I don't know what it was exactly that I felt as I ascended the stairs, my hand in Cian's as he pulled me along behind him. My heart raced and I was having trouble swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. He drank deeply from the beer in his hand. The place was crowded and I tried my best to avoid the gazes of the people we passed. It seemed like they were all speculating on what I did not even acknowledge to myself, that after this night I would probably no longer be a virgin. I had meant to wait until I was married and I had definitely pictured a different setting but if I was certain of anything it was that I was deeply in love with Cian McNamara. I knew that he knew and he also knew that I would do just about anything that he asked me to, hence the trip to his room for some "privacy" with a fully fledged party going on around us. "I see you've cleaned up" I said as he closed his bedroom door and turned on a lamp to light the room some. Something else I knew about me, I have a really good poker face, while being able to read others pretty easily. In the case of Cian though, I had no such insight. Cian turned on some music, Stigma, if I remembered what he'd told me correctly. He was nothing if not proud of his Irish heritage. I liked the rhythm of the song and could swear I felt it in his kisses. His fingers were like flames, they burnt everywhere that they touched. "What are you doing?" I asked him as he started to unzip my pants. His response was to tug on my bottom lip pretty hard. He moved away from me and stretched out on his bed arms across his eyes. He sighed heavily. I knew that sigh very well. "Why do you keep fucking with me?!" It didn't sound at all like a question. "I'm not – fucking with you" I told him. I knew that my voice shook with the need to reassure him, to have his approval because a second later he sat up and looked at me calling me over to sit next to him. He pressed me down onto my back moving on top of me and kissing me deeply, smiling, as he gazed directly into my eyes. He had learned my secret. I could not say no to him if his crystal green orbs were holding my chocolate brown ones captive. That is the only way I can describe it, his eyes burned straight through to my soul and made me ache for him, for his touch, for whatever he would give me. "I want you" he told me in that moment and then "Are you my girl?" he asked with a smirk. I wanted him to love me and since I had never been there before I had no idea the path that it could take. "Yes I am" I told him still looking into his eyes, still giving away my secrets. His fingers touched me there. We both knew that I was drenched for him but I had to make a final protest, it wasn't supposed to happen this way. "Y-you want to do this right now" I stilled his fingers. They were driving me crazy and I could barely think coherently. "Hell yeah" he nipped my neck with his teeth continuing to rub my clitoris. "I don't think now is a good idea." His entire body stiffened. "Why not?" "You've been drinking." "I'll remember what happens in the morning I promise" he laughed. And with that he started to tug on my jeans. I mentally hyperventilated freaking out that this was really happening as he pulled my pants completely off.
He stood over me, looking down at my now naked body. His eyes soaked me up like he was a dry sponge and I was water. I watched as he opened a condom packet while stepping out of his boxers. He was long and so thick I couldn't take my eyes off of it. He was rough as he entered me. It felt like he was ripping me apart as he forced his way into my body. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the pain that surged through me when he tore away my innocence. I gasped loudly. Our eyes locked on each other I could see the shock in his, the look that asked me to tell him something other than what he had just felt. I guiltily turned away from that stare and then he started to move deeply into me pulling out almost completely over and over and over, forcefully. The more I whimpered and called out to him the faster and harder he moved in me. My body, of its own accord, decided to respond to him anyway. Soon I was too slick to feel any pain. I began to move against his thrusts and he began to moan against my mouth, my neck, my breasts. When I fell I shattered into a thousand microscopic pieces, moments after he came shuddering hard against me. He only rested on me for a second or two and then he got up going into the bathroom slamming the door.
Cian was pissed; no he was more than pissed! He stood looking at himself in the mirror for lack of any better idea. He felt deceived. He had no idea she was a fucking virgin! Her whimpers even now invaded his head making his dick hard, it had one word on its brain, MINE! He knew he was in trouble. Somewhere along the way his anger had turned to pure need and he'd stopped fucking her, probably when her hands spread up his back making him burn. When instead of trying to push him away she'd clung to him, every part of her clung to ever part of him. FUCK! His dick was starting to ache it was so hard thinking about that. He looked into the mirror again then smiled at himself as he put on his game face and left the bathroom. She was still lying in the middle of his bed covered by a sheet. "Get on your clothes" he told her picking them up from the floor. When she stammered and looked confused he knew he was in control again.
He'd dropped her off and now he lay in his bed, at first feeling satisfied until her scent began to drift up from his sheet and then as a result his dick began to stand straight up, painfully. He could have changed the sheets but he didn't move to do so. He couldn't get her off his mind. A little voice told him to be honest with himself, that panic he'd felt in the bathroom was real and he should just accept that he had just been fucked, in more ways than one.
