Mason

Toni worried for James; he just didn't feel right to her. He pooh-poohed her concern telling her that he was perfectly fine, but she wasn't buying it. She was taking his ass to the hospital whether he wanted to go or not. She looked in the medicine cabinet to see what he'd been taking for the flu but saw nothing that would cause what she considered to be confusion. In all of their time together James had never turned on the stove and walked away. Her gut was telling her that something was wrong. It also told her that if she waited she was going to lose him, and she didn't want that.

"Hey, sweetness! Supper's ready!" James called into the bathroom.

He sounded like himself but still...

They ate dinner, pasta with baked chicken on the side, with very little conversation. Toni kept stealing looks at James when he wasn't looking, he just wasn't right.

"James, we're going to the hospital and don't bother arguing with me. Something's not right. If it's nothing, we'll be home tonight. If there's something wrong, I want to know what it is."

"Toni..."

"Don't 'Toni' me," she admonished standing up. "Now get your coat, we're going."

"But..." James protested.

"Dr. James Jacobson, get off your ass and get your coat or else I'll call 911."

James stared at her. She was totally serious and, truth be told, he really should have been over this flu by now. "Alright, Dr. Jacobson, we'll go under one condition," he said.

"You're really in no position to bargain but I'll bite, what's the condition?"

"When we come home, we go straight to bed and start making a baby."

"James..."

"That's the only way I'll agree to go. Toni, I want a baby with you. A boy, a girl, twins, sextuplets, hell, I don't care but I want a baby."

"How about this, we'll talk about it," she countered.

"Promise?" James asked.

"I promise, now get your coat."

James gave her an excited kiss as he went to the hall closet. That was all he really wanted—to, at least, discuss it.

Toni watched him go and smiled. He was such a kid, but he was her kid, and she loved him. She also wasn't fooled; while she waited, she called the hospital.

"Tom? This is Toni Jacobson, I'm bringing James in. I don't know something just doesn't feel right. He's had that bug that's been going around, but it's still hanging on and tonight he was a little confused. He says that it was the cold meds, but I didn't see anything that would cause confusion. I'm just worried about him. Great! We'll see you there."

The night was cold but clear as Toni drove to the hospital. James wanted to drive but she refused. "Just relax. Oh, hey, what's this surprise that you were going to tell me about?" she curiously asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Oh that, I'll tell you when we're at home and naked under the covers," he teased.

"Do you ever think about anything other than sex?" Toni teased.

"Ummm no, especially where you're concerned," James replied, rubbing her leg.

Toni glanced at his hand and relaxed a little, reflexively settling back into her seat. This was the James that she knew. Maybe she was worried over nothing.

Dr. Tom Jenson met them in the ER. "James! How in the hell are you?" he asked, shaking James' hand.

"I keep trying to tell my wife, 'the worrier,' that I'm fine, but she doesn't believe me," he replied.

Tom chuckled. "Your wife, 'the worrier,' is one hell of a doctor, and if she's worried we'd better find out why."

Toni was at the computer ordering every lab that she could think of, starting with the basic CBC all the way up to, and including, blood cultures and everything in between. She ordered an MRI and a chest X-ray, and then talked with Tom to be sure that she didn't miss anything.

When the phlebotomist came in with her kit James groaned, he hated needles. Knowing that about him, Toni sat next to him and held his hand and talked to him to distract him. "I was thinking about cooking dinner for new years. You know, a ham and...."

"Toni, you are so not going near the kitchen," James interrupted. "And besides, we're not going to be home."

Toni frowned. "Where are we going? And please don't say your parents."

James laughed. "They can be a bit much, but no, sweetness, we're not going to my parents' house. It's a surprise."

"What is it with you and your surprises?" Toni asked, glad that the last tube of blood had been drawn.

"Oh, I don't know, I just like to keep you on your toes," he replied, kissing her hand and successfully stimulating a pleased shiver from Toni with the warm gesture, like always.

A few minutes later he was taken to X-ray, leaving Toni alone for a few minutes. She said a silent prayer that he would be alright.

Mason thought about calling Eustace after he got back from seeing Katrina and Ethan but opted not to. What would he say? he thought as he sat in a chair and closed his eyes.

