Louise Yancy stood up and stretched, it had been another very long night for her. Since her father Victor Yancy died unexpectedly three years ago, she had taken over the care of her mother. It wouldn't have been so bad if her siblings who lived locally would have contributed to her care but they didn't. The only time she heard from them was when they needed something, to complain about something that they felt that she should be doing and she wasn't or if her sister Juliet needed a baby sitter.
As angry as it made her, she never complained about any of it because it wouldn't have done any good, they would have done what they always did-ignored her. The only constants in her life were her job, caring for her mother and the several times a week telephone conversations that she and their mother had with her oldest sister Kevyn who lived in California.
Of all of her siblings, she was the closest to Kevyn and when she moved to California, Louise had cried for days. Kevyn had helped carry the weight of the caring for their mother and now she helped bear the financial burden that none of the others with the exception of her brother Leon offered to share. Money was another issue that she no longer bothered to bring up. It would have been pointless and would have led to battles that chose not to fight. Louise looked at the clock, she had to be at work at the local grocery store-'Lombardi's' where she worked as a stocker in two hours and she had to get moving. She always prepared her mother's meals for the day and then brought something home from the deli for dinner so that neither of them had to cook. Louise was honest with herself, she didn't quite trust her mother around the stove unsupervised especially when she took what her mother called her "nerve pills."
Sometimes just to get her mother to eat more than a few bites of a meal or pieces of candy, Louise would spend the money and bring home the clam chowder that the deli made. The chowder was the one thing that Wanda never turned down and if the deli served it everyday then she would gladly buy it even if she had to make a special trip to get it.
"Mom, I'm going to make you a sandwich for lunch, make sure you eat it alright?"
"I'll try," Wanda Yancy replied softly.
"No mom, don't try, do it." Louise said as she headed down the stairs.
These were the times when she really missed Kevyn. She could get their mother to do things that no one else could. She also missed her younger brother who had died a couple of years before their father Victor had. Burt was another one who had a way with Wanda and when he died, it was one less person to help. Louise shook off the feelings of melancholy and made herself move toward the kitchen to make the sandwich that she knew wouldn't be eaten.
It was going to be a long day and she wished that one of her siblings would come and sit with their mother while she went to work, it would make both of them feel better and their mother was more likely to eat. Louise's deep seated fear was that she would come home one day and find her dead on the floor either from a fall or dead in bed by her own hand. It was because of the fear of suicide whether planned or accidental that she locked away all of the medications except for what she would need for the day. If there was anyway she could get around giving the ativan until she got home, she would but Wanda knew her pills and would miss it.
One day Louise decided to see if she could substitute the ativan with a placebo. She got the placebo from the pharmacist after she explained her concerns to her.
"Alright but be ready with the real thing, your mother knows her meds including who makes them." the pharmacist said and then wished Louise luck.
Louise got the meds ready including the placebo and waited. She watched as her mother counted out the pills nodding with satisfaction that there were the correct number. Next, she examined the pills. She picked up the placebo put it down and continued with her examination of the pills of which there were six. Just when Louise thought she was home free, Wanda picked up the placebo and looked at it turning it around and around and then frowning.
"Weezy, what's this one?" she asked after reexamining the small white pill.
"Mom, you know that it's your nerve pill." Louise replied nonchalantly.
"It looks different; it doesn't have that little mark on the edge of it."
After trying to convince her mother that the placebo was ativan, she gave up. Wanda wouldn't take the pill until Louise could prove that it was indeed her nerve pill. Louise never tried again; it wasn't worth the hassle and the agitation that it caused her mother.
On a whim, she decided to call Juliet to see if she could sit with their mother for a couple of hours since she was off for the day and her kids were at school. She already knew what the answer would be but tried anyway.
"Come on Lou," Juliet said, "This is my first day off in a week, she'll be fine."
"Can you at least swing by during lunch to make sure she eats?" Louise asked tiredly not even bothering to argue with her.
