Mason

Toni watched the disc several more times before she finally turned it off. She now understood why the disc had frightened her so badly; she knew that James would have told her the same thing if he would have had the chance. She was almost surprised that he didn't have someone picked out for her already but was grateful that he didn't. she had no intention of running out and finding someone just because James wanted her to, for now she would go to work and take care of Jamie, if she met someone, she would deal with it when and if it happened.

She would have to have a talk with her mother in the morning, she really hadn't meant to yell at her like that but it was up to her to decide when she was done grieving for James. She understood that what her mother did was done out of love as her father said but her mother needed to stop pushing her about socializing and about the house.

Toni slept fitfully and groaned when the alarm went off. She opened her eyes to see Jamie peering at her curiously.

"What's up sweetie?" Toni asked.

"Pancakes."

"I see. Did gramma send you in here?" Toni asked.

"Yup." Jamie replied.

"Alright, go tell gramma that I'm coming." Toni said as she swung her legs over the side of the bed.

She washed her face and hands before throwing on a house robe and heading toward the kitchen. She knew what was coming, Barbara's apology breakfast which consisted of homemade pancakes, bacon, eggs, and fresh biscuits and fresh squeezed orange juice.

Both of her parents were waiting for her when she came out from the bedroom. Her mother spoke first.

"Toni, I'm sorry. I had no right to watch that disc from James; I have no real excuse except that I was trying to help. Your father gave me a good talking to last night and I promise to try not to interfere unless you ask me to.

"Wow" Toni thought and wondered what it was her father had said to her mother that she got both a verbal as well as the breakfast apology. She had never received both at the same time.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you and both of your apologies are accepted." Toni said hugging her mother.

Breakfast was delicious as always and Toni ate heartily sharing her pancakes with Jamie who insisted that hers tasted different. Toni and Barbara were meeting Gina later in the morning so that she could go apartment/house shopping with them while the men watched Jamie. They would look at several places which Glenda researched when Barbara told her that she and Ben were moving to San Diego.

By the time the day was over, Barbara had brochures to no less than six places to show to Ben. Gina suggested that they grab take out Italian and head back to feed the men. All in all it had been a good day Toni thought as they waited for their order.

Jamie greeted her at the door with a cheerful "Mommy!" and tried to take the bag of food from her with the intent of carrying it to the kitchen. Toni let him have one handle while she held on to the other; he was getting to be such a big boy Toni thought as she looked at him. He was definitely going to be a heart breaker with his dark eyes and long eyelashes. Already at four he was getting complements about his looks, in a few weeks he would be five and starting school the following year. "Slow down kiddo." Toni murmured as Jamie ran off to help set the table.

*****

Mason wondered what happened with Toni during the night, he thought to call her to see if he could hear anything in her voice but realized that he didn't have a valid reason to call her. He would just have to be curious until he saw her again in two nights.

The board meeting was happening tonight and he wondered how Joyce was doing. She wanted him to go with her but he declined telling her to call him when it was over. Realistically he didn't expect anything to change and he also didn't expect Joyce to stay if there weren't any assurances that something would be done to address the issues. But if she left, it would be her choice and not because she was being railroaded because of her complaints.

Joyce called him at ten just as he was making himself a drink.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Well, they listened, they sympathized and thanked me meaning, I got my say and that's all I'm getting." she replied

"So now what?" Mason asked.

"I'll stick around to see what happens I guess, but I am thinking about opening my own practice." Joyce replied.

"It does have its benefits." Mason agreed.

"So why come back to a hospital setting and don't hand me that crap about going back to your roots." Joyce said.

"Why not? It's the truth." Mason countered.

"Maybe, but I don't think so or it's not all of the truth anyway." Joyce replied, "But whatever. Did you give up your practice?"

"No, I still see a limited number of private clients."

"How many is a limited number?" Joyce asked.

"Ten."

"Ten? Damn! Are they related to the Rockefeller's or what?" Joyce asked.

