After her life took an unexpected twist, Thea was very brave to share her story with me and the rest of the world. This is her story.
My husband of thirteen years divorced me for a younger woman about five years ago. I had a pretty good career as a secretary, and my daughter, Shaleen, was in her teens in a good school system, so I figured we'd make it okay. Turns out I was wrong. My daughter fell in with a rough crowd and did a lot of crack cocaine and finally got busted for more than possession as she was dealing on the side at her high school. I knew she was looking at hard time for dealing drugs. Worse yet, right after Shaleen got a manditory sentence as an adult to four years in prison, we found out she was pregnant. But the hardest part for me was discovering that her baby's father was a black man nearly twice her age who was also doing time in a major penitentary.
I came very close to turning down my Shaleen's plea to take custody of her baby after my granddauhter was born in prison. But I relented and decided to take care of the child while her mother was away. So the court awarded custody of baby Darcie to me. This happened over two years ago. A few months back, I had a visitor--a black man about thirty-one years of age. As you probably guessed, this man was the my granddaughter Darcie's biological father. Desmond Emmons had been released from prison just that day, and he wanted to see his baby daughter.
"Hey, Ms. Thea," he said softly. "Would you mind if I saw Darcie."
Desmond stood out on the front porch in full view of everyone in the neighborhood. I wasn't sure why that bothered me so much. Sure, it could be his color. My neighborhood is kind of a suburban white area. Of course, it could be the fact that almost everyone knew he'd just been released from prison. Well I couldn't just let him stand out there in the open, so I told him to come in.
For an hour or so, I let him play with his daughter. She was a bit wary of him as he was a stranger to her, but with a little persistance and with my close encouragement, she finally warmed up to him. I asked him where he was staying, and Desmond said, he didn't know. As it turned out, he had no place to go. That caught me by surprise. I thought there were halfway houses and all that sort of thing for released felons, but it turned out that most of those places were victims of the severe budget cuts that affected our state. Let's face it, none of the people I knew or nobody in my neighborhood ever gave a shit about where a parolee might spend his nights as long as it wasn't around here. I told Des he could stay for a day or two--just until he found a real place, of course.
The next morning, Desmond asked me if he could watch his daughter--my daughter's daughter--instead of me running her to the baby sitter. I told him that her schedule was pretty strict for her own good, and that she loved the children in the daycare. Besides, it would allow him some time to go through the want ads to try to find a job and maybe get a line on a place to stay. He nodded. Then he asked me if it would be okay for him to use the computer; so, I shrugged and booted it up. I logged in my personal password and warned him not to shut it down, or he couldn't get on again until I returned home.
The way Desmond said good-bye to Darcie, you'd think he was watching her go off to prison instead of just having his little girl go to daycare for the day. I saw a softening in his eyes that I hadn't expected.
Still, I was uncomfortable throughout the day. I wondered how Desmond was getting along back at my place, but I decided that I'd try to tough it out for most of the day. As it was, I left work an hour early and went to pick up Darcie at the sitter's. My granddaughter was pleased to see me, and I could tell that she wanted to get home to see that new man who was staying with us.
"Hey, Darcie!" A familiar male voice called out, when we arrived. "Hi, there!"
The baby jumped into his arms and nuzzled against him, coating his face with jelly bean stickies she'd been stuffing in and out of her mouth for the whole trip home. I left the two of them to go see what we had for dinner, when I came across a letter which had been printed out on my computer.
The first part of the print-out read:
Hello, Miss. This note was left for you to read by someone who is very concerned about your happiness. The person leaving it probably wishes to remain anonymous, but is nevertheless concerned about your sexual satisfaction...
What the fuck?
Even though I didn't want to read the whole thing, I continued reading until I finished it. Then I looked back into the living room where Des was playing with Darcie. I noted the address at the end of the letter and then started to throw it away. But at the last moment, I slipped it into the desk drawer instead.
