous and wondered if he had been seeing this girl or any others and for how long. For some reason I texted him that I'd seen him out and that he looked well and so did his girlfriend. He was quick to reply and say that since I was not interested there was nothing to stop him from seeing anyone else, which was true but still it annoyed me especially after that kiss.

We were texting throughout the weekend and over the course of the weekend I'd reconsidered my decision and said if he asked me out again I'd go. Which he did...

This happened for the best part of 4 to 6 months I can't recall exactly how long. We went out a number times: along the beach, into restaurants, to the cinema. Not every weekend but many of them I'd come down see my family, Nigel and friends but also Jermain. Sometimes it would be a walk in the park, a short meet, sometimes a lovely night out resulting in more of those explosive kisses which I could not get enough of. His kisses were intense, nothing like I'd experienced before. The first black man I'd ever kissed was amazing, his lips on mine -- MMMMMMMM! Most of the time I was just melting with them, but I could not bring myself to go any further than that kiss, no matter how many times he asked me back to his place, or wherever his hands wandered on my body... I always stopped him.

Then came that fateful night where my whole world changed, turned upside down and things were never to be the same again.

I was back down to see my parents, but they were only there for the Thursday night before they were heading off for a weekend in London to visit friends. So that left me at my parents with my son. Jermain had asked me out and I'd agreed to meet him, but as my parents were away I thought I'd have to cancel, but Nigel had said he wanted to take our son and see his parents in Exeter so I agreed.

I remember much of this night as if it were yesterday. By now I'd got far more comfortable in deciding what to wear when meeting Jermain, so I put on my jeans, a white top and my boots. It was a cool evening and being my boring old self wore a white cardigan too. We met at the station as usual, walked along the front, here was where things began to change. Usually Jermain and I ended up kissing at the end of the night, but here it was still quite light, and we were on the beach standing there kissing. Totally engrossed in one another, I could see his big black hands running over my hips as usual, up and down firmly. What I didn't notice was that a couple of my friends had spotted me and Jermain, and things were to get ugly later in the evening.

I received a text a short while later from a friend, saying that they had spotted me on the beach and what I was doing was disgusting and what was I thinking. I couldn't believe it, partly because I had been seen and also that yes had this been a few years back I would probably have said the same thing. I was stunned and shocked to receive that kind of text from so-called friends. They were mutual friends of Nigel and I but I never expected to be caught like that or that people would be so opinionated. That was naive on my part I guess. This was not about Nigel but to them it was and I was made to feel very small. Jermain knew I was upset immediately. I told him I received a hurtful text by some friends, I didn't go into details as I didn't want to offend him.

I asked Jermain to give me a minute so I could make a quick call to my friend. We had a huge argument down the phone over the whole issue. I was visibly shaken when I rejoined Jermain and I think he knew what it was all about as for the rest of the night he kept trying to reassure me by touching my hand gently throughout the evening. Instead of going for dinner we went to bar on the front, we had a few drinks, then he managed to persuade me to get up and dance. It had been ages since I'd been out dancing and it was a relief, lots of fun just to get up and let my hair down. We never danced too close and was probably partly my fault due to the call I'd received earlier. The night rolled on and I soon reached my limit, I'd had enough to drink and I was pretty tired from dancing too.

We did the usual routine, getting a cab and me stopping it a mile from home, but this time instead of me walking alone, Jermain walked me home back to my parents. To be honest I'd forgotten about walking back myself and it was a pleasant stroll late at night. We reached my parents house, and I invited Jermain in, knowing that all prying eyes would be shut, fast asleep from nearby neighbors and that my parents were not at home. I said he could call a cab and collect it here and head on home.

We'd been in the house a few minutes, we'd kissed a little standing in the hallway before I did the usual by breaking off and heading to the kitchen. We sat in the kitchen/dining room before I got up and asked if he wanted anything. I had my back turned to him as I was reaching up to the cupboard and getting a couple of glasses down. I didn't hear Jermain get up, but the next thing I knew I felt him standing behind me, and he whispered, "This is what I want..."

He began kissing my neck and shoulders and it felt amazing. His thick lips pausing on my pale white skin, kissing me softly up and down my neck across my shoulders, his hands on my hips, sliding up and down my waist onto the front of my thighs... At this point usually I would have pulled away but not tonight. I opened my eyes to look down and see Jermains huge black hands sliding up and down my thighs onto my hips and across my stomach. I gasped when his hands ran across my stomach, all the while he kept kissing my neck, either side, swapping from shoulder to shoulder.

By now I was covered in goose bumps, my skin tingling. I didn't think about anything until Jermain started to unbutton my cardigan. He started at the bottom, working his way up until he had undone all four. He pulled it down my arms and returned his hands back to my stomach. I was enjoying everything: his soft kisses on my neck, his full lips working their way over and across my neck and shoulders. His hands moved up and slid over my breasts, squeezing them firmly. I gasped softly when saw his hands cover my breasts. Slipping the shoulder straps of my vest top down my arms and pushing my top to my waist, he continued to kiss my neck and the top of my back. The goose bumps evident all over my upper body.