"Something like that, look I have to go, I'll see you in a couple of days." Mason said and hung up. He had no desire to answer anymore questions about his practice and he had no desire to have a business partner with the exception being Eustace and he sensed that's where the conversation was headed.

He finished making his drink, sat out on the patio and looked out over the ocean. He liked it here much better than he did Boston and while it wasn't LA, it was definitely doable. He found himself wondering what Toni and Jamie liked to do when she was off but it was too soon to ask her about that. "Damn!" he swore as he wondered how Ethan had found the patience to woo Katrina in the human way. He had just barely started and he was tired of it already. Unlike Ethan, he wasn't getting "a rush" out of it and he didn't agree that they all should have to go through this in order to mate.

Mason made a mental note to make extra coffee to share with Toni when he went back to work, he would start to woo her there he decided, it was neutral ground and a place where she was beginning to feel comfortable again. Mason finished his drink and mentally prepared himself for the long haul.

*******

All too soon it was time to go back to work. Toni had to admit that she had missed it; it felt good to have another purpose in life other than Jamie as much as she loved him. She watched the disc several more times looking for what she didn't know. Maybe she was looking for that look that James sometimes got when he really didn't want her to do something but it wasn't there. He meant every word that he said to her, he wanted her to find someone to spend her time and life with and he wanted Jamie to have a father figure.

She ate dinner with Jamie, read him a story and headed to work. This time she parked without hesitation and didn't almost panic when she walked through the doors. She made a conscious decision not to avoid people as she went to the sleeping room. She had begun to realize that she had to make the effort if she wanted to begin living in the real world again. She was on her way to the rounding room when she heard her name called.

"Toni!" she turned around to see the cardiologist that had been performing the heart cath when James died. She swallowed hard and then greeted him with a hug and a smile. It wasn't his fault any more than it was hers and she hoped that he knew that.

"I heard you were back!" he said hugging her again. "I wanted to call after... but I didn't. Toni, I am so sorry."

Toni hugged him again and took his hand in hers.

"It wasn't your fault any more than it was mine. James wouldn't want you to blame yourself and neither do I."

The cardiologist's shoulders sagged with relief.

"James wasn't just a patient; he was my friend as well. I miss him as I'm sure that you do too." he replied.

"I do still miss him but you know what? He would want us to move on. Hey, I have to go to report but I'll see you again sometime." Toni said and rushed off.

*****

Mason was coming around the corner when he saw Toni and the doctor hugging each other. His first reaction was jealousy that was followed by anger. He recognized it for what it was, James had somehow released Toni, whether she accepted the release or not he didn't know but that was what he felt the other night. It had to have been the last disc that he made for her. "Thank you James." Mason murmured as he continued on to his office.

Joyce was already there waiting for him when he got there and it was obvious that she wanted to talk.

"Hello." Mason greeted.

"Hello yourself, how were your days off?" she asked.

"Fine and yours?" Mason asked.

"Good, hey I was wondering if you'd be interested in a partner?" Joyce asked. "You don't have to answer now, I'm just throwing it out there." she added.

"I have to be honest with you and say that I'm not interested in a partnership primarily because I tend to move my practice from time to time." Mason said hoping that she would drop the subject.

"Yes but with only ten patients we could double your load and...."

"Joyce, thank you for offering but I'm going to have to pass. If I decide to have a partner, it will be Eustace Matthews, we've worked together in the past and it works out well." Mason interrupted.

"You've worked with Eustace Matthews? Mr. Tall, dark and handsome? No wonder you only have to see ten clients! Tell me, is he still single?" Joyce asked.

"Uh no, he married not long ago to an OB/GYN." Mason replied.

"Damn!" Joyce said as she headed toward the door. "Time for report and then rounds."

The night was actually pleasant with Mason being paged only two or three times for restraint orders or something for anxiety. The hospital as a whole seemed calm but Mason knew that that calm could turn into a storm at any time. He decided to take advantage of the lull to see if Toni was in the doctor's lounge. Fortunately, Joyce was in the ER seeing a patient saving Mason from having to tell her where he was going. He grabbed his thermos that he filled with coffee just before leaving home and headed for the lounge.