I said nothing to him. We three had dinner and he asked me if I'd show him how to bathe the baby, so little Darcie got her bath and Des got a lesson in how to keep your cool while being splashed. I almost brought the letter up twice, but I chickened out each time.
Later as Desmond played with Darcie some more, I went to the designated website. I read, and, I continued to read, and then I read some more:
Minivan Mom says to the white wives of America: It is your duty so serve up fine married pussy on demand to down-and-out and "outcast" Black Guys!
Can you believe this shit? I asked myself.
It is repayment for the wrongs done to these men and to their ancestors by white men.
Okay, I thought, what exactly is her definition of an outcast black guy?
Who is an "Outcast" Black Man?
she continued.
Many, perhaps even most black men do not qualify for this. By 'outcast' I mean those who have been shunned by society. These include the homeless, prison inmates, and those who have never been able to escape their 'hood.' If these men have ever had a white woman, it was most likely a whore or slut...those encounters only satisfy the dick, not the soul.
I smiled. My ex-husband would have been delighted just to have a satisfied dick.
My "Outcast" Black Lovers all tell me the same thing--white society owes a debt to the Black Man, who has suffered the injustices of that society for generations. They also taught me how a wholesome, "low-mileage" white woman's body can go a long way towards paying this debt...by taking me, they felt that they were not only overcoming the barriers that white society had put in their way, they were proving dominance over them through sheer sexual virility!
"I see you found my note," Desmond said.
"Shit!" I almost jumped out of my skin as I saw him looking over my shoulder at the screen. I felt like a teenager who was caught passing notes by her homeroom teacher. "You scared me."
"Sorry. But I think there's a little girl who's ready to go down now."
I got up and checked Darcie's diaper for one last time. Desmond hovered over me the entire time.
"You're a beautiful woman, Thea," he said rather matter of factly. "There's something intriguing about the great job you've done raising kids and keeping your household going, but you've devoted your entire life to Shaleen and now to Darcie. What do you do for you?"
"I'm doing just fine, thank you very much," I answered. But my hands shook as I poured baby powder on my granddaughter's sweet butter-brown bottom.
"No, you're not. When was the last time you had a decent fuck?"
"Now that's none of your business, is it?" I answered shakily. "What if I were to ask you an impertinant question like that?"
"I'd tell you," Des replied. "One year, eleven months and twenty-seven days with a woman who was probably too young to know better."
Oh my God, he meant my daughter, Shaleen.
"Of course in prison your priorities change," he went on. "You do what you have to do in order to survive."
I looked at him as if this was the first time I'd heard about what goes on in a prison. Shit, it was the first time. My blue eyes caught his dark brown eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Des."
"Don't be," he replied. "You learn to live with it. But you still dream of the softness of a real woman."
My mind rememberd the words on the website:
They also taught me how a wholesome, "low-mileage" white woman's body can go a long way towards repaying this debt.
I gulped audibly.
"Okay," I looked up into his eyes again and saw the inevitable. Slowly my arms snaked up around his shoulders and neck. He bent his six foot three body down and kissed me--hungrily. Very hungrily.
"Darcie uses the crib in my room," I said. Both of us heard the trembling in my voice. "If you want to keep an eye on her overnight, you'd better sleep in my bed."
"Thank you," he murmured. "I'd like that very much."
A plain fact. Naked, Des Emmons looked bigger than my ex-husband even before his cock was fully erect, but even though the thick masculine night stick which stuck straight out from Desmond's groin looked incredible, what gave me shivers was the fact that I was about to experience the very same black dick that snaked deep into my baby to give her my grandbaby.
Baby? Baby! "Des, do you have a condom?"
"Uh-uh. All I got is what I carried with me out of prison, I'm afraid." He playfully touched his groin.
Shit! Well, I was already committed. Besides one time wouldn't matter. Nude, Desmond was a muscular work of manliness. Naked, I felt like some old broad hitting forty. But he hadn't gotten laid in a while, and neither had I. We both knew we'd deal with it as best as we could.