Katrina was gone and so was Toni, at least for now. He had decided that he wasn't going to interfere with her marriage, unless it turned abusive. But, from what he could see, it was far from that. There was no use in crying about it now, it was spilled milk and all he could do was wait. In a way he supposed that he owed James a thanks for the way in which he cared for and loved Toni. James loved her in a way that he himself wasn't capable of doing, at least not yet. The saying "physician heal thyself" came to mind and with it thoughts of Eustace.

He swallowed his pride and called him.

"I went to see them," he divulged as soon as he heard the line pick up.

"And?" Eustace prompted.

"It was probably one of the most difficult things that I've ever done, but I saw what we had thought I'd see. She loves him."

Eustace was silent, waiting for Mason to continue.

"I talked to Ethan and came clean about what I needed from him and asked for permission to talk to Katrina, with him there of course, and he agreed. Eustace, she's as beautiful as ever, but I didn't even remotely feel that she cared for me as other than a friend, even when she hugged me."

"What do you need from me?" Eustace asked.

"Right now a friend, not a therapist but a friend to shoot the breeze with," Mason breathed out, rubbing his forehead before stroking down the side of his face . "Are you up for a few drinks?"

A few minutes later Eustace was sitting in Mason's living room. "How are you?" he asked.

"I don't know yet. In a way I feel freed somehow, in another I feel a little lost. For the past few years Katrina was my focus and now she can't be," Mason replied as he mixed martinis.

"What have you decided to do about Toni? And I'm asking as a friend and not your therapist," Eustace asserted as he accepted the drink.

"I'm not going to interfere with her life or her marriage. It was stupidity on my part that I didn't take her out that night and, to be honest with you, I'm relieved that she's happy and cared for. I have to get my head straight and cleared of Katrina before I can even begin to think of being with Toni, or anyone else for that matter."

"And you're alright with that?" Eustace asked.

"I have to be, but let's think about this statistically. What are the fucking chances that one man can screw up twice? I mean I should have left California long before I did, and I should have gone after Toni long before I did."

"Interesting," Eustace mused, "but here's the thing. Let's think about Toni for a minute. Bear with me here as I know that we're not supposed to be in session but, nevertheless, put yourself in her shoes. If you were her, would you want someone who couldn't love you completely? I mean, isn't that what you would be offering her? If you were in her shoes, would you be able to accept that?"

Mason hesitated. It was true, presently anyway, but it was also a moot point. Toni was married and loved her husband.

"No, which is why I'm leaving her alone." He groaned inwardly and questioned, "what if there was a chance that I could love her completely? What if, given enough time, I could give myself to her fully?"

"Then we're talking a whole new ball game, but you know that she'll know. And you'll have to tell her, even if you're completely over Katrina. You know that don't you?" Eustace asked as he stood and headed to the bar to make fresh drinks.

"Yes, I know that; and as I said before, I won't lie to her," Mason stated flatly. "But let's not forget that the lady is married, so we're probably talking years, if ever. I have to face the possibility that I might be alone for the rest of my considerably long life."

James was back from X-ray and the MRI.

"Hey, sweetness, I guess it's a good thing that you made me come in," he said, taking her hand.

"I know, I saw the labs, you're much sicker than you look and Tom is admitting you."

"Toni..."

"No arguments. Your white count is high, and your ammonia levels were elevated too. Not horribly so but enough to cause some confusion; and let's add pneumonia and bronchitis to the mix. The only thing we're waiting for right now is the MRI results."

"Which I have here in my hot little hands," Tom said as he walked into the room. "It's normal and I agree with Toni, your ammonia levels were up just a bit, we're going to recheck them in the morning. I'm going to admit you and don't try to talk me out of it; you need some IV antibiotics and I want to see what the preliminary blood cultures show. Sit tight and we'll get you up to your floor as soon as possible."

It seemed like forever before they were taken to his room.

"Sweetheart, go home, I'll be fine," James urged.

"I'm not leaving, so stop trying to get me to," Toni sighed. "They're bringing me one of those cot things so I don't have to sleep in a chair."

"You won't be comfortable and then you'll be grouchy," James said as he moved over so Toni could sit on the side of the bed.

"Yeah, well I'm still not leaving you here alone. I'll go home tomorrow morning and get some sleep," she replied as she played with his fingers.

"Hello! My name is..." the nurse faltered as she looked at Toni and then James, recognition dawning on her face. "Umm hi, J...Dr. Jacobson."

James gave the woman a blank stare as he tried to place her. Toni recognized her instantly. She was the blonde that James had decided to go home with the night she'd broken up with him for the last time before they'd worked things out.

"Hi," James greeted. "I'm sorry, but I'm not really good with names," he added apologetically.

"That's alright; it was a couple of years ago. My name is Kim. I was a nursing student when we met." James thought for a minute and couldn't recall meeting her.

Kim didn't give up. "We met at Max's and we were going to get together, but it didn't work out," she exhaled, glancing at Toni. "So, are you still dating?" she asked, fully aware of their relationship.

"Actually, no, we got married a couple of years ago," James replied, squeezing Toni's hand. "So are you my nurse tonight?" he asked.

"Looks like it, I'm here all night so call if you need anything," Kim smiled as she took her stethoscope from around her neck. "I just want to take a listen to your heart and lungs, if that's alright."

Toni watched Kim as she assessed James and decided that, while she seemed like a competent nurse, she didn't trust her. She was definitely staying the night, and the next night if James wasn't released. James was right in telling her that she would be really grouchy, but she didn't care. Besides, if the positions were reversed, he would never go home and leave her alone.

"You're heart rate is a little high," Kim commented. "What do you usually run?"

"Around sixty, what was it?" James asked.

"I clocked you around one-ten and irregular. It might be a result of the infection, but I'll let the doctor know."

The nursing assistant came in with the cot and linens to set Toni up for the night.

"Hi, I'm Sandy your nursing assistant for the night. I'll be around every four hours to do your vital signs. If you need help just call me," she said as she quickly made up the cot.

Finally they were alone.

"Toni, let's talk about a baby."

Toni closed her eyes. She had promised him that they would talk if he came and he had kept up his end of the bargain.

James held his arms open and waited for her to lay her head on his chest as they talked.

"Um James, as much as I love you, and as much as I love hearing your heart beat, I'm not getting close to you without a mask so hold that thought."

Toni stepped outside of the room and came back a few minutes later with a gown and mask. James raised his eyebrows at her.

"We don't know if you're contagious or not and one of us needs to be healthy. And, seeing as you're flat on your back, that leaves me," she said as she put on the gown and mask.

James shrugged and grinned at her. "I always wondered what it would feel like to kiss someone wearing one of those things."

Toni rolled her eyes at him and lay down, putting her head on his chest.

James gave her a squeeze with one arm while stroking her arm with his free hand. "Now about those babies..." he started.

Toni listened to his heart beat and then frowned. It was usually slow and steady, but now it was irregular and fast. Kim had been right. She sat up and looked at him. His color was a tad off and she wondered if he wasn't experiencing heart failure. She stood up, went to the end of the bed and lifted the blankets to look at his feet; his ankles were normal.

"Toni, what are you doing?"

"Just checking, I think you should have a cardiology consult," she replied.

"Toni, I'm fine really!" James protested as Toni pushed the call light.

Kim came in a minute later. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"I want him on telemetry and page Dr. Jensen, I want him up here ASAP," Toni instructed. "And send Sandy in here to check James' vital signs now, and call for a stat EKG," she added, ignoring the glare that Kim was giving her.

James watched Toni giving orders. She was focused and professional, not once using the term 'my husband.'

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I'm wondering if you're experiencing heart failure," she replied worriedly. "Your heart is beating too fast and it's irregular, you're not gaining weight and your ankles aren't swollen, though we both know that doesn't mean anything."

James sat up. "Toni, I know that you're worried, but—"

"Have you been feeling more fatigued than you should have been, even with the flu?" she asked, cutting him off.

"Yes but Toni, you said yourself that I'm sicker than I look. The labs support that as well as the chest X-ray. I have bronchitis and pneumonia," James replied.

"True but James, your heart rate is usually regular and now it's rapid and irregular, I just want to cover all of the bases."

A tap on the door interrupted James' response.

The respiratory therapist came in with the EKG machine. "I didn't know he was in isolation," he said. "What kind?"

"Just to be safe, go with airborne and contact," Toni said.

Toni watched as the EKG was done. She didn't see anything other than the rapid and irregular heart rate. Maybe it was nothing but she didn't think so, her gut told her that if she hadn't made James come to the hospital he would have died.

James watched her while his EKG was administered. He really didn't feel as sick as they said he was, although he had a suspicion that something wasn't quite right. He had chalked it up to the flu and knew if that weren't a factor, he would have had himself checked out.

Tom came in just as the EKG was finished and looked at it. "I think a cardiology consult is in order and I believe that Dr. Myers is still here in the hospital."

Toni went over to James and held his hand while Tom called Dr. Myers.

"He's still here and will be up in a few minutes. While we're waiting, James, is there any significant cardiac history in your family?" Tom asked.

Mason fixed their fifth drink for the evening.

"It's a bitch, isn't it? We can't even drown our sorrows in alcohol," Mason said as he handed Eustace a drink.

Eustace chuckled. "True but I wonder what a drunken Mason Donahue would be like."

Mason grimaced. "I'm afraid that it wouldn't be pretty, at least I don't think so," he replied, taking a swig of his beverage.

"Eustace, how long have you known about me and my feelings for Katrina?"

"For awhile, I got an inkling that there was more to your wanting to help a friend when Ethan came to see me. When you called out of the blue and asked about a partnership, I knew that it was because of her. I'm glad to see that you're finally letting her go, even though I'm sure that it must hurt like hell," Eustace said as he drained his glass and got up to make another round.

It had hurt and it actually felt good to talk about it. He had held himself in check for so long and now he could talk about it without repercussions. It almost felt like the equivalent of having a blister popped and then the skin pulled back; it hurt like hell but then the healing began. Mason knew that each day he would hurt a little less.

Did he regret loving Katrina? Mason asked himself. No, and he wouldn't have changed that part of it. The rest of it, however, he would have. If he had to do it over again, he would have left as soon as Ethan came back. If he had done that, he and Toni more than likely would have been together now.

The question was: what was he going to do while he waited for Toni? He couldn't, and wouldn't, approach her until she was single.

"What are you thinking about?" Eustace asked when Mason had gone silent.

"I was thinking about what I'm going to do while I wait for Toni, and what I'm going to do if she doesn't come to me," he replied.

"And what conclusions have you reached?" Eustace asked.

"None," Mason replied. "I haven't a fucking clue about what to do but I do know this, I'm not planning to meet the sun if she never comes to me. I like life too much for that, and who knows, maybe the fates will be kind and grant me another chance with someone else. And if they do, I swear that I'm not going to fuck it up. If I've learned anything from this whole thing with Katrina, it's this: don't waste time on something that you know isn't going to happen."

"Well, if you need an ear I'm always available," Eustace assured.

Mason suddenly realized that Eustace had never talked much about himself and he wondered why. "How is it that I know very little about you?" he inquired.

Eustace hesitated. "There isn't much to tell and I find other people's lives so much more interesting than my own," he responded.

Mason recognized a dodge when he heard one. "I also find that to be true about my own life as well, but we've talked about me all night, tell me about you. For instance, don't you want to find your mate?"

Mason detected reluctance on Eustace's part and it made him curious. Eustace was usually as steady as they came, but now he was nervous.

"Ah, well, of course I do," Eustace finally replied, "but the fates haven't been kind to me in that respect."

"Have you looked for her?" Mason asked.

"It's late, I need to be going. You know where I'm at if you need me," Eustace said as he stood.

Mason stood up and gave Eustace a puzzling look. "It seems that I'm not the only one with issues. What was it you said when I first arrived? Oh, yes, it was, 'sometimes even we need someone to talk to.' My ear is yours if and when you decide that you need it."

Eustace nodded and vanished from where he stood. Mason remained where he was for a few seconds, wondering what it was that Eustace was hiding.

It turned out to be almost an hour before Dr. Myers made it to James' room.

"I'm sorry but I got caught in the ER and didn't break free until now. I was surprised to hear that you had been admitted, you're probably one of the most athletic people that I know," he said.