Toni was there eating her lunch and reading what looked like a medical Journal.

"Hello, mind if I join you?" Mason asked.

"Oh, hi." Toni replied. "Have a seat."

"No coffee tonight?" Mason asked.

"I walked out without it but I'll be alright." she said going back to her article.

Mason looked around the lounge and located the coffee cups.

"What do you take in your coffee?" he asked when he located the cups and supplies.

"Five creams and five sugars." she replied.

Mason grimaced, "really?"

Toni laughed, "James used to say that I liked a little coffee with my cream. But that's how I drink it." she replied.

"As you wish." Mason said as he poured the coffee and added the requested creams and sugars.

"Thank you for sharing." Toni said accepting the offered cup.

"You're welcome, last week you saved me from drinking the so-called coffee here by sharing so I'm more than happy to share mine." Mason replied.

Toni took a sip and then blinked, "Wow, this ummm packs a wallop but its good." she said.

"I tend to make my coffee on the strong side, the next time; it will be more to your liking." Mason replied.

"Oh no, don't make your coffee to suit me," Toni replied, "I'm just used to my mothers coffee is all, this is fine." she added thinking that she had offended him.

They spent the next few minutes chatting.

"My parents are relocating to San Diego." Toni said. "We're in the process of looking for a place for them and the place in Florida is going to be rented out until it sells."

"They won't be living with you?" Mason asked.

"No, it's past the time when they should have been living their own lives and not taking care of me and Jamie." Toni replied.

"Are you and Jamie going to be alright in that big house all alone?"

"I'll be fine although mom thinks that I should sell it but I won't. James bought that house for me as a surprise when we moved here." Toni replied.

"You could just move to a smaller place and not sell the house." Mason suggested.

Toni had actually thought about that but decided not to but that was before she had watched the last disc. James clearly wanted her to move on and she was ready to move on too and if she stayed in the house, she wouldn't be able to do that, is simply held too many memories and she could swear that there were times that she felt James in the house. Maybe it was time to think about moving, she could always move back into the house later if she wanted to, it was food for thought.

*******

Moving day. Toni looked around the house one more time for anything that her parents may have missed but then they weren't moving far and would be here on the nights that she worked. Her father carried out the last suitcase and put it in the car while her mother strapped Jamie in his booster seat.

"I'll meet you over there!" Toni called out.

The house had a different feel to it, it felt exactly as it had before she and James moved into it making it a home. That was the difference Toni realized, it didn't feel like home anymore and hadn't since James died, it was a place to go to when she wasn't working and no more than that. It was time to move.

Toni locked the door behind her and headed over to her parent's new place. As she drove she took note of all of the 'for sale' signs and wished that she had a photographic memory. It really didn't matter; she would just call her realtor once she finally decided if she and Jamie were really going to move.

Jamie was already running around the three bedroom condo trying to decide which of the two spare bedrooms would be his while her parents started to unload the car. Later they would go shopping for food and anything else that they would need. Barbara had arranged with the realtor in Florida to let the movers in to pack up the house and in the meantime they would stay with Toni and Jamie until their furniture came.

Toni wondered if there was another unit available but changed her mind, one of the reasons for their move was so that she and Jamie could get used to life alone. But it was a big place, Toni mused so they wouldn't have to live in the same building and Jamie would like being close to "gramma and grampa". As she thought about it, the list of pros began to grow.

She wouldn't say anything to her parents until she decided to move here. They already knew that she was thinking about moving from the house and although they didn't say anything, she could see their relief.

"Hey mom, I'm going to go walk around for a bit unless you need me for something."

"No, we're fine." Barbara said as she came out of the bedroom.

Toni found the main office and went in; a terse mousy looking man greeted her.

"How may I help you today?" he asked without smiling.

Toni explained what she wanted and the man who introduced himself as Dudley, brightened considerably.

"We have some lovely brand new units that I would be more than happy to show you." he gushed.