"I can do that." Juliet replied but it was obvious that she didn't want to do it.
Louise hung up and felt a tear escape, she hated this, she hated all of the responsibility that she had and for a brief moment, she even hated Kevyn for leaving her here alone with family members that cared nothing for her or their mother. It was something that she had never noticed before Kevyn left, they always took care of their mother together.
She immediately felt guilty for her feelings; Kevyn was still helping her just in a different way and from a distance. She knew that Kevyn had to leave and she knew that it had something to do with Clay Robinson although Kevyn never talked about it. What she did know, was that whatever it was, it had to be bad for Kevyn to leave as she did.
An hour later, Louise was on her way to work. She whispered a prayer that her mother would be safe and that Juliet would really stop in to see her. As she drove, she made several decisions with the main one being that as soon as humanly possible, she was moving to California. She hated the Pennsylvania winters and detested Pittsburgh. She had some money saved up and would cash in her 401k if need be although there wasn't much there. Her dream was that she and Kevyn could get a place together now that Kevyn had divorced her husband Lonnie and that she- Louise would go to a culinary school somewhere in California. She could almost see the palm trees and feel the soft ocean breeze blowing through her hair as she sat on the patio of her and Kevyn's apartment drinking her favorite drink- red Kool-Aid. The flavor didn't matter just so it was red.
She thought about her ex brother-in-law Lonnie and realized that although she had never met him, she didn't like him. She had always believed that he and not Kevyn was the majority of the problem but to hear her siblings talk, the fault was all Kevyn's and that her husband was blameless.
"She probably got too mouthy for him." her brother Gene commented when he heard the news. Juliet and the other sister Barb agreed, "She always did have a mouth on her." And then Clay Robinson's name would come up.
Louise would stop listening and didn't even try to defend Kevyn or to correct the idea that her husband left her when it had been the other way around. They only would have started on her about the way that she cared for their mother and she didn't want to hear it. All that mattered to her was that she knew the truth and that one day, she could leave and when she did, she planned never to step foot in Pittsburgh again unless she absolutely had to.
******
Louise parked her car, grabbed her lunch and headed into the store, she hated her job but it paid the bills. She didn't know what else she would be doing if given the chance- culinary school she reminded herself when she had the thought but there was no use in even thinking about it at this point. As she walked into the store, she saw one of the regulars an elderly woman picking through the sales bin.
"Morning Miss. Gina." she said politely.
"Mornin' Louise, say, you don't happen to have any damaged boxes of those cup-a-soups do ya?"
"I don't think so but I'll see." Louise replied, "Just let me get settled."
"Thank you, why aren't you married?" the old woman asked as Louise walked away.
Instead of responding, Louise acted as if she didn't hear her and kept walking. That was another secret desire that she had, one that she had never verbalized to anyone, not even to herself. Who would want a woman who was painfully shy and only spoke when she was spoken to first? She didn't consider herself ugly but she was nowhere as beautiful as her sisters who never spent a weekend alone except by choice.
She let out a sigh as she put her purse in her locker and locked it after taking out a ten-dollar bill. She already knew that there wouldn't be any damaged boxes of the cup-a-soup when she looked but the old woman was hungry and Louise just didn't have the heart to let her go home that way. Using her employee discount, she bought several boxes of the soup, smashed the boxes so that they looked damaged and added a box of saltines, damaging that box as well. She then went to the deli and bought a small container of chicken salad to go with the soup. She paid for the purchases, put the change in the bag and went to the old woman.
"Here you are Miss Gina, you're in luck and I even found a box of damaged saltines oh and the chicken salad was on sale so I got you a little of that too."
Tears glistened in the woman's eyes as she took the bag, "How much do I owe you?"
Saying that she owed nothing wasn't an option, this woman was proud; Louise felt it and knew that the woman would be offended if she didn't take something for the food. "One dollar ma'am" she replied.