They made an appointment for the next morning; her parent's could watch Jamie so that she could look at the units without worrying about him running off.

The next morning, Toni kissed Jamie goodbye and told her parents that she had some errands to run of which none would interest Jamie. Dudley greeted her at the door with a fresh cup of coffee in his hand.

"I didn't add anything to it as I don't know your preferences." he said smiling

He waited patiently as Toni prepared her coffee chatting with her about things in general. He was impressed when Toni told him that she was a doctor.

"My goodness!" he said. "We have all kinds of professional people here. The building that I'm going to take you to has a dentist and I believe a plastic surgeon living there. If I need anything, I'll know where to go." he said.

Fifteen minutes later, Toni was walking around a three bedroom condo that was located on the first floor. She liked it but wondered if there was one with a water view.

"There are four and all of them are empty at the moment." Dudley said. "And they cost considerably more than these do." he added. It was obvious that he was mentally calculating his commission if he managed to sell one of them."

He took Toni to the condos and let them sell themselves. He took her to the one that he was almost certain that she would like the least saving the best one for last. Toni bought it on the spot.

"You don't need financing?" Dudley asked.

"No, I'll pay in full and there are some things that I want done immediately." Toni replied to a shocked Dudley. "Give me the total price including any fees and I'll call the bank while I'm here." she added.

"Yes ma'am!" Dudley exclaimed hardly believing his luck. He wasn't supposed to be working today that was why he had been so grouchy. His commission from this one sale had just moved him up in the race for salesman of the year and the two week all expense paid trip to Hawaii.

Toni drove home with a sense that she had done the right thing. When she got home, she piled everyone in her car and took them back to the complex.

"Why are we coming back here?" Barbara asked.

"I want to show you something." Toni replied. She couldn't wait to see the look on their faces when they found out that she was moving to the same complex.

Barbara was speechless while Ben just smiled at Toni happily.

"Do you like it?" Toni asked.

Moving day for her would be in three weeks; one of the things that she wanted changed was the railing on the patio. As far as she was concerned, it wasn't high enough. She requested that the patio railing be redone so that it would be almost impossible for a five year old who loved to climb to get over it. The second thing that she wanted done was to have the walls painted, as they were they were a boring white, she would drop off the colors that she wanted in the morning.

"What color would you like for your room?" Toni asked Jamie who had finally decided which room he wanted for his.

"Blue." he said without hesitation.

"Then blue it is." Toni said.

********

Mason continued to make a point of searching Toni out whenever they were at work. They always had lunch or coffee together unless one or both of them was busy. Mason was relieved when Toni told him that she and Jamie were moving to the same complex as her parents. He knew where the place was because he had thought about buying a condo there himself but had decided against it.

"Who did you talk to over there?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Dudley." Toni replied. "He wasn't a happy camper when I walked in but he was about to do a dance when I left." Toni replied.

"When's moving day?" Mason asked.

"Three weeks from now, there were some things that I wanted changed before we moved in." Toni replied.

"I would be less than honest if I didn't tell you that I'm glad that you're moving." Mason said taking a sip of his coffee.

"Why is that?" Toni asked wondering why he was so concerned about where she lived.

"I just didn't think that it was safe for you and Jamie to be in that big house by yourselves, what if something happened and you needed help? At least in the complex there are other people nearby that you could call for help or send Jamie if you had to." Mason said.

"I hadn't thought about that but you're right." Toni conceded.

"So why are you moving?" Mason asked.

"As much as I love that house, it doesn't feel like home anymore." Toni replied. "And if I were to ever meet anyone, I couldn't take them there, there are too many memories and it wouldn't be fair to either me or the other person."

Mason's heart leapt, while she wasn't actively looking and wasn't ready to look, she was open to the possibility of being with someone else. That only served to reconfirm what he already knew, James had indeed released her. He said a silent word of thanks to James for releasing her and for loving her in a way that he hadn't been capable of at the time. He had been given another chance and he was determined not to fuck